CHAPTER XI
"BEING THE KING AND QUEEN"
"Even if he had already made him feel like this."
Since reality had slapped senses into Arthur, he learnt to accept it's harshness that maybe his King has finally come to his senses about how impossible things were between them. It was funny to him how the word 'distant' meant literal length of being far away from each other was yet they were only separated by either walls or a simple door. It felt more than just the word distance sometimes but still it remained distant.
He felt a little silly at some point because he can still talk to him and even share a meal with him but it was just not the same anymore… Since when was he did little clammy lover? Silly him, he isn't his lover anymore. Now, that stung. To him, being Alfred's lover was almost every goodness he could ever think of. The kisses, his hold and his words…
It reminded him that love was so pure and sweet like how authors would write about upon their books. His love being there almost blinded him that love could answer anything they could ever accomplish; that love was and will always be forgiven and accepted even by the divine. He thought he knew its rules now that he had experienced this sacred yet taboo affection, only for it to leave him yearning, longing and breaking…
He forgot that love could also hurt.
Maybe spending the night with him proved to be in his displeasure after all or maybe it was his way of saying a heartfelt good bye? Alfred was always too kind afterall. Always so gentle and kind to all those people and…
And it still hurt.
Knowing the Alfred he loved, he was sure he didn't have the will to say anything with regards to their relationship for he knows, he, as his Queen, was smart enough to understand what he meant by simple actions. He didn't have the heart to say such foul farewells or melodramatic sympathies of remorse.
Beneath all those heart melting caresses and loving words, maybe Alfred trusted him enough to understand that he was bidding him a mournful farewell… What a wonderful way to say good bye, if he was left to judge! He'd never read such a way in the hundreds of books he'd read in his lifetime. Surely, the King had always possessed his unique ways in sending a message across, but regardless of his methods… it still stung and left quite a mark upon his heart.
Ah, what's the right word?
Heartbreaking…
Perhaps it was too bothersome to consider that he had to go through so many lengths just to be with someone like him. Him. Just who was he anyways? He was nothing but a Queen dictated by fates to sit by his side and provide him aide and contradiction that his position allowed him to do. He was nothing more than that—wait, yes he was. He was the kind of person that when he found displeasure he would just outright say it if the circumstances proved useful. Maybe, just maybe… he was two-faced, unworthy and didn't deserve such perfection such as 'love.'
Loving a Queen is impossible and everyone around us felt that. Caring for us is always possible but it can never cross the line of affections. After all, Happiness is one thing that Queens can never have –that alone is the reason why each of them tries so hard to make those around them happy. It's to make amends to their lonely existence.
Oh he felt so stupid as to expect that finally… there was a time that he can finally be happy after all those years of mourning. Silly him. The diary entries of the past were there to guide new Queens like him and serve as their way of consoling such a poor figure as a "Queen" and yet he didn't took heed of it, setting it aside only to come back and be at a loss.
This little hope that Alfred sparked with his words and affection made him linger on the thought that even if he was a Queen, even if it was the Fates themselves who dictated it and he was left with no choice, someone out there was willing to cross with the Fates and defend such strong affection.
It was a nice feeling tho. Love. He had to say that it wasn't what was written on those lifelong books he had read in his life but surely it was something more! Love was warm and comforting and every bit of sheltering! It was both crazily fun and equally hurtful but every bit worth every second of such an experience. It was different from the love a parent or a sibling could give and certainly, it was different from the satisfaction of what a friend or an affiliate could ever make one feel. Love felt like along the lines of a gentle gust of wind from a sunny afternoon down to the windy storm breeze near the sea coast of Spades.
He was glad that Love was momentarily blind for it wasn't, he was sure Alfred would be damaged. He was worth so much more than he could ever give as a lover—especially since he was a lover who had no experience in how love should and shouldn't be felt in every way. As for him, it wasn't necessarily blind…
He couldn't be blind for if he was, he'd never see those sky like eyes which saved him from loneliness even for a short period of time. Those blue and almost divine like eyes that seemed every bit of what was good and loving and…
"Queen?"
