Hi guys. Uuggh so this chapter got a bit rewritten because of a computer crash. Why, Microsoft? Why you no auto-save? Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

WARNING: There is bullying in this one.

I went back to my room a little before 9 o' clock. I was too tired of the smoke and bad memories. Sandy had the most genuinely concerned expression on his face that I'd ever seen. He'd put his laptop down and turned off his music.

Are you okay? Read his notebook.

"Fine," I muttered. I pulled open one of the drawers under my bed and took out my night bag. "I'm going to take a shower."

I didn't look to see Sandy's reply before going back into the hall. There was no-one out now, but as I walked toward the bathroom I could hear a couple of laughs echoing off the tiles along with the running water. Taking a deep breath, I wrenched the door open and rushed for the toilets first. Second stop was the sinks, and I brushed my teeth while pointedly ignoring the other guys around me. It wasn't that I was scared. It was frustrating, frustrating and annoying how quiet they'd gotten. Were they sizing me up? Judging my appearance? Have they never seen a tall, skinny, pale man with silver-gold eyes and slicked-back hair? What is it? I'm not the only gothic-looking introvert here. I'm not the only sophomore who can't mingle with his floor mates. I'm not the only one.

I can't be the only one.

Some of the chatter had returned. Some remarks, a laugh. Now I was panicking. Even though it was a simple act on their part, even though they might not have been – I couldn't help but worry that they were talking about me. I wasn't hearing a single word they said, but my mind was filling in blanks without any type of reason. Memory after memory rushed back to me, and they made me shiver with anger, with self-disgust.

I hurriedly found the shower stall furthest away from all the others and pushed the door shut. I set my night bag on the small bench and pulled out a pair of flip-flops. Peeling off my clothes, I realized they smelled a bit of smoke, and I groaned to myself. I stepped into the flip-flops, grabbed soap, shampoo, and a washcloth from my bag, and went past the curtain to the actual shower.

I didn't like the water too hot. That felt too harsh, too biting. I found it perfect when it was just enough to be called warm. It was comforting. I sighed as my shoulders began to relax. Then I got to scrubbing myself down, as if every phantom touch and scent could be washed away with the soap. Then came washing my hair; the most relaxing part, I thought. I could pretend, at least for a while, that I was washing away the memories themselves. I was calm now, not thinking about the students outside or how they laughed amongst themselves. I was getting so relaxed that, without any inhibitions, my mouth opened.

I promptly snapped it shut before any sound dared escape. I'd learned my lesson long ago! I couldn't ever do that again.

I finished rinsing and turned off the water. I toweled off quickly, growing more and more nervous. There were no voices while I put on the boxers and t-shirt I called pajamas. Finally, just before I opened the stall door, I heard a familiar voice that made my blood run cold.

"Aw, I guess he really isn't gonna sing for us."

My heart was in my throat. I couldn't swallow and I couldn't speak. Maybe if I made a run for it the moment I opened the door…? With one shaking hand grasping my night bag and the other on the stall lock, I breathed in and opened the door.

"So the crow came out of his cage," that same voice spoke to me. It sent horrid shivers along my skin, like a slimy bug creeping up my arms. "What's the matter, huh? No songs for us this year?"

I didn't say anything; I was analyzing my surroundings for the fastest way to get out of here and back to my room. Ferin hadn't been in the bathroom when I'd come in, but he was here now and had somehow gotten the other guys laughing at his mocking questions. In spite of myself, I felt my cheeks heating up. The memories came back, one by one, of my agonizing first year and the torture this man had subjected me to. It was every freshman's nightmare; a tall, well-built upperclassman with influence over a large chunk of the school. There were no cliques in college, or at least they say there isn't. But a desire to belong burns in every human. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. People separated themselves into groups and got pitted against each other in the end. Ferin was the leader of a very large pack, and I… I had been alone. Now, in the bathroom on the first night of sophomore year, I was alone again.

At least, I was until the door opened.

Sandy came in carrying his toiletries in one hand and his pajamas on his arm. He smiled when he looked at me, and then looked confusedly around the room when he realized the foreboding atmosphere. Ferin and the other boys noticed him come in, too, and I seized the opportunity. I was back in the hall before anyone noticed I'd slipped past them. I came back to the room and put my things away, and I was under the covers pretending to be asleep when Sandy came back.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little bad. Sandy hadn't done anything intentionally. He'd saved me from whatever drama Ferin had been intending to cause. But I couldn't face him; I felt too mortified. Even though I refused to get up, I didn't want to go to sleep.

Nightmares were a part of my daily life, you see. In all the years I'd spent as a teenager looking for his place in the world, not a single good dream had made its way through my brain. I either had terrible nightmares or didn't dream at all.

That's all I can do for now, guys. I've had camp the past few days, along with driving school, and I'm dead tired. Have a good evening~!