Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders or the song "White Knuckles".

Oh, fuck it all! Sick of being sick and tired, sick of understanding. Tired of feeling sick to my stomach. Demons inside command me. They're saying crush it, break it, smash it. Fuckin' kill 'em all! Laugh as it falls away. I won't dodge another silver bullet. Just to save a little face.

"I can't believe this." She's fuming. She sits on the bed, the sheet wrapped around her naked body. She smokes out her anger with a cigarette. "I can't fucking believe this!"

"Oh shut up!"

The air conditioner in the window is hissing. The sun just came up and it's a little past six. I'm smoking a cigarette while she sits there, her nipples pointed out from the cold, and her lips frowned.

I can smell the after effects of the party. The smell of vomit mixed with beer and weed. There's a sweet taint of sex in the air and regret and loss. It's like a big bomb of virgins just exploded all over the house. It smells like a dead animal that your cat drug into the house that you didn't find until two weeks later.

"This has never happened to me before." She goes on with her rant. "Never!" She throws her hands up. "I mean, look at me! I'm a size C! A fucking C, Dally!" She grabs her boobs to show me. "I mean, look at these!"

I wave my hand at her. "Put 'em away, Carmen."

"Look at them!" Her yelling is going to wake up the whole house. She can deal with the angry whores that'll come barging in. "What, are you a fag or something? What kind of man doesn't want this?"

I kick her from underneath the quilt, hard. "Shut your fucking trap! Why don't you get out of here, you damn whore? Go crawl back to that rat nest you call a house and to the old hag you call your mother."

She kicks me back, trying to hit me harder than I hit her. "Fuck off, Winston! What are you gonna do to stop me from running out there in the hall and telling all your bad-ass friends that the baddest greaser, Dallas Winston, can't even get it up?"

The quilt we're under was Dale's grandma's. Don't ask me how I know that. I don't even know how I know that. It's about fifty years old. It was Dale's baby blanket. I don't think it had this many cum stains on it back then though.

It's a dark blue color with soft little squares of sheep. It's tangled up in Carmen's naked body. It's the only thing holding her to this bed.

"What did she do to you? Look at me and then look at her. I'm Barbie - she's Barbie's old maid."

Right now is when I wish I had something stronger than a cigarette. Or at least some duct tape.

"I could have any boy in Tulsa and I chose you because I thought you were a real man. You're no one! How on Earth can you get it up for that scrap of trash but not me?"

Most people from the place Carmen's from would have said 'You're not no one' or 'you ain't nothin''.

She gets in closer to me to where her lips just touch my ear. "Here, touch me. Try again." Her hand takes mine. She moves it to her breast and makes it sit there while she moves it all around. "See? Don't you want this?"

I pull away from her, pushing her shoulder so she's on the other end of the bed again where she belongs. "You know, without all that make-up on, you look like a wetback on crack."

"Fuck you!" She shakes her head. Her lips press together. "You know what, she was here tonight - Danni. She was with that guy and they left early. From what I saw, they weren't going straight back to her house either."

"You think I care? You're lying your ass off right now 'cause you're pissed."

She cocks an eyebrow, seductively smiling. "Ask anyone who was here. I bet he can get it up for her. She'll probably be good and sore in the morning. Sorer than she ever was when you fucked her."

"Get out of here," I say, pushing her off the mattress. I readjust my cigarette in my mouth and lean against the bed board. "Fuckin' piece of trash."

She stands beside the bed, not bothering to cover up. It'd make her day if someone walked in and saw her like this. She's proud of her body. She has a right to be. I'll give her that much.

She places her hands on her hips. "I really thought you were a man, Dally. I guess it's true what they say though - she ruined you. Now look - she's off fucking some guy who's going places and here you are, all alone."

I grab the beer bottle that's beside me on the night stand. I chuck it at her but she moves fast enough so it only shatters on the floor around her bare feet. She looks at it and laughs.

