hello no i'm not dead but life has been painful and college is a burden and this chapter was just a pain to write... a little on the short side but charged with emotion (if i did it right lmao) i know developments might be a little controversial atm... i'd just like to put it out there that i welcome constructive feedback so hit me up with it man ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ
hope you enjoy!
It's part of Kagami's daily routine to drop by Murasakibara's patisserie every day before work. It's always marvelled him how the big man's large hands could craft such intricate, delicate, absolutely delicious pastries and sweet treats, but he's not going to complain. Not when Tatsuya gives him fifty-percent-off discounts on the cheeseburger-themed galettes.
After graduating high school, Murasakibara had quit competitive basketball and university altogether, and gone off to culinary school. Tatsuya had continued on with his professional career, and after a few years in LA, he'd come back to Tokyo to play for the Japan team. Kagami's truly happy for him, yes he is, but he can't help suppressing a twinge of bitterness at Tatsuya's success, not when he could have had it all as well.
His knee still hurts sometimes, hurts like a bitch. But it doesn't stop him from dropping by Atsushi's Buns and Bakes every day before his shift to pick up a quick breakfast. It lets him see Tatsuya too, after all, since his brother usually helps out at the patisserie in the morning before the paid help arrives.
Two days after the fire, he drops by again at his usual time, slipping a thousand-yen bill across the counter and waiting for Tatsuya to wrap up the galettes for him. Tatsuya complains good-naturedly about the amount Kagami consumes, and reminds him to watch his waistline now he doesn't exercise as frequently anymore. Kagami banters cheerfully with him, defending his belly with fierce pride at how many sit-ups he gets done in a day, and reminds Tatsuya, as he always does, that firefighting isn't exactly a physically-relaxing job.
The huge pile of galettes is eventually crammed into a small paper bag, which Kagami takes and places between his palms to warm himself up. He shivers, and although the central heating is on in the patisserie, his breath comes out as a fluffy whorl of mist that curls upwards towards the air vents. It's autumn now, and the days are getting shorter and colder.
Murasakibara comes out the kitchen, absent-mindedly wiping his flour-covered hands on his bright pink apron, a joke gift from Kagami a few Christmases ago. The large words on the front read "Mr Good-Lookin' is Cookin'", and Tatsuya had blushed a bright red when the gift had been opened, but Murasakibara had been as stoic as ever, thanking "Kaga-chin" for the lovely present and promptly proceeding to pull it over his head.
According to Tatsuya, he and the grossly pink apron have been inseparable ever since, and what has Kagami done, he ought to be ashamed of himself, etcetera, etcetera. Kagami mostly just laughs it off, because Murasakibara can pull off pink pretty well, all things considered.
The pastry chef nods at Kagami as he goes to the glass display cases and starts arranging the cakes in order of colour. Kagami shoots him a quick smile and a "What's up, Murasakibara" before picking up his change from the counter and walking towards the door. He waves goodbye to Tatsuya as he goes.
The next day, Kagami comes back as usual, only this time Tatsuya is frowning as he wraps up his galettes.
"I swear I've seen Aomine fucking Daiki around the patisserie recently," he says, and Kagami drops his wallet on the floor.
He slowly picks up all the coins before he straightens up, thinking about what to say. In the end, he decides to go with 'complete ignorance', and cocks an eyebrow.
"Eh, ah, so?" he asks, taking out the thousand-yen bill and putting it on the counter.
Tatsuya shrugs, but his eyes are shrewd, and fixed on Kagami's face. "I haven't seen him around much these past few years, that's all," he murmurs, his eyes dropping to the money as he puts it in the cashier and presses the keys. "Word was he'd moved to Kyoto. Atsushi's been seeing him around too, actually, but he hasn't tried to contact any of us. Kise seems to know something, although every time I tried to ask him about it he fobbed me off. You happen to know anything about Aomine coming back, Taiga?"
"Why ask me?" Kagami asks in reply, promptly taking out one of the galettes and stuffing it into his mouth whole to excuse him from saying anything else. He chokes a little on the ham, but otherwise, the crust is soft and chewy as ever and it goes down well.
