AN: A special treat since I didn't get a chance to post anything all weekend. A two-fer. Happy Monday and thanks as always for the reviews. Glad everyone is enjoying!
Chapter 17
Morgan knew he couldn't put this off anymore. He was going to have to tell her all of the details of that room, and of his dreams. As much as he wanted to protect her from all of it, he knew she needed to know. She was, after all, a part of their team. And he supposed he needed her to understand how much it scared the shit out of him to think about something happening to her. He just didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want the darkness that always seemed to surround all of them to reach out and touch her.
"They've told you what was in the room?" he asked.
"I know some of the details," she said. "But I haven't seen any pictures or anything. Lots of photos of all of us, a dead body, and the word zugzwang. That's pretty much all I know."
"Reid brought all of the pictures back," he said. "You can see them Monday, if you want. There are so many. Some of them are from last year, before Prentiss left. But there weren't any of her in the room. Hotch called her though, just to let her know what's going on."
"Yeah," she said. "I talked to her yesterday. I told her about us." He raised an eyebrow at her. "She wasn't surprised," Garcia said with a frown.
He smiled and kissed her head again. She didn't understand that everyone could see this coming from a mile away—everyone but her. He didn't understand what she saw in him that made her think there was something special about him that made him above her. It was ludicrous. If anything, she deserved better. Not the other way around.
"I was worried about you before I saw the pictures," he said. "We are all together, but you are here by yourself far too often. You don't carry a gun . . ."
"Yes, I am aware of that fact," she interjected, frustrated. "But thank you oh so very much for pointing it out yet again."
He chuckled. There she went again, making him laugh when it shouldn't have been possible. "I just feel like you are the most vulnerable of all of us, Baby Girl. Not to mention the rest of us are interchangeable, but there is only one Goddess who can crunch all of the information we throw out and give us a short list back. I worry someone is going to figure out that without you, we are completely and utterly useless."
"That's not true," she said quickly.
"Okay, well you make us more efficient," he conceded. "Even you have to admit that."
She smiled. "I am faster than a bolt of lightning, aren't I?"
"So, long story short, seeing those pictures of you freaked me out in the extreme. That on top of the dreams I was already having . . ."
"Nothing is going to happen to me," she said, putting a hand on his face.
"You don't know that," he said. "Anymore than I do. I wish I did, but I don't."
"Derek . . ."
"Did I ever tell you about the conversation I had with Reid before Maeve died?" he asked. She shook her head and waited for him to go on. "He was thinking allowed about her—about how he might not get any time with her. And I promised him he would get more. It was a promise I couldn't keep."
"Hot stuff . . ."
"I wish I could promise I could keep you safe, but what if I can't?" His voice was down to a whisper now. "What if, while we are away, and our guard is down, the Replicator decides to come for you? Like Frank came for Sarah and Foyet came for Haley?"
She wrapped her arms around him. "It is what it is," she said softly. "We can't live our lives in fear, baby. If we do, he wins. That's the sort of stuff these sickos live for. So we're going to take our days together and live them. I will not live in fear." She kissed him.
He closed his eyes. He never ceased to be amazed by her strength. He had never met someone so sure of the good in the world, so sure that things would work out as they should. It was one of the many reasons he loved her. He told her that, and then he showed her with his body, because the words simply weren't enough.
xxx
They slept long after the sun came up. When they woke, they made love again. Then they showered. And made love again. She smiled as she got dressed. Even though he was forty, there was certainly nothing wrong with Derek Morgan's sex drive. It had not escaped her notice that he hadn't broached the subject of his nightmares during their middle-of-the-night conversation. She supposed she'd have to bring it up yet again. She almost hated to push the issue, but otherwise he would hold it in until it drove him insane. Better to pry it out of him while she could, so that when he did need to leave again, she would be better equipped to help him.
She crossed the beaded curtain into the living area of her apartment, smiling at Morgan as he handed her coffee. "So what's on tap for today, Hot Stuff?" she asked. It was a Saturday, after all.
"Whatever the lady wants," he said, running his knuckles along her cheek. She shivered, all too aware of the want that simple touch elicited in her. It was borderline ridiculous how she couldn't get enough of the man.
"The lady wants you," she said with a smile.
"You already have me."
"Then I want more," she said as she leaned in to kiss him.
