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Chapter 11
11 October 2011
I wake up before my alarm.
My eyes snap open with an awareness that I'm not used to in the mornings. Yesterday comes flooding back to me all at once, and I have no hope of falling back asleep.
I am still full of stars.
I stare at my ceiling, cheeks burning and feet restless. It really did happen.
And today it will happen some more.
I check the time, and 6.13 am blares back at me as I squint at the screen of my phone.
Well, that's borderline cruel.
I shove it back under my pillow, grumbling. That's hours until I see him.
An anxious, restless sort of energy skitters and zips across my skin, from the top of my head and the tips of my toes. I pick up my book, but barely read a sentence before I throw it down. I can't concentrate. My feet continue to move under the covers, and I tap my fingers against my stomach.
Yesterday doesn't feel real. I still can't wrap my head around the idea of Edward liking me back. It's such an impossible concept. It feels like those moments where I find myself thinking about the never-ending size of the universe — my brain can't cope with the idea of something not having a definable end, just like I can't cope with the apparent reality that Edward has a crush on me.
He likes me. How does that even happen?
The memory of his lips on mine explodes to the forefront of my mind. His fingers on my neck. His thumb along my jaw. The small, shaky exhale he'd made right before, which I felt blossom against my chin.
My stomach bottoms out, and the stars burst into pure, brilliant light.
I pull the covers up over my head, biting down on my lip to keep my giggles quiet. I can't help it; I'm too happy to hold it all in, and it needs to come out somehow. I'm bursting with adrenaline and joy and stars.
He likes me. Such a simple concept.
Mom is the first one down in the kitchen a little later. She's yawning, clutching the ends of her dressing gown closed against the chill. She stops when she sees me, going from sleepy-eyed to wide-eyed in a second.
"Oh," she says. "You're up early."
I shrug non-committally, going back to my cereal. "Couldn't go back to sleep."
She takes that in, slowly continuing her shuffle into the kitchen. "Okay."
She heads for the coffee machine, already finished thanks to the timer she sets every night. Pouring a cup, she grabs a bowl and her muesli before joining me at the table.
"I didn't hear you come in last night," she begins - and it's clear by how she says it that she's only just beginning - while adding milk to her coffee. I glance up to see her watching me closely.
"I wasn't out that late. Just didn't want to wake you."
"Did you have a nice walk?"
The back of my neck prickles. Oh god, does she know? No, she can't know. How could she know? She doesn't know.
But what if she does? Maybe it's her Mom superpowers firing up.
Meeting her gaze, I smile. "Yeah, it was fine."
She nods, a soft smile of her own appearing on her face.
Oh god. She knows.
"Edward's a nice boy."
I shovel another spoon of cereal into my mouth. "Mhmm."
One of her eyebrows rises infinitesimally higher than the other, and her smile turns into more of a Mom-smirk. "He's cute, too."
"I don't think you're supposed to think that," I mumble through my cereal, trying to distract her from the fact that I've immediately started blushing.
"I'm just making an observation." Her eyes roam my face meaningfully. Fuck. "If you're going to take walks with boys, Edward's a good choice."
"Uh-huh," I say, shovelling cereal faster. I need to get out of this kitchen.
"You know," she says, "if you ever want to… talk about stuff, you can come to me. Whether it's about boys in general, or just Edwar—"
"Mom," I say, stopping her. My face is literally going to melt off. "Thanks, for the offer, but I'm okay. Okay? No need to talk about this. Ever."
I get up, bringing my bowl over to the sink.
"If you have any questions about walks at all, then ju—"
"Mom," I repeat, leaving it at that as I escape the kitchen.
I hear her laughing to herself. "Have a good day at school, honey," she calls as I run up the stairs.
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Edward looks so good this morning. He always looks good, but today, in particular, he looks extra good. His jeans are dark, his t-shirt is grey, and his plaid shirt is deep red and black. It's rolled up to his elbows, and I can't stop staring at his wrist.
He sits two rows up and one to the right of me in English. His left hand cradles his head as he writes, and the lights overhead glimmer against the dark auburn hairs on his arm.
Time has never moved this slow.
When the bell finally rings, I'm out of my seat like a shot. I steal away from the lunch room a few minutes later, stuffing a sandwich into my bag.
About five minutes before the first class of the day started, I got a text from Edward, asking if I wanted to have lunch with him. 'Maybe in the library or something?' he'd suggested, without any prompting from me. Maybe he just wants to talk in private, but a part of me really hopes it's because we'll do more than talk.
Which admittedly, we didn't do much of last night. We didn't even kiss again, just sort of hung out for a bit, holding hands on the swings before heading home in easy silence. I guess we do need to talk, about what's happening and what we're doing, but all I really want is to skip over all that and jump straight to kissing.
The front desk is empty when I arrive. I can hear Mrs. Cope on the phone at her other desk, her voice floating through the doorway to the Principal's office.
I head to the back of the room, to the poorly lit corner where the tables are wobbly and the books are dusty and unused. It's my favorite hiding-place.
Forks High library is remarkably silent, even for a library. Mostly because it's connected to the Principal's office, but also because the school finally invested in a new computer lab – no one uses outdated books when Google's available.
I nibble on my lunch as I wait for Edward. I've started in on my brownie when I can finally hear footfalls across the carpet. I glance up just as he appears around the shelf, cautious at first, but then relaxing when he sees me.
"Hey. Sorry I'm late."
"Don't worry about it," I say, tucking my hair behind my ear.
