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Ch. 19.
Night and day.
Olivia eyes opened to the morning haze and the rain pouring down.
She looked over to see Alex, who had slept with Olivia's hand pressed guardedly against her, still lying in the same position.
Olivia studied Alex.
Her skin, the outline of her body under the covers there beside her.
Every inch of her was perfect.
Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched her sleep peacefully.
She was sorry, sorry that Alex was going through this with her, but on the other hand very thankful that she had her by her side.
To have Alex here, to have admitted the way they felt about each other, but to still have to endure everything that had happened, maybe everything that might happen…
It seemed unfair, an unfair start.
Olivia gently tried to pull her hand away from Alex.
She stirred, but was still fast asleep.
Olivia was determined to be up on her feet today and if anything get to the bathroom herself.
She needed that much from herself today.
Olivia tried to quietly pull herself up.
She sat up on the side of the bed, her head swimming, but this morning she regained her balance.
Her eyes mapped out things she could latch on to keep her on her on her own two feet.
She stood, the muscles in her legs felt weak.
"For God's sake Olivia just walk." She mumbled to herself.
From the bed, to the dresser, to the bathroom door…
The sink, she made it to the bathroom sink.
Victory.
The difference between night and day.
Olivia looked at herself in the mirror and sighed.
She looked like shit.
The bruises on her face had yellowed; the cuts scabbed over… the stitches aligning her scalp.
She looked like shit.
A million things then ran through her mind starring back at herself.
Lucas, Dublin, London, Alex… a pregnancy test.
God she just needed to know for sure.
Fuck
She didn't feel pregnant.
But what the hell did pregnant feel like?
She wouldn't know.
Besides a scare in college… she wouldn't know.
She closed the bathroom door and eventually made her way to the tub, sitting on its edge.
She knew she could never manage the shower with her arm in a cast. So she turned on the water letting it fill the tub.
She could get through a bath on her own.
The tub filled, she looked around deciding a towel was the only option she had to wrap her arm in, to try and not get it wet.
Turns out trying to sit down in a tub with only one arm is trickier than Olivia had planned.
Alex awoke realizing Olivia wasn't beside her. She looked around, seeing the door to the bathroom was shut.
Alex got out of bed, "Liv?"
"Yeah?"
"You ok in there?" Alex asked through the closed door.
"Taking a bath."
"Oh ok. You need any help?"
Alex didn't want Olivia to feel like she was helpless, she also wanted Olivia to feel ok to ask her for help when she needed it.
"Um… I'm ok." Olivia said sounding unsure.
"Ok… be careful with your stitches… and your arm," Alex said worriedly.
"Alex."
"I'm sorry!"
Silence.
Alex stood outside the bathroom door, defeated, hoping she hadn't upset Olivia.
It was the last thing she wanted to do.
"Alex, would you mind helping me?"
"You sure?"
"Alex!"
Alex opened the bathroom door to see a frustrated looking Olivia sitting in the tub.
"I was doing good. I had everything under control… but my hair."
Alex gave her an understanding smile as she kneeled beside the tub.
"I'm here to help."
"You were sleeping."
"You can wake me."
"You looked so peaceful, and you deserve to rest. All you've done is take care of me."
"Liv I want to take care of you."
Olivia looked away from Alex.
"Hey, hey… don't shut me out of this. I'm here for you, to be with you, because I wanted nothing else, because I hated every minute I was apart from you. And now you need me… and I'm just thankful it is me you need. So let me help."
Olivia reached for Alex, cupping her cheek in to the palm of her hand.
"Thank you."
Alex smiled.
"You're welcome."
Olivia leaned in kissing Alex, pulling her closer against the claw foot tub.
Alex's lips parted and Olivia's tongue slipped into her mouth.
Alex held on to Olivia as they kissed each other thoughtfully, tasting each other.
Everything new.
Everything right with their mouths melded together, their tongues twisting.
They pulled away.
Alex looked at Olivia, breathless as she watched Olivia lick her lips, tasting Alex on her mouth.
"Feels like a lifetime I've waited to do that." Olivia said not taking her eyes from Alex.
"It was worth the wait." Alex said as a grin appeared on her face.
Olivia smiled.
"Your hair." Alex said breaking her trance. "Let me wash your hair."
"Get in."
"What?"
"Get in, there's room for two."
"Liv… I don't want to hurt you."
"How are you going to hurt me? Get in," Olivia said seductively. "Unless you don't want to."
Alex's grin gave her away as she pushed her sleep short to the floor and then she pulled her t-shirt over her head knowing Olivia was watching her every move.
She looked at Olivia's dark eyes; it was if they glistened again the water.
Alex sucked in her bottom lip letting Olivia stare.
