6. Muffintale
"I don't hate spiders!"
"Liar! You're a liar and a murderer, sweetie! I'll bet you're a thief, too!"
Frisk squirmed, trying to bat away a wad of purple webbing. Their arm got even more stuck than before.
"I don't! I - I just need o get through, I need t get to Asgore!"
"Oh, so you don't CARE about spiders?" Muffet threw half a dozen little bombs in quick succession, then waved her hand as another wave of spiders ran towards them. "You're just like all the others!"
Frisk dodged, rolling from side to side as the spiders ran at them. They almost didn't register what she had said.
"Like - who?"
Muffet three sets of arms. "What, you think everyone loves the spiders? That we get acknowledged for having the best baked goods in the entire world, let alone the Underground? No! All they do is complain - that they were forced to buy them, that the prices are too high, that it's weird the main ingredient is spiders. Do you know how difficult it is to make a glaze like this?"
"Yeah, actually."
Muffet frowned, and the spiders stopped running at Frisk.
"What do you mean, dearie? You- you're lying again, aren't you?"
"No! My brother and I used to bake a lot before - well, a long time ago. It's really difficult to get the bake on it perfect. It's really hard to nail, getting the outside firm while keeping the interior softness, especially if you're working with a glaze. Did you use cold butter and cut it up, or go room temperature?"
"Mostly just muffin magic." Muffet leaned closer to the human, swirling her teapot.
"Oh." Frisk wiggled one of their arms out of the webbing and sat up. "I did buy a donut earlier, I promise. In the Ruins. I only had enough money for one, but I ate it right away and it was delicious. I still don't have very much money."
They pulled out their bag and held up 200G. Muffet wrinkled her nose, staring down at them.
There was a tense silence.
Finally, Muffet sighed and snapped her fingers. Most of the spiders scuttled away, but on ran up holding a pencil and sheet of paper.
"Send a telegram to our sisters," she said. "Ask them about a human in a striped sweater, see if this little one is lying or not."
She sat down, and Frisk's soul faded back into their chest. They pulled their other arm free.
"Want some tea?" She poured a cup and pushed it towards him. "It might take a moment for them to go and return."
It was a test - that much was obvious. Frisk took the cup, and swirled it for a moment. It had a spicy, faintly fruit-like scent. The dregs were visible at the bottom of the cup.
They took a sip, then nodded. "It's good! It's important when you're brewing oolong not to get the water too hot . If you put the leaves in while it's boiling, it's no good."
Muffet's five eyes lit up. "Exactly. And while sugar may enhance the flavors of some teas-"
"-it only mutes the natural, bittersweet tones and aromas."
Muffet clapped. "Wowie! Y'know, it's been so long since I've talked to someone who actually knew what they were talking about." She thoughtfully pulled a fat, purple cigar out of her apron and lit it.
"You know what it's like to be misunderstood, don't you sweetie? What'd you say your name was?"
Frisk pulled their legs free, then sat down beside her.
"Frisk."
"Fuhuhu~! What a name, for a little thief. I don't want to hurt people, Frisky. I want to bake goodies and brew tea and take care of my family." She motioned at the dozens - no, hundreds - of spiders scuttling behind them, around the cave. "But I can't. I don't have any money. No one likes me, no one trusts me. Everyone forgets about greedy old Muffet." She took a long drag from her stogie, then blew a ring of bakery-scented smoke.
Frisk put their hand on one of her arms.
"I want to help. I want to break the Barrier and set you all free."
Muffet glanced down at them.
"And how are you planning on doing that, Frisky?"
"I- I don't know. I need to get to the capital, and find Asgore. He'll - he'll help me. I hope. Even if he doesn't, I'll find a way."
"You're a determined little critter. I can get you to the Capital."
"But the telegram-"
"Don't worry about it, cupcake." She pinched their cheek, then clapped her hands.
Fifty spiders appeared out of the darkness, pushing a massive, monster-sized canon out of the darkness. Frisk cringed away from it.
"Wh-what..."
"It'll shoot you over Hotland, straight to the Palace. Don't worry, it's foolproof!"
Frisk glanced it over. The thing seemed to be well-built, made of a shiny purple metal with a ladder up to the mouth. Physics didn't seem to work quite right in the Underground.
It was worth a shot. If worse came to worse, they'd end up back at their last save point.
"Ok." They climbed in the mouth, and Muffet pressed her cigar against the fuse.
"Good luck~! Remember your promise!"
Then, they were shooting through the air, across Hotland, towards the ominous black building in the distance.
They were filled with determination.
So, now the Barrier was broken. After all the pain, all the heartbreaks, all the death. And Frisk was there for it, along with all their friends. It was done. It was over.
