If you do not allow yourself to feel, how can you be a real man?
Marian's own words, spoken to Robin one magical night when he'd burst into her castle bedchamber to hide, came back to her now, as if to mock her.
"I don't care," she spoke aloud in her bedchamber, washing her new wound. "It hurts too much, to feel."
It was easier to make her heart a block of ice, so she wouldn't have to deal with her devastation over Robin's surprising marriage to Kate. Coward, she chided herself, cringing slightly from the stinging pain in her thigh.
But the physical pain was nothing, compared to what she was trying to banish from her heart.
Why would Robin marry Kate? It was impossible! He couldn't love that whiney, attention-seeking, mean-spirited, deluded, immature girl, surely! Marian could think of nothing to commend her, except perhaps a healthy dose of stupidity that might possibly pass for courage. She could recall Robin once commenting that Kate was brave. Love was known to be blind, but still! Kate!
They'd known the potter's daughter all her life, having grown up with her. Kate had always been a nuisance, following Robin around with her hard little eyes, by turns hating and worshipping him. Rather like myself, Marian thought, directing her anger inward. I'm as big a fool as she is.
At least he won't hang. Not this morning, anyway.
She was glad she'd rescued him. He was a bright beacon of hope for the people, with his generous spirit, sunny smile, kind words, and brave, selfless deeds. Everything seemed brighter, in his presence. The shire needed him. She needed him.
Why shouldn't he marry, now that she herself was engaged to another man? He was certainly passionate and romantic! Marian knew that all too well, from experience. He'd make a wonderful husband, she couldn't help thinking, so fun-loving and true, tender and brave. Not to mention honest, fair, clever, charming...always putting the needs of others ahead of his own. And as for being a father! He had such a wonderful way with children!
Angry tears threatened to spill from Marian's eyes. Blinking them back, she steeled her heart again, willing herself not to feel. Not to think, even.
But why Kate? Robin would never marry her, unless...
Oh, no. That was it. He had to marry her.
One thing Marian never doubted was Robin's honor. If he had made a mistake, and...and Kate became pregnant, he would marry her, and spend the rest of his life working to be a good husband and father.
Marian couldn't stop her thoughts from picturing Robin kissing Kate, an image that made her shudder.
Had that horrible girl really tasted his lips, and much more besides? It seemed inconceivable, yet what other explanation could there be?
Clutching the folds of her nightdress above the wound on her thigh, Marian held a damp cloth to her wound, closing her eyes. Without meaning to, she puckered her lips, remembering the feel and taste of his tender, eager mouth covering hers.
The unexpected sound of a pebble landing near her feet made her snap open her eyes and jump.
"Sorry," Robin's voice called softly out, from the ledge just outside her window. "I didn't mean to startle you."
Dropping the folds of her gown, Marian blushed in anger and mortification, hoping he hadn't seen her bare leg.
He'd caught a glimpse, liking very much what he'd seen, but had looked quickly away, out of honor and respect. He was no Gisbourne, after all, to oogle her in secret, no matter how lovely and shapely he found her.
"How's your wound?" he asked, still outside her window.
"What are you doing here?" she hissed at him, not wanting to awaken her father.
"I came to thank you," he said, sincerely. "And to ask a favor."
"Get out!"
"I'm not in!"
Striding across the room, Marian reached both arms through her window and shoved Robin as hard as she could. The impact made him take several staggering steps backwards, until he slipped off her roof and landed, on his tailbone, in a pile of hay.
"Marian, what did I do?" he asked, sprawled upon the ground.
"Congratulations, on everything," was the only answer she gave him, before slamming her shutters closed.