Chapter 21

Shego walked up the wide stairs leading to Upperton Museum of Modern Art and entered the building without trouble. In other circumstances the dark glasses and the scarf wrapped around her face would have looked suspicious, but this was an art museum, and pretentious women of varying ages were not an unusual sight here. She bought a ticket and reached the exhibition without as much as a second glance her way.

The Sunday afternoon crowd was thin. Shego leisurely wandered the rooms, taking the pieces in. She wasn't exactly an art aficionado, but she liked to visit interesting exhibitions every once in a while. Modern art wasn't usually her thing, but here and there some items caught her attention. She didn't know all that much about art, but she knew what she liked. At least, she had believed she knew what she liked.

She wasn't quite sure what she was doing there, but she wasn't quite sure about a lot of things she'd done lately. Electronique's device–the Reverse Polarizer–had really done a number on her. One minute she was a villain looking to lay low in some comfort, and the next she was running to her long time enemy for help. Not to mention taking a job as her teacher.

What had that all been about? Had she really been acting out of some deep-seated longing to be a teacher? She had studied for it; it had been a career that had interested her, once. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and in a way it was. She had buried that ambition with the rest of her old life. Once she'd embraced villainy, she had cut most of her ties to the organized society.

Maybe all the dreams of her youth hadn't been completely buried, maybe they'd just been dormant, waiting for the Reverse Polarizer to bring them to life. Being a schoolteacher. The domestic dreams of a spouse and a home. She wasn't sure that had to include dating basically the first man to give her attention. Had she really been that desperate, her standards that low?

It wasn't impossible. Shego knew her career in villainy left her unsuited for any sort of ordinary life. She was attractive, and dangerous, and confident, and she had absolutely nothing to offer to any decent person. It was possible she'd decided Steve Barkin was as good as she could dare to aspire to. Of course, that hadn't been her overriding motivation. Most importantly he had been a convenient distraction from a much more problematic desire.

Shego recalled a desire to stay away from any suggestion of impropriety, even if she didn't really recognize it as belonging to her, anymore. The feelings aroused by an underage female student of hers had most definitely not been proper, from her altered perspective. Not like an office romance with a distinctly masculine man with a secure, if low-paying job.

It all came round to Kim, of course. No matter the polarity of her personality, she didn't seem to be able to make up her mind. It was funny, really. As herself she seemed to have inordinate difficulty in resisting the temptation of a sexual dalliance with the hero, despite acknowledging the danger that things might get more serious than intended, with probable ugly fallout.

Under the influence of the Reverse Polarizer, her main fear had been that the affair might not be serious enough; that Kim was only after a bit of fun, rather than a committed relationship. Still she had been unable to stay away from Kim. It was no wonder if she had confused Kim, insisting she wasn't interested while doing her utmost to spend as much time as she could with her. All told, Shego decided Miss Go was the more pathetic of her personalities.

She had been so taken in by the illusion of a normal life that she had completely ignored the reality. She had been willfully blind to the fact that the situation couldn't have lasted for very long. Her degree might be real enough, but the paper-thin fake identity she had used as a student—at the faculty's blessing—couldn't have stood up to any kind of scrutiny. It hadn't been designed to hide her identity as a hero, only to allow her to study without giving away her real name. Just because she had really wanted to not be a villain anymore to the point of pretending to be a different person didn't mean the arrest warrants went away. The law would have arrived sooner or later, and that would have been the end of her make-believe life in Middleton.

She didn't think the revelation would have gone over too will with Steve Barkin, either. Shego shuddered at the thought of the man, his overbearing presence, his lack of dress sense, his would-be romantic overtures. Had she really been willing to suffer through another date with him just to deceive Kim, or maybe herself? He wasn't exactly the greatest prize out there. He was certainly no Kim. Which was why she was here rather than at the rollerskating rink.

Shego had to wonder what had made Kim turn her back. She recalled telling Kim she didn't want to return to her old personality. She had been confused, of course, but Kim had no reason to go against that wish. Had she felt she owed it to all of Electronique's victims to restore them? Or was it because she'd finally accepted that the alternate version of Shego wasn't going to give her what she wanted? As heroic as Kim could be, she did have a selfish streak, not to mention a bad case of teenage hormones. If she'd been willing to scratch Kim's itch when she was good, would she still be that way?

Shego walked into another room and finally spotted the redhead she had kept an eye out for. Kim was studying an abstract painting of greens and yellows. She hadn't really dared to expect Kim to come, considering she hadn't exactly been herself when they had agreed to the date. Only the kind of teenage optimism that had sent Kim waiting by the prison on the off-chance that Shego would break out during that very night could have brought her here. Just as well that it had; Shego would have felt really silly if Kim hadn't been here.

"I'm not sure about the painting, Princess."

"I like the colors."

"If you say so."

The stood in silence for a while, side by side in front of the painting.

"You're not thinking about stealing it, are you?"

"No. Well, yes, but I'm not planning to. I don't do art theft."

"Really? Is it out of some kind of respect?"

"I don't have the kind of contacts you need to make a profit at it. Not everybody can move that stuff."

"Ah."

"Besides, it's too easy to even be fun. You just cut it out of the frame when nobody's looking, and walk out with it under your coat. Boring."

"You might find that a little harder with me here."

"Things tend to be less boring with you around." As well as quite a bit harder.

"Miss Go seemed to like things boring."

