Penny was acting strangely that night. Sheldon watched her surreptitiously as they ate their takeout and planned their next get-together with their friends. He had come a long way from his former complete inability to read facial expressions. With other people, he was still rather hopeless at it, but he could tell from the small vertical lines between her eyebrows and the way one corner of her mouth drew in that something was bothering her.

"Didn't you have an audition today?" he asked.

"What? Oh, that. It got cancelled." She sighed. "I'm never gonna become a famous actress."

"I would encourage you not to give up on your dreams. Just because something is difficult doesn't mean it's impossible. I happen to know you are a very talented thespian. That means an actor, not-"

"I know what it means, Sheldon. Stop talking down to me," she snapped.

He blinked and leaned slightly away from her, feeling dismayed. It had taken him months of concerted effort to ask her about her day before talking about his, to learn how to pay her sincere compliments, and in general to put her needs first. Once he realized that he needed to work at their relationship, he had developed an algorithm that he used every day. It didn't come naturally to him, but he found that his attachment to her had grown exponentially. She had become integrated into his life. Seeing her was the best part of every day. Yet she wasn't responding the way he had hoped. After doing extensive research on what makes people fall in love, he had implemented everything he had read, no matter how silly it had initially seemed to him. He had even signed up to use the Cray supercomputer during evening hours for a whole week, following the dubious advice of the maxim, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The results were not what he expected. After almost five months of dating, he was now certain he was in love with her. Unfortunately, he wasn't sure what she felt for him.

Penny huffed. "I'm just so frustrated. I wish you would just rip my clothes off and screw me six ways from Sunday until I couldn't even get out of bed." She finished with another unhappy sigh and stabbed her fork viciously into her takeout.

That was another bone of contention in their relationship. He didn't wish to engage in coitus until she promised she would stay married to him, while she'd been offended by his offer to sexually gratify her and turned him down flat. From his online research, he understood that many women wanted nothing more than for their boyfriends to propose. Unfortunately, his girlfriend/wife had a severe aversion to commitment and had by no means made up her mind about him. They'd fought over this issue a number of times, neither of them willing to give ground.

He thought for a moment. "Do you know why I haven't asked you to move in with me?"

"You mean besides the fact that we're not sleeping together?"

"Yes, besides that," he answered doggedly.

"Okay, then I guess it's because you think I'm a slob, and you don't want to share your space or make room for my stuff."

"No, that's not the reason. I know we both have reservations about making this relationship permanent. I have been doing my best to address my own issues, while I am pleased you took my advice about seeking counseling." Penny opened her mouth, and he was afraid she had taken offense to his last statement, so he quickly continued. "After observing your relationship with Leonard for years, I surmise that nothing would more quickly alarm you than to feel pressured. Asking you to move in would be putting you in a situation where it would seem you had no alternative. In short, until you've made up your mind, you need an exit strategy. I believe keeping your apartment will favorably influence you toward deciding for a commitment."

She blinked at him for several seconds, then she squinted at him. Finally, she said, "That's why you don't want to sleep with me. Because in your mind, there's no coming back from that. You're trying to protect yourself in case I decide we can't make this work."

His eyebrows rose as he gazed at her. "That's correct," he said slowly. And frighteningly insightful. "I'm well aware that you've been patient with me, but if we start having coitus and then you decide to leave me, I… there is no exit strategy, no recovery, and no way that I would ever be the same."

She looked down and twisted her hands in her lap. "You're just as scared as I am, for different reasons," she whispered. "I'm scared of what my life will look like if I stay, and you don't know what will happen if I go."

He stared at her, wondering if he should tell her what he was thinking. Finally, he spoke up. "If I thought it would bind you to me permanently, I would take you back to my bedroom right now and make love to you over and over again until you promised to stay with me forever."

She made a small noise in the back of her throat. "Holy crap on a cracker…" she murmured. She clenched her hands tightly together in her lap. "You really mean it, don't you?"

"Always," he said, with an intensity that made her quake.

