Ok guys i've been getting alot of fav stories and story alerts so thank so much, it's really nice to see:)

you guys are either going to love me or hate me for this chapter...or maybe both:/

also i want to put a WARNING for mentions of suicide in this chapter.

D : NO! i promise i'm not trying to kill you haha, maybe you might like this chapter a little better than the last one;)

Guest: thankyou so much:)

The doors flung open as the stretcher was pushed through the entrance and into the operating theatre. There was already a body on one of the operating benches but Dr. Lopez chose to ignore it completely, he needed to stay focused and the lump in his stomach was already growing at a rapid pace.

With help from the brunette nurse he wheeled his daughter up next to the free operating table and lifted her gently onto it. The nurse then proceeded to take the stretcher away, disappearing out of the theatre. There was a closed curtain between the donor and the recipient so when Santana turned her head to see who was saving her life, she was left with a blue curtain facing her. she creased her brow, too tired to ask any questions or even care too much that she was in a hospital and about to face a life or death operation. She silently prayed for the life who was saving hers.

'Santana, i have to go suit up and scrub up now, but Dr. Johnston here is going to make you feel comfortable so you don't feel a thing ok? When you wake up it'll all be over.' Santana faintly heard her father speak softly. She nodded sleepily before she felt a slight pain shoot through the inside of her right elbow. She would have yelped on any other day but she remembered Brittany telling her to be strong and that it would all be ok, so she let the drugs slowly take her into blissful unconsciousness.

FromScaryLopez: The results are back. I would like to speak with you in person Brittany. Santana has glee club after school today, perhaps you could come over so we can discuss the results? Let me know.

Brittany swallowed until her throat had gone dry. The results were in? This is what she's been waiting for, this is what will hopefully make breaking up with Santana worth while. But what if the results were negative? What if she couldn't give Santana her heart? What if she broke up with Santana for no reason and caused her more pain then she should ever have to endure and for nothing?

Brittany slid her phone back under her desk and out of reach from Mr. Shues prying eyes.

ToScaryLopez: I'll be there.

'Ok class so how do we say 'How are you?' in span – Brittany phone away please, save it for after class.'

Brittany looked up from the phone in her lap and watched as one by one heads turned to look at her. she felt the heat rise to her face and she quickly tucked her phone back into her cheerios jacket and mumbled a shy 'sorry'.

Mr. Shuester carried on with the lesson and everyones heads turned back to the teacher, one head however was much slower than the rest. Brittany looked to see Santana's lingering eyes burning holes through her. Santana had chosen to sit next to Quinn which left Brittany to sit next to a very diligent Rachel who in no way could pronounce anything properly in Spanish but constantly continued to be the first to raise her hand anyway.

'Um Mr. Shue! May i suggest a pop quiz to keep us all on track?'

The whole class groaned and distantly Brittany heard a raspy voice mumble 'fucking Berry...'

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Walking up the front steps of the Lopez household Brittany had never been so nervous, not even when she was coming to help Santana explain their relationship to her parents. Brittany had never gone to Santana's house before knowing full well that she wouldn't be there. I mean what would be the point in that? Maria had been relatively nice to her on occasion when the mood was right but would usually avoid her like the plague and throw disapproving glances her way whenever they were forced into the same room. Brittany smiled as she thought of all the times she had come home from dance class to see Santana already sitting at the kitchen counter chatting animatedly with her mother like they were long lost sisters.

A gust of air escaped Brittany's mouth as she hesitantly knocked on the big black wooden door. She could hear loud footsteps echoing down the long hallway and she felt the need to hold her breath. She counted down the seconds until the door was flung open and a stern figure stood in the doorway.

'Come inside.' Dr. Lopez ushered and Brittany just nodded quietly, not quite trusting her voice yet. They didn't speak again until they had seated at the dining table which Brittany thought felt oddly like a conference table. 'Tea, coffee?'

Brittany wanted to ask for hot chocolate but she didn't want to appear childish so she just shook her head in response.

'Alright then.' Brittany watched as the man pulled his suitcase onto the large table and began sorting through files until he found the one he wanted and locked the suitcase back up. 'I just wanted to start off by giving my condolences, your grandmother came to see me on occasion for check ups, nice lady.'

'T-Thank you.' Brittany breathed as she eyed her name on the file he was shifting through.

