Urgh this chapter kicked my hiney! Sorry for the delay!
Ch. 28
The therapist had waited patiently, took notes of Olivia's mannerisms, her silence.
"You know the purpose of you being here is to talk."
Olivia fidgeted a bit more.
She had wasted thirty minutes of her hour-long session in silence.
"Olivia?"
Olivia looked up at the woman sitting across from her.
"Sorry. I was just thinking."
"What are you thinking about?"
"Alex."
"Who is Alex?"
"My, my girlfriend, my best friend."
"And why are you thinking about Alex right now?"
"She wanted me to come here, she needed me to come here."
"What do you mean?"
Olivia took a deep breath.
"She knows what happen to me. She knows why I can't let her be intimate with me."
"Because you were kidnapped and raped."
"You know the facts too."
"And you think because both Alex and I know the facts there is no need to talk about it?"
"I've been to therapy before. I know how this works. I know I'm suppose to talk about it. I'm supposed to not let it all fester inside…"
"But you're doing that anyway?"
Olivia fidgeted again, her pointer fingernail scraping at her thumbnail.
Her nervous habit.
The therapist didn't know that was her nervous habit.
Alex did.
"I chose to go to Paris. I chose to leave my life here in New York. I chose to give away everything, change my name. I chose to sleep with, fuck fall in love with a stranger, a murderer, and a man who was getting women pregnant and then selling their babies on the black market. I chose to do that. In my pretend world I was untouchable, until the day I was grabbed off the street and taken in to an alley and had the shit beat out of me out of retaliation for something I didn't do. I woke up in a basement in Dublin where I was stripped of my clothes, and I waited to be raped and tortured again and again. That pretty much sums it up."
"You survived. That has to mean something."
Olivia looked at the therapist.
"Does it? Does it mean something?"
"What about Alex?"
"What about Alex? Olivia retorted.
"Were you with her before you left?"
"No."
"But you're with her now."
"Yes."
"Is your relationship new?"
"No, she's been my best friend for years, and we both had feeling for each other… She came to Dublin to be with me when I was taken to the hospital."
"So you care a great deal for her and she does for you?"
"I love her. I'm in love with her."
"Has she told you that she loves you?"
"She tries to tell me every chance she gets."
"So maybe you surviving, maybe it does mean something? Maybe you were meant to survive for Alex?"
"How poetic." Olivia said with a nervous breath.
"Maybe so, but still a possibility."
Olivia was fidgeting again.
Maybe she had survived for Alex.
"I'll let you go for today. How about you come back tomorrow, same time?"
Olivia nodded, agreeing.
AOAOAOAOAOAO
"Coming!" Alex said making her way to the door.
She peered through the peephole to see the familiar face waiting patiently in the hallway.
"Martin," Alex said surprised to see him. "Come in… Is everything ok?" Alex asked instantly worrying.
She gave him a quick welcoming hug.
"Everything is fine, but I need to speak with you and Samantha."
"Um… she's out. But she should be back any time now. I could call her and see if she's on her way home. "
"If you don't mind I can wait here."
"Yes of course, come sit." Alex offered motioning towards the living room.
"Can I get you something to drink?"
"No, no thank you, I'm fine." Martin said as he sat down.
"Caroline…"
"Alex."
Martin gave a gentle smile. "Yes, Alex."
He remembered their conversation in the elevator at the hospital.
She was not a he.
She was Alex.
"Martin, just tell me Lucas hasn't escaped or something crazy! I'm happy to see you but… " Alex said ready to jump out of her skin.
"Alex, no he hasn't, I promise."
Alex nodded calming down.
"How is she?"
She.
Olivia.
"Ok… She has good days and bad."
Martin nodded understanding.
"To be expected."
"Yes…" Alex said with a deep breath.
Before either could continue, they heard a key in the door.
Olivia came in and both Alex and Martin now stood, looking at her.
She looked at both of them.
"What's wrong? What happened?" Olivia said dropping her things by the door.
Martin looked at Alex and then back to Olivia.
"Everything's fine," Martin said walking towards Olivia, trying to calm her. "I wanted to tell you when you were both here, Alex forgive me for making you wait" Martin apologized then looking back to Olivia.
"Tell us what?" Olivia asked gripping her fist tightly.
"Lucas is dead."
"What?" Olivia said barely above a whisper.
"It seems an associate of Gareth's happened to be in the same prison Lucas was being held in."
Alex held her hand over her mouth.
She was shocked.
And relieved.
"How did it happen?" Alex asked.
"Stabbed. I was told he died quickly."
Alex reached out for Olivia, her hand gripping her arm.
"You ok?" She asked worried by the look on Olivia's face.
"Yeah I am. I mean he's dead. You're sure he's dead? She asked looking to Martin.