Tatsuya does that casual little shrug again, the one that seems way more innocent that it actually is. "You guys were close back then, weren't you?" he asks shamelessly, automatically filling a cup of water from the dispenser and handing it to Kagami. "Or at least, it seemed that way for a while. Was I wrong?"
No, Kagami thinks bitterly, you weren't wrong. I wish you were wrong.
"He's dangerous, Taiga," Tatsuya says, leaning forward. The amusement in his eyes is now completely gone, and he looks perfectly serious.
"He's a policeman, not a crook," Kagami laughs, but both of them can tell it's forced.
Tatsuya shakes his head. "You know what I'm talking about. Watch yourself, Taiga."
Kagami tells him he can look after himself, and not to worry about Aomine because the whole matter doesn't concern him one jot, and leaves. He's in a bad temper the rest of the day.
Bad things always come in threes, so they say, and Kagami now knows this to be true. Strike one had been the fire. Strike two had been Tatsuya's little brotherly 'talk'. And strike three…
He doesn't watch his back, and that's how he gets jumped, one day after the talk with Tatsuya, caught just outside the patisserie with one hand full of pastries and the other reaching for his bus pass.
"Heeeeeeey…" A hand slides round his waist and he jerks instinctively. One elbow goes back into the other man's stomach and his left foot stomps backward, hard. Aomine utters an alarmed bark of discomfort as the heel of Kagami's boot digs into his toes.
"Shit, Kagami," Aomine coughs, the elbow having caught him in his abdomen. "It's just me."
Kagami doesn't dignify him with a response, and continues walking on as if he doesn't exist. Aomine straightens up behind him and hurries after him, clapping one hand on his shoulder as he massages his stomach.
"You really don't soften your blows, do you, huh?" he says, a lilt of amusement to his voice. Kagami shakes him off irritably and continues walking on, but Aomine is as dogged as ever, catching up quickly and proceeding to engage him in one of the most inane conversations he has ever had the misfortune of experiencing.
Finally, Kagami sighs, and turns around. His face is a masterpiece of pissed-off, fuming, raging annoyance, and he stuffs his hands forcibly into his pockets so he won't try and punch Aomine in his smug, smiling face. He growls out an irritable "What do you want?" and waits for Aomine to reply.
Aomine gives a short chuckle and runs his hands through his dark hair. He's looking extremely good today, in a plain white shirt that clings to his chest and a jacket slung over his shoulder. The blue skinny jeans he's wearing accentuate the slim line of his hips, and both the men and women walking past stop to goggle at his body. Kagami hates them all.
"Just wanted to talk to my favourite person in the world, that's all," he says, spreading his hands apologetically. "Nothing wrong with that, is there?"
Kagami hisses out a vehement breath and spins around, urging his legs to walk faster, to carry him away from this walking ball of disaster. Aomine catches up to him again and grabs his shoulder, this time forcibly enough to stop him in his tracks.
"Okay, okay," he mutters, and it's the combination of serious and sulky in his voice that makes Kagami relent. He turns around again and directs a very eloquent glare in Aomine's direction. Aomine is very pointedly not looking at his face, but down at the floor.
He takes a deep breath, as if to rally himself, and exhales.
"Ineedtotalktoyou," he mumbles, and Kagami blinks. The words had been jumbled together and fast, and so he hadn't really made them out properly, but he could guess what Aomine wanted, and that was certainly unexpected.
"You want… to talk?" he says slowly. Then he laughs. It's a bitter laugh. "Come on, Aomine. This isn't like you. Don't you mean, you want to fuck?"
The word sounds cruel and angry, and he snaps his out with biting force. Aomine flinches backwards as if he were slapped, and he peeks upwards quickly before flicking his lashes down.
"I… wanted to talk to you," he says softly. "Come on, Kagami."
And it's the way he says Kagami's name, soft and sweet and wounded almost, that makes Kagami give in. Contrary to his exterior, and sometimes to his great chagrin, Kagami has always been kind.