Arthur nearly dropped the fork he had upon his hold, when he heard his title. That voice. No matter what he does, he just kept on being pulled away from anything when it was his voice calling him! It didn't even matter if he was being called by his title or with his given name anymore!
"Y-yes?" He was a slave to replying to him. Fates forbid. He cannot stand silent when he's being called by the love of life regardless of any situation! Be it out of anger or out of spite, he will comply!
The King who was sitting across him simply stood up and walked over to him. Arthur felt his heart skip a bit. Please, don't ask for a kiss. He couldn't let his heart be swayed by this taboo affection even if he had already left him. Even if he had already made him feel like this. Just one kiss could pull him back to that mentality when he loved him back and would just whisper sweet words to him like that night they shared but then… it would be better than spending that intimate embrace once more since he still couldn't stop himself from thinking how he loved and adored him. He might even voice it out if it's too pleasurable.
He almost flinched when he felt his hand caressed his cheek and stopped himself from leaning unto his touch. It had all came to a habit that whenever he does that, he would look up and search for his eyes and that he did, only to find them gazing down over to him. Why… Why did the King's gaze seem to be so gentle still?
"Why are you crying, Arthur?"
Crying? He was? He caressed his cheek because there were tears? That would be impossible? Why would he be crying yet alone tear- He set his hand upon his own cheek only to feel another tear drop from his eyes? Was the mere thought of the King not loving him back anymore rendered him to tears? This was something he couldn't accept! He was being a weak Queen now and being seen by Alfred like this would make him think that he wasn't the least bit worthy of being the Queen to stand by his side…
Still he couldn't manage to explain himself. It was like he didn't know how to speak anymore! He felt himself tremble and engulfed in such pain and misery… why now of all times!?
He had to say something soon or else-
"Your majesty, excuse me for intruding in your breakfast." It was Yao who had emerged from the door and even bowing his head slightly. He didn't know if he should be glad or annoyed by his timing but nonetheless all he could feel was that lingering feeling upon his cheek when the King had withdrawn his hand from his cheek. He had to keep his gaze away from being seen or else Yao might question it. If he didn't know what to tell the King…he, too, didn't know how to explain it to Yao since he knew far too much of him.
"It's alright," Arthur said as he took a table napkin from the side as if to hide his face as he heard the King sigh. "It's important, I suppose."
"What's the sudden intrusion for anyways?" The King asked as he approached Yao.
"We've got a visitor and might I add that it is of the utmost importance," Yao started as he lifted his gaze to look at them.
"But Your Excellency, the King and Queen are in the middle of dinning. Shouldn't the visitor be able endure a few minutes of waiting?" asked the lady Ace from the side of the door who was clearly standing guard for the Royal duo as they dine. Arthur… had to admit that he almost forgot about her or was he presence really easy to blend with those around her.
"If it was just a visitor, it would be fine, Lady Grace…" Yao said before sighing and closing his eyes. "But it's the Queen of Clubs: she comes bearing a message for the King."
"Then heaven's sake, why not receive it?" Alfred let out before setting a hand over his waist, "I don't see what the all fuss."
"The fuss is— she won't hand it over unless it is you who would personally receive it, aru." Ah, that "-aru" suffix meant Yao was quite irritated and this made Alfred raised a brow. "And let me remind you, Clubs is in the higher hierarchy in the four Suits so she isn't able to wait without seeing it as disrespect from Spades." He was plain scolding and for sure this made Arthur and Grace sweatdropped as they listened. "As King, you should-"
"Yeah— I know. Stop with the lecture already…" Alfred interjected as he even closed one eye and pouted. "It's too early, don't ya think?"
"Nothing is too early."
He was still childish and plain stubborn. At least this part of him didn't change. At least this part of him remained. It made things a lot more endurable.
"Arthur, I'll just be gone for a bit. Will you be okay?" Why does he remain to be… considerate?
