Chapter 17

Kim sat on the couch in front of the TV, not seeing or hearing anything. She'd planned to spend the evening with Shego. Shego had had other plans; or rather, Barkin had. Kim shuddered. She couldn't process the thought of Shego going on a date with Steve Barkin. She couldn't understand what she could possibly see in him.

Moments when she'd seen the two together flitted through her mind, put in new context. In retrospect it was obvious that Barkin had been interested in her from the start. Kim couldn't really blame him; Shego was gorgeous, and her being so nice made her easy to approach. She'd taken advantage of that herself. She didn't think Shego had given him any signs, but maybe she'd just missed them. She was clearly not very good at reading her.

They'd only known each other for a few days, too. Shego kept her at an arm's length, but went on a date with the first man who asked. What was up with that? Kim couldn't help feeling Shego had been playing her. Then she reminded herself that Shego had expressly told her they couldn't be together. But she had said that was because they were a teacher and a student, not because she was looking someplace else. Kim groaned.

How long was Shego going to be, anyway? It was getting late. What were they doing that took this long? Cold chills crept along Kim's spine as she pictured Shego and Barkin back at his place, her in his arms and locked in a kiss, him peeling her clothes off... No, that couldn't be it. Someone as proper as the good Shego surely wouldn't jump into bed on the first date. Surely it was something more innocent. But why was she taking so long?

Kim turned off the television; it wasn't like she had been watching it, anyway. She got up, then couldn't decide what she wanted to do and paced around the now dark den for a while. Perhaps she should have agreed to Shego's suggestion to make it a double date. The thought of watching the object of her fantasies making eyes at someone else, to Barkin of all people, had not appealed to her, but at least she would have known just what was going on. Not that anything was going on. They were probably just talking, Barkin boring her with his interminable remembrances. But this long?

What was Shego playing at? Was she seriously interested in Barkin, or was this just another ploy to push her away? But didn't the fact that she kept pushing her away imply she was after something else? Kim remembered Shego telling her she wanted a real life. What did that mean? A quiet job and an office romance instead of action and illicit hook ups? If so, she really had changed.

The sound of someone scrabbling at the front door reached Kim's ears, and she went to the door. Shego had asked to borrow a key for tonight, in case she was late, and Kim had complied. Shego managed to open the door before she did. Kim's stomach went cold at the sight of her smile. She looked like she had enjoyed herself. Kim tried to force a smile herself. She kept her voice low to avoid disturbing her presumably sleeping parents.

"Had a good time?"

"I did."

Kim would have preferred that she hadn't. "So, what did you do?"

"We had dinner, and talked."

"That's all?" Kim was pretty sure she had shown Shego a better time than that.

"Yeah, it was a nice conversation. Stevie has such fascinating stories."

"Fascinating isn't really what I'd call them." Kim didn't have that much direct experience with the man's stories, but Ron had regaled her with descriptions of his rambling anecdotes.

"I guess as his student you don't get to hear about his sensitive side. He's such a nice man. He promised to take me rollerskating for our second date!"

"I've always wanted to go, but Ron isn't too keen. He has trouble staying on his feet."

Kim would have loved to go rollerskating with Shego. She had been wasting her time trying to date Ron, just like Shego was wasting her time trying to date Barkin. Shego might not realize it yet, but she would in time. She had thought she and Ron had been doing all right for a while, but in the end, women like them needed someone more exciting than Ron or Barkin.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Kimmie."

"Yeah." Kim was sorry too.

The two women stood in silence, looking at each other. Shego looked beautiful in the dress Kim had helped choose and with her hair up. Getting Shego ready for a date with someone else had been a painful experience, but foolish pride had compelled Kim to follow through on her promise. She would have preferred to have Monique's help, but her fashion expert friend had been busy with something when she called.

"Why him, Shego? Why not me?" It was the one question that had been on her mind all evening.

"I told you, I'm your teacher..."

"Only until this spring! You could have waited. You've only been here a few days, you didn't need to jump into dating the first man to show interest."

"Kim, he's the first decent man to show interest in me in years."

"I don't believe that. Not with the way you look."

"Real interest, I mean, not just... He's the first person in as long as I remember who wants me for more than just a night of fun."

"What about me?"

"That's all you ever wanted from me." Shego's voice was very subdued.

"I though that was all I could get. But that's changed, you're not the same anymore. We could... we could have more, now."

"I wish I could believe you, but it doesn't matter anymore. Stevie is... Stevie is more what I'm looking for."

"How so?" What did he have to offer that she didn't?

"He's an adult in a stable job, for one. He's looking for someone to settle down with, not someone for quick thrills," Shego said. "And, well, he's a man."

"You can't tell me that's a sticking point for you. Me being a girl didn't seem to bother you too much, before."

"There's... there's nothing wrong with dating girls, especially when you are young and searching for yourself and figuring out how relationships work. But when you are an adult and looking to settle down... a man just complements a woman better."

"Why? How does it make any difference?"

"Well, babies, for one thing. I don't think I need to explain that one."

"Babies? You can't seriously be thinking about babies already."

Shego blushed. "Well, maybe not this second, but I am getting to an age where I have to think about it. You're still young, but I would like to have a family, and not in the far future either. I can't have that with another woman."

