A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and alerts/favorites/follows. It means a lot. This chapter is dedicated to chubby911 for being my first reviewer, Ig4az who has meticulously commented on every chapter allowing me to see what the reader is seeing. I loved that, you're awesome, and Kasya. To the guest who is being killed by the short chapters, I'm sorry! But I'll try and update faster. Also I'm going to wrap up this fic pretty soon maybe in another 2-3 chapters. Anyway, hope you enjoy reading. :)
Disclaimer- I don't own glee and I don't think I want to.
When she thought back, her break up with Laura was inevitable, she was surprised Laura had put up with her for so long. After she admitted her feelings for Brittany, Laura had yelled at her a little more and Santana to her credit did not erupt but took it. It was the least she could do afterall. She felt like crap when Laura started crying and told her she would still stay with her. Santana came clean about them sleeping together and that just led to more yelling and tears. Finally Laura left, leaving Santana behind in her empty apartment. Their break up was messy and Santana was still feeling guilty about cheating on her with Brittany. She wasn't a cheater, but it was Brittany. It had always been only Brittany and now she'd lost the both of them.
Blaine came over that night to find a very drunk Santana sitting on the sofa and crying. He just held her while she hysterically yelled and cried in a mixture of Spanish and English. The next morning she was as detached and guarded as ever and Blaine sighed giving up on what he could see was a lost cause.
The movie had opened new doors for her and suddenly she was foraying into acting in small parts for advertisements and television shows. Her schedule was pretty crowded with assignments and she found it easy to get lost in her work. She still hadn't spoken to Brittany and hadn't really told her friends that she'd broken up with Laura.
A month or so later, she'd just gotten back to her apartment when she heard a knock on her door. She opened it to see Rachel, Kurt and Blaine standing there with Chinese takeout and wine. "It's been forever Satan, we missed you so we invited ourselves over." Kurt said breezily as he walked in. Rachel smiled and Blaine just looked at her in concern. Santana wanted to be angry but she was secretly glad they'd decided to stop by. "What, you three have no spice in your life when I aint around huh?" she tried to joke while she pulled out glasses for the wine. "Brittany sends her apologies but she had late practice with her dance crew" Rachel said. Santana just nodded.
Soon they were eating and chatting and Santana felt better than she had for the longest time. After they ate, Blaine made his way to her ipod and put on some music for them. It wasn't really her fault, maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the company, maybe it was the fact that 'Songbird' started playing softly in the background that made her burst into tears. Rachel and Kurt looked stunned and then checked the wine bottles to see how much she'd had. Blaine just sighed and moved closer to her. "Tell us what happened Santana. Something's been going on with you. You've withdrawn from us, and we're worried about you." He said softly. This just made her cry harder, making them all look bewildered and unsure about what to do.
"Are things between you and Laura ok?" Kurt asked tentatively.
"We broke up" Santana sniffled. She was suddenly smothered with hugs from Kurt and Rachel who were trying their best to console her. Blaine just sat down looking speculative.
"When did this happen? Why didn't you tell us?" Rachel asked, her tone like one you'd use for someone on their deathbed.
"A couple of days after your party. She was…uh.. upset about that whole dramatic slap thing." Santana tried to explain while struggling to push off Rachel who was taking her role of comforting her a little too seriously. "She didn't want to be with someone so volatile, and to be honest, things were not going that well between us anyway. I think it was just an excuse." Santana lied blatantly.
She didn't want them to know about Brittany and her. She couldn't deal with their faces full of sympathy and them pussyfooting around her. Truth be told she didn't even know if there was a Brittany and her, considering their last conversation.
"Well I think everyone's been working too hard, why don't we all go out this weekend? We can go to that karaoke bar or dancing or something?" Rachel suggested to which Kurt and Blaine nodded enthusiastically. Santana thought this may actually be a good idea. She had been pretty busy and she missed Brittany, but she didn't know how to behave around her when they were alone anymore. She figured them going out in a group made more sense.