Her cheeks reddened as she looked away. "I want to," she said at last, glancing back at him. "It doesn't seem crazy to me anymore, but..."

He nodded. "I understand. We both need to be certain."

When he walked her to her door that evening, she kissed him with a tenderness she rarely exhibited. Then she wrapped her arms around him, squeezed him so hard he could barely breathe, and then slipped inside her apartment without another word. It was highly unusual behavior for her, and he could only hope that it was a change for the better.

The next day, Penny called Bernadette, almost in a panic. "He's serious," she moaned.

"Who, Sheldon? Isn't he always?" Bernie asked wryly.

Unfortunately for Penny, that just brought back memories of Sheldon holding her gaze with his own. When he had said "always", there were layers of meaning in that single word. "No, I mean about me," she said, lowering her voice as if someone might eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Really? What does that mean? You guys have only been dating for a few months, right?"

"It's been… um… five months, I guess," Penny said, counting back in her head.

Bernie giggled. "I can't believe you made it past five hours without wanting to strangle him."

"Been there, done that," she drawled. "But... he's different now, for the past few months. I think he's really been making an effort to be a better boyfriend. It's almost weird. Like sometimes, I look at him and think, who is this guy I'm dating? Sometimes I think I would almost be more comfortable if he would call me a blonde monkey or suggest I do porn. I knew that Sheldon. I knew how to deal with him. I never thought about the old Sheldon in a romantic light or wondered if he had feelings for me." She paused, wondering how much she should say, but she needed some advice. "He has a ring - a frickin' engagement ring."

The line was silent for several seconds, then Bernie said in a voice that was even squeakier than normal, "He proposed?"

"No, not yet," Penny lied.

"I'm trying to be supportive, but you wouldn't really considering getting engaged to Sheldon, would you? After all you went through with Leonard, how could you even think about getting engaged to his best friend?"

"Hey, this has nothing to do with Leonard," Penny shot back angrily. "He moved on first, not me. He's living with Priya now, so I don't care what he thinks about me and Sheldon. If anything, he should be happy for us."

There was another pause, and then Bernie said, "I just meant that Leonard's a really nice guy. You always said so. I don't understand what you see in Sheldon. I mean, sure, I was all for the two of you hooking up. You seemed so lonely after Leonard started going out with Priya. But I don't want to see you rushing into something you'll regret later."

Penny was still riled by Bernie's words, but she said, "Trust me, that's not what I want either. Look, you and Howard are engaged now; Leonard moved across town with Priya. We just don't hang out as a group like we used to, so I guess you haven't seen how much Sheldon's changed."

"Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this," Bernie said after a pause, "but Howie told me that Sheldon said he wanted to get married after you'd only been dating for a month. I guess it's possible he just knows what he wants."

Penny's hands started to shake so badly she almost dropped her phone. How could he do that to her? She felt betrayed. It was one thing to let their friends know they were dating; another thing entirely for Sheldon to announce to his friends that he was thinking about marriage. She winced; her friends' opinions mattered a great deal to her. She didn't like hearing that Bernie still had no idea what she saw in Sheldon, or thought she would've been better off with Leonard. Bernie's doubts only compounded her own insecurities. "Just because that's what he wants doesn't mean that's what I want," she snapped. She quickly ended her conversation with Bernie and paced around her living room as her thoughts whirled in circles. Then she picked up the phone, called her therapist, and begged Julie to squeeze her in for an emergency session.

Penny paced in the small office. "I can't stand it anymore. He wants to get married - stay married - and I have no idea why. I have to remember the rest of it, tonight."

Julie regarded her calmly. "Even if we succeed, I'm not certain that will give you the answers you seek. Answer me this: do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?"

Penny bit her lip. Abruptly, she sat down on the couch and wrapped her arms around her body. "I'm crazy about him," she said in a low voice. "Every time I see him, I just light up inside, and it feels like… like coming home. Being with him is the best thing that's ever happened to me." She sniffed and swiped at her eyes. "So yeah, I'm in love with him. And I'm scared to death I'm gonna mess it up. He deserves better - what if he wakes up one day and realizes it too?"

