An Unsure Brushing Together

Before anybody had quite realised, the year was over. Everyone had sat their exams, received their holiday homework assignments, and then spent a glorious week frolicking in the particularly warm June sunshine before it was time to board the train and head home.

The journey from the castle to Hogsmeade Station was a haze of sleep deprivation and hurried last minute preparations, as students who had stayed up all night packing tried desperately not to forget anything. Everyone boarded the train and looked forward to seeing their parents again.

Almost everyone, anyway.

As the Marauders found themselves a compartment and settled into the usual routine of ridicule, Sirius was oddly quiet. Everyone knew how little he liked having to go home for three months, but normally he managed to keep up the happy façade until they pulled into kings Cross.

Remus tried to catch his eye and smile in a don't-worry-it-won't-be-for-long kind of a way, but the dark haired boy folded his arms across his chest resolutely, and avoided Remus' gaze. The werewolf tried not to let it bother him.

After the usual banter about Remus' bookishness, James' hopeless pursuit of a certain redhead, Sirius' doggy mannerisms and Peter's general ineptitudes, Sirius lightened up a bit. Enough to participate in the conversation, anyway. It was always like this on the way home, and Remus always got the impression they were trying to fit in enough insults to last them the whole summer, just in case they didn't get to meet up again until September.

Remus was watching Sirius a little closer, perhaps, than it was necessary to stare at your friends. The older boy still wasn't meeting his eyes.

After the initial insults, the conversation invariably turned to pranks.

' Can you Imagine… Look on… Face,' Peter gasped out between laughs, after James' elaborate explanation of a prank designed especially for Snape. Sirius chuckled along with them, but it didn't reach his eyes.

' That,' James enthused, ' Is definitely going on The List.'

He delved into his bag, rummaged around a bit and then pulled out a rather long roll of empty parchment and a quill. Remus mouthed 'The List', as though it would make more sense coming from his own mouth, but Sirius looked equally confused. It was Peter that spoke, however.

' I hate to break it to you, Prongs, but that's not a list.'

' Pete's right, mate,' Sirius agreed. ' One of the requirements of a list is that it has something on it. Usually several things, to be fair.'

' Oh, Ye of little Faith!' James sighed melodramatically. ' I expected better from you.'

He pointed accusingly at Sirius, who raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

' I mean, really, Padfoot!' James continued, fumbling about it his pockets for his wand. ' Who leaves a list of potential pranks just lying about for any and everybody to read?'

Remus watched as Sirius' jaw actually dropped a little, mouth open and soft and pink and oddly enticing. Remus couldn't look away. The boy blinked a few times, regaining his composure, then demanded:

' You did it?'

' Have we met?' James said, incredulously. ' Of course I did!'

' You did it,' Sirius repeated, more quietly, ' And you didn't tell me?'

' Did what?' Remus and Peter asked in a comic synchronisation.

They were ignored in an equally synchronised silence. James was turning thoroughly pink, though the situation - hard as it was to follow - didn't seem to call for embarrassment of any kind.

' Why didn't you tell me?' Sirius demanded again. James made a small groaning squeak in the back of his throat. ' It's the password, isn't it? Oh, James, tell me you didn't!'

James had blanched and flushed in equal measure now, and the result was… well, splotchy. Sirius was shaking his head in a mixture of amusement and actual disappointment.

' Okay,' Remus interrupted. ' I am completely lost.'

' Me too,' Peter agreed.

' Okay,' Sirius said, turning to Peter even when he was addressing them both. ' We wanted to combine the effects of an invisible ink charm with something else, because, y'know, almost everyone can counter a simple vanishing spell, and what good is that? We wanted something more secure, so -'

' - we came up with a sort of password system,' James continued, still pink but less flustered as he explained away his brilliance. ' But we couldn't get it to work properly. We wanted it to make a whole document look blank to anybody that didn't know how to work it, but -'

' - Well, it made the words disappear, it just took the parchment with it. You remember all those burns we turned up with at the end of third year? Combustible parchment.'

' Err,' Remus said, to preoccupied trying to follow the story to recall any of the English language.

' So, the question is,' Sirius said, turning back to James. ' How did you do it?'

' Well,' James replied, with a superiority in his tone that made Remus cringe. ' It was quiet simple, really. And, you know, I am rather brilliant.'

' Yes, yes,' Sirius hurried him along with a wave of his hand. ' You're fantastic, and we all love you, I'll kiss you again if you like. Just get on with it.'

