CHAPTER FIFTY ONE REMEMBRANCE

The characters, places and situations of Doc Martin are owned by Buffalo Pictures. This story makes no claim of remuneration or ownership, nor do I make any attempt to infringe upon any rights of the owners or producers.

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CHAPTER FIFTY ONE

The May Fete was a success with all the games and plays and general frivolity. Louisa simply shined with her singing. Where did she get that? Terry and I surely weren't singers. Mr. Fenn was a great help to her.

After the main program there was a gathering at the town hall for students and their families. Louisa wanted us to come so I joined her there, not knowing where Terry was.

He came in a bit later, obviously having had too much to drink. He didn't make a scene but he was obviously offensive in his demeanor. I know it embarrassed Louisa. Why couldn't she have a family she could be proud of? I told Terry he needed to leave and he, with raised voice, said,

"Fine. I'll leave. I'll go back where I'm welcome."

With that he left and I was so grateful. A bit later there was a loud disturbance toward the back. Someone said, "It was here awhile ago and now it's gone."

"How much was in it?" said someone else.

"No idea. It had a lid on it with a small opening in the top."

It wasn't long before it was generally known that the contribution box to collect funds to aid with Fete expenses was missing. Obviously someone had pinched it. It's so sad that my first thought was that Terry had taken the money. Just another nail in the coffin of our relationship. Suspicion really does a number on a person, as there was no way to know if he took the box. It would mean a row if I asked about it and we had had far to many lately for me to start another one. I really had stopped caring because nothing was going to change.

My decision made no sense but it was made. I was leaving. I would go to Spain with no idea of when I would return. Returning was possible. I just didn't know. I had reached the end of my tether with Terry. Inside I felt like the waves breaking against the rocks outside the harbor. I couldn't sleep for the turmoil. I was running away and I know I was leaving my Louisa in Terry's hands. I could only hope he would wake up to his responsibility to this daughter. The few sane moments I experienced sent a voice to my conscience, "And you Eleanor, what of your responsibility to Louisa?" I quickly buried those thoughts deep within myself. I wish I could have erased them as they have risen to haunt me the rest of my life.

Terry didn't know it but he did me a great favor. When he was paid mid-June he gave me much more than usual. I asked what was up and he just said he wanted to help with Louisa's costumes and had more money at the time. That combined with what was still in my stash gave me £140. I needed £85 for the ferry to Santander. With any luck I could find a ride to Plymouth.

My greatest conflict was leaving my daughter. In the end she was the only good thing in my life. Thing is I thought she would be better off without me. There would be no more fights and I know her dad, with all his faults, cared about her. Knowing full well he could fail her I rationalized that she still had her Auntie Joan and my friend Jennifer. I would tell her in my letter that she could count on them. I would be glad to be rid of Portwenn, this gossipy miserable town by the sea, but I knew there would be one empty place in my heart that no one else and nothing could fill.

I chatted with drivers and found a delivery van from Plymouth that came through mid morning three days a week. I asked the driver on Monday if I might get a lift and he said it would be no problem, if I didn't tell his boss. I told him I'd go with him on Wednesday.

I spent Tuesday while Louisa was at school writing a letter to her and another to Terry.

My Dear Louisa,

I want to start this letter by saying how much I love you. You're a good girl and I'm proud of you. You will not understand this, but I have to go away for a time. I don't know when I will return. I'm going to see a friend in Spain, so you don't need to worry about me. I will be fine. My going will bring an end to the the fights in our home. You need to know you've done nothing to make me do this. Your dad and I have our problems and I need to get away from them. I've been even more upset since your Granny died.

There are many people you cannot trust, but you can always trust Auntie Joan and Ms. Jennifer to keep your secrets and help you. Show them this letter. You're a smart girl and can do whatever you put your mind to. Of all the people in Portwenn, you're the one I will miss. You may be sad and it makes me sad to leave you, but it is all for the best.

I love you, Mummy

Before going to bed Louisa always told me, "I love you Mummy." It was sweet to hear that every night and as I signed the letter I laid my head in my arms and bawled.

The mind is strange and as my tears slowed something came into my mind that Mrs. Morton had asked me just yesterday, "Ellie, do you have any idea what happened to the money from the fete?" That thought brought me back to my resolve and I began my letter to Terry.

Terry,

I am very tired and I need to get away. I've decided to go to visit a friend in Spain. Maybe I'll return, but right now I don't know when that might be. We can't stop fighting and you can't stop doing things that will get you in trouble. I've been even more upset since my mum died. Please don't do anything to put Louisa in danger. Take care of her. If she wants to be with Joan Norton or Jennifer, please let her. They are people she can trust.

Terry, one time we had something special. I don't know why it went away. Maybe I haven't been the proper wife and mother. I think Louisa might do better without me. I hate what I'm doing, but it's all for the best. I pray you and Louisa will be okay.

Eleanor

With Terry at work and Louisa in school I packed a shoulder bag with basics, left the letters to them folded on the table and started out the door. For some reason I turned around and went into Louisa's room. Her pyjamas from the night were strewn on the bed. Her granny and grandad's picture was on the night table. The smell of her powder was in the air. I could picture in my mind her proudly singing in the festival. Tears came to my eyes and I knew I had to stop or I'd never leave. I quickly left the room and shut the door. I was trembling as I walked into the street, thinking I might return, but knowing well that chance was slim. "Just get away for awhile," I told myself. "Just get away for awhile."

I could see the delivery van parked in the distance and hoping no one would see me, went quickly to it and got in. Not long after, the driver came and getting in, seemed surprised to see me.

"I'd forgotten about you. It's a good thing you're here because I'm running late."

He was kind and dropped me at the docks in Plymouth close to the ferry landing. I quickly purchased my ticket and boarded. I was anxious for the ferry to leave, because once at sea there was no turning back. Finally after all the cars and passengers were on board we slowly pulled away from the dock. The trip would take 20 hours, but before finding a place to settle I went to the top deck and allowed the chilly wind to blow through my hair and tried to clear my mind. Louisa and Terry would have discovered my letters by now. The paper that concerned me now was in my hand with Javier Rodriguez penned at the top. I had a few clothes and some personal stuff, £65 and 10 cigarettes. I took one out and lit it. Inhaling deeply I allowed myself to relax. The smoke slowly escaped my lungs and I watched as the wind carried it away.