"I think you both deserve to be with someone who loves you completely for who you are," Julie replied.

Shaking her head, Penny leaned back and closed her eyes. "Help me remember the last of it, please."

Soon, she was reliving the now-familiar moments from Vegas as her argument with Sheldon turned into something else… her shock and delight as he began kissing her back… and how badly she wanted him. Then there was that stomach-churning moment when she was sure he would reject her. Instead, he'd gone down on one knee on the dirty sidewalk and proposed. The rest came back in pieces, some memories irretrievably lost. He had pulled her down the street, arm around her waist, stopping every so often to kiss her again. They found a tiny wedding chapel sandwiched between two larger buildings. She remembered him pointing without hesitation at one of the larger rings in the display and saying, "This one," with an authoritative note. The grandmotherly woman beamed at them as she took it out of the case.

Then she was in a dressing room, sliding on an elegant ivory gown. The curtain slid open, and Sheldon appeared, wearing a tuxedo. He was tugging at the sleeves, which were a little short. "I bought a new one," he said. "I didn't want to get married in-" She launched herself at him, kissing him hungrily. "I can't wait to take it off you."

The tips of his ears turned pink as he skimmed his hands down the form-fitting dress. "Me too."

"What happened next?" Julie's voice seemed to float to her from a distance.

Penny focused, reaching for the elusive memories. Suddenly, she saw her hand on Sheldon's black-clad arm and heard strains of the wedding march play. She halted and tugged on his arm. "Why me?"

He looked surprised. "There's never been anyone else. Even when I didn't know, it was always you," he explained solemnly.

She understood. "Now you're my always too." she told him. With no more hesitation, she took his arm again and let him lead her to the front of the chapel, where she carefully repeated the vows. At the end, Sheldon claimed her mouth in a way that left her weak-kneed.

There were flashes of them making out in the back of the taxi, Sheldon's gratified moan as his fingers slid below the neckline of her dress and the gasp that was almost a squeak as she stroked him through his trousers. They were in the hotel room, all pretense at patience gone, tearing each other's clothes off as fast as they could. She remembered the look on his face as he slid inside her, an expression she had never seen on his face before. In retrospect, it could only be described as worshipful. At some point, she lay with her head on his chest, listening as the frenzied thudding of his heart slowed. She had already been reaching down to touch him again when his hand closed over her wrist. For a moment, she felt a quiver of panic that he might have changed his mind.

"I love you," he whispered. "Shoulda told you that first." Then he held her face in both hands and kissed her with a tenderness that brought tears to her eyes.

"Three… two...one…"

She felt the trickle of moisture on her cheeks as she looked around, finding herself in her therapist's office. The transition was shocking; the memories had been so vivid that she was disoriented.

"Are you all right?" Julie asked as she leaned forward, holding out a box of tissues.

After blotting her eyes, Penny moaned and dropped her head into her hands. Guilt overwhelmed her. This was worse... so much worse. He loved her, and she loved him. To most people, that equaled romance and happily ever after. To her, it was a disaster. She knew exactly why she had accepted his proposal, and it was for all the reasons she shouldn't have. She knew she wasn't good enough, wasn't smart enough; hell, hadn't even been sober enough.

Growing up, she had been the one kid her father had pinned his hopes on. Her older sister had gotten knocked up right before graduating high school; her brother had discovered weed when he was thirteen and had been in and out of juvie or rehab or jail ever since. She was the only one who made her dad smile. Her bedroom had been covered with trophies for softball, soccer, track and 4H. Then her interests had shifted: cheerleading instead of softball, acting instead of 4H, and eventually, drunken hookups under the bleachers instead of trophies. Her dad stopped calling her "Slugger". His smile was replaced by a look of disappointment.

Sheldon could insult her all he wanted; they could have those stupid battles of will every night. He'd hurt her feelings, and she'd hurt his. The one thing she couldn't face was the idea of seeing that same look of disappointment on his face. It was just a matter of time, she told herself, before he regretted his decision.