"Don't mind me. As Yao said, Elizabetha shouldn't be left to wait…" It was the only think he could say after all as he spared him a small smile. The only thing he could muster aside from those words he spoke. He didn't understand why Alfred looked at him for a moment with such a saddened gaze before leaving with Yao.
Well… it looks like it's going to be another breakfast gone cold.
"Grace, could you prepare my horse? I want to visit the town today… There's something I must check for myself… "
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What could it be this time around?
Alfred took notice of their rather young Ace who can be easily seen from one of the corridor windows as she was making her way to the stables. Was the Queen going out?
Ah, it doesn't matter…He was safe with their Ace right beside him and keeping him company. He can't really help but worry still since he hadn't even experience fine dining these past few days because of the sheer work he had took on and by fine dining, he meant quality time with Arthur as he dines. It was difficult especially when he had to make time for his beloved…
His Queen was upset with something but with what? To even spare him tears and not realize it, that alone was heartbreaking but the thought of not knowing its reason is even more excruciatingly painful! Such a feeling deemed everything to a blur for a moment.
He had to make time for Arthur… Some Time when he could catch up with him; time when he could just be his lover; and time when he could just hold him and love him even for just a few minutes. How he missed Arthur and how he wished he could apologize for the times he had been rather distant—but he knows he can trust him to be patient and understanding especially with their delicate situation when they were in such hiding.
But why… it struck his curiosity when he felt him flinch upon his touch earlier…
"You're worried for the Queen?" His Knave asked as he walked a step behind him and if he dared to look back, he was sure to be caught in those eyes of his—those observant eyes which seem to know every single thing about him.
"You cannot take that from me," Alfred replied as he kept his gaze forward whilst walking to the receiving room, "It is for his sake that I slave away in my office in search of a way to keep him safe. It is, of course, also of Spades that I am doing this as well… but if I was left to decide and be the selfish prick those nobles in our lands would think, I'd gladly just do everything for Arthur."
"You don't even try to hide your feelings for him from me… Aren't you saying too much, King Alfred?" Yao asked as he followed him through the corridors.
"It's either too much or never enough… I've learnt that I can't satisfy those around me. It's either I learn to accept that or dwell in self pity and regret…" He answered as he stopped upon the door and closed his eyes.
A king had and will always consider those around him. There's the elite ten, a council compose of people who bears the mark of fate to serve as the monarchy's aid to secure each ministry in the government. Along with the Knave, Queen and Ace, they served as the King's Privy Council.
If that wasn't pressure enough, there were also the twelve noble houses whose members were either from the former monarchy or those who had held authority over the lands of each village or province longer than his parents if he was to describe it. They were known to be the most notorious group of nobles and who is the head? His Queen. It was quite hard to think that his Queen is part of that 'merry' bunch but then there's always someone who was shouting nobility from his stands more than anyone else and that was—
"Very well said," Yao said before opening the door for him but whispering in a voice that only the both of them could hear. "We shall be expecting a lot from the King you are, your majesty."
Even, he, himself, was expecting a lot of things from the King he wanted to be…
The king he oh so wished to be! Please spare the Kingdom as it is also his Queen…
Let not Spades fall during his reign…
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The Wang family's head says to be careful in the capital for even his caravans had suffered such blows...
Arthur thought of that as he was now wearing robes of a servant boy at the request of his Ace who walked along side him with similar clothing. He still was wearing his cloak to hide his face in case someone was still to notice but goodness in these busy streets of Spades who would even spare a servant boy a glance!
But if it was the head of the Wang's, the overseer of the merchants and their Knave… the he was best to heed that warning. It still didn't change his desire to go about town today tho.
"I wanted to go here because I need to see for myself what the reports held... Tho it is not from the capital but more on the borders we share with Clubs…" Arthur muttered softly as he looked around slowly as if his eyes expected something out of the ordinary.
The border?" The young Ace let out as she followed him, "Do you mean the reports of how unruly the border has been?" She said, not really knowing the right words to use in such a situation so she chose the most straight forward one.
