CHAPTER FIFTY THREE REMEMBRANCE

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CHAPTER FIFTY THREE

Terry had shown up this morning and I had misgivings about the outcome as I knew Eleanor would be down soon, given the late hour. I just wish Louisa would get back to sort all this. It was a tiring walk for him coming here from his house and I could not simply send him back; my first inclination. Eleanor had slept late. Her journey yesterday had to be most tiring for a person of her age and health. By comparison Terry was much more vigorous. I know Terry and Eleanor were together at the wedding, but not for long. What would it be like if they lived here in the same village? Terry interrupted my thoughts.

"Thanks for the coffee Martin."

"Can I offer you something to eat, given your exertion in coming here?"

"No need for that now. I had some kippers and toast this morning. That'll hold me for a bit. What you do make of Eleanor's turn-around?"

"I have no idea, Terry. Her arrival was a complete surprise. Louisa will be home in a few days and we'll start to sort all this. What did she tell you when she came for the wedding?"

"We didn't talk that much but she didn't say anything about coming back. Ellie was always full of surprises, Martin. Don't be surprised if she announces she has come to stay."

We were focused on our talking and a passing lorry masked the sound of Eleanor descending the stairs. Suddenly we heard her voice.

"What does a body have to do to get a beer around here?"

Eleanor looked tired as she entered the kitchen that morning. She had taken time to dress in one of her many-colored frocks from Spain. For an instant the image of the beautiful girl from Liverpool raced through my mind, but so much time had passed. We weren't the same people John Slater brought to this place. We weren't young lovers nor were we fighting spouses. I had finally stopped fighting the system, and was satisfied with what the system gave me to live on. But who is this person I call Ellie? Our short time together at James's wedding made me want to know.

Martin started to make a fuss. He harrumphed his reply to her request for a beer and made her a cup of coffee, then started in on her health. "Eleanor, you need your oxygen. Don't forget we have an appointment with the doctor. Are you feeling unwell this morning?"

She responded with a curt, "Martin, for god's sake, leave me be. Nothing wrong here that this coffee and a little time with this old man won't cure."

At this point I interrupted, "Martin, why don't you get some fresh air. Maybe take a walk or check the garden?"

Some things never change. Martin's response was, "The air in this house is the same as the air outside, and I have a gardener to check the garden."

"Martin, just go and leave us to ourselves."

"But Terry are you sure you'll be okay together?"

At this point Ellie had her say. "Hell no Martin. We're not sure. We might kill each other and then you'll have the cost of two cheap funerals on your hands. Go. Just go Martin. Give us a bit of privacy. Come back in an hour or two and see if there's anything left to mop up."

So Martin left and Ellie and I sat facing each other. It wasn't as if this was our first time seeing each other, but at the wedding there was so much togetherness we had no time to chat with each other. I spoke first. "Ellie, can I fix you some breakfast, maybe some toast and jam?"

"Good. I'm hungry."

Looking in the fridge I retrieved the butter and a jar I thought was jam, but it turned out to be Marmite. Her response was quick, "Are you going to poison me? I didn't leave England to escape our failed marriage. I was running from Marmite."

"Alright, a simple mistake. Here's some orange cranberry marmalade. Any complaint there m'lady?" (Said with sarcastic overtones.)

We sat quietly and sipped our coffee while Eleanor ate. Where to begin after all this time? I must admit it felt awkward.

"You know Terry, this isn't my first time in Portwenn. It's just that you were never here when I came to visit. After James was born I came more often. Once I even brought Javier with me. Really not the best idea I ever had. It didn't go down too well."

"Was Javier your husband in Spain?"

"No, no Terry. We never married. I don't think you and I ever divorced. I still carry your name on paper. I met Javier in Liverpool when Mum died. John Slater had talked so much about Spain that I really wanted to go there. You probably don't remember telling me that no one would notice if I wasn't around. Something snapped and I said my goodbyes in those notes and left. Just like with us Terry - there were good bits and bad bits and I don't know what good it will do for either of us to dig up old bones and try to figure out what happened."

"Ellie, there was always one thing I could never explain to Louisa."

"What was that?"

"The day you left, Louisa showed me your note. 'Dad,' she said, 'it says Mum loves me, but if she loves me, why would she leave me?'"

"Yeah, well Terry neither of us get awards for being parents of the year. Didn't you tell her I didn't leave her? I left you. We were bad for each other."

"Oh, I said the words Ellie, but I don't think she ever could figure out how love and abandonment go together."

In some ways I knew that bringing this up had opened an old wound and I regretted it. Finally Eleanor said, "Terry, let me tell you, Louisa and I have made our peace. And she is the one who had to take the giant step, not me. She told me she has forgiven me and I trust her. We have a good daughter Terry. We don't deserve her but she is ours and she the one right thing we did."

"You're right about that Ellie. She is the best. I always wanted to take care of her and give her a good life but failed at every turn. I was on the rigs during the winter. When I was here I was away trying to find my pot of gold. Gambling was one thing but when I ended up in prison she was totally on her own. We both abandoned her Ellie. We both failed our daughter. Thank God we came to Portwenn. Here she found her Aunt Joan and your friend Jennifer. They and Bert Large raised our daughter when we failed her. I have begged her forgiveness a thousand times, and do you know what? She always gave it. She gives me a kiss and says, 'I love you Dad.' Like you said I believe her. We are lucky Ellie. We are luckier than we deserve."

"Okay, Terry, that's it. Maybe I'll tell you about my life in Spain. Maybe not. Maybe you'll tell me of all that you've done. Maybe not. I'm getting tired of talking about the past. What good would trying to figure out what happened 50 years ago do? It's not even possible. Let's decide, shall we kill each other or shall we be friends? I plan to live in this place again for whatever time I have left?"

"Well Ellie, I tried to protect you from some hoods that night in Liverpool when we met. I just want you to know I'd do it again. Damned if I wouldn't do it again."

My hands were on the table and Ellie reached across and took them in hers.

"Friends it is then."

"Yes Ellie, I believe so; Friends it is."