"She doesn't want you." Carmen tiptoes around the bed, slowly gathering what little clothes she brought with her. "Wake up and smell the roses, Dally. You're alone. You're friends are gone, you're family, and now, you're girl."

She picks up her things quickly, seeing the look on my face and wanting out.

"Don't call me."

A bedroom is supposed to be someone's own space. A room you can go to get away from it all. No room is yours when you live in someone else's house. "Wake up."

"Get out of here!"

"I let you live with me on a few conditions. One being you'd pay for stuff. Oh but that's right, you can't pay for anything because you don't go to work! Do you know how many strings I had to pull to get you that job?"

His angry outburst goes on for a few more minutes but I can't hear through the feathers of my pillow. If I wanted to be pestered for every little thing I did, I'd go home and stay. Hell, Steve and Evie would be better than this.

Rick hauls the blankets off. "I said get up."

"Fuck off, Rick. I'm still drunk. Ain't that against code or somethin'?"

"NOW!"

Rick's an immense guy. Like I said, I wouldn't mess with him often. He's soft on the inside, but there's a monster underneath that gruff, and I've seen if come out on occasion. He almost killed a guy. I did kill a guy.

"If you don't get out of here in five seconds Rick I swear to God-"

"You'll what?" he heckles I can smell his cinnamon pancakes on his breath as he comes right into my ear. "I'd like to see you try, Winston. You know what-" He jerks the pillow out from under me and backs up. "C'mon, show me what you got."

I watch him pound his chest like an ape. "What?"

"Yeah, come on!" He jumps up and down on his toes. "I'd like to see what all the talk is about. Let's see what the biggest and baddest greaser can do. Give me one of your best punches."

"You're off your rocker, Rick."

He walks around the room, tramping and shaking the floor. I sit up on the bed and watch him go for the dresser. I don't even have time to breathe before the first drawer is out and on the floor. My clothes spread across the floor as his boots kick the pile and he goes for the next drawer.

I scramble out of the bed. "Hey man!"

"You don't pay bills, you don't pay for food, you don't clean, you don't do shit! What's the point of me letting you stay here? Go bum off someone else for a few more months! Let them deal with your fucked up problems! I'm done!"

I go to my things and toss them on the bed as he chucks more back on the floor. "What is your problem?"

"I'm hungry!" he shouts. "I haven't eaten a decent meal in a week because it's your turn to buy food. I'm tired and stressed from having to explain to our boss why you haven't come in two weeks. I'm tired of having you live here! I want you out!"

The flinging stops and I scowl. "This is how you're treating me?"

He melodramatically sighs. He turns on his heel and goes to the door. "You're not the big man on campus anymore. Face it, Winston - you're just another face in the crowd. Grow up, kid. All your friends have. You're all that's left. The world isn't your playground anymore. Time to be a real man and take some fucking responsibility for your actions."

Yeah, I'll make a note of that.

This isn't a place I go very often. It's a come and go type of place. It's under the apartment building down on East. Only a select few know about it. When people pass by, it looks like just another rat infested basement but it's much more than that. It's the warmth and food that feeds the lowlifes that roam the streets. It's their only home in this lonely world.

Lonely people are the ones who are up late at night.

They gather here. There are all breeds. No one's ever seen them in Tulsa. They hide out in places like this in the day and then wonder the allies like rats and stray cats at night. They're the vampires of our era - blood sucking fuckers.

"Aye, Winston. Come for a hit?"

It smells like blood and dirt down here. There's a Mexican restaurant next door so it also smells like cheap beef and cheese.

There's nothing cheap about the products here though. I've seen one guy with a real Rolex come down here once. He wasn't from our side of the block and he didn't want to go through either. He just needed to pay the bills on his seven bedroom home and his fur coat wearing wife and kids.

The alcohol is even different here. No one asks what's in it. It's always good so why question it.

Dale took me here the first time. He said it reminded him of a place up in Manhattan that I should know well. A place where Maggot and I used to kill time when we were just getting our feet wet in the business.

I knew just by the smell what this place was like.

"Want to get a room, big boy? I'll give you the special rate."