"So you have also heard ... if that's the case then even the capital had already known..." He said with a soft frown, "I've stop the reports concerning that from going to the King since such talks might ruin the friendship between him and the Queen of Clubs and worsen with her King but I know I cannot control it forever... " The Queen of Clubs managed to slipped through the borders and come into Spades and now talking to his King. He was so sure that King Alfred would be furious if he'd found out of this matter, most especially of how he'd been missing a few documents, " I need to hear about this matter personally... from the traders and people there..."
Everyone had their own businesses as they have their own conversations to end, to start and to continue on. From silken clothes by the very best tailors to the sharpest kitchen knives by the most skillful blacksmiths- each vendor had their own unique prided variety and it was only the consumers who were left to judge and take their pick. Even items from other Kingdoms lay present and quite the attraction most specially the delicacies from Hearts, the fine jewelries from Diamonds and the magnificent potteries from Clubs. There were also rare items and crops native to their kingdoms alone but one lay constant…
Despite the Kingdom of Clubs to be the closest as Spades and the said Kingdom is only one border line away, the products from that place is quite limited if compared to that of Hearts and Diamonds which a sea would be needed to transport the goods. It clearly showed how tensions were forming. It wasn't really like this before since normally Clubs would dominate the market because of their distance. Not anyone would pay mind to it at first but being in a disagreeable relation with the kingdom you are landlocked with wasn't exactly a good thing for the farmers, for the citizens, for the merchants, for the nobles, for the monarchy and worst… for the poor.
Life was cruel but it was cruelest to the weak.
Little trade meant more demands from those in producers inside the Kingdom. It may be good at the start as it may proclaim that 'we can do better than them' or 'we can do it on our own'; No matter how positive that may sound it was laying more on the negativity. Spades was reliant to Clubs when it came to wheat as it shared the same need to Spade's crafts. The demand and the supply would soon reach each other's tariffs and if not mended early, this would be more than just a border problem—it would be an economic problem.
Each Kingdom has one main industry it's known for and Clubs specialized on agriculture. Hearts specialized on delicacies of food and clothing as Diamonds on fine jewelries and incense. As for Spades the main industry itself is Trade. Supplies aren't really that many for Spades aside from the workforce and workshops present all over the Kingdom. Merchants from other Kingdoms come to Spades to learn the elite craftsmanship skills an artist needed, the connections to prosper across the four Kingdoms and most important of all, the security and safety the kingdom itself can give for those going in and out of its territory. One wrong move and the economy would be plummeting down and be out of proportion.
Where was he? He was at the busiest place and as they say, the very foundation of trade itself: the marketplace of the Spadian Capital.
The Heart of Spadian Economy.
It was amazing how their knave could hold the crumbling economy after the *War of the Colours. Being the sole monarch of that time along with a few surviving members of the Elite ten, he was able to sustain and build the economy. He came from a merchant family so it might not be as hard as anyone would have imagined it to be but then again… Spadian nobility were notorious and hardest to tame. Their Knave and his friend, Yao, would have to be quite the negotiator if that was truly the case. If a Knave alone with the Elite ten can accomplish that much then it should be easier to manage with the complete monarchy at hand or he would never be able to forgive himself!
'Let not Spades fall during my reign as Queen,' he thought to himself before stopping at an apple cart. It had been a long time since he'd seen a clean apple as it was presented to him like this and he wasn't planning on having their citizens, especially the children, suffer the loss a conflict has to offer especially if he himself had a fair taste of it. He unconsciously went on ahead to touch one of the apples as his gaze softened.
Oh fates, at least not Alfred. That King of his had not seen war yet tasted conflict—let him at least stay constant and free spirited as he should and would have been.
"You can take some if you wish…" said the old vendor with a kind smile.
Arthur couldn't help but be surprised because he did expect to be noticed because he touched one of the apples but to be given apples? And high quality ones at that? "Really? But Madam, these look incredibly grand, are you sure?"