He's somewhat shy in his approach, dropping his bag on the floor before he pulls out a chair next to me. The image of his face lighting up when I told him I liked him too flashes back to me, and I have to inhale slowly to tame the avalanche of butterflies that floods my stomach.
Butterflies and stars, and unending universes. That's how he makes me feel.
"Have you been waiting long?" he asks, pulling a bottle of lemonade out of his bag.
"No," I lie. "You're not eating?"
He shakes his head, cracking the cap. "No, I already ate. I told the guys I had an 'important call to make' so I could get away. They'd just be asking too many questions if I left with my lunch. Or they'd try to come with me." He laughs, shaking his head. "I've never eaten a burger that fast before."
I snort, picking at my brownie. "I bet you looked funny."
"Probably," he says, shrugging. He eyes my brownie. "Can I have some?"
I smile and push it towards him. "Wanna make some after school?"
"Brownies? God, yes." He licks his fingers and frowns. "Is this all you're eating?"
"No, I've had a sandwich already."
"Okay, cool."
I nod, pressing my lips together. He smiles and takes a sip of his lemonade, leg bouncing under the table. Seconds pass, and he starts spinning the bottle cap on the table.
I wait. He waits.
The universe expands.
"This is awkward," I say, and he fumbles the cap, making it tumble to the floor.
We both laugh, and he bends to pick it up.
"Yeah, I guess. Sorry. I'm not trying to be weird or anything."
"Me neither."
He brushes some lint off the cap and puts it back on the table. His eyes lift to meet mine, and the worry I see there must be reflecting back at him from my own. "We're okay, right? After last night. You're not… I mean, we're still— you still… God, I don't even know what I'm saying," he laughs, pushing a hand through his hair. My heart melts, taking some of the worry away. "I, uh… I'll put it this way: I'm happy."
His countenance is so shy, making me admire his bravery in taking the first leap even more.
"I'm happy, too," I say, reaching across the table for the cap. His hand is right next to it, but I need to work my way up to that.
He looks at my hand, so close to his. "So we're both happy. About last night. And… stuff."
"Seems like it." I look at his hand, so close to mine.
"Okay. Good. Then I'll put it this way: I wouldn't mind if it… happened. Again."
Swooping stars and endless universes. Jesus christ.
"I'd like that," I say, quietly. I reach out a finger and touch the back of his hand. He inhales slowly. I trace the veins under his skin.
My heart is thumping by the time I can feel his breath on my chin. I close my eyes, and the soft brush of his lips abruptly has me fighting a smile. Edward is kissing me.
Then he slants his mouth over mine, and I lean out of my seat, wanting to be closer. Why did no one tell me kissing was this great?
It's so easy to follow his lead. I don't know what I'm doing, not really, but with his lips against mine, I don't care. Maybe not knowing what I'm doing is a good thing. It feels like a good thing.
We kiss for a long time. I touch his face, and his hair, his shoulders. I shiver when he cups the back of my head, the other arm winding around my back so he can pull me closer. God, he smells so good. It's all I can think about. Everything outside of this just isn't important.
When we do eventually stop, his face is pressed against mine, my fingers tangled in his hair. He kisses the corner of my mouth, my cheek, and I can barely breathe. My lips will carry the memory of Edward Cullen's all day.
Putting some space between us, he slowly leans back and drops his hands as I drop mine. Weaving our fingers together, he holds on, relief and happiness slumping the line of his shoulders.
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do that?"
"Do what?"
He laughs quietly down his nose. "Kiss you."
Blushing furiously, I shake my head.
"A long while," he says, watching me closely. My heart trips over itself.
"Will you be making up for lost time, then?"
He smiles, tugging at my fingers. "If I can."
I tug right back. "You can. Whenever you want," I promise, foolishly, bravely.
"Whenever I want?" he asks, arching an eyebrow. He looks pointedly around the room, efficiently pointing out that 'whenever' by default also means wherever, which has a lot of implications for us.
I half-shrug, tilting my head in acknowledgement. "Within reason."
Tapping this thumb against mine, his face turns contemplative. "I guess we probably need to talk about that."
About us. About school. About us at school, and whatever else comes with that.
"I guess so."
He checks the time on his phone and sighs. "It'll have to be later, though. Gym starts in ten."
I groan and collapse into my chair. I hate Gym. He squeezes my knee with his hand.
"Come on, it's not that bad."
"Says you," I grumble. "Not everyone's a natural at sports, you know."
"Well, you're better at everything else, so we're even," he says, raising my arm to kiss my wrist. "Besides, I think you look nice in your gym-shorts, remember?"
I hide my face in my hands, trying to deny him the satisfaction of knowing how hard I'm blushing right now. "Yeah, I remember."
He kisses the top of my head. "See you in class."
I wait for a few minutes, to make sure no one sees us.
It's a mixed blessing to arrive and find the locker room empty. Good, because then no one's around to watch me change, but also bad, because it means that everyone is already out in the Gym, which in turn means all of them might stare at me when I walk out.
I hurry to change; if I'm late on top of it, people will just stare at me more.
I quickly check my face in the mirror before I leave – slightly flushed, but hopefully no one will suspect anything. And what could they possibly suspect? That Bella Swan was making out with Edward Cullen in the library? Yeah, right.
I laugh at myself, but then abruptly stop. I blink at my reflection.
Jesus, I make out with Edward Cullen in the library now. That's my life. That's me.
The shock on my face is pretty funny. I crack a smile.
Wow. I sneak away to secret hiding-places to make out with a boy now?
Hell yeah, I do.
You guys are absolutely amazing people. Thank you so much for still wanting to read about these two. Hope you enjoyed it.
Until next time xx