Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders or the song "Just Tonight"

A/N: This is a big Merry Christmas to you all.

I wrote this whole story around this song. I originally heard it and put together this chapter and then it branched out into this story and the rest of the series. The last scene created this whole story. Please read these lyrics or a bigger effect.

Here we are and I can't think from all the pills right. Start the car and take me home. Here we are and you're too drunk to hear a word I say. Start the car and take me home.

It's late. My eyelids are sore and Pony can't stop yawning, so I can't either. Kathy's working a night shift and it's just the three siblings that are left, bored, tired, grouchy, and hungry.

"Pony." I kick his foot, getting his attention. "Will you please tell me?"

He yawns again and makes a pillow out of his hands. He rests his head and closes his eyes. "No."

"Why? What does it matter?" I ask. "Were you at a party or something? Were you drunk? High? C'mon. I'm not going to tell Darry. Just tell me why Dally brought you home and why he did that to your face."

He opens his eyes, making a face and pressing his eyebrows together. "He didn't do this to my face."

I roll my eyes, readjusting on the couch. "I know what a Dallas Winston hit looks like. So spill."

Soda's half asleep on the chair, if not already out. I'm not sure if he can hear or not but neither of us take notice.

"It's none of your business."

"What happened to your beloved necklace? The one you've been wearing that looks like Dally's?"

His face goes a little white and Soda's awake now and glaring at us. Pony more than me. "Necklace?"

Pony gulps, sitting up this time. "It was just something I found. I think I lost it somewhere." He shrugs. "No big deal."

Soda eyes him, not buying it. He's got the Darry act down well, even the intimidating glares. It's almost scary in a way and I don't really like it. "What did it look like?"

"I don't remember. Just some chain thing."

"I wasn't asking you," Soda says, turning to me. "Danni, what'd it look like?"

Pony grumbles, rolling his eyes. He speaks so I don't have to, "Come on, Soda. It was just a stupid chain. What's the big deal?"

Soda looks so weary...and heated. I blink a few times, not knowing if he still wants me to answer or not. He speaks, "You know, Dally came to see me about a month ago. He told me to watch you. You know what that meant?"

Pony gets up, fed up with the conversation, and heads to the kitchen. "How should I know?"

Soda stands up, not missing a beat either and following him. "Danni! Come in here!"

I do as I'm told though I don't want to. Soda seems to know something - something important, so I slowly appear in the kitchen. "Yeah?"

Soda glares at Pony as he pours some cereal into a bowl and sprinkles some milk over top. Soda turns to me. "Was the necklace a cross? Like Dally's?"

I nod a little. "Yeah. The same one."

Soda turns a dark shade of red. Pony doesn't turn around or protest. He knows he's hands are coated with red stains. "A cross like Dally's? The cross he got from New York? The cross he got from his gang!"

Pony chucks the spoon down in the bowl, causing milk to fly. "What do you want?"

Soda doesn't hesitate and he's fast. He grabs Pony by the collar and forces him up against the counter. He growls in his face, "Are you that stupid?" He shakes him. "Answer me!"

"Soda," I say calmly. "Just let him talk. What's going on?"

"Dale," Soda hisses. "You signed up to be with Dale?" He says it like he wants to cry and scream and punch him all at the same time. "To do what, Ponyboy?"

Pony, on the other hand, doesn't look like he wants to cry, which is odd. Anytime he upsets Soda, he feels bad immediately. This is very different. "It's over, ok?"

"Not ok. You think Mom and Dad worked like they did so you could join a gang at seventeen and ruin your life? Do you think Darry did? Do you think I did!"

Silence washes over. I'm in the background, facing Pony. There's something that softens his eyes when Soda mentions Mom and Dad. It happens every time and now, Pony is chocking tears.

Soda releases him, cooling off and taking a deep breath. His eyes get watery but he wipes them before anyone can really tell. "Darry's surgery is tomorrow. I-I...I can't take this right now."

And he turns his back, heading up to his room.

"Soda..." Pony calls out quietly, unsure of what to say.

Soda stops. His shoulders slump as he sighs. "Go to bed Pony. Or go somewhere. I really don't care right now."

Neither of us say anything as he leaves, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

"Danni..."

"What did you do?"

"I…..I-I don't know."

Everything seems so cold and foreign. As if a ghost walked in and just like that, everything blew up and we're just walking around, mindless and unaware of the situations we're in or how extreme they really are.

I wrap my arms around myself. The conversation with Sylvia at the coffee shop keeps playing over and over in my head. "You...You're with Dale?"

He doesn't answer. He doesn't have to. The question's already been answered.

And suddenly, we're alive again, and this is real.