"If that would be my way of helping out the Queen of Spades then, of course, your highness, I would gladly do so." The old vendor was one to set the apple into his hand gently. "I hardly see royalty and with every bit of my heart, I would really be blessed by the fates if I could see a smiling one."
Dear Lord, how will she react he wondered if she came to know that this Queen before her had committed taboo and is far from the Queen his title shouted?
And yet, he was left to comply and give the lady a gentle smile. To his surprise and his Ace's disappointment, it seemed like what the old lady said sparked the interest of the people around and now they too have noticed the presence of the Queen. It was truly rare for royalty to be seen even in the capital itself and for the citizens of Spades this meant either there was trouble or… the Queen of Spades was reachable, approachable and not quite so different to them.
In today's visit, it wasn't just all about trade and Clubs but it was also the people's welfare which was in Arthur's agenda. As Queen, it was his duty to hear them out and voice their side to reach the monarchy and be heard across the Seas of Void. That was his purpose aside from being the 'convenient eraser.' How more can he hear their pleas and demands other than he himself approaching them?
"Queen, watch out!"
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There was no letter.
Yet he understood why the Queen before him came and had a word with him or at the very least, the essence of her presence there. He cannot deny himself of this knowledge anymore and pretend that nothing is wrong. He cannot play the dumb fool, not when he's in front of another monarch and especially not when his kingdom is in question. Queen Elizabeta has a good reason and for that he was certain that it has something to do with the paperwork waiting in his office.
It seemed like it was done waiting for him.
The Queen of Clubs was wearing a dark green
"Come and sit down," She said gently as she patted the vacant seat next to her. "You'll tire yourself if you insist on standing up like that, please."
The mere fact that she said 'please' meant something since she barely say those words. He was left but to comply as it was not only his respect towards her that played effect upon this conversation but also his admiration towards her. This lady was the strongest person he knew from the moment he saw her upon his coronation up until today. She was witty but affectionate; firm but kind; intellectual but playful; and lastly the only lady he knew that could stand side by side with the King of Clubs being his Queen and his top General: Her Highness, The Queen of Clubs and General of Club's armies, Lady Elizabeta of the Hedevary Family.
"Why say you have a letter when you clearly haven't, your highness?"
"So I could talk to you and not your knave," The Queen replied when he sat beside her with her tone clearly meaning every sense of worry in the world, "I wanted to speak with you, only you, knowing you're the only Spadian I could trust at this moment."
Only Spadian? This made the young King frown but merely shifted a bit unto his seat. "Go on…" He encouraged as he saw her having quite the difficulty to raise any other words other than the ones she'd already spoken of with great worry. He urged her to say more so he could also be enlightened of how "worse" situations have gone when he himself only heard nothing of what could have been happening… aside from the thing he'd already known.
"Do the people of Spades still see Clubs as a friend?" She asked with great delicacy as her eyes reflected the very essence of worry and grief. She wanted the truth and every bit of it. What part of the truth she craved can he give her when he in fact was lacking of it?
He was King yet… he didn't know what to answer. Was he to answer as friend or as a monarch? This question had left him in a spot that he himself cannot get out of. Suddenly, he wanted to ask Arthur… Suddenly… he wanted Yao to be there yet…
No one was there.
He had to make a decision on this and obviously, he can't leave it for later or tell her that he cannot make a decisive one because of his inexperience as King. He had to say something… He needed to say something as King. Even if he didn't feel like one.
All those hopes and dreams he had of becoming one suddenly came crashing down on him and it rendered him speechless for a few minutes. He knew the power of his words. He knew the power of his decisions. He knew the power the King of Spades posses but he didn't know such power can stop the one who wields it and bring him into silence.