He gestures for Aomine to follow him, and stomps forward towards the park. Today is Saturday, thankfully, and he picks a secluded area of the park where they can sit down on one of the benches and not be overheard by the weekend crowds. Not that there are many at this time of day.
He sits down before Aomine and pulls one of the tarts out of the bag. Aomine plonks himself down next to him and watches him eat for a while. This does not make him uncomfortable, of course, not in the least. Not at all.
"Stop watching me eat, bloody hell," Kagami growls, after a minute or two of silence plus his loud angsty chomping. "Say what you wanted to say and get lost."
Aomine offers him a small lopsided smile, and it hurts Kagami that it still makes his heart twinge. He opens his mouth to speak, Kagami takes a deep breath, and the suspense almost kills him.
"I don't really know what to say," Aomine says, rather anticlimactically. Kagami's nails dig deep crescents into the flesh of his thigh, and he almost bites his tongue.
He shoots to his feet, ready to leave, because really this is all ridiculous and he should never have given Aomine a chance anyway. He'd cheated on him, never apologised, never spoken to him again, and now he had the gall to drag him off into the woods and have nothing to say. Kagami had spent days, weeks, months waiting for his phone to ring with the familiar ringtone he'd set for Aomine only, and the phone had never rung. Not even once, and the fact still hurts him deep down.
But Aomine catches on to his sleeve as he stands, and he automatically looks down at the other man. The look in Aomine's eyes is fragile, tired, and unfamiliar. It takes Kagami a moment to realise that it's fear.
"Kagami," Aomine whispers, and his voice breaks on the last syllable. Kagami sits back down.
Aomine swallows. He seems to be making some sort of large decision, the rusty cogs in his head whirring to life, and Kagami waits. Kagami has never been a patient man, not by far, but he's willing to wait for Aomine.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs. The world is quiet around them, save for the rustling of the autumn leaves falling to the ground, and the gentle murmur of faraway people. A soft breeze blows through the short curls at the base of Aomine's skull. Kagami hears a pigeon coo in the distance, and the rustling of a squirrel above their heads, and he can smell the fresh, sour tang of mustard in the air.
Aomine pulls a familiar-looking paper bag out of his jacket pocket and plops it down in Kagami's lap. "I thought I'd be able to catch you before you went in, but I was working a case last night, and I woke up late, so." He clears his throat and looks away from Kagami's startled eyes. "I don't think the guy at the counter likes me much."
Kagami finds his voice, and utters a little bark of surprised laughter. "Yeah, I would think so," he replies, opening the paper bag and finding the familiar burger-flavoured galettes, a little soft but still edible. "He's Himuro Tatsuya, from Yosen. I think he'd be offended that you didn't remember him."
Aomine brushes Tatsuya aside impatiently and speaks again, his eyes fixed on Kagami's mouth as he hungrily devours the galettes.
"So… I'm sorry," he repeats, this time looking straight into Kagami's eyes. "I'm sorry I was a jerk to you last time."
Kagami almost spits out the food in his mouth, managing to choke it down with difficulty. He coughs a few times before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, then he turns his eyes up towards Aomine. The glare in his eyes, he's sure, is hot enough to melt metal.
"You're sorry you were a jerk?!" he spits, derisively. "Come on, Aomine, you weren't just a jerk. You were a cheating, lying son of a bitch, and you had the nerve to tell the girl you weren't bloody finished when I was standing there right in front of you! I'd say apologising for being a fucking jerk is underkill, wouldn't you say, compared to your other long list of sins."
Aomine winces visibly with every word that's shot at him, but still he bites his lip and bows his head. He takes the verbal beating without protest, and when Kagami is done and turns to go, he catches hold of Kagami's sleeve again. The touch is gentle and hesitant, painfully familiar, and Kagami catches his breath sharply.
"I'm sorry I hurt you," Aomine says simply, and the emotion in his voice is raw.
Kagami lets out the breath he is holding. His temper has always been wildly explosive, stormy and impetuous, but when it comes down to it he can never stay angry for long. Especially not at Aomine.
"You were… you were awful to me," he manages. "I loved you."
