Lights out had been announced and although Kryten had explained to the guards on numerous occasions that he did not require sleep, prison rules stated that he was permitted no light if he wished to continue working past the 9pm evening period. Not that it usually bothered him, his optical receptors had a night vision function that could use the low amount of dirty orange light that filtered into the cell from the corridor to sit up and do forms. This evening he was in grim silence as Kochanski continued her narrative in a low whisper. She paused and hearing no comment from the bunk below leant over the side and peered into Kryten's bunk. Straining in the low light she whispered,
"Are you alright Kryten?"
"I'm perfectly fine Ma'am."
Kochanski sighed, she had heard the soft creak of bed springs that had confirmed the right leg jiggle.
"Kryten, I didn't mean to upset you by reminding you of….where we found you. It was a long time ago and…. "
"Ma'am, please. There is no need for concern. To all intents and purposes, who I was before Mr Lister found me is of no consequence. It is a time that I…. devote little of my run time to."
She could just make out his crestfallen features in the dim half light and stretched out a hand to touch his shoulder.
"Kryten, I'm sorry. If you want, we won't speak of it again. I just thought- "
"I don't know why I'm even concerned, there were thousands of series 4000s produced, everyone with my specification. It's not like your Kryten was –"
"His full name was Kryten 2X4B-523P."
Kryten's eyes locked on hers, she could feel the weight of that gaze even in the dark. His open face was so familiar to her but the expression that hung on his features looked entirely wrong.
"What was I like?"
The quiet pleading in his eyes moved her. Despite herself, she felt herself well up because she knew that he couldn't.
"You were…. lost I suppose. We did what we could to help but it was more than we could deal with on our own. We had to find some way to get you functioning…."
*_*_*_*_*_*_*
The salvaging of the Nova 5 had taken a little under a month. The systematic taking apart of the ship's useful components, the collection of supplies and the ferrying of everything on the Starbugs and Blue Midgets to Red Dwarf had taken a lot longer than Kochanski had originally planned. Unable to rely on the men on board for any of the physical work, Lister being without a body and the Cat being as used to working as his domesticated ancestors, Kochanski had to organise teams of Skutters on all the important tasks. Kryten was a resource she didn't want to risk on this task; she didn't know what would happen if he were reminded of what he had done.
It had taken a certain amount of gentle questioning and conjecture to piece together events that led to the crash. Lister hadn't liked the fact that Kochanski had confined Kryten to Starbug while she worked out the risk he posed to the crew but even he realised after details of the crash emerged that it was for the best.
The crew of the Nova 5 had been Star Engineers, working freelance for a certain soft drinks company to create the most expensive advert ever made. Having travelled to the required Star in the required quadrant of space and accelerated its development into Super Nova in order to spell out the message that would finally bury Pepsi, the crew entered stasis to make the massive trip back to Earth. Kryten had been left to maintain the ship while the crew slumbered. Having received his last order to "Clean this ship from top to bottom" he obeyed as he was programmed. Finishing the walls, floors, ceilings and surfaces he opened up the computer systems and set about their innards with a squeegee mop and a full beeswax polish. As warning alarms screamed and the crew awakened, the ship began its final screaming dive into the moon's surface.
Three of the crew had survived the crash as Kryten had described, injured but stable. The rest had died. After basic treatment of the wounds of the survivors Kryten began to look after his masters. He had still been looking after them three million years later when Red Dwarf picked up the distress call he had broadcast every morning for the last one hundred million mornings.
Kochanski rubbed at her tired eyes. She had set herself a punishing schedule, working long days organising and moving equipment. She wanted to get away from this barren moon; she couldn't shake the idea that she was spending weeks in a graveyard scrabbling at the carcass of some great beast. Working with barely functioning robotic spanners who couldn't understand the simplest of commands hadn't made it any easier.
While the salvage operation was ongoing the days were long and full of a million things to worry about. The problem now was trying to figure out what to do next. What was basically a diversion to chase up on a signal had not really got them any closer to deciding what it was they were going to do next.