'Right, well, straight down to business alright with you?' Brittany nodded again and found her palms start to sweat. 'Let's start with the results of the test shall we?'

Brittany nodded but also felt a little confused. Wasn't she only here for the results of the test? What was the rest of this meeting about?

'Brittany' she looked up at the sound of her name. 'I'm not one to drag things out as you may have noticed, the results, they..You are compatible with Santana' Dr. Lopez looked shyly back to the unreadable girl and added quietly. '..in every way it seems.'

Brittany pondered this for a moment. 'So...I-I can give h-her my heart?'

'Technically yes' he sighed. 'Although i wanted to ask you again not to go through with this, your very young, too young – '

'But a younger heart would be better for her than an older one right?'

'Yes...Yes that's true, your heart would certainly be stronger, and dancing has definitely helped with that.'

'So...what now? I mean what's the next step?'

'Brittany are you sure you – '

'I'm sure.' Brittany stated firmly. She knelt her crossed forearms against the hard wooden table to show she was in business mode, a position she knew Dr. Lopez would respect.

'As you wish' he sighed and placed the file back onto the table. He then reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small notebook. 'For this to be carried out we have to be prepared and thorough in our planning.' Brittany nodded as he also fished out a pen and began scribbling on the paper before him. 'I don't want there to be any…mishaps.'

'Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.'

He looked up from his notepad and stared into the eager eyes of the young girl before him. Letting out a submissive sigh he ran his right hand through his fading hair and then brought it back down to clasp his other hand.

'Brittany, we need to discuss how you will..ah..how you will – '

'Die?' Brittany spoke with such confidence Dr Lopez was forced to sit back in his chair and examine the girl who he once thought didn't have a chance in hell at accomplishing anything in her life. Now she sat before him, speaking with maturity beyond her years, to accomplish the greatest achievement one could imagine, to save a life.

'Yes' he eased his chair forward and took the pen back in his hand. 'Now I trust you understand that I can not appear to have had any part in this Brittany, I will help you till the end yes, but when the last moments come…I can't be with you…if anyone was to find out..my career would – '

'I understand.' Brittany stated firmly. She even surprised herself with how confident she was, no longer were her palms cold and clammy, she couldn't feel heat spreading through her cheeks, and the man before her had never seemed so small. Why had she ever been afraid of him? He was just like Santana, except his walls were built from cement and were ten feet higher. His mouth was slightly agape from her response and she silently took pride in that.

'Well then' he cleared his throat 'let's get to it.' Brittany nodded.

'May I have some paper and a pen also? I don't want to forget anything.' Dr Lopez nodded and ripped off a few pages of paper from his notepad before reaching back into his jacket and pulling out another pen. Brittany took the supplies and noticed that the pen was a clicky one, she had to mentally restrain herself from clicking it at a fast pace and see if she could beat her record of clicks in a minute. Right now it stood at 87, Santana tried to beat her once but she failed and through the pen at the back of Rachel's head, narrowly missing her by a hair.

Lopez waited for the girl to get settled again before he began. 'Right well, first of all you will not do anything regarding our plan without the go-ahead from me, understood?' Brittany nodded. 'Good, now I've been uh doing some thinking about how this will be…carried out.'

'You mean how I'm going to kill myself?' Brittany's face remained stoic and her admission caused Lopez to gulp loudly.

'Ah, yes, yes.'

'You don't have to step around my feelings you know. I know what's going to happen. Maybe you should pretend like this is just an ordinary meeting, sometimes when I get nervous I pretend to be someone else, someone brave like peter pan.' Brittany noticed a small smile grace his rigid features.

'Right.' He cleared his throat once more and adjusted his reading glasses to sit perfectly on his nose. 'Alright then Brittany prepare to take notes.' Brittany noticed his business like tone was back so she quickly brought her paper closer to her and leant forward hoping not to miss a word. 'There is a hotel directly across the road from the hospital, The Heiress Hotel, do you know it?'

'Yes! I've stayed there once when my dad was getting his gall stones taken out, mom wanted to be as close to the hospital as possible.'

'Yes well that's exactly why I'm suggesting it. Brittany when I inform you that the time has come, I want you to book yourself into The Heiress Hotel, now I'll of course give you money for those expenses –'

'That's ok my grandmother left me most of her money in her will, even mom was shocked she had so much money hidden away.'

