AN: For all you angst-haters, ANGST ahead. Come on, it's Morgan we're dealing with her. You know he's gotta get all introspective. Lyrics at the end are by Nickleback, Trying Not to Love You, from their album Here and Now. Don't own any of it, of course. Oh, and THANK YOU for all the reviews-this is my first fanfic to get over 100 reviews (This is my 5th story). You guys are awesome!

Chapter 15

Garcia took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes. This had been the longest two days on the face of the planet. There had been no new developments on the Replicator. She hoped the team would come home soon. She talked to Derek every night, and could tell that he wasn't sleeping well. In fact, she suspected he wasn't sleeping at all, but she couldn't get him to fess up to that. He was evasive, at best, any time she brought it up. She had been trying to keep herself busy at work, but there was only so much she could do without anyone else here. Her backlog had been completely cleared up by noon today.

She glanced at the clock again, then decided to make a call she'd been thinking about all day.

"Prentiss."

"Hey, Em!" Penelope couldn't help but smile—she missed Emily terribly, even though she had been gone for more than six months.

"Garcia! It's so good to hear your voice."

"How are things?"

"I'm worried about you guys. Hotch called me yesterday and filled me in."

"I thought he might," she said. When Prentiss didn't say anything, she sighed. "This sucks, Em."

"Yup. But you guys will get him."

"We've got nothing." Penelope shifted, picking up a colorful troll doll from her desk and playing with his hair.

"We've solved cases on less."

"True."

"How is everyone doing?"

"Damned if I know. I haven't seen anyone in days. Except Derek, and only over Skype. He looks like hell." She frowned again, thinking of the tired bags under his eyes. She took a deep breath. "Want to know a secret?"

"Only if it's a fun secret."

"Ummmm."

"OH! You and Morgan?" Prentiss sounded elated, but not surprised.

"How did you know?"

"That was just a matter of time, Garcia. The only two who didn't know it was the two of you."

"Yeah, but I think it's actually worse that we're together right now. He's freaking himself out."

"The whole situation is pretty freaky, you have to admit." Prentiss pointed out.

"Yeah, but . . ."

"No buts, Garcia," she interrupted. "Morgan has always been fiercely protective of everyone, and of course he is going to worry about you. Hell, I'm worried about you."

"I have two agents outside my door whenever I'm home!" Garcia exclaimed. "And . . . and, the REST of the time I'm inside one of the most secure buildings in the northeast!"

"But you don't carry a gun," Prentiss said matter-of-factly.

"Holy fracking cow, why does everyone keep bringing that up!? I don't like guns. I don't need a gun. I have computers. I can do wonders with computers. Guns are scary and hurt people and . . . " She started to pace around her office as she ranted.

"Garcia!" Prentiss interrupted her again. "Calm. Now."

Penelope took a deep breath. "Sorry . . . it's just . . . I worry about them too, Em. I always have. Him especially."

"I know," Prentiss assured her. "Damn, I have to go. Keep me updated, okay?"

"Yeah. Miss you Em."

"Me too. And about damn time you and Morgan got your act together. I'm happy for you."

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Garcia glanced at the clock again and sighed. She just wanted this day to be over. She wanted everyone home. She wanted the Replicator out of their lives, but she knew that last one wasn't happening any time soon.

xxx

Morgan leaned back in his chair on the jet. Finally, they were going home. It had been three days since the Replicator had lured them to the Zugzwang Room, as they often referred to it. They had gotten nothing new on the Replicator, so they were finally heading back to Virginia. Morgan wasn't entirely sure how their lives were supposed to just go on, now that they knew someone was following their every move. They would get another case and they would all have to leave their families again. He would have to leave Penelope again. Then there was the whole other issue of how they were supposed to even see each other if they both had an FBI detail attached to them at all times. Of course, how long would Strauss even justify the man power to guard them all around the clock?

Shit, what if Strauss pulled the detail off while the team was away on a case? He hadn't thought of that. He would talk to Strauss before they were sent out again. Even if she couldn't keep details on all of them, he would ask someone to be put on Garcia's house when they were gone. He knew some of the pictures of her in the Zugzwang Room had been taken while the team was away. An entire slew of expletives went through his mind as he pondered that again.

He took a deep breath, trying to center himself again. He couldn't remember ever being this out of sorts about something. He had felt a terrible sense of foreboding since walking into the Zugzwang Room. He had spent most of the past three days in a barely disguised state of panic. He hadn't slept much. He felt as if his life was completely out of control, and there was nothing he could do about it. The closest he had ever come, in his adult life, to feeling like he did now was the way he had felt when Cindy, his cousin, had resurfaced after they had assumed she was dead. He had felt out of control, like he had failed her by not looking harder for her. She had endured unimaginable torture at the hands of her "husband" while he was convincing his family she was dead.

This time was worse. He felt as if his life were going to slip away without him having a say in it. Because when it came down to it, he knew Penelope was the only thing that gave meaning to his life. Had it not been for her, he would have slipped into the abyss long ago. She had always been there, in his ear, demanding that he come back whenever things went south. She would never have forgiven him if he hadn't, so he always made it back home. After those god-awful dreams, seeing her face plastered all over that room next to the rest of theirs had made his blood run cold. They were all at risk, but her far more than the rest of them. He could not bear to lose her, but he had to acknowledge it was a real possibility that something could happen to any one of them. Anything could happen to her. He could not deal with even the thought of something happening to her.

For the briefest of moments, he wondered what he would have been feeling if they hadn't become intimate. Would he be such a wreck if they weren't sleeping together? He almost snorted out loud as soon as he considered it. They may have just crossed the line into a physical relationship, but he and Garcia had been intimate for years. They had known each other inside and out for longer than many marriages lasted. She knew all of his darkest secrets. He loved her whether they were sleeping together or not. He would be just as worried about her if they weren't together. The dreams though, made him worry about her a thousand times more than he would have otherwise. As did Maeve's death—the ever present reminder the members of the BAU were not immune from catastrophic loss.

He put on his headphones and leaned back in the chair, wishing the short flight was already over. He closed his eyes and lost himself in the music.

Trying not to love you
Only goes so far
Trying not to need you
Is tearing me apart

Can't see the silver lining
Down here on the floor
I just keep on trying
I don't know what for

Trying not to love you
Only makes me love you more.

He would be with her soon. He smiled as the thought flitted through his mind, moments before sleep finally overtook him.