Hello all,
This is a short chapter but it just came very easily to my fingers so I thought I might as well post it. Thank you so much for your responses, I have had a really rough couple of months and it was your encouragement that gave me enough strength to write again.
Please enjoy, and let me know of any questions or suggestions!
It doesn't matter. What happened doesn't matter.
It doesn't change me. I'm the same stubborn Nord.
It doesn't matter. My body has been through much worse.
It doesn't mean anything. It's over.
It's over.
I repeated these thoughts in an uninterrupted loop in my head as I let my bruising body rest on the stone floor.
It's over.
Harkon had left me on the floor, what rags my clothes were now shredded to pieces at my sides, what was left of my pride destroyed.
No. It didn't affect me. I'm not affected. I'm not.
I shut my eyes to keep the tears from falling. They leaked out the sides though and fell down into my hair, each of them products of how broken I now felt, how dirty my body is.
No. NO. I'm FINE.
My lips were swollen. Mostly from the forced kissing but some from where I had been bitten by his sharp canines. My neck was a minefield of puncture wounds, as well. All my back felt bruised from being assaulted on the hard stone, and my tailbone and hips hurt from-
Nothing. Nothing that matters. It doesn't matter.
I had begun to shiver, what with my bare body strewn on the cold floor. I shifted, and the pain in my groin shot out to the rest of my body, freezing my movement and making me let out a whimper.
The sound angered me.
I am NOT sad. No.
I laid there for a few more moments, battling my thoughts, before I crawled over to the fireplace to gather some warmth. I tried not to look at the blood trail I left, coming from the lower half of my body. After a few minutes right next to the fire, my body felt overheated, and yet, I was still shivering.
Goddamnit.
My head fell into my hands and I let one sob escape, and the shivering turned into shaking.
Stop. Just, stop.
One more sob broke its way out of my chest.
No. Please…
And then the dam broke completely. As hard as I tried to make it stop, it continued on like a hard rain. I bent over myself in front of the fire, the sobs pushing me further and further away from my control, from my pride, from my strong willpower.
I don't know how long I sat there hunched over crying, but eventually I felt someone call my name and some form of clothing being wrapped around me. I opened my eyes to see the worried face of the one person I wanted to see right now; Serana.
"Nadia, oh my God. I…Oh my God." She pulled me into her arms and I burrowed into her chest like a small child, relinquishing what little was left of my strength to simply cry in the arms of another.
What a wonderful feeling that is. To be able to truly relax in someone's arms, to be able to surrender your forced strength to blissful truth.
When my sobbing subsided, I unburied myself to look up into her emotional eyes.
"I love you, Serana."
Her eyes widened, and she blinked for a second before hugging me once again, tighter this time. She spoke softly.
"I love you too, Nadia." She pulled me even closer. "He will pay for his sins, a thousand times over. I promise this to you."
I registered what she said, but my heart had no more room for anger or retaliation.
I just want to stay here, in her arms, forever.
Is this what it means to be broken? I felt my heart drop. Trained?
"Nadia, I need to get medical supplies and clothing for you." I pulled away. "And see…where he is."
I nodded and released my hold on her. She helped me make our way to the pile of blankets, and she gently helped me down. She smiled a defeated smile to me and went to leave, but I grabbed her hand.
"Please…please. Be quick."
She nodded and bent down towards our conjoined hands. She softly kissed the top of my hand, and I felt my stomach hit the floor.
"I will run back to you."
I smiled at her, but as soon as she turned away, my smile dropped. I watched her quickly leave the room, and I was left alone, with my thoughts.
Shit.
I closed my eyes, but I just kept seeing the same words repeat themselves in front of my eyes.
Dirty. Whore. Broken. Dog. Pet. Dirty. Whore. Broken.
Broken.
Please, please, Serana. Hurry.
O
O
O
O
O
The image of Nadia was stuck in her eyes, like when you look directly at the sun. Blood, everywhere. Her neck…her mouth. Her…
The anger came back, pure hatred forher monster of a father put his hands on her, his lips on her Nadia. It made her want to scream.
Stop. Help her by getting her food, medicine, clothes. Be useful Serana!