Well, not over. The Barrier was broken, not gone. There was a long, jagged gash a hundred feet up, too high for anything quick and easy. Somehow, wind was whistling through the crack in time and space, and Frisk could smell the Surface. It was so, so close.
Yet no one had been able to figure anything out yet.
"WE CAN'T JUST LEVITATE THEM ALL. THAT'S JUST FOR BATTLE, AND I'M NOT GOING TO BATTLE KING ASGORE!"
"it's not like we're going to try an' kill them. after all, everyone knows i could beat them easily."
Frisk squirmed uncomfortably.
"STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!"
"We-we can figure it out," mumbled Alphys. "I- I can just head back to- to the lab and figure out a way to get us across. R-right? Possibly, I don't know..."
"But we're so close!" snarled Undyne. She pointed across the Barrier. "It's broken, there's just a stupid little abyss between us and total freedom!"
Frisk frowned, scuffing the dirt with one foot. This reminded them of something, but they couldn't quite remember.
"Why didn't you invite me to the party~?"
That was it. They jumped up, looking around. Muffet was standing near the entrance to the gardens. Frisk grinned.
"Fuhuhu! What's up, dearies?"
Muffet's two biggest eyes widened as they took in the scene. The cluster of monsters, the ripped stone and dead vines where Photoshop Flowey appeared, the gaping, open hole in space and time that had been the Barrier.
"quite the party, ain't it?" said Sans.
Frisk pushed past him and ran towards her. "We need your help! We can't get through."
"The cannon!" Muffet grinned, somehow pulling the massive gun out of her pocket. It was the same one that she had shot them out of the last time - an intricately crafted thing made of purple metal, with a rope ladder up to the mouth.
"W-well…" began Toriel.
Frisk looked around, and noticed the other monsters glancing at each other nervously. Muffet was... distrusted, to say the least. She had a reputation (half gossip, half true) of being a liar and a cannibal with outrageous prices and a nasty attitude.
"It's alright. She's good," Frisk insisted.
Muffet pinched their cheek. "What a smart idea, sweetie! I could just gobble you up!"
"You already tried," they muttered.
Muffet stuck a purple cigar in their mouth, earning a stern look from Toriel.
"Fuhuhu! So who's first~?"
"ME! PICK ME!" Papyrus jumped up and down. "I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL VENTURE FIRST TO THE SURFACE, TO MAKE SURE IT'S SAFE FOR EVERYONE ELSE."
"Like a real Royal Guard!" Undyne grinned and put him in a headlock.
"PLEASE DON'T NOOGIE THE SKELETON."
"Step right up, jump inside!" Muffet pushed her hair out of the way, and pressed her cigar against the fuse of the cannon. For once in his life, Sans looked uncomfortable.
"hey, doncha think we should-"
The fuse lit. The cannon exploded.
"NNNYEEEEEHHHHHHHHH!"
Then, Papyrus was gone, shooting through the air for only a few seconds before he hit the Barrier. There was a blinding flash, and he vanished in the starry, twilight sky with a twinkle. Sans' eyes disappeared.
"wait, where'd he-"
"Success!" sang Muffet. "I'll say he's halfway across the human world by this point."
"And you are sure it worked?" asked Asgore.
"Oh, please. Of course it did, sweetie. If it didn't, he would've died! His dust would have bounced off the Barrier and hit us all in the face!"
Sans was scowling, now. Frisk didn't know he was capable of making that expression.
"i'll go next, i guess."
Sans disappeared, then reappeared with his head sticking out of the cannon's mouth. His expression was somewhat back to normal, but he already looked a little queasy.
"looks like team rocket is blastin' off again."
The cannon fired. And he was gone.
One by one. Monster after monster after monster. All of Frisk's friends. Muffet's spiders rounded up everyone else. The sentries, the Royal Guards, the Amalgamates, Grillby and his patrons. Every single Froggit and Whinsum and Moldsmal out of the Ruins and Hotland and everywhere else. Muffet never moved - loading them, lighting them, shooting them off. Every now and then, she pulled a new stogie out of her seemingly endless supply. Frisk sat and watched the entire time, sometimes telling her stories about what had happened after they met, just to pass the time. At some point, they fell asleep.
"Frisky? You still there?"
They groaned, squinting up at the figure standing over them. Muffet laughed, helping them up with three arms.
"Oh good. For a second there I thought you'd died of boredom, and I'd have to make you into muffins!"
Frisk shook their head, rubbing their eyes.
"Wh- how's it going?"
"We're done. I just shot the last spider up. Just you and me, now. Ready?"
Frisk frowned. "But… who's going to light your cannon? How're you getting out?"
