It was just another day at the police department. Another fruitless day pursuing Reipa, that is. Suddenly, Matsuda stood up and made an announcement. "L is gay," Matsuda declared. The five other members of the police force working on the capture of Reipa, glad to be relieved of their boredom, cheered and clapped involuntarily before even comprehending the words that came out of Matsuda's mouth. Matsuda was a star at the police department. He was known to be extremely smart and could use his logical deductive skills to figure out what his fellow colleagues were up to the day before. Most of the time, it was "working overtime", but it was still impressive! L gasped. "I am not," he cried through the computer, in a distorted voice. "He's lying," Matsuda whispered to his colleagues in the room, and they all erupted in a fit of giggles. "Why you little… I'm going to go over there and make you sorry! I'm going to go over there and whack your inferior asses so hard, you'll be wishing Reipa came to save you," L screamed. Aizawa perked his head up. "So this means we'll be able to show us your face? I don't trust you, L. I don't trust gay people. Come on, let's meet! SHOW ME YOUR FACE!" He yelled, running towards the laptop transmitting L's speech. He cupped his hands around the monitor, strangling it. L made fake choking sounds as the other policemen rushed to restrain Aizawa and his overwhelming afro. "Oh, Aizawa, that hurts so much," L said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Shut up, you dumbass," Aizawa roared. L became quiet. "What… did you say?" He whispered eerily. Everyone at the police department fell silent. After a slight pause, Aizawa replied the detective. "I said shut up, you dumbass." Aizawa grinned defiantly and crossed his arms. "Call me a dumbass one more time?" L chewed his words slowly, as if he were talking to a very small child. "L, you're a stupid, incompetent dumbass," Aizawa shouted. Suddenly, a crack appeared on the computer screen while the calligraphic 'L' on the screen flickered and disappeared. Before any thought could be registered in Aizawa's afro-covered head, a man wearing a loose white shirt and baggy jeans jumped through the computer screen, a million tiny pieces of glass flying around him. "What the fu-" Aizawa started, but was winded by the man. He had dived onto the floor, taking Aizawa down with him. His knuckles met Aizawa's body with great force repeatedly, bruising him and leaving the policeman very confused. The rest of the police force were too stunned to react. "Arrrgh! Who the HELL are you?" Aizawa managed to screech. "I am L!" The man bellowed. Out of the blue, he clutched his chest and doubled over in pain. "Watari… strawberry… cheesecake…" He wheezed. An old man entered the room, rushed to L and pushed a whole cheesecake down his throat. L gagged painfully, struggling to swallow all of the dessert at once. Bits of cheesecake were smeared all his face. When he was done, he lay panting on the floor next to an unconscious Aizawa. He nodded once to Watari and the old man vanished in a puff of smoke.
Light was watching TV with his sister. She had demanded to choose the channel although she was mentally retarded and could not process anything going on on the coloured screen in front of her. They ended up on the hentai channel but Sayu would not let Light change it. Light sighed. Their mother was just on the phone in the other room. "Uh! Uh! Uh! Ikuwayo!" The characters moaned. Light shuddered. "Sayu! Give me that remote!" He said. "Oay ubow!" Sayu mumbled, hiding the remote under her shirt between her boobs and giggled. Light facepalmed. He looked around to see if anyone was watching before reaching his hands underneath her bra and over her ginormous breasts, reaching for the remote. Light cringed, feeling disgusted, but it really was quite hard to search for the TV remote between those massive tit mountains. Sayu just looked down at her brother's hands with an expressionless expression. Just then, their mother, Sachiko Yagami walked into the living room. "Light, your father just called. He needs you to take these fresh clothes to- What the hell?" She exclaimed. "IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Light said quickly and removed his hands from Sayu's shirt, holding them up as if he was being held at gunpoint. "I… I was just trying to search for the remote!" He stuttered. Meanwhile, Sayu had removed the remote from her bra and placed it on the coffee table in front of the TV casually. When Sachiko turned her face away from Light, she found the remote sitting innocently on the table. Sachiko sighed. "Light, you cannot take advantage of your idiot for a sister just like that. If you're feeling horny you can just have me. Don't let me catch you doing it ever again. Now go take these clothes to your father." Light nodded, snatched the bag of clothes away and rushed out of the house.
It was quite a long walk to the police station but Light got there at last. When he entered, he saw a woman with long, jet-black hair talking to the man at the counter. Light was a bit shocked. It was rare to see Japanese with normal black hair in Japanese animes. "They're not at headquarters? But I have something very important concerning the Reipa Investigation," she was saying. Light, sensing danger, rushed to the counter and and threw the bag of clothes at the man working there. "Give this to my dad, Superintendent Soichiro Yagami! Ah, being the son of the man in charge of the Reipa case sure is cool! Well, looks like no one needs my help here? Well, I think I'll just take of my shirt and flex my abs," Light declared. He took off his winter coat and shirt and flexed his abs. The woman frowned. Light grinned. "Hey, what's your name? Why don't you go out on a walk with me? I'm totally innocent! Come on!" He grabbed her hand and walked out half naked into the freezing cold. "My name's Shoko Maki," the woman said, somewhat distraught. Light cheered. It was so easy. He took out a piece of paper from the Rape Note and scribbled "Shoko Maki" onto it, laughing maniacally. Then, he stuffed the piece of paper back into his pocket and checked his watch, grinning maliciously all the while. "Why do you keep checking your watch like that?" The woman asked. Light smiled harder. "Maybe it's because…" Light waited for the remaining seconds to tick down to zero. "I'm Reipa," he said confidently when it was time, even waving jazz hands for dramatic effect. The woman stiffened, but Ryuk made no movement to start the raping process. Instead, Ryuk was the one laughing maniacally now. This left Light feeling awfully confused. "Oh shit," he cried, as he finally considered the possibility that the woman had used an alias. The woman started to make a run for it. Light immediately gave chase. If he lost her, he was done for!