Serana snuck down the halls from her father's main room, hoping beyond hope she wouldn't run into anyone.
It was afternoon outside the castle, meaning most of its residents were sleeping in their own coffins.
But then, where is my father?
The muscles in her chest tightened at the thought of him. That monster, who scared her more than death, who had caused her and her loved ones so much suffering, who had…had raped Nadia.
Her stomach churned like when you drink the blood of a dead animal. She felt ashamed, ashamed of her family, disgusted.
Focus, Serana. Help Nadia.
The thought of her brought feelings of sadness but also feelings of hope. The tiny spot in her heart still throbbed at her confession.
Lovely timing, Nadia.
She stopped when she heard her father's distinctive tenor, coming from Feran's room; the alchemist and healing room. She crept silently and eavesdropped on them.'
"…can't believe that I lost all of my control. I've lost it before, but never completely." The Lord of the castle sighed. "Tell me, Feran, how to get rid of an addiction."
Serana's eyes widened.
"My Lord, I have never seen this before, since there hasn't been dragonborn in centuries. I-"
"Yes, yes, obviously. There must be something you can do, otherwise your usefulness to the family wanes."
She heard Feran breathe in a shaky breath.
"Of-of course, my Lord." He cleared his throat. "Well, like any addiction, once an addict, always an addict. You are technically able to wean yourself off of the blood, but for the rest of your life, or well, the dragonborn's life, any drink will have a danger of relapse. Or, in your case, well…"
"Yes." Harkon responded shortly. He sighed his frustration. Serana peaked and saw him sitting with his head in his hands. She had never seen him so upset before. Angry, sure. But not this…defeated.
"She just…gets under my skin. I do things without thinking, like our blood craze but worse. And she has absolutely no worry for her own health, the reckless girl. Doesn't she realize how priceless her blood is?"
…What is he saying?
"Well, pardon me, my Lord, but the mortal is just a stupid mortal. The food for us. Of course she doesn't get it."
Serana flinched as Harkon slammed his hand on the table. She held her breath.
"That damned lass has challenged me more than any of you fools have for hundreds of years. Why did the dragonborn have to be so strong?"
"…My Lord? Isn't she currently bleeding on your floor? That doesn't seem very strong to-"
A loud slap resonated throughout the halls, and Serana's eyes widened at Feran now cowering on the floor, Harkon standing now and looking very, very angry.
"You don't know anything. You shut your Goddamned useless mouth."
Serana slipped away then, utterly confused.
My father regrets raping Nadia? Serana shook her head. Not important. Not after I held her in my arms as she sobbed into me.
No. Get food, clothes, water for her.
O
O
O
O
O
I was breathing heavily as Serana entered the Lord's chamber. I looked over my shoulder at her to see her shocked expression.
She was shocked at what I had done to the room.
The room that was once clean and tidy, everything in its place, now looked like a hurricane had come through, scattering papers and quills and anything else all across the floor.
"Nadia…what?" Serana asked slowly as she waded through the wreckage towards me. My shoulders slumped, my breath went back to normal, and as always, immediately regretted my decisions.
"I…just, I was done being sad. I threw a damned tantrum." I murmured.
I was driving myself crazy with my thoughts.
Serana shook her head and sighed.'
"Nadia…"
"I know, I am sorry, Serana. I was trying to be complacent, I was trying, but I just, could not stay still just waiting. I…" I closed my eyes and my brows came together. "I hate feeling weak. And that is all Harkon makes me feel."
Serana bowed her head.
"I…still can't believe what he did." She met my eyes. "But, I overheard him talking to Feran, and he…" She paused, looking for words. "He made little sense. All I got from it was that he has become addicted to your blood, and the blood craze where vampires lose some control pales in comparison to what your blood makes him feel."
I listened to her as I began to clean the large room of my mess.
Addicted?
Blood craze?
Wonderful.
"I can't believe I'm related to him." Serana whispered. She heavily sat down in a chair by his desk, and I looked over at her. She set the tray of food and clothes on the desk, and then put her head in her hands. I walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"You're not. Not in my book." She glanced up at me hopefully, and I continued. "If I were to rank all of the people in Tamriel by how much I love them, Harkon would be on one end, and you would be on the other." I smiled at her. "That's all I care about."
