Bella's POV

I wake up alone and in total darkness. I know I'm not in my bed but I it takes me a minute to remember where I am. Then I remember I fell asleep in the guest room at Renee's house with Jason and Brooke next to me but they aren't next to me anymore.

I get up quickly and walk downstairs, Jason is sleeping on the couch with Jillian on the other couch but no Brooke.

"Bella? Are you OK?" Renee asks me walking out of the kitchen.

"Where's Brooke?" I ask her slightly panicked.

"Oh honey she's upstairs with… in the other bed. We didn't want them to wake you. I'm sorry you got scared, she's fine though." She tells me.

"You called him!" I yell at her.

"Bella of course I called him. Where you really just going to take his kids and run away?" She asks me in that you're being crazy voice.

"Yes that is the plan. Thanks for making it harder. I do not want to be left again. Jason and Brooke will never even miss him." I tell her.

"Bella you leaving him so he doesn't leave you doesn't make any sense. You hated me and him for most of your life because we left. Do you think taking his kids from him is any better? You have so many issues because I left you. Do you want Jason and Brooke to have those same issues? What are you going to tell them? He doesn't want them? He died? And then think what you would be doing to him. He loves you and them so much Bella. You're really going to walk away from a man that loves you and his kids more than himself and would do anything for any of you because you're afraid?" She asks and I think about it.

"I'm so scared Renee. You left me and then Alison stopped talking to me and now my dad is dead. It's too much." I tell her trying not to cry.

"Bella if I could change the past I would but can you really just walk away from Josh and live your life being miserable and knowing he's even more miserable because not only did he lose you but his kids too? Do you think he would do anything but try to find you? Do you really think you could give up all your family and friends?" She asks.

"He's going to be so mad at me." I whisper. He is never going to forgive me.

"No, he's not mad. I told him why you came and he was just so worried about you Bella. He understands you're in pain. Why don't you go up there to him? I doubt he's asleep, he just went to lay with Brooke."

I ask her if I should take Jason up and he says no, Jillian will be upset if he wakes up and he's gone.

"One of us will make sure you know if he needs you honey. Just go see Josh."

I look at Jason one last time, he's crashed and I know she's right. Jillian is one of his favorite people and she takes awesome care of him whenever she comes to stay with us.

I walk very slowly up the stairs and into the room. He's lying down and I think he's actually asleep. Brooke is lying with her feet tucked under his back. I was so stupid to think keeping them away from him was a good idea. I start to close the door when I hear him very quietly call my name.

"Did I wake you?" I ask him.

"No I was just lying here. I tried to get up but she started whining in her sleep. Come lie down." He tells me.

"I woke up and they were both gone. I was scared." I tell him lying down on him.

"I know the feeling. What were you thinking sweetheart? Taking them and running away. Did you really think I would just let you go?" He asks me.

"I'm so sorry Josh. I wasn't thinking right. I was just thinking I can't handle one more person leaving me and that Jason and Brooke didn't need to remember you if you're just going to die. You're a year older than him, and their just babies." I sob into him.

"Sweetheart I get it, I do. You're scared. But this doesn't mean I'm going to die. You could die tomorrow in a car accident or a bank robbery. I could live to be a hundred. Please tell me you're not going to run away again?"

"I won't run again. I think I would have come back. I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?" I ask him quietly.

"Nothing to forgive Bella. Your dad just died, you're allowed to be unstable. Just do not leave me again." He demands.

"I won't, I promise you. I love you Josh." I tell him kissing his chest.

"I love you too sweetheart, did you check on Jason?"

"Yes, he's sleeping on the couch with Jillian on guard."

"Good then go to sleep; we really need to leave in the morning." He tells me.

"Josh?"

"Hmm?"

"You're really not mad?"

"I'm really not mad."

I fall asleep using his chest as my pillow. I wake up to an empty bed again but this time there is light from the window.

I walk downstairs and Josh has both Brooke and Josh on the couch watching cartoons and eating pop tarts.

Jason sees me and jumps off the couch and into my arms. Brooke smiles but stays right by her daddy. I cannot believe I even considered separating them.

"Jillian wants to come home with us for a week. Renee and Phil say it's fine if it's OK with you. She wants to help with them while we're taking care of other things and while we're at the funeral." He tells me.

"What about school?"

"She's can catch up and Renee is pretty sure she can get her excused on family leave or something." He explains.

"Do you want her to come?" I ask him, having her there to help with Jason and Brooke would be nice.

"I think it would be nice to have her help but it's really up to you."

"OK then yeah, is she coming back with us today?" I ask him and he tells me yes. "I don't want to go back. I don't want to see Sue, and I don't want to plan the funeral and then see him just lying there. Sleeping, he's never going to wake up. He's never going to play with Jason or Brooke again. He's never going to tell me he loves me again. I can't do this." I start crying again.

He gets up and wraps his arms around me and holds me while I cry.

"We have to go back Bella. You can't miss the funeral, you'll regret it. You don't have to do any of the planning; I'll take care of it. I'll take care of everything. But you need to be with everyone and you need to say goodbye." He tries to convince me.

"I'm not going to go back willingly. Are you going to make me?" I ask him.

"Yes Bella I am going to make you go back to be with your family and friends and go to the funeral. I am not going to let you live the rest of your life regretting it." He tells me and I stare at him for a minute in shock.

"This is my decision Josh; you cannot force me into anything. I'm staying here for a while."

"Bella you are coming. I'm not arguing with you about this. I'm going to get Jason and Brooke ready and tell Jillian to get ready. Go get dressed." He demands.

"You're seriously just going to order me around like I am some child? I am your wife dammit! You cannot tell me what to do!" I scream at him.

"Bella I'm not trying to be mean. I get you're upset, he's your dad. You loved him. He was my friend; he was Sue's husband and Leah's stepdad and Jason and Brooke and Melissa's grandfather. You're not the only one going through this sweetheart and you need to be with them for you and for them."

"She thinks she can pretend it's not real here but as soon as she's home she can't avoid it anymore." Jillian walks in. "You need to stop fighting, you're upsetting Brooke. Bella please just get ready so we can go, your dad is dead no matter where you are and they need you just as much as you need them. Especially Leah. This is going to be like her dad dying all over again, she is going to need you and Jake to help her get through it just like you need her and Josh and Sam. All of you are a little co-dependent except for Josh because he's not really part of your group; he's just married to you. "

"You got all of this from spending the summer with us?" I ask her kind of pissed off and kind of impressed.

"I watch and listen a lot." She says shrugging her shoulders like it's no big deal.

"Bella, can you please go get ready now?" Josh asks.

"Fine."

30 minutes later we are on the way home.