"There was no Miss Go. It was just me, zonked out of my mind."

"Do you remember it all?"

"Yeah. My thought processes are a little fuzzy, but I remember the events. I explained how it felt, right? The same thing, only in reverse."

"The dream logic thing?"

"Something like that."

"How much of her was you? Did I learn something about you, or was is all just fantasy?"

"The way I see it, we all put on a front when we interact with the world. It was me, but I was projecting a very different image, and I had different values. I'm not looking to settle down as a schoolteacher." Shego hadn't meant to be quit so honest. Kim had a way of tempting her into opening up, simply by assuming it was something they could do.

"Yeah, I didn't think so. What about, uh, Mr. Bar—"

"Don't bring him up, please. You're going to make me hurl." Shego was nonetheless grateful for the distraction. She made a show of scrutinizing the painting. "Not that anyone would notice if I puked on that one."

Another silence descended on them.

"I broke up with Ron."

"Congratulations."

"Shego."

"Sorry. But really, I was more surprised you were even dating him. Especially considering..."

"That I was chasing you? Yeah, not my finest moment. I convinced myself the things were separate."

Shego gave a noncommittal grunt, then felt something more was called for. "Was it bad?"

"Do you really care?"

"You brought it up. I might as well listen."

"I actually chickened out. He started to freak out, so I told him I just wanted to take a break for a while. You know, to give us both a chance to figure out if this was really what we wanted."

"Did he buy that?"

"I don't know. But I wasn't lying, really. I do need to figure some things out. I might decide he's the one I want, after all."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen, is it?"

"Probably not. I don't know. I just didn't want to... If I wanted to let him down easy, I would have needed to explain all of it. You know, about liking girls. Liking you. I don't need that drama right now."

"If you say so."

"I'm going to have to talk to him again, aren't I? To do it right."

"Your call. I don't get involved in teenage drama."

"But you do get involved with teenagers."

"Only if they're really hot."

"You think I'm hot?"

"I wouldn't accept all that baggage if the prize wasn't worth it."

"Can you be serious for a second?"

"Okay." Shego turned to fully face Kim. "Kimmie, I couldn't tell you this when I was good, but I'd really like to have sex with you."

Kim's eyebrows shot up. "Do you really mean that?"

"Don't get me wrong. The same rules as before: no strings attached and no promises. If I think you're getting too clingy, I'm calling it off."

"What changed?"

It was simple, really. She had been worried Kim was looking for commitment, but the experience of the recent days had convinced her she was just looking for thrills. She could handle that. "Hey, I told you I might give it another shot one day. Do you want to come back to my place or not?"

"You have a place?"

"I rented an apartment right here in Upperton. I though it might come in handy. Now, do you want to ask me more pointless questions, or do you want to help me break it in?"

Kim grabbed her arm and headed for the door.

Shego lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, sweat cooling on her skin. The room was gloomy with the blinds drawn, and the ceiling was lost in shadows. Smell of sex permeated the somewhat musty air. Kim was curled against her side, the way she liked to do. It was very much like cuddling, but Shego hadn't felt like dissuading her, this time. Every square inch where Kim's skin was touching hers tingled from the interaction of their powers.

"Um. This was nice, right?"

"Better than nice, Kimmie."

"Practice makes perfect. We'll get there yet."

That presupposed plenty more occasions for practice. Right at that moment Shego found it hard to remember why that would be a bad thing.

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing much, really."

They lay in silence for a long while. It was very comfortable. More than comfortable, with the Glow interaction, and another, more profound feeling.

"Hey, Kimmie, did you ever watch 'The Slayer'?"

"What?" Shego felt Kim shift, maybe to get a better look at her face. "I might have seen an episode or two, I think. Not really my thing."

"I though you would have got a kick out of a high school cheerleader fighting the forces of darkness."

"I don't really watch a lot of television." Kim settled back down. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

Even if Shego could explain the thought, she wasn't sure she'd want to. She did recognize her Reverse Polarized self's longing for normalcy; for a life that included friends, colleagues, and romance. Shego had chosen a different life. At the time she had found it a better deal, but she might have been too young to really appreciate the cost. She was never going to be a member of the productive society. She was always going to be alone. Even if the warrants for her arrest somehow went away, what did she have to offer anyone? She was a villain, a violent criminal. She was damaged goods.

Yet here she was, with Kim. Shego had been sure that her actions and choices had damned her forever. The fact that someone as pure and good as Kim accepted her was almost unbelievable. She couldn't really name the feeling it aroused in her. It felt like... salvation, maybe. For a moment, at least, it felt like her future wasn't necessarily as dark as she'd always thought.

It wasn't the sex that had brought her here. The sex was good, great even, and would likely only get better, but she had never had trouble finding partners for that. She was here for this feeling only Kim could give her, the one that made her feel like she wasn't lost forever. It was this feeling, Shego now knew, that would bring her back, again and again, for as long as Kim would have her.

And she knew that one day Kim would tire of this arrangement. She might find a secret sex affair with a villainess exciting for now, but eventually the thrill would wear off, and she'd start looking for a partner who could offer her more. Shego didn't think Kim was going to settle down for a good long while yet, but she would probably want someone she could go out with in public. Shego knew the day would come when Kim would move on and she would be alone in the darkness again.

But that day was not today. Shego wrapped an arm around Kim to hold her closer and enjoyed her little piece of heaven.