Lopez nodded and then craned his head to gesture towards the paper in Brittany's hands. 'Oh! Right yes I'll write that down. Brittany quickly scribbled the name of the hotel down on her paper.

'When you are there I want you to go to the lobby bar and purchase two bags of ice, any more and they may become suspicious.'

'Two bags…of ice' Brittany mumbled as she wrote it down.

'when you have that I want you to go to your room, I want you to empty the bags of ice into the bath tub and then fill the remainder of the bath with cold water, not hot water.'

'Put ice in tub…cold water…not hot water.' Brittany underlined the last bit for good measure.

'I then want you to call for room service, ask them to come as soon as possible ok?'

'Call..room service.'

'Now um.' Brittany looked up when she noticed the business like tone was gone again. 'The ah, the way in which you…die…is up to you, although I will not allow you to take drugs because you may not be fit to donate.'

Brittany sat quietly for a few minutes and twirled the pen around her fingers. 'Can I, can I get back to you on that?' she asked after a moment of thought. She really hadn't considered how she was going to die. She didn't want to die in a bad way, but was there even a good way?

'Oh yes, no, of course, take your time, ah…' Lopez adjusted his glasses again. 'So when you figure out how…yes then you will do that and oh make sure you're in the bath when that happens, it's better to keep your heart chilled, that's very important Brittany.'

'Be in bath…when kill –'

Lopez cleared his throat once again before she could finish. 'Then when that happens room service will find you, call an ambulance, and within no time at all my daughters buzzer will be going off, and you will be her hero Brittany.' Brittany smiled at that, she'd like to be Santana's hero for once, instead of it always being the other way around. 'Now you're already on the donor registry, and you're 18 now – '

'So everything's set?'

'Um well, mostly yes.'

'Ok well can I go home then? Mom wanted me to start cooking dinner before she gets home and –'

'Dear god' Lopez exhaled and buried his face into the palm of his hands. Brittany watched curiously as he rubbed his eyes roughly and let out shaky breaths. 'How did I forget about your parents? God dammit how are they going to react when their only daughter kills themselves? They'll be devastated and it's all my fucking fault!'

'Dad? Why are you yelling so loud?' Dr Lopez and Brittany freezed, had it been an hour already? They could hear Santana's footsteps echoing through the hall. 'Dad, where are you?' Lopez looked anxiously back to Brittany.

'I'll take care of my parents.' Brittany whispered quickly before Santana came into view.

'What's with all the yell – B-Britt? Ahh what are you d-doing here?' Santana looked shocked and confused. She glanced back between her father and Brittany like she was watching the tennis. Wtf what was Brittany doing in her house? Didn't she know they don't have movie nights anymore?

Brittany slyly placed the paper into the pocket of her cheerio's jacket before shrugging. 'Just came to get some of my stuff I left here.' She saw Santana's face visibly deflate and instantly reverted her eyes. 'and now I'm leaving' she shrugged again and made her way past Santana's dangerous glare.

'Are you fucking serious?' Santana scoffed. Brittany didn't stop walking, she couldn't.

'Santana..' Her father warned. Santana shot him a death look and before she could turn back around to confront Brittany, she was gone, the front door swinging shut. What the hell was that?

'Why were you talking to her, what did you say to her?' Santana stepped towards her father who was busily packing up his brief case.

'Nothing Santana, now I will be in my office if you need me.'

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Brittany sat shaking on her bed as another wave of tears crashed over her. She was surrounded by pictures of her and Santana laughing, playing, kissing, cuddling, practicing putting makeup on eachother, or on the bus going to camp.

After seeing Dr Lopez and then having Santana almost catch her, Brittany's thoughts went into overdrive. She raced home, pulled out every photo album under her bed and looked through her life with Santana from when she was just a little kid to where they are now. She flicked through the pictures of two years ago where they were hugging, or swimming in her neighbours pool, or being taught how to make cupcakes by her mom. Then she looked at the more recent photos of the two, cuddling in bed, cute photos taken in the morning with Santana curled into the crook of her neck, or kissing in public like it was just the two of them and they didn't have a care in the world. So much had changed in such a little amount of time, and now everything they worked so hard to build, was gone.

Brittany wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her jacket as she picked up another photo, basking in the way Santana's eyes lit up when she kissed her cheek after their regionals win last year. She was about to pick up another when her door was nearly flung off its hinges. Santana came barging into her room with a look of determination and rage painted on her face. Bad combination, Brittany thought.