' No need for threats, Padfoot. You can't rush greatness,' James said, swaying a little as he spoke. It might have been an attempt at a seated swagger, and Remus bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. ' We were enchanting the wrong thing.'

' Eh?' Peter asked, and Remus was fleetingly impressed that the boy had followed the subject well enough up to this point.

In fact, there was a pause for silence in the compartment while everyone just gawped at the smallest of them, stunned. Then Sirius blinked and turned back to James.

' How can we enchant the wrong thing, when we only had one thing to enchant?'

' No, we didn't.'

' Yeah, we did. One sodding bit of parchment with a bit of… Oh.'

' There you are, see? How simple is that? And we missed it. The infamous and brilliant Padfoot and Prongs, missed that.'

Remus was utterly lost again, but didn't ask. Peter looked just as confused, and he gave up on trying to follow and sat back in his seat. As if sensing his incomprehension, Sirius actually looked at Remus for the first time since they boarded the train.

' You following this?' he said, disdainfully.

Remus swallowed, choking, evidently, on his pride, and shaking his head.

' The ink,' James said, excitedly. ' We were enchanting the ink.'

' Right,' Remus agreed, unsure.

Sirius rolled his eyes exasperatedly, and it made Remus feel very stupid. What had he done?

' We were enchanting the ink,' James reiterated, ' But we should've been enchanting the parchment itself.'

Remus blinked. Of course. It made sense. When the magic was channelled through the thin ink tracks, it reacted too strongly and caught fire. If you enchanted the parchment itself, you could add to the document or edit it and it's still be included in the charm. And, if they got it to work, it was a very impressive bit of magic.

Remus must still have looked blank, because Sirius gave an exaggerated sigh.

' Just show him, then, Prongs. I want to see this for myself.'

James rested the tip of his wand against the parchment he was holding and muttered something that sounded dangerously like Lily Evans is the most beautiful person in the world, more excited about showing off his achievement now than he was embarrassed by his choice of password. Sirius snorted, and Peter giggled, confirming Remus' suspicions.

Then, from the point where the wand touched the paper, small trails of ink appeared. They shifted and merged into words, finishing with the title - The List - and underlining it with a little flourish. Only James would put a flourish on a checklist of cruel and unusual pranks, Remus thought. For a moment they all eyed the paper carefully, wary after all the tales of combustion. It didn't explode, and they all breathed out in unison.

' Wow,' Peter gasped, in complete awe, looking at James not the map.

' Sorry I ever doubted you, Prongsie,' Sirius beamed, clapping the other boy on he shoulder. ' You are a God amongst men.'

' I know, I know,' James said, not even feigning modesty.

They continued to enthuse over the spell and it's possible uses, and Remus curled up in the corner by the window and hid behind a book. It wasn't even like he could read it, his concentration was shot as he kept wondering what he had done to upset Sirius enough to blank him.

Remus had been sure to avoid any situation which involved leaving him and Sirius alone together for any prolonged period of time. He didn't want any more surprise moments of awkwardness and intensity, uncertainty and intimacy. Or maybe he did, and that was the problem. It was weird, and he was sure he shouldn't be thinking that kind of thing about one of his best friends.

He was equally as certain that Sirius was completely oblivious to all of this. They hadn't talked about what almost happened behind the mirror on the fourth floor, and Sirius had been so intoxicated on Valentines Day that he couldn't even remember James storming into the dorm covered in hideous boils.

So Remus tried his best to dismiss it. They were hormonal teenage boys, living together for nine months of the year. The first time they had been drunk, ridiculously so, and the second time they had been panicked and adrenaline fuelled. It was nothing.

Remus realised it had gotten very quiet. He peeked over the top of his book, and found himself in exactly the kind of situation he had been trying to avoid.

' Welcome back,' Sirius said, not sounding very welcoming at all with the comment that should have been playful, but wasn't.

' Where have they gone?' Remus asked, startled.

' Where do you think?' Sirius said, coldly, looking out the window. ' James is off chasing his Lily-flower and Peter is hounding the Food Trolley Witch.'

' She has a name you know,' Remus said, not sure why he felt the sudden urge to defend her.

' So do you, but I don't use it too often.'

' What have I done?' Remus asked, snapping. ' Why won't you look at me?'

The boy said nothing, but crossed his arms and glared at the passing trees.

' Sometimes you act just like them, you know. For all you profess to hate them.'