Martin shook his head. "I flew to Dublin, saw his body."
"Samantha?" Martin said looking for assurance.
"Olivia. My name is Olivia."
She wasn't Samantha anymore.
The corner of Martin's mouth turned up.
"Daniel… Daniel Martin."
Olivia gave a slight smile.
All of this time.
They now knew each other's first name.
"Martin, if you're not in a hurry, please come and sit, let me get us some coffee. I think I can speak for Olivia when I say we've missed you."
Martin gave a smile.
He had missed them.
"You guys go sit, catch up!" Alex prompted.
Alex turned back to Olivia, before making her way to the kitchen. "Everything go ok?" She asked quietly alluding to her therapy session.
Olivia shook her head giving an assuring smile, and Alex's hand a quick squeeze before walking with Martin to the living room.
"Olivia…" Martin said, her name rolling off his tongue. "Your name fits you."
"Does it?" Olivia smiled as she sat across from Martin on the couch.
"How are you?" Martin asked sincerely.
"Shitty, ok… great, getting by. I agreed to go to therapy. That's where I was this morning."
"I'm glad you did."
"So is Alex."
"You've been through a lot. She just wants what's best for you."
Olivia shook her head agreeing.
"So do you know who killed Lucas?" Olivia asked curiously.
"Do you remember Gareth ever mentioning a Frenchman by the name of Nicolas?"
Olivia looked at Martin.
"Nicolas? No."
"It seems to be quite the coincidence that this guy was brought in to a Dublin prison after Lucas."
"So you think there was a plan to kill Lucas in prison all along?"
"Not surprised if it was the plan. A little too coincidental."
"Are they looking in to this Nicolas guy's background?"
"The Dublin officials are handling it, but Gareth's people claimed Nicolas right away and took fault for the murder."
"Wow." Olivia said quietly.
Both turned their heads when Alex appeared in the living room.
Martin stood offering to help with the tray of coffee.
"Everything ok?" Alex asked.
"Yeah just talking about Lucas' death."
That wasn't a lie.
"It's nice to be back in New York." Martin said, obviously changing the conversation he and Olivia were having.
"How long are you here for?" Olivia asked following the change in conversation.
"Just the afternoon unfortunately. I know you both are glad to be back home."
"Well I think Olivia is still getting used to calling this home, but I'm so happy to have her here with me."
"I'm happy to be here and I'm getting spoiled here on the Upper East Side." Olivia joked as Alex shook her head, rolling her eyes.
Martin laughed as they continued to make small talk and catch up, never mentioning Lucas again.
After an hour they wished Martin well and said their goodbyes.
AOAOAOAOAO
Alex closed the door, and she was back to the living room with Olivia.
She watched Olivia busily gather the coffee cups and pick up the tray.
"Are you ok that Lucas is dead?"
"Why wouldn't I be? He's dead. What's there not to be ok about?" Olivia asked as she made her way in to the kitchen.
Alex followed.
"He won't pay for what he did to you."
Olivia was quiet for a moment as she put the dishes in to the sink.
"I feel better knowing he can't come after me, he can't hurt me anymore."
Alex studied Olivia, contemplating her answer as she shook her head.
"You know it's ok to be angry, sad… something."
"Alex." Olivia said turning her attention to her. "I'm not putting my emotional energy in to Lucas. I'm happy he's dead ok. I don't want to invest in him, think about him."
"That won't make him go away Liv."
"I know. But he's dead."
"So how was therapy?"
"Good."
"Good?"
"She wants me to come back tomorrow."
"Oh well I guess it's good…"
"She thinks I'm a basket case."
"Olivia, you're not a basket case."
"It took me half an hour before I said anything."
"That's ok. There's not protocol to what you should and shouldn't do in therapy."
"She said maybe I survived all of this for you."
"What?"
"I told her how much I loved you, that you came to Dublin for me…"
"You didn't survive for me, you survived for yourself."
Olivia bit her bottom lip, then turned back to the dishes.
"Olivia!"
Olivia stopped, her hands no longer rattling the cups in the sink.
"Baby, please." Alex said pulling Olivia away from the sink.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put that on you."
"Put what on me? Saying that you love me that much? Honey, I love you THAT much, but I want you to have survived for you. I want to you to know you survived so you can be the Olivia Benson that I love, that everyone loves."
Olivia shook her head, hoping she believed that.
"How bout we go out for dinner? Maybe a movie?" Alex said, trying to change the mood.
"You asking me out on a date?"
Alex smiled.
"Yes I am."
Olivia grinned relieved at the change in subject.
"I'm going to get a quick shower and get ready."
"Ok, I think I'll change while you shower."
Alex gave Olivia a quick kiss before she disappeared in to the bedroom.
And Olivia still stood there thinking, thinking of Nicolas.