'How dare you come to MY fucking house! And then you just – ' Santana stopped when she noticed Brittany was desperately trying to bunch together the photos which were sprawled all over her bed. She stepped closer and scrunched her brows as she recognised the photos. 'What is this?'

'Nothing.' Brittany squeaked and continued to grab stray photos from the creases of her blankets.

'Bull – fucking – shit! Why are you – w-what's happen- shit- I-I'm having a – '

Brittany rushed to Santana's side as the girl bent over in panting breaths. Brittany knew the signs all too well and quickly guided Santana to her bed. She cleared some photos off with a swipe of her arm and led her to sit down. Santana's chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace.

'Britt why –'

'Ssshhhh San, just breathe.' Brittany was still trying to ward away tears as she spoke. She softly traced circles on Santana's back and made loud breathing noises for Santana to match. She hated this, she hated that she caused this, but she rejoiced in the fact that soon San will never have to have an attack again. 'In…and out.' Eventually her breaths settled again and she shuffled away from Brittany's touch. Brittany tried not to show the hurt on her face.

'Britt…Why?' she breathed after a moment of silence.

'I-I just needed to get a few things.'

'No' Santana shook her head and turned so she was facing the blonde. 'Why did you break up with me? Why did you come to my house? Why were you talking to my dad, I know he scares you? And why the hell are you sitting in your room with pictures of us all around you? Just why britt? You're confusing the hell out of me.' The last bit was whispered so delicately that Brittany felt a tear coat her cheek before she could stop it.

'I'm sorry.'

'I don't want to hear that, I want to know why.' Santana took in the blondes appearance, she looked about the same she did the first few weeks after they broke up, red eyed, dishevelled hair, puffy cheeks and slumped shoulders. 'Why?'

Brittany just shook her head in protest, she couldn't answer these questions, there were too many, she wasn't ready, she hadn't prepared.

'It's because I'm sick isn't it?' Santana whispered. Brittany quickly whipped her head back around.

'W-what? No of course not!'

Santana shook her head and focused on her fiddling hands in her lap. 'No it is, I get it you know, no one wants to date a girl who's sick.' Brittany's heart just about broke in two and she didn't hesitate to take Santana's hands in her own and guide them to her own lap.

'That is so not it San, sick or not, you're still you.' She wanted to add 'you're still the girl I fell in love with' but she decided it didn't really help her argument.

'So you just don't like me? Right got it.' Santana went to stand up but the blonde forcefully pulled her back down.

'Don't do that, you know that's not true.'

'Then what the fuck is it Britt? Please just tell me!' Santana threw her hands up in the air and focused on the bright blue eyes which were filling with unshed tears.

'I just think – '

'tell me you don't love me.' Santana caught Brittany's face in her hands and brought them so their faces were inches away from each other. 'Tell me.' She could feel the blondes shaky breath on her skin and droplets of water slowly drag over her fingers.

'San'

'Tell me.'

Brittany let out a breath and tried to block her nose from taking in Santana's delicious scent. 'I don't – '

'Liar.'

'San.' Before Brittany could say another word Santana's lips were all over hers. Sucking, nipping, ghosting, delving into devine warmth. Brittany sucked in a breath like the wind had been blown out of her and then relaxed into the passionate caress of Santana's lips. The kiss fast became a kiss to make up for all the kisses they had lost. Santana thrusted her tongue into Brittany's mouth and Brittany took it hungrily and sucked on it furiously. Santana grunted and stepped it up by quickly launching her leg over the blondes lap and canted her hips down to be met by a guttural moan. 'fuck'

'tell me Britt.' Santana latched onto the back of Brittany's neck while her tongue slipped back between pick lips. Brittany's hands quickly came to her thighs and slowly eased their way up until they were sitting on Santana's lower back, just underneath her shirt. She salvaged in the feel of the warm tan skin beneath her palms. Santana was doing god awful things to her mind and she could hardly form a coherent thought. Before she knew it luscious lips were attacking her neck and words were slipping from her mouth.

'I love you.' She breathed.