I didn't stay long with Dale. I knew the scum that stayed here and I wanted no part in that. I'd spent nights in a place like this back home. It's the only place that greets you when you have nowhere else to go and the world is against you.

Maybe that's why I'm here tonight. It's warm and there are people like me here. No, not like me. I'm better than these people. I guess that's why I came here - to feel better about myself. Look at these bums, they're trash, they have no one in the world, they have no morals or respect or family...or friends...or girlfriends...or Danni.

"Hey, you want another one, Winston?"

I lay my drink down on the floor. I try to brush the smell off of me that the woman beside me left. "Nah, I'm out."

The Mathew house is two down from the Curtis house. We used to literally throw rocks on the tin roof late at night to just rattle Two-Bit a little and wait until his momma came out throwing a fit in her nightie.

"Damn, man."

He helps me into the living room. I can hear Mrs. Mathews curse and go into the kitchen and mess around with the medicine rack. She yells at Two and tells him to make me sit up and to drink some water or coffee.

"How ya been?" I ask.

He sits beside me. He keeps the TV on loud so no one else in the house will hear me and come down. "You've been busy tonight." He laughs softly and shakes his head. "You can sleep here. Don't wake up Em though or Ma will bitch me out. I got school in the mornin' so-"

"School?" I raise my eyebrows. Two-Bit was dumber than me in school. He finally passed as a fifth or sixth year senior. I think he even took a class with Pony at some point.

He nods and smiles a little. "Yeah. Community College. Ain't it boss?"

"How'd ya swing that?"

The Mathews have less money than the Curtis'. Mrs. Curtis used to feed them up until the day she died. Mrs. Mathews hasn't had a job longer than a month and Two followed suit the same way.

"The money? Old man's mom died. She didn't have any other family and didn't want Pops to spend it all on booze so she gave it to Em and me. Ma wouldn't let me touch it unless I go to college."

I roll my eyes. That wasn't going to last. There wouldn't be any money left. "What you learnin' about?"

"Business. I'm gonna open up my very own shop one day. Right by the DX."

I snuggle into the couch. "Mhm."

"You're cleaning up your own barf," he says before getting up. "Don't go upstairs either. I mean it! I know what you're like when you're drunk. Stay away from here, got me?"

A few hours pass before I'm up again. My stomach starts to growl and ache and I make my way upstairs to look around.

There are pictures all across the hallway. They're baby pictures but only of the kids. The family pictures got taken down when Two-Bit was ten and his daddy decided he'd have a better life with the stripper that worked down town. No one has ever met his dad. Not even Darry.

I can't believe he's going to college. He's finding a future. He won't last though. It'll just be a matter of time before he's banging on my door wanting a place to crash.

"Hi."

I barely hear her easygoing little voice. It comes out like a mumble, like she almost wanted to pull back and not say anything. She's wearing a short baby pink night gown that comes to her knees. Her long brown hair sticks to her forehead and from the fabric of the gown, you can clearly see that she's not the chubby baby sister anymore.

I nod back to her, not hiding where my eyes go.

She strides over to me, dragging her feet across the dark blue carpet. "Have you talked to Ronnie lately?"

Her voice is so low that I have to think for a minute to understand what's she's saying. I remember that she doesn't want to talk about him too loudly in this house. "Have you?"

She nods a little but not enough for anyone other than me to tell if it was a real nod. "He's not in New York, is he? He won't tell me where he is. He's really lonely. He asks about you a lot."

"Nah, he ain't in New York."

"But he's from there, like you."

I sigh. "Aye, listen up, kid. He don't want nothin' to do with you. You were just some broad with an ass he met on a trip. What do you think he's doing right now? Not sittin' at home thinkin' about you, that's for damn sure. Toughen up, kid. The guy you feel in love with ain't who you think he is. Love don't exist. The sooner you figure that out, the better off you'll be."

She stands there with her head down. Her chest rolls up and down like she's about to cry but she doesn't. She just squeezes up her little fists and glares. "Don't say that. You don't believe that that."