"I know," Aomine murmurs. He doesn't repeat the words back to Kagami, and Kagami's grateful for that, because he doesn't need to hear empty words right now. He needs calm, and quiet, and peace, now that Aomine has once more come into his life.
He remembers the incidents of the past few days, and seats himself slowly back down onto the bench. "What do you want from me, Aomine?" he asks, point-blank, because the way the other had been acting around him had certainly not been normal behaviour.
"I want you again," Aomine says, his voice tight. "I didn't mean to sleep with you at the reunion, I didn't mean it, but you were… you were… I don't have any excuses, but seeing you again was unbearable." He looks into Kagami's eyes, and his own are rife with pain. "I wanted you so badly. I never realised how badly I wanted you until that night. I never realised how badly I needed you in my life until you left – until I made you leave. I'm sorry, Kagami. I can't say that enough times, but I'm truly sorry for what I did."
"Why?" Kagami asks simply, and the hurt he had buried for so long suddenly rises to the surface and colours the tone of his voice. When he repeats his question, his voice is hoarse with emotion. "Why?"
"Because I was an idiot!" Aomine shouts, and the sudden change in volume startles the both of them. "Because I didn't know how good I had it until we weren't together any more. Because I'd never fallen that fast, and I'd never fallen that hard, and it scared me, Kagami. It scared me to know I'd lose control of myself because of how badly I needed you. It was my first time... My first time being attracted to a man, and I didn't know... I didn't know what to do."
"It scared me too, Aomine, but I didn't cheat on you with a girl," hisses Kagami. "You can't ever understand how badly you hurt me."
"Believe me, Kagami, I've tried," Aomine rasps. The usual seductive lilt to his voice is missing, and all that is left is pure, volatile emotion. "I've imagined, so many times, what it would have been like if you'd cheated on me, and the pain I feel is… it's indescribable. I know you can't forgive me so soon, but I still lo – I still like you, and I want to mend the relationship between us. Is that too impossible a task?"
Kagami feels the hurt in his chest, and the way his heart clenches tight, but then he looks back into the dark, hooded eyes that are Aomine's. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He feels, again, the shape of Aomine's body against his, the taste of his lips, the touch of his skilful hands, and suddenly, he finds his yearning too much to bear.
He is, after all, but a man, and Aomine's touch is fire on his skin.
"Fuckbuddies," he finds himself saying, although his voice is unsteady and wavering. "That's all we'll be for the time being. I can't guarantee you friendship even, not at the moment, and definitely not more, but I can give you my body." His fists open and clench several times, and he closes his eyes, unable to bear the weight of Aomine's gaze any longer.
"I feel... I feel sexual desire for you," Kagami manages. "Our bodies are good together. That's all there is to it. Whatever love I had for you died a long time ago." He ignores the painful twinge in his chest as he says these words.
When he opens his eyes and looks back into Aomine's, the pain in them is almost too much for him to bear, but he steels his heart against it and holds firm. He is but a man, and the sex between them is too good to pass up, no matter how unfeeling and cold loveless coupling makes him feel. Their chemistry is mind-blowing, and he's not going to pass up the opportunity to fuck Aomine when and where he wants, not when Aomine is in a capitulating and compromising mood. He's not going to give him his heart, and the only thing he can - the only thing he wants to offer – is his body.
Somehow, that only makes his chest tighten even further, and suddenly he cannot breathe. He gets up from the bench and takes a long, deep breath.
Aomine's confession and apology should have given him a sense of closure, of resolution; after all, he's dreamed about confronting Aomine and digging his fists into him till he cannot breathe, but somehow he just feels empty. Empty of emotion, of feeling, of caring, and he hates that Aomine can still move his emotions to such an extent.
Fuckbuddies, he repeats in his head. That's all we are, and all I want to be.
It doesn't make him feel any better.
"You've made a really bad decision," Kuroko says, his face blank as ever, but his eyes are strangely cold. Kagami chokes on his cheeseburger and slaps a hand over his mouth, his eyes widening in horror as he stares at his companion.
"Wh - Wait - How - How did you know?" he splutters, when he's cleaned up the partially-partially-chewed pieces of the burger he'd spewed onto the table in his surprise.