Serana took my hand from her shoulder and squeezed it in thanks. Her glowing eyes brimmed with tears, making them look like two little suns about to rain. Then she smiled. "I hope I'm on the end of people you love."
I rolled my eyes playfully at her. "What a mystery!"
That made her smile reach her eyes, and she kissed my hand again, making my heart flutter and my cheeks warm up.
"I, uh, should probably clean up my collateral damage," I said softly. Serana lightly chuckled.
"I will help."
Together, it took us probably ten minutes to get the room back in order. I was scrubbing the last ink stain when I heard the door open, and my motor functions stopped working.
In a second, all of the terrible thoughts that I was drowning in flew back in front of my vision, and my body froze and began to tremble at the sound of him entering the same room I was in.
Shit. Shit. FUCK.
"Father." Serana's voice was harder than I had ever heard from her before, and I tried desperately to gain control of my body again.
"Daughter…" His voice was considerably softer, quiet, even. Like he didn't want to disturb what was going on in his own room.
And yet it still sent an electric chill down my spine.
I slowly, very slowly, turned my head to glance at him around my shoulder, and I beheld this tall, powerful man, looking at the floor.
Huh?
"Do you realize what you did?" Serana started, the passionate anger in her voice making my beautiful friend sound powerful.
Harkon raised a hand to stop her, but did not look up. He was glaring at the floor. "Yes, I do. Serana, you are to take her to your quarters. The dragonborn will stay there until I deem otherwise, and Rargal will bring her everything you need."
Serana and I were silent for a moment before she spoke up.
"You are… confining us to my room? But, why?"
"You are not to question your father." He breathed heavily, seeming unstable. "The dragonborn must be kept there with you, and you will draw a glass of her blood every day and give it to Feran when he comes to get it. Rargal will be posted outside your room to ensure the dragonborn stays there."
He continued to avert his eyes from me, though I am certainly not complaining.
Serana seemed to grow in power from the intensity of her glare. "Nadia needs desperate medical treatment, as well as proper care. She needs-"
"You may give her whatever you wish." Harkon interrupted. This made Serana stop and we both gave him a confused look of shock. He strode further into his room and turned towards me. I dreaded it when it came.
His gaze. His fires were dim, but they still terrified me. He looked at me but wasn't really seeing me, more lost in thought.
Fuck him.
"I will move you now." This was the first time he had addressed my presence, and my breath came faster as he approached me. He stopped in front of me and broke the eye contact, then grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door. I cringed at his touch but stayed silent, worried that my voice would betray me. My mind whirled as we approached the door.
I haven't been out of this room in…
I don't even know anymore.
I heard Serana follow me as we exited the master bedroom, and I was assaulted by the bright lights of the dining hall. I stumbled after him, his grip on my arm not exactly hard, but firm. He led us through a series of halls until we reached a room I assumed was Serana's. There was a similar fireplace, but instead of a desk there was a table and chairs. It was only slightly smaller than Harkon's room, but Serana's looked much less used, since she had been away for so long.
Harkon released me when we got in there, and I involuntarily backed away from him a few steps.
"Why are you moving her, Father?" Serana asked, as confused as I was. Harkon glared at his daughter, then looked away.
"Personal matter. Rargal will see to her needs." And with that, he left, as quickly as he came.
Serana and I stood there for a moment, before we shared a confused look. My expression was tinged with a hint of utter relief.
"I don't know why, but this will make our last week much better," I mused, looking around her room. Serana nodded.
"I will find out more about what's going on, and you, Nadia, you are going to get as healthy as you can, heal as fast as your body is capable, and be given whatever our family can give." Serana commanded, and I smiled at her.
"Yes, ma'am."
Serana smiled back and nodded, then went about to find some blankets and place them by the fire. I watched for a moment, just admiring how much my friend had grown. Where before she would cower at her father's mention, she now has earned enough strength to question him and fight back in her own way. It was beautiful.
Oh, how some flowers bloom in the darkest of places.