"I do. I've been through it. It's the truth," I say. "He didn't tell you why he came down here, did he? Well I can tell you something, kid. It wasn't so he could fall in love with some snot nose brat. You know why he went to you? You were easy."

"Shut up!"

"It's the truth! He's my brother, you remember? He's got the cute sensitive thing going on. He can get 'em real easy. He saw you and knew it wouldn't be much of a fight to get you to drop your panties."

"That's not true."

"You were just another call girl. You want me to list out all the lies he's told you?"

"You told him to lie!" she shouts. "He told me you made him lie to me just like you lied to Danni!"

There's a corner just feet away from her. She runs to it before I even move towards her. I don't charge. It could have scared her into a scream. I calmly walked over to her, putting my hand against the wall and trapping her there.

Her breath is so heavy that it heats up my face. She trembles the more I glare at her. She doesn't seem so tough now. She's afraid of me. She's afraid just like she should be.

"He may not have been in the driver's seat that killed that Soc, but he was right there in the passenger side, all ready for what would happen if ole Sammy boy didn't die right away. And you know what - he finished the job. You think I lied? Just ask him why he came to Tulsa in the first place, then we'll talk."

As I walk back down the hallway, I hear her faint silent cries. The sooner she realizes that love with a Winston is never what it seems, the better. It always ends. It's never real for long. There are always lies. It's in our blood.

"Everyone hates you!" she shouts down the hall. She fights off her tears as she screams, "Everyone in this town hates you, Dallas Winston! Why don't you just get out and do us all a huge favor?"

Outside it's calm and warm at the same time. There's a gust that comes and blows my face and the smoke from my cigarette. I sit and listen to the dogs bark. I'm drunk and high...and I don't really give a shit about much.

The Mathews keep a baseball bat by their door. Two's mom uses it when he's not around for safety. Tonight, it's going to be used for something useful instead of a door holder.

The metal base skids on the street as I pull it along behind me. It's a far walk, but time moves faster this way.

There's a blue 1966 DeVille in the driveway. No one knows where the money came from but I do. It's where all the money comes from. He feeds it into us as a reward or to make sure that we know he has full control. We're like his piggy banks and soon he's doing to smash us all open and collect and then throw away the pieces so no one can find them. He uses money as a pawn in this big game he just can't give up and keeps playing until he dies or kills everyone off.

Thing is: I don't like to be controlled...and I don't like to lose.

The windows shatter, almost not making a sound. The headlights pop just as easily. As I swing the bat, I make sure to put more power into every hit. The metal bends, dents are made, every glass is broken. This isn't the first time I've torn apart a car, but it is the first time I've made sure nothing's left.

No one's around as I stand and breathe.

The keys are in the car on the floor. I can see them from here. The car can still run. A car like this isn't registered so it'd be hard to find someone who was skipping states and parole. A little polish here and there and she'll be just as good as new in the morning. There's a hotel in Texas just an hour or two away with cheap rates and a job as a handy man.

I run my fingers over the keys and sit in the driver's seat. My hands reach to start it up, but they pull back.

This isn't how this story is supposed to go. I fixed it once, and I should have fixed it again back with Sam. Without a doubt, I'm not playing with someone from Tulsa. New York produces gold and we all fight until death.

I've ran before. I've ran my whole life from Maggot. Cowards run though.

That's also something I'm not.

I sling the bat over my shoulder and head down the cold streets of Tulsa. They forget, I'm from New York, and I know how to win at this game. I invented it.

I'll triumph. My time will come and I'll shut it all down. It's all about how you play the game...and I'm ready to check in.

I want you to know, I want you to see. I want you to look beyond your own eyes. Past your afflictions. I want you to hurt, want you to bleed. I want you to look beyond your own face. Past your infections. I'm taking back control with my knuckles. I'm taking back control with my knuckles.

A/N: I apologize for the delay and lack of excitement through this chapter. It's not one of my favorites. The next few chapters should be a little bit more action packed.

Thank you for reading a please leave a review!