Kuroko shrugs, that characteristic, nonchalant shrug - God, Kagami swears Kuroko and Tatsuya are both so similar sometimes. Especially in the way both of them annoy him in equal parts.
Watching him closely, Kuroko sips at the straw of his milkshake. "So I was right, wasn't I?" he murmurs. "I could tell from your demeanour. And trouble always seems to crop up for you where Aomine-kun is concerned."
Kagami is silent for a few minutes, then he hunches down closer to the table and grips on tight to the burger in his hands. He doesn't affirm Kuroko's words, nor does he deny them, and Kuroko sighs, as if he's divined all.
"You've always had a soft spot for Aomine-kun," Kuroko says, his voice as stoic as ever. "Despite him being your rival - or rather, precisely because he was your rival."
Kagami bites his lip, because as much as he wants to deny it, he knows Kuroko's simply speaking the truth. When it comes to Aomine, Kagami just can't seem to make logical decisions. And even though he's never really been one for science or book learning or all that smart shit, he suddenly remembers a nature documentary he'd watched with his gramma, a long time ago in the States - he remembers the grasshopper infected with a parasitic worm, coerced by the parasite to jump into the water - ensuring an inevitable suicide against its will, and the continued survival of the parasite. He thinks of Aomine and the way he moves, sleek and predatory and unforgivingly cruel, and he thinks of himself - dangling at the edge of the water, about to jump in, willingly walking on the path to self-destruction.
It's not a pleasant thought, to say the least.
Kuroko interrupts his reverie by checking the watch on his wrist and decisively finishing off his drink with a soft, barely-perceptible slurp. He stands up and pushes Kagami's burger wrappers onto his tray.
"Come on," he says calmly, as if nothing as happened. "I'm due at the preschool in an hour's time."
Kagami looks up and him, and he feels suddenly very small. It's a strange and wholly-foreign feeling to him, since he's used to always being the biggest in the room ever since young, but the way Kuroko's eyes now make him feel small, and vulnerable, and scared.
"You're not going to try and dissuade me?" he asks, almost timidly, except that he's never timid. "You're not going to tell me off? Even though you know I've made a really bad decision?" There is a curious plaintive note in his voice, and he hates it. He hates Aomine even more, for exposing his vulnerability, and he blames him, too, for the way his life is going upside down.
Goddamnit, he'd had it all planned out too – get away from Aomine, play basketball professionally, meet Aomine years later on a court and be strong enough to tell him to fuck off -
Well, he'd done one of those three things, anyway. Life always screwed things up, he thinks bitterly.
And now he's been beaten down to this – hanging onto Kuroko's next words like it's the last tendrils of his sanity, hoping, wishing, that Kuroko can deliver him from the newfound pain and anguish and slow-burn poison that Aomine, toxic, toxic Aomine, has brought back into his life.
But Kuroko only shakes his head firmly, and gestures for him to get up. "It's your own decision, after all, Kagami-kun," he murmurs. "I've always wanted to take Aomine-kun down, ever since he hurt you, but I've stopped myself, because you didn't ask me to. I trust you to make your own choices. It's not up to me what you decide to do."
Kagami pops the last of the burger into his mouth, suddenly feeling a secret warmth bloom through his chest and down to his toes. He might not show it often, but really, he's grateful for Kuroko's friendship, his unyielding loyalty, and most of all, his trust. The words, though not what he wants, are what he needs, and they give him strength – enough strength to push down the concentrated jealousy and anger and righteous hatred in his mind.
"Oh," Kuroko pauses, his eyes thoughtful, as he looks at Kagami, the tray perched in his hands. "Also, you've always been one of the few people Aomine-kun was willing to listen to. I think, perhaps, maybe... maybe you've always just been special to him."
Kagami is left staring after him, speechless, as Kuroko marches away to deposit the tray in the return bin.
aokaga is life and i would never abandon this beautiful fandom;;; so even though i may not update frequently be rest assured that i will update! leave a review if you can : 3 find me on tumblr at kitcatkandy!