"Where are you going?" He's right behind me, speeding to catch up with me.

Tears run down my cheeks. "You're an idiot! Do you have any idea what Dale is like? Who he works for? Who you apparently work for? They kill people, Pony! You...I can't believe you!"

I reach for the door but there's something that stops me - someone who actually tells the truth: "It was just some number punching! I never...I only got Dale a few guns. I never...I never meant for..."

"You got Dale guns? Guns for what?"

I'm still facing the door, refusing to turn around and face the stranger that stands behind me.

"Just a couple. I...We needed the money, remember? I thought I was helping. I didn't think he'd really use them."

Why does Dale need lots of guns?

"I can't even look at you."

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere."

Here I am and I can't seem to see straight. But I'm too numb to feel right now. Here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time. I'm too numb to feel right now.

It's silent as he answers the door. He stands and looks at every inch of my body and his face doesn't move. It stays hard with his jaw tightened and then he swallows and leans against the door. He sees my tears, and he doesn't need to ask.

"Can I come in?"

He holds the door open and it's warm inside and I can smell his dinner he just ate. Grilled cheese with chips and milk.

I look around and realize this is nothing like Dally. There is a clock with birds on it that sits on the mantel. There are pictures around the room with happy people inside and there are books. Real books with pages and words.

I wonder how he feels to be here. I wonder if he looks around at all these things that don't reflect him and thinks about how he once sat on the throne of Tulsa. How he once had the girl, the car, the apartment, the friends, the life everyone around wanted. How he was once idolized as a king.

Here Dallas Winston was. No money, no car, no friends, no nothing. And he didn't lose it for what he really did. I wonder if that's what really hurts. What he's known for isn't what others know he did.

I sit down on the couch and watch as he goes into the kitchen. He doesn't speak and I turn on the TV.

"You hungry?"

"Sure. What happened to your face?"

"Bar fight."

He comes back with a bowl full of chips and sits them on my lap as he takes a seat beside me and I eat.

It's I Love Lucy that's on. We both sit quietly and watch and eat. It's started raining again outside. It's not supposed to stop for a week. The news says there's supposed to be a big storm coming.

"Soda and Pony are fighting," I say softly. "Soda...he found out about Pony and Dale. I guess you know all about that though. Darry's having surgery in the morning."

"I know."

"I just needed to get away," I say, looking down at my hands. "It just seems like everything's falling apart. I don't remember the last time I had a full conversation with some who actually mattered."

The audience inside the TV starts laughing. Lucy smiles and a commercial comes up. The clock on the mantel has a high tick and it's insanely warm in here and my face turns red.

I think about the future a lot. I've never pictured myself here tonight though. That's the funny thing about thinking about the future. It makes you happy - like memories, because you make it sound good. You'll become a great person, get rich quick, and nothing bad will ever happen. The future is a way to escape the present.

Memories are like that as well. You think about the good but you never quite get to the bad part. The times everything fell apart. You try to weigh them out but that never works. You want the good.

Doesn't that show something for your personality though?

It's so warm in here. I feel the couch eating me. "Maybe if you talk about what you're feeling, it'll make you feel better."

"What if talking about your feelings doesn't fix shit? What if what you really need is to make the feelings go away?"

It's like a different dimension in here. Things smell better and feel better. I still want to cry a little but I don't feel sad. I'm not bothered or angry with Dally. It's like we're in a time machine and we are making stops and this is one of the times when we felt good.

Things feel better. Some things feel bad. The memories we will never have again feel bad.

"Do you remember?" I ask softly. "Do you remember yourself before you were empty? There was a time when everything was good and happy. There was a time you didn't feel like a stranger in your own skin. Remember that?"

My eyes sting a little as more tears well up. Dally continues not to speak.

"Do you remember us? At all?" I ask, staring into his dying eyes. "Do you remember the memories from this fall? What we were like? The good times we had? The things we went through? Do you remember?"

The show comes back on and he acts like he didn't hear me, intently watching. "Do you remember? Do you remember the world before it became toxic? Before everything turned to poison?"

There's a bird outside. I think it's an owl. That's the only bird who wants out at night. It's different and big and beautiful though it doesn't know that because no one looks at it that way. It's just a loud, noisy bird with dark eyes and ways, but it's beautiful. It's beautiful because it is different than the rest.

I start to think about who is up right now. It's almost one and on this street, it's dead. Most of that has to do with the fact that the neighbors are old and grumpy. The rest of Tulsa, they're just starting. They're living because they are young. Old people don't understand the desire to want to live. They want to die. Teenagers want more hours in the day.

"The doctors still don't know about Darry. We're broke. Like really broke. Even if he does make it out, he has no job. No income. Soda is so exhausted and I worry about him. Pony is...I don't even know who he is right now."