Alex shimmied her underwear down until they were a puddle on the floor.
Naked.
Olivia wanted to wince at the sharp breath she had sucked in, but she wouldn't dare change the mood, change what was happening.
"Like what you see?" Alex asked devilishly.
"Jesus," was all Olivia said as she took in the perfect body.
Alex's long legs, her perky breast, the curve of her hip…
Alex walked over to the tub stepping in behind Olivia, then settling her between her legs.
"You ok?" Alex asked wanting to make sure she was ok in that position.
"I'm so good," Olivia said with a genuine smile on her face.
Alex ran her fingers down Olivia's neck on to her shoulder, taking time to slowly outline her collarbone.
Olivia caught Alex's fingers against her lips, "You're so beautiful. I mean I knew you were beautiful, but I just… better than I imagined."
"You imagined?" Alex asked playfully.
"I imagined a lot. At first I tried to stop myself, then I allowed myself, but tried to ignore the way it made me feel. The way you made me feel."
"I did the same." Alex confessed. "I couldn't ignore it, the way you made me feel. Anyone I was with, anyone you were with…"
"I was jealous." Olivia said now fidgeting with Alex's hands. "Jealous of anyone that could be with you, touch you the way I couldn't."
"I hated David Haden."
"What?" Olivia said letting out a laugh.
"He was in love with you, he was perfect for you. Handsome, successful, sexy, funny…"
"A conflict of interest." Olivia interrupted.
"Liv."
"Ok, he's all those things, but he's not you."
"I still hated that he had won your heart when I so desperately wanted to."
"You've had my heart for a long time Alex."
"Well I don't like sharing!"
"You, Alexandra don't like to share?" Olivia teased.
"Shut-up."
Olivia laughed heartily and Alex could tell Olivia's body tensed from jolting something on her body.
"Hey you, you ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine, I promise. A little too riled up I guess. I still feel like someone beat the shit out of me."
"Someone did beat the shit out of you!"
"I know, but shouldn't I feel better by now?"
"You were unconscious and then were laid up in a hospital bed, you just have to work out your muscles a bit, and give yourself some time to heal."
"You could help me with that."
Alex grinned, "I could and oh don't you worry I will, but right now you're taking it easy. Doctors orders!"
They sat there in silence, listening to the rain beating against the bathroom window.
"How were things in New York?"
"Different and the same. The same city, completely different without you."
"No really…"
"Everyone misses you, everyone worried about you…"
"Do they know what happened to me?"
"No, just that they found you. And probably with my disappearance they assume I'm with you."
Alex brushed back Olivia's hair with her fingers.
"You're hair is darker."
"I dyed it darker when I left for Paris."
"It's the color it was when I first met you."
"Yeah, it is." Olivia, said as the corner of her mouth turned up in to a smile, remembering.
They sat there in silence a bit longer.
"Alex?"
"Yes?"
"I need to get a Pregnancy test."
Olivia could almost feel the weight lifting out of her body as she said the words out loud.
"Oh yeah, of course yeah we can get one."
Alex's voice was shaky.
She didn't mean for it to be shaky.
"I'm late."
"Oh, oh well you could just be stressed. You've had a lot of stress on your body."
"I don't feel pregnant… and the first test was negative."
"We'll get a test, we'll find out for sure."
"Alex I can't…"
"Liv we talked about this. We'll get through it, make whatever decisions if they arise."
"All I think about is history is repeating itself. And then thinking about for years how bad I've wanted a baby... but not, not my rapist's baby.
It was the first time Olivia had said that word.
Rapist.
"It wouldn't be Lucas' baby," Alex said almost sternly.
They sat there again in silence for a moment before Alex reached for the shampoo.
"How bout that hair wash I promised."
Olivia, with Alex's help sat up in the tub.
Alex began to lather Olivia's hair.
Olivia couldn't help but let out a moan at the feel of Alex's fingers running through her hair.
"Feel good baby?" Alex whispered against Olivia's ear.
"So good." Olivia let out in a breath.
Alex took the time to massage Olivia scalp, taking in Olivia and the sweet scent that was now permeating from her hair.
She wanted Olivia to relax, take her mind away from their previous conversation.
Alex carefully poured the water to rinse Olivia's hair.
"All done," Alex said regretfully.
"Thank you baby." Olivia said feeling more relaxed than she had in a year.
"How bout we get out of this tub and I'll make breakfast? Then you and I can have some couch time."
Olivia nodded, "sounds like a plan." Alex leaned in kissing Olivia's shoulder, up her neck.
"You keep doing that we and won't get anywhere."
Alex grinned knowing Olivia was right.
"Come on let's get out of this tub."