"Greedy Baby Girl," he joked. "At least let me eat breakfast first. Pleasuring you is exhausting."
She laughed at him, slapping his shoulder. "Poor baby!"
They cooked breakfast in a companionable silence, and then sat at her little table to eat. "So how's our resident genius holding up?" She asked him. She felt guilty that she hadn't thought to ask about him sooner.
Morgan shrugged. "It's hard telling with the kid. He just doesn't talk about it. Not that I blame him. He's holding up a hell of a lot better than I would be." He looked down and toyed with his eggs.
She sighed. There it was again. The sad look was back in his eyes. "Tell me about the nightmares, D."
"It won't change anything," he said matter-of-factly.
"Maybe it will," she said.
"Or not." She might have snarled at him. He laughed at her again. She wadded up a napkin and chucked it at his head. Damn the man and his athletic prowess—he caught it. "Fine woman," he laughed. "I worry you may pelt me with things in my sleep."
"A worth-while concern, my prince. Now spill."
"Can I at least eat my damn eggs first?" he asked.
"I suppose. But you aren't evading me again, Morgan." He smirked at her use of his last name. They finished their breakfast in silence.
"You up for a walk?" He asked. She raised an eyebrow at him. It had to be 30 degrees outside. But she thought about the Replicator. If he was watching them, she liked the idea of him freezing his butt off too. Plus she thought it would say that they wouldn't stop living just because he was watching them.
She nodded. "Just let me go get my parka." She was ready for spring-it couldn't get here soon enough.
"All this time in D.C. and my baby is still a Cali girl," he chuckled. She slapped him again on the way to the closet.
Within twenty minutes, they were strolling along the river. Garcia linked her arm through Morgan's. She would have held his hand, but they were all too aware of the agent trailing behind them. Anyone who knew them at all would not think twice about her holding on to his arm as they walked. They had been touching each other for years. It was a beautifully clear day, despite the cold. She reveled in feeling of the sun on her face—with all that had happened, she hadn't been outside for more than a handful of minutes all week.
"I keep having the same nightmares," he said suddenly a short while later. They had been walking in a companionable silence. She knew he would talk when he was ready. Or rather, she hoped he would. Trying to drag things out of the man was downright exhausting. "But sometimes they morph into new ones. Sometimes this faceless person comes out of nowhere. And then you are gone, Baby Girl. Not dead gone, but gone gone." He looked forlorn as he looked toward the river. "In another version, I come home from a case and you aren't there anymore. We try to find you, but we can't. It's basically variations on those themes every single night."
"You've got to stop worrying," she said, even though she knew that would never happen.
"I can't," he said immediately.
She sighed. "I suppose I know that. It's who you are. You always have to worry about everyone. But for goodness sake, D, you are going to run yourself ragged if you don't figure out a way to manage it. You are going to be so tired, you won't be able to think straight on a case, and then the thought of what could happen is enough to give ME nightmares."
"Manage it?" He asked, looking at her. Apparently that idea had never occurred to him.
"Yes, manage it, handsome," she said, a bit exasperated with him. "I suppose this is why I help out with a support group and you catch unsubs. You are being such a man again. Manage it . . . as in, acknowledge it, process it, move on and get some sleep."
"I sleep fine as long as you are in my arms," he said, squeezing her arm tighter in his. She looked up at him and saw heat in his eyes again. She secretly cursed the FBI agent tailing behind them. It would have been nice to wrap her arms around him and kiss him.
"Yes, well that's all fine and dandy while you are in town. But you guys are going to get sent away on a case sooner or later. And you have to sleep while you are gone Derek. You have to be on your A-game. I don't want you worrying about me and getting yourself hurt." She chewed on her lip at the thought of it.
He brought his hand up from his pocket and gently skimmed her lower lip. "Mmm, so it really does go both ways, doesn't it?"
She rolled her eyes at him. "Of course it does, you idiot. Are you just figuring that out? You aren't the only one who worries."
"But I carry a gun."
Oh great, she thought. That again. "You don't say? I had no idea." He laughed, and they let the subject go. They walked for another twenty minutes, talking about the inconsequential, before deciding lunch was in order. She pretended not to notice that every time Morgan stopped, he would survey the area for potential threats. She pretended not to notice the agent tailing them. She was happy enough to have an almost-normal afternoon with him. She would take what she could get.