Looking up she took in the form of Lister sitting at the scanner table poring over a hologrammatic version of Kryten's manual that they had managed to salvage from the remains of the Nova 5's hard drive. She gave him a little smile as she caught him peering at her over the top of the pages and he smirked and got back to reading.
Kochanski freely admitted to herself that she couldn't have done anywhere near as much as she had and as quickly without Lister. Cramped together in a Starbug during the salvage operation he had been fantastic in a non-physical way; helping organise the skutter crews, discussing with her what bits they could realistically save and what they couldn't, keeping her company, keeping her sane. As he began to relax around her he stopped being the awkward boy who blushed when she talked or the strutting adolescent joker who made jokes so he didn't have to be himself. He was a mate, a kind soul with a sympathetic ear and the kind of sense of humour that just set people at ease. There was a little flirtation but given their history it was something that made her feel good. After a day of lugging around huge oil streaked crates she would be sweaty, tired, oily and ratty and desperate for the bath that Starbug didn't have and all it would take was a cheeky Scouse voice praising the pertness of her bottom to make it all better. Her mother wouldn't approve but she didn't have to be the last person alive. Coming home to someone who loved her made all the difference.
She pulled up a chair next to his at the scanner table and leant back. He smiled at her and lowered his book.
"Evening, gorgeous."
Kochanski smiled and looked at Lister's chubby, cheeky face. It was strange seeing him without his dreadlocks but the more she looked at him, the more it suited him.
"How you getting on with the book?" she nodded at the manual in his hands.
Lister sighed, "Terrible. It's full of junk like how to customise his eye colour and tune his internal fm radio but nothing on removing or otherwise affecting his memory recall. I guess we'll have to help him the old fashioned way."
Kochanski nodded. When did life get so complicated? As sad as Kryten's story was it was a massive pain in the arse for them to have to be the ones to pick up the pieces as a result of his advanced computer senility. Having to deal with Holly was bad enough.
From the galley came the low whistle in perfect pitch of "Bye, Bye, Baby". Lister closed the book and put it down on the table as Kryten entered with Kochanski's evening meal. It was the system that they had been forced to adopt after a few near misses in the first week; in order to keep Kryten from trying to forcibly dismantle himself after a surge of guilt he would let the couple know when he was to enter a room so that any conversation about the salvage operation or his condition could stop before he over heard it. Today's warning tunes seemed to be the songs made popular by the Bay City Rollers. Lister shuddered.
Kryten entered, bearing a tray of grilled vegetables and pasta.
"Supper, Ma'am."
Kochanski shook her head as he laid down the tray on the only free corner of the scanner table not covered in lists or chunks of machinery.
"Kryten, please. What did I tell you about cooking my meals?"
"Oh Ma'am, I realise that you voiced a request to prepare your own meal but I understood that you wished to dine by 1800 hours ship time. What with you not returning from your…. task until well past 2200 hours ship time, I took the liberty to –"
"That's fine Kryten, really. Thank you."
Kryten beamed, his chest puffed out in pride, "No need Ma'am, just doing my duty."
Lister studiously looked at the floor, doing his best not to say anything out of turn. Kochanski knew full well what Lister's views were on Kryten's 'duty'. Lister had a lot of views on domestic servitude, all in one direction and all not liking it one bit. She knew that if she hadn't warned him before hand he would be desperately trying to get Kryten to tip chairs over and play loud rock music in the name of freedom. As it was Kochanski was sure if he tried Kryten would be too busy apologising to the furniture before righting it again for it to have any effect.
Kochanski began to eat. She could feel Kryten's eyes on her and she stopped.
"Kryten, was there something that you…."
Kryten jerked into action, startled momentarily. "I do apologise Ma'am, I was just momentarily taken by a striking resemblance. Please excuse me while I - "
He turned and shuffled into the kitchen.
Lister looked around to ensure he was safely in the kitchen before turning to Kochanski,
"Honestly Kriss, what we going to do with him? Every time he looks at you he sees Tracey or Anne. I caught him making you lemon meringue the other day because he said it had always been your favourite on Nova 5."