It was a low blow, telling Sirius he was acting like the family he despised, but it made him look at Remus. Before he could say anything, though, James barged into the compartment, complete with a set of rabbit ears.

As Remus got to work removing said ears, which was increasingly difficult as they kept twitching, Peter also stumbled back in, arms full of goodies. Both boys were oblivious to the frostiness in the air as they recalled their journeys and adventures in carriages not ten feet away.

All too quickly, or not quickly enough, the train slowed as it began it's navigation through London. Students all around were milling up and down, grabbing their belongings and looking out of the windows for their families.

Peter was the first to depart, hurrying away to get his trunk ready so as not to keep his mother waiting.

James went next, more after Lily than anything else, and he sprinted out of the compartment in a flurry of movement and calls of 'I'll owl you later' and 'We'll meet up in a few weeks'.

The door slid shut of its own accord, blocking out the hubbub in the corridor and making it eerily quiet. Remus stood, but Sirius didn't move.

' Well…' Remus said, quietly. ' Goodbye, then.'

Sirius grunted a response. Remus stayed where he was. He didn't really want to leave this to stew for three whole months. Sirius would have enough to worry about, with his family. So Remus pressed on.

' I'm sorry,' he said, perching himself on the seat next to Sirius. ' I didn't mean what I said. I was just annoyed. You aren't anything like them.'

' I have been today,' he said, slowly.

' I shouldn't have taken it so badly, though. You always get a bit…' he wanted to say moody, but didn't want to add insult to injury and so waved his hand vaguely instead, ' … when you have to go back there.'

' It's not just that,' Sirius said, abruptly.

' Okay,' Remus said, carefully. ' You don't have to tell me…'

' I'm sorry, Moony. I've been a right tosser,' he said, putting his hand on Remus' knee and looking at him properly. ' It's just… Well, I'll miss you.'

And there was that awkward intimacy again. Remus blinked down at the hand. Sirius grimaced and made to move it, mumbling an apology. Remus was just as surprised as Sirius was when his own hand grabbed out to stop him. He stared down at their entwined fingers, stunned, and then looked up.

He hadn't realised how close they had gotten, and as he moved, his nose knocked against Sirius' chin. He moved back a little, but he caught the set determination in those grey eyes and froze.

' Uh…' he managed, before their lips met.

It wasn't really a kiss, just an unsure brushing together. But it made his lips tingle and his cheeks flush and when he tried to speak again, Sirius didn't let him. The older boy increased the pressure a fraction, and Remus' brain shut down, letting instinct take over completely.

Remus' body responded, closing his eyes and pressing forward, and then Sirius' hand was in his hair, palm pressing gently against his neck, fingers pulling him closer. His thumb brushed under Remus' ear and along his jaw and he let out a little gasp at the sensation.

Sirius, never having been the most cautious of people, didn't miss the opportunity to deepen the kiss. They had gotten this far, after all. Remus felt excitement and terror knot together in the pit of his stomach, even as Sirius' lips slid softly against his own.

He exhaled sharply, even as his lungs screamed for air, and gasped again when Sirius nipped his lip with his teeth. Even as the other boy mumbled an apology, Remus shivered in delight at the combination of the vibrations on his mouth and hot, heavy breath against his face.

Then, with a start, he remembered the hand, which was no longer on his knee, but was inching it's way up towards his hip. His best friends hand. Sirius' hand. His breath caught in his throat, making a small squeaky croak of a protest.

It was enough.

Sirius pulled back, grey eyes significantly less certain than they had been, now wide and full of desire and confusion. Remus only blinked, aware that his own brown ones probably reflected exactly the same thing.

The sound of their ragged breathing echoed around the still compartment and when Remus didn't explain himself, Sirius stood in silence and left without another word.

Remus just stared at the space Sirius had occupied a moment earlier, catching his breath. The compartment door slammed itself shut, making him jump. Without the body pressing against him, he suddenly felt unnaturally cold, and very, very alone.

So, here you go.

Wahey! Contact, at last! That very awkward first kiss is happily dedicated to AtraThestral, who has waited very patiently for it.

Okay, I don't normally beg for reviews, but I would really appreciate them in this instance. I haven't ever written anything like this before, and I don't want to disappoint, so please let me know what you think.

Also, I am just letting you guys know, I am having a few days of self-restriction and banning myself from he internet. I have "real" work to do, and I keep procrastinating, so I'm going to work my arse off all weekend to get it finished, and then I can continue updating early next week.

Once again, thank you for reading and Danke shern!