Lucy is the only girl he's focusing on. Nothing. His face doesn't move, much like a mental patient. Like he's dead inside.

"I'm hurt right now. I feel like I could sleep forever and never wake up. I feel like taking a bath and crying until I can't breathe. And out of everyone else, I want you to comfort me and let me tell you all my problems like I used to and have you hold me until we fall asleep together. And I don't understand why."

He's still silent. The more I watch, the more I wonder what he's thinking.

"I think about you a lot. I hate it but I do. I saw you bring Pony home and I wanted you to stay. I'm not sure what I wanted to happen after that but I wanted you around me. Even for a minute."

My eyes get watery again and I look to the ground.

"I remember us. I remember the feeling I felt when we first kiss. I remember when I started to fall in love with you."

His head slowly turns and stares at me again as if he's seeing me for the first time. He's eyes are softer and I can't tell if he looks sad or just numb. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Is something burning?"

He gets up and runs into the kitchen. "Fuck!"

Black smoke comes from the pan on the stove. There's a hissing noise as he throws the pan in the sink and turns the water on. As the noise stops, so does the rest. It's quiet except for the second hand on the bird clock.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

"I'm going to take a shower," he says, turning off the water. "It's late. You should stay here. I'll take you home when I get out if you want. The couch is yours though."

I sniffle, nodding and putting the chips down. It smells like burnt bread and my eyes and nose stings. I cry a little and it feels colder in here. I get up and get a blanket and watch as Lucy comes back on. She's happy. She's really happy.

Dally shuffles in the hallway but stops. "Curtis," he calls. I lift my head up. He's standing in the hallway. "Yeah. I remember..."

"Curtis let's go!" Dally hollered one last time.

I rolled my eyes and sucked it up. Whether I liked it or not Dally was back, and whether I liked it or not, I was somewhat happy about it.

XX

I felt the warmth of his lips as they filled my entire body. The single touch made me turn red all over. I was kissing Dallas Winston. The Dallas Winston.

XX

"Come here," Dally groaned once he noticed I was crying.

I looked down at him. He had one hand over his eyes and the other arm held out for me. I wiped some of the tears away and gently lay down beside him. He laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as I lay my head on his chest. He was so warm.

XX

Long tears strolled down my face. I didn't know whether it was from the pain I was feeling in my leg or the pain in my heart.

"Dally," I spoke through sobs refusing to look at the deathly look on his face. "Please?"

XX

I closed my eyes and thought for a minute.

"Despite all that, despite the many times we've made each other sick. The times we just wanted to ring each other's necks." Tears slipped out of my eyes. "Despite all that, something has still stuck. I still feel something inside of myself, something that keeps telling me I'm wrong."

XX

He moved his tongue to the side of his cheek. "Yeah." He nodded his head. "Yeah."

I smiled. "I love you, Dally. I love you."

XX

"Be careful," I whispered in his ear. I scrapped his back with my nails. "Goddamnit, be careful."

His hand went around the back of my head and his lips kissed me on my neck, answering for him. I could feel his sly smile forming on my neck. "I can't die, Curtis. Don't you remember?"

My face swelled up from the tears that didn't stop. I heaved for a breath. "I love you." My body shook again and mounds of tears ran down my face. "God, Dally, I love you."

XX

"I love you, Curtis. Alright?" He was panicking. It was hitting Dallas Winston. Everything was hitting. His wall had fallen. "I love you!"

It's always hard to stop. It's always hard to forget. The memories are the best part. They're better than reality - the truth. They tell a story of happy times and they feed your mind and you feel happy, if only for a little while.

I stand up, following.

Just tonight I will stay and we'll throw it all away. When the light hits your eyes. It's telling me I'm right. And if I, I am through. And it's all because of you. Just tonight.

I can hear the water dripping off his body. I can hear each drop of water land, making a splash on the white metal.

I get up and slowly walk through the hall, running my finger along the torn yellow wallpaper. As I get closer, the noise of water gets stronger, louder. I can hear my heart racing, beating along with each drop that lands.

It feels like the ground is breathing and the air has hands, like everything is moving except me. It feels like I've just smoked a whole joint or drank the whole liquor cabinet. It feels like nothing can hurt me, like I am the air that moves around me. Like I am the only thing solid and stable, like it is the rest of the world that is dizzy.

The door is only cracked. As I press my nose against it, I can smell the steam, the slight sent of berry soap. I close my eyes and breathe out, taking in the smell. The smell of Dally.

I stand in the doorway after slowly pushing the door open. It isn't hard to open and he doesn't hear me.