Kochanski put down her knife and fork, her brow creasing. She couldn't for the life of her work it out. Kryten was an unknown factor, at the best he was like an old indentured servant who should have retired long before, a sort of non-aggressive senile old butler. But always there was the worry in the back of her mind, the uncertainty that came with a machine that had once been so clever and strong that had lost its mind. Lister and the Cat would be powerless to stop him if he had a programming quirk and decided to endanger the crew once more. Although she could see how much Lister wanted to save him she also knew that he would tolerate nothing that could threaten her.
"I know, I know. We need someone who understands robotics, and before you say it, I'm not going to let you loose on him. I don't want you rummaging around in him when you have no idea what you're doing."
"Come on Kriss, how hard can it be? When I was a kid, I used to take apart video players and put them back together and they'd –"
"He's not a VCR. If you screw this up it can be worse than a few mangled tapes. We need a technician – "
"Where are we going to find a settlement? Just drift around looking for a Diva droid representative out here? We're light years from Earth, it could take years to –"
"I know! We just need to find out how he's put together before he's randomly taken apart. Maybe if we could find somewhere where there are other droids like him? He can't be the only one who survived till now. Maybe there won't be any survivors but if we find a - "
Her train of thought was derailed as the Cat appeared at the top of the stairway leading to the sleeping quarters, adjusted his top hat and vaulted over the rail. He landed lightly on the tips of his toes and spun so he faced toward the kitchen.
"Boy! A brace of quail and a jug of port and be quick about it!"
He turned to face the aghast Kochanski and Lister.
"Good evening companions, I see that I may be in time to dine with you."
Kryten re-entered the Mid-section with a covered plate and placed it at the head of the scanner table. The Cat strode to his place as Kryten hastily slid a chair behind him. The Cat sat down and raised his arms, Kryten placing a napkin on his lap with one hand and removing the plate cover with the other.
Unveiled on the plate were two chicken nuggets. Kryten quickly rushed to the kitchen and brought back a glass and a decanter. Lister and Kochanski followed all this without a word, quietly incredulous as the Cat cut through the breadcrumbs and consumed the chicken within.
"Exquisite, I must say that this new domestic can certainly cook. I must say his precision in table arrangement has room for improvement but that is all –"
"Cat, what the smeg are you doing?"
The Cat looked quizzically at Lister, annoyed for his speaking out of turn.
"I'm sorry, did you two require anything? Boy!"
Kryten appeared at his elbow. Lister held his hands up
"Whoa man, I don't want nothing. Just – are those nuggets? "
"Don't worry ephemeral one, he is here to serve, is that not right, Boy?"
Kryten looked sheepish. "Just doing my duty, sirs. Ma'am. And yes sir, these are nuggets although Mr. Cat assures me that this is what he requires when he asks for - "
Whatever he was about to say was cut off as Holly appeared on the monitor.
"Oi dudes. I've sorted through that last bit of data from the hard drives. Well, I sort of did. It was more of a team effort I suppose, I fed it in to the Navicomp and it worked it out. I've got us some charts."
His face was replaced by a complex image detailing a three-dimensional chart of their position. Kochanski leapt to her feet and rushed to the screen, stared intently at the incontinent spider web mess of green lines on the display. A few moments of fevered calculation later and she let out a little whoop. Lister rushed to her side, Kryten and the Cat forgotten.
"My God there are several systems with s3 class planets and moons within about…. three months travel of here. There are also some space stations and asteroids that are large enough to house colonies. We're bound to find people on one of them. Maybe even somewhere we can service the ship and Kryten."
"That's amazing Krissie!"
"I know, isn't it faberoo!"
She hopped up and down like a hyperactive six year old and was about to throw her arms around Lister before she drew up short and coughed uncertainly. He smiled and gave her thumbs up. She couldn't help but giggle.
"Holly, set a course on bearing 042 mark 327. Let's see if the shops are open."