"It's fine, King Alfred. I knew that it was almost wishing for the impossible considering how tensions have drastically changed into quite an outpour," the Queen of Clubs let out as she looked at him with a faint smile, "It is expected that—"
"It'll be fine." That was all he could say and the Queen as he cut her off with what she was about to say. He pushed the glasses he wore as if it helped his concentration. "Spades is a proud country and I am a proud monarch of such a place. There may come a time of discontent and argument may arouse between our two kingdoms but never will I allow such a thing to hinder peace. Regardless of our nature, we strive to always think about peace."
He didn't know where that came from but he was sure it was working since the Queen of Clubs before him softened up as if she was in clear relief. She even settled her hand over his and that made him close his eyes. "Thank you, Alfred."
"I maybe the King of a neighboring country but Elizabeta, you are a friend that clearly I trust and respect—at times, more than myself," Alfred admitted before he stood up and faced her, "Spades will always try to understand and be patient."
"As Clubs will upon my word as its Queen…" She said and set her hand over her neck, swearing upon the mark bearing her fate. "Even if… it's against my King."
Her words meant one thing: She and King Ivan differ in judgment upon this matter.
No matter what the situation, be it of jests or seriousness: This lady before him had always never failed to earn his respect. She was more than just a monarch and general at court. She represented her people and never backed down even if it was against her King. Even if it was against King Ivan of Clubs. "Listen well for I will only tell you this once…" She drew closer to him in a short whisper. "My King have sent spies here in Spades… Be very careful."
Many question came to Alfred's mind as to why this would have happened but never did he voice it because of how this matter of confidential. He believed her words. He believed every syllable of it and was left to merely nod.
"You're one of the strongest people I've ever known, Queen Elizabeta." He just had to get that out of his system. This lady was so strong in nature and in humility. So much stronger than the King she served and reigned with—If she was instead King of Clubs, for certain, things would be a lot different.
"Really now? I'm flattered, King Alfred," she trailed off before standing up and like a sister to a brother did she moved her hand to ruffle his hair ever so gently despite the difference in height. "Here's my secret… I always thought that I wasn't chosen by fate to be Queen. As if it is to ease my mind, I always thought that it was my people who chose me and gave me the throne, believing in the capabilities which I possess and supporting every decision I make." She smiled ever so gently when she took her hand back in favor of taking her cape back on and turning around to walk towards the door.
"You are so very young, Alfred… Long may you reign and may Spades prosper."
It wasn't long till he was left alone in the room, a hand upon his head as he was sitting on the sofa. All thoughts focused on Clubs as each comes into mind of why spies would come around his Kingdom when he had done nothing wrong.
'A Queen is supposed to be sacrificed all the time.'
Those were Ivan's words and it has haunted him repeatedly. Over and over again. Add the fact that the Jokers had warned him—even gave him a prophecy about his beloved Queen!
He pursed his lips into a thin line. Was this it? Was this the coming of the storm… The coming of a war that will go on for five years and when the mistake is done and accomplished, when everything is left to nothing but burn in misery and doubt, his Queen will step in and be the "eraser", like any other Queen before him. That wasn't the kind of King he wanted to be…
That wasn't the king of Queen he wanted Arthur to be!
Arthur had something no other Queen from their past generation had and that alone can save him; that alone could help him; and that alone can make him entirely different!
"Arthur has me…" He whispered to himself a lone tear escaped his eyes, "Arthur has the love of a King of Spades… and I will never allow him to bear the responsibility of my mistakes as any Queen is fated so suffer… "
He can't be weak. He can't be powerless. Not now…Not ever.
He was surprised when he felt the sudden surge of power coming from outside. Lightning had struck outside and a tree came down burning…
His Queen had used his magic?
But what for? Why had he—Most importantly, why was he keeping secrets about the borders…? So many questions… so many things that frustrates him…He can't stay like this! So many secrets! So many lies! He had to finish this and come into an understanding about everything!
Before he speaks of love for Arthur… He needs to talk to his Queen…
"Yao!" He called out as his voice beats any thunder rolling from the skies and immediately his knave entered the room with a bow.
"I want an audience with the Queen. Immediately."
Ah, here comes the storm…
To be continued…