'tell me again' Santana's demand was shaky and breathless. Brittany registered through her arousal the change in tone and quickly paused the movements of her hands. She brought them down Santana's body until they rested gently on her thighs. She still Santana's hips from grinding against her and moved her hands to cup the Latina's face and bring it away from her neck. Brittany deflated at the sight before her. Santana's eyes were spilling over with tears, clogging up her favourite brown orbs. 'T-tell me again' she whispered.

Brittany was waging war inside herself. She could tell Santana the truth, tell her that she will love her until the end of time, but then what happens next? She is still going to end up breaking her heart when the time comes. But then technically it would be her heart she would be breaking and not Santana's…but Santana would still feel the same. Damn. Or she could tell her she doesn't love her, and that before was just a slip in judgement, would she believe that?

'Britt?'

Brittany looked back up to her pleading eyes and the only feeling she could possess when looking into those eyes could only be described as love, pure love. She decided then, she had gone far too long without telling this girl how beautiful she is, and how much she is loved, how much she will always be loved. Brittany gently tugged Santana's face down towards her own and when she was within reach Brittany leant forwards and peppered light kisses over her cheeks, catching the falling tears. With each kiss to the cheek she murmured an 'I love you.' Kiss 'I love you' kiss 'I love you so much baby' kiss 'don't ever forget it' kiss 'I love you' kiss 'forever' kiss 'and always' kiss.

On the last one Brittany tilted her head down and captured Santana's quivering lips in her own. Tears were running over their joined lips but neither knew if they were descending from brown or blue eyes, neither cared.

After a great deal of time spent just slowly moving lips against lips, no tongue, no teeth, no hands, just soft lips moving to imaginary music, Brittany finally pulled away. She was pleased to see the tears on the other girl's face had dried only leaving puffy cheeks behind. She kissed her cheeks one last time.

'Come on let's get into bed.' Santana put up no fight what so ever, she slumped into Brittany and let her lift her up and carry her to the side of the bed where she was gently lowered to soft sheets. Brittany didn't go around to her side, instead she rolled over Santana and took the Latina with her until she was lying flat on her back with Santana cuddled against her side. Santana's hand came to draw patterns on Brittany's toned stomach.

'I missed this' Santana murmured into Brittany's neck.

'My stomach?'

'No' she giggled 'I missed us'. Brittany smiled and pulled Santana closer until her head was resting on her chest.

'mmhmm.' She agreed.

'Don't ever leave me again Britt'

Brittany tensed and Santana felt it immediately. 'Britt?'

'San I uh, I'm still going to Bernard's dance school..' Santana lifted her head from Brittany's beating chest.

'Okkk…' they could still be together though right? 'Wait you still want to break up?'

'San… I thought we already went through this?'

'But you love me?' Brittany sighed and nodded. How was she going to get out of this?

'Yes I do…so much.'

'Then why – '

'San..'

Santana huffed and squeezed her eyes shut. Why was Brittany doing this to her? Why? She just wanted to stay locked in her arms forever and forget about doctors appointments and tests and heart transplants. She just wanted Brittany back.

'You know what, fine' she almost smiled at Brittany's confused expression 'Britt go to LA, have fun, meet new and exciting people and forget about me' she watched as Brittany's face winced with her words so she softened her tone. 'But before you go can we just…just be together, like before, can we just be hopelessly in love until you leave, and I promise Britt, I'll…I'll let you be.' Brittany's lips slowly curved into a small smile. 'call it a dying girls last wish' Santana joked and Brittany's smile immediately fell. 'Britt I'm kidding.'

'San I would want nothing more than to spend the rest of my lif – time with you, but I want you to know it has nothing to do with how sick you are…It's because of how much I love you' Santana's smile grew 'and I want to see that damn beautiful smile every single day.' Santana giggled and placed a soft peck on Brittany's awaiting lips.

'Okay'

'Alright'

'I love you Britt'

'I love you too San.' With another kiss Santana rested her head back to Brittany's chest and let her strong heartbeat carry her to a blissful sleep.

Brittany lay wide awake as she listened to the uneven breaths from the girl beside her. At times it was almost as if her breathing stopped all together, and just before Brittany would think about shaking Santana awake, she would finally take another shaky breath and Brittany would relax into her pillow again. It had gotten worse, she noted, much much worse.

Once again, not a doctor and don't know all the ins and outs of organ donation, but i hope this at least seemed semi -legit.

soooo do you love me or hate me? xx

next chapter will be all fluff:)