"Of course you can. You can always adopt, or use a donor."

"Not everyone can adopt, Kimmie. The babies need to come from somewhere. We have a responsibility, as women, to make sure that there will be a next generation. I want my future children to have a father, and I want it to be someone I love, not some stranger." Shego looked down. "And really, it's easier for the children to have traditional, married parents."

"You're just talking about living down to other people's prejudices. That's not the Shego I know. What about your own wants and desires?"

"The Shego you knew was selfish and immature. There is more to life than empty hedonism. This is what it means to be an adult, to take our responsibilities to the larger world seriously. You are... you are still adolescent enough to not see things that way. That's one of the reasons we would never work."

"I don't buy that. Being an adult doesn't mean sacrificing your own happiness."

"But I'm not. This is what I want. I want to love and be loved, I want to be in a meaningful relationship, I want to be a productive member of the society. I want to do something good in my life. The old Shego only thought about herself and her own desires, but she was never happy. I finally have a chance to find that happiness."

"With Barkin?" Kim was sure Shego was just trying to convince herself.

"Maybe. Or maybe he will be a step on that path. I don't know yet. But it's a path that will let my life have meaning, to be a force for good in this world. Isn't that what you want, too?"

"Well, yes... but there are many ways to do that. It doesn't mean just being a, I don't know, a housewife."

"Do you look down on housewives? You don't get to judge other women for their choices."

"I'm not judging anyone, I just don't want you to throw your life away."

"I'm not throwing my life away. I'm trying to build one."

"Why can't it be with me?"

"Kim, answer me honestly: when you look at me, do you see someone that you would want to marry, that you would like to support through thick and thin, to share a life with? Or do you see someone you think could be one more thrill in your life?"

Kim couldn't answer that straight away. Part of her wanted to say that of course she wanted to share her life with Shego, but she wasn't sure that was true. She wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea, but in truth she had never really thought that far. She had wanted to have a relationship with Shego and she hadn't really anticipated an end to it, but she hadn't really given much thought to what it could lead to, especially if Shego wanted to settle down rather than join her in her adventures.

Taking too long to answer was telling in itself. "Is that what you are looking for? Marriage and family?"

"I'm not that young anymore, Kimmie."

"You're not that old, either."

"It's not just age. I want... I want a more settled life. And I don't think you do, not yet."

"I haven't even graduated high school yet. There's a whole world of new experiences waiting for me."

"I know."

Kim wanted Shego, but there were two people in a relationship. It was not fair or right if only one of them was getting what they wanted. She didn't believe that Shego could have changed so much she was actually content to become a suburban housewife, but did she really have the right to contradict her? Wouldn't Shego know her own wants best?

"And you're done with all that? You wouldn't miss the excitement, the thrill?"

"That's not me anymore."

Kim wasn't convinced. "Are you sure? You've only led this new life of yours for a few days."

"I know who I am, Kimmie, better than... is something beeping?"

Kim paused to listen, and heard the faint familiar notes. She glanced at her bare forearm. "Oh, yeah, I left my Kimmunicator in the den."

"Do you think it could be news about my brothers?"

"Wade seems to think it's urgent. I'll check it out, we can pick this up later."

"That's not necessary," said Shego as she followed Kim.

Kim scooped up her Kimmunicator and put it on. "Go, Wade."

"Kim! I'm glad I caught you still awake. Turn on the news."

Kim looked at Shego with a puzzled expression, then turned to locate the remote. It didn't take her long to find the live news feed Wade had to be referring to.

"...have identified the perpetrator as Hego of Team Go. As yet we do not know why the long-time protector of Go City seems to have turned on its citizens, but I will be ready with an update once we receive new information."

"Oh, no."

"It seems Electronique is finally making her move."

"We need to get there, Kimmie. We need to stop her before she completely ruins my brothers' good name."

"Or before they endanger the civilians."

"It could be a trap, Kim."

"It almost certainly is. But we still need to go. How long has this been going on?"

"A couple of hours."

"Why didn't you call me earlier?"

"I had to confirm it was them. It wasn't all live on television. Do you want me to arrange for a ride?"

"We can take my car."

"Driving there will take you best part of the day."

"Do you know where the lair is?"

"Not yet."

"We can go pretty fast since the traffic should be thin this time of the night. We can get there by morning. You can work on finding the target in the meanwhile. I'm afraid it will probably be an all-nighter."

"I'm used to those, Kim. Not a problem."

Kim turned to Shego. "You're okay with this, right?"

"Of course, Kimmie. They are my brothers."

"Good. Wade, log all the Team Go sightings. Their headquarters should be somewhere in the middle of the pattern, especially if there's a dead zone."

"I'm on it, Kim."

Kim looked Shego up and down. "Let's get you into something a little more mission-appropriate and get going. It's time to go rescue your brothers."

In a way, Kim found having a crisis at her hands soothing. Unlike the situation with Shego, this was something she was eminently capable of handling. Electronique, Adrena Lynn, and Team Go made for as intimidating an opposition as she'd ever faced, but she knew she could win.

After all, she couldn't afford to lose.