If you are still, no one can ever harm you. If you play dead, there is nothing to kill.

I play with the button on my shirt, twisting it so it just comes undone and then another and another. Faintly, I can hear him singing. He doesn't notice I'm here, stripping down so I stand naked.

I rest my hand on my pants and then slowly drop them down my hips so they fall to the ground, landing beside his jeans.

My feet drag on the cold, damp floor, getting closer and closer. I can hear him humming inside, the sound of a soap bar falling against the hard tub. I stare at the curtain, the green leaves painted across it with such detail to them that they almost look real like I'm outside in the trees.

I reach out and touch the fabric, rubbing it in-between my fingers.

From the time we're young, we are taught how to love but not how to stop.

I breathe out slowly and pull it back.

Just tonight. Do you understand who I am? Do you wanna know? Can you really see through me now? I am about to go. Just tonight I won't leave. And I'll lie and you'll believe. Just tonight I will see. It's all because of me.

I'm not in control. I've lost it. He has too. We're insane, acting on lust. Action on pleasure and sin. It's just our bodies and the water that's streaming down into a puddle around our feet. We're here, feeding off of each other like venomous snakes.

Two lovers who don't want to confess how much they are truly connected. They both know it, they both hide from it, and they both know the other could absolutely kill and crush their heart with one hit of poison. They dance back and forth, each knowing, each feeling the other's constant vibration within themselves. Although, at times, the intensity is too much and they can't break it...they have no choice in the matter and they die.

"I'm sorry," he whispers against my lips and I feel it more than I can hear it.

I cup his face, whispering, "I miss you. I miss you so much."

"Tell me to stop," he groans against my lips. I can feel his body pressure against me. "Goddamnit."

I lift my head back and his head lies on my chest. I run my fingers through his wet hair. My legs tremble and my pulse races. I can feel his chest as it heaves and I know what he wants. I can feel it.

I don't tell him to stop because I can't. I'm lost somewhere in a different world. Instead, I wrap my legs around him tighter, giving him a better pathway and a sign to go and he does.

The pain is so sweet and sharp. I close my eyes because I'm too scared to open them though I want to see his eyes. Confident, mysterious, alluring, beautiful eyes. The very ones I've seen in this situation before many times.

My hand runs down the slick tiles slowly as he makes his entrance. I shake and he grabs me tighter and he goes harder. He's moving faster and I'm moving faster. I grip onto nothing and hang in midair.

I moan into his mouth, unable to contain the gutting feeling in my stomach, legs, and mouth.

My skin his burning and the more we hit skin on skin, the more scars it makes.

We spin. The water splashes us and runs in our eyes.

I cry out, the pain becoming unbearably good. "Dally..."

"Curtis..."

My back is pressed against the cold water knob and I groan but his lips stop me from shouting out anymore. He attacks me with his mouth, his tongue, and it hurts and my legs are numb and unsteady. My hand travels down his face slowly. The other one grips to skin as I yelp.

I whimper against his neck and hold on tight.

We're under a waterfall on an island and it's only us. We're castaways and we are stranded here, just the two of us. There are no problems on this island. It's just full of passion and sex. We're under a waterfall and we're making love to each other as all the problems around us just seem to fade away.

Nothing's real here. There are no problems, no pain, no lies. We feel loved, and we feel happy. We're no longer sad or angry at what is going on around us because we are alone and it's only us. There is no poison.

In a world of our own.

If only just tonight.

I squeeze the knob beside me as things get more intense. It's pleasure and it's pain. My body is so close to his and he's holding me against him. Our hearts touch. It's his hard body against my soft and he's winning...and I allow it.

The curtain is what I grab next as I let out a loud groan. It doesn't fall or break no matter how hard I tug.

"Oh God!"

He can't stop kissing me. I can't stop kissing him. It's more than sex. It's our hurt and anger and our bodies releasing everything we've stored up in the past months. It's the first time we've seen each other, and we're new again.

Suddenly, we're dry. We've moved as time skipped ahead and I'm on the bed and he's over top of me. He warms me with his body and holds my back as I arch upward.

He thrusts and he kisses me, not gentle, yet passionate and uniting.

"God, I've missed you. God, Curtis! Oh God!"

Then I land...and we are done. Our bodies go back to their resting point and the lights go down. We keep our bodies near, still nude and open. We close our eyes and we breathe for a second.

It always seems to end here. Love is pain but we always go back to the one that causes us the most. We pretend like lies don't matter when we get lonely or sad. We think of the memories, the greatness of them all.

We always seem to end here...together. We are poison.

Just tonight I will stay and we'll throw it all away. When the light hits your eyes it's telling me I'm right, And if I, I am through. And it's all because of you. Just tonight.