So that weekend a big bunch of them decided to go dancing at one of their regular haunts. Santana was looking forward to it all week. She was excited she was going to see Brittany again although she hadn't really figured out what she wanted from her yet. When they got there, the dance floor was pretty packed and all you could see were a writhing mass of bodies. Santana's eyes started searching for a sinewy blonde who she knew would be at the dance floor. But she was disappointed she couldn't find her. Blaine however convinced her to do some shots with him. After a few drinks she wandered over to the dance floor and let the music wash over her. She rolled her hips and let go, enjoying herself till she felt someone staring at her. She opened her eyes to see Brittany standing a few feet away, smiling tentatively. Santana just waved her over to dance and she slid over willingly. "Brittany, I…." Santana started to say to her but Brittany stopped her. "Just dance with me. That's all I want you to do" and like always Santana did just what Brittany wanted. Even when all she wanted was to talk to her, tell her how she felt or just hold her.
The song changed to a slower one and Brittany looked warily at her before saying she was going to get a drink, Santana nodded saying she wanted one too and they left the dance floor. It was awkward between them, both of them avoiding each other's eyes as they drank too fast and too much. Santana ran into a couple of friends and Brittany found some of her crew and they spent the rest of the evening dancing and drinking in a large group. Rachel came over and asked Santana to come back to her place, along with Kurt and Blaine, Brittany and a few others. Santana who was pretty buzzed agreed readily. At Rachel's house, they drank some more and decided to do karaoke on Rachel's karaoke machine. Santana did a soulful version of 'The Scientist" by Coldplay which had her and most of the others in tears, ending with Kurt giving her a standing ovation and Rachel immediately trying to outdo her with some Celine Dion.
Santana laughed till she came in contact with Brittany. Her eyes were shining, and she held her hand. "I forgot how beautifully you sang" she whispered. Santana smiled. "Like, I really felt like you meant the song." Brittany continued. "Maybe I did" Santana said. Brittany smiled at her shyly, then her expression changed. "Where's Laura? How come she isn't here tonight?" she asked. "We broke up" Santana said shrugging. Brittany immediately enveloped her in a hug. "I didn't know. Are you alright?" she asked stroking her hair. Santana laughed, "I'm ok Britt." Brittany frowned at her, "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked softly. Santana had no answer for that. "I… uh.. I needed some space for myself I guess. These guys only just found out a couple of days ago." She justified. Brittany pursed her lips and was about to say something when Blaine rushed over and pulled her to sing "Love shack" with him. They all sang along and danced, and clapped loudly when Blaine ended with a flourish.
Brittany and Santana were hugging each other as they had been dancing together. "Umm.. do you want to get some air?" Santana asked Brittany who nodded and followed her out. They stood looking at the city in silence, each occupied with their own thoughts till Brittany broke the silence. "I'm going to miss this" she said jerking her jaw at the city lights. Santana looked at her questioningly. "We're almost done with our scenes. We'll be leaving soon." Brittany answered, briefly looking at Santana and then facing forward again. Santana felt a crushing weight in her chest. Brittany was leaving and this time for good. She felt empty just thinking about it. She'd gotten so used to seeing her everyday, the little things that she used to do like still link their pinkies when they were walking, how most times she'd bounce or glide but rarely walked, how perky she was in the mornings, but mainly she was going to miss how Brittany made her feel- whole and complete in a way that no one else could. Shit! She had fallen for her again, really badly, but Brittany never seemed to give any indication of wanting anything more from Santana than friendship. She'd apologized profusely when she was kissed Santana and genuinely seemed to regret it. She was pulled out of her thoughts by Brittany looking at her expectantly. "I'm sorry Britt, did you say something?" she asked a little flustered. Brittany smiled and asked "when you sang that song in there, were you thinking of Laura?" What? Oh Coldplay! No no… I wasn't. Berry isn't the only one who can put a whole lot of emotion into a song you know?" she said lightly while she smirked. Brittany just nodded her head looking a little distracted. The silence stretched between them again. Finally Santana looked up at her, "Umm hey Britt… I've been wanting to ask… After me…. Did you ever date.. a..a girl?" she stammered. Brittany shook her head and answered, " It's mostly been guys. I've made out with some girls but never dated one." Santana felt like she'd been punched. There was her answer, Brittany didn't think of her in that way. All the secret glances, not too innocent touches, the flirting had all been in Santana's head. Just then they were interrupted by one of Brittany's friends who wanted to ask the blonde if she wanted to head back with them. Brittany answered affirmatively and hugged Santana before she bounced off, leaving her standing alone and feeling like her heart had just broken into a million little pieces.