"That's what I need you for." She twirled. "C'mon! Up we go." She slid Frisk into the mouth of the cannon, then climbed in herself.
The inside was much roomier than Frisk had expected; Sans must have been standing on his tiptoes in order to see out. The human child and slender spider-woman fit in easily.
Muffet stuck her arm out of the cannon mouth, and the fuse floated into her hand, suspended by strands of purple magic.
"Piece of cake. Hold on!"
Frisk only caught a glimpse of the spark, of the fire leaping onto the fuse and roaring down it.
Then, they were gone.
They never heard the explosion, never felt themselves flying towards the Barrier at a terminal speed.
But Muffet and Frisk were suddenly standing in a blank, white void.
Frisk shivered, looking around. It was completely, infinitely silent. The Barrier.
Figures were flickering in their peripheral vision. For a second, thought they saw Asriel, standing right behind them. Then a skeleton wearing a black robe, then a human child who looked oddly disappointed.
"The Void," whimpered Muffet. Frisk looked back. She was kneeling, shaking. Two hands were pressed over her ears, four were pressed over her eyes. "This was a mistake. This was a-"
Frisk knelt next to her, taking one of her hands.
"It's ok. We're going to get out of here."
"We can't. We can't. We-"
"Look." The human pointed directly in front of them. Muffet opened one of her eyes.
There was a crack – a rift in the Void, so wide and bright it was almost impossible to miss.
Sunlight was streaming through.
"Come on," insisted Frisk. "We can do it. It's just a few steps."
"It didn't work. My cannon didn't work. Why-"
"It did! It got us in here. And it got everyone else through, I guess the two of us were too much for it. Come on."
They half-led, half-pulled the spider to the break. They could smell the breeze coming through – it was late autumn.
"We just need to jump."
Muffet sniffed, pushing her hair out of her face.
"R-right."
And they jumped.
Well, fell might be the better word. Frisk fell the ground disappear from beneath their feet, felt the wind roaring in their ears, felt their stomach in their mouth.
It was so far.
Too far.
They couldn't see Muffet anymore.
Then, their ankles twisted under the sudden dirt, and their face was buried in a pile of leaves. The sun beat down on the back of their neck.
Frisk sighed in relief, scooping up the half-rotten leaves in a hug. Someone laughed behind them, and they twisted around.
They seemed to have landed in a big, open park of some sort. Trees were scattered across the grassy plot, and there was a path flanked with streetlamps not too far away. All of their friends were standing in a cluster, watching the sunset. Toriel, Asgore, and Sans seemed to be involved in a three-way pun battle, and Undyne was chasing Papyrus around with Alphys on her shoulder. Muffet was standing a little ways away, just getting to her feet herself.
Mettaton scooped Frisk up and twirled them around.
"Good job, darling! You really did it!"
"It was Muffet, with her cannon."
Mettaton winked. "Of course. Well, gtg! I'm off on my way to stardom! Coming, Burgerpants?"
A small, desperate-looking cat slunk after him, shooting Frisk a long, pitiful look.
"Been outside for 10 minutes and I've already thrown away the rest of my life."
Frisk shot him a thumb's up.
Muffet stepped up next to them.
"Th-thank you, dearie. You really saved me back there."
Frisk shrugged. "You just needed a little push."
Muffet smiled, satisfied.
"So. This is the Surface. Pretty big, isn't it?" She touched the trunk of a nearby tree, and a spider crawled down into her palm. "We'll need a big base, for our operation. A castle, or maybe a manor. Out in the woods, with the wild spiders. Do you think the humans will like our muffins?"
"I know this human did."
"Fuhuhuhuhu! Where are you going, Frisky? Back home?"
Frisk's smile faded.
"Ah… I don't know, right now. I guess it depends on what happens, with the monsters rejoining humanity. Now that Asgore's figured everything out, I don't think there will be any more bloodshed."
Muffet tossed one of her little unlit bombs from hand to hand. "Y'know… I could use someone like you. Someone with hands, who has a real appreciation for how baking and brewing is supposed to be done. Just an offer."
Frisk grinned. "Are you offering me a job?"
"Don't be ridiculous, sweetie. I'm offering you a home."
"My child!" Toriel ran up, taking their hand. "I did not see you there. Are you ready to go? I can take you back to your home! Where did you live?" Muffet stepped back, trying to hide her disappointment.
Frisk shook their head. "I… ah, no thanks. I don't… I don't really have-"
Toriel's face twisted in confusion. "You – you don't have- oh dear! Would you like to stay with me?"
"Actually?" Frisk glanced back at Muffet, who was twisting one of her pigtails. "I think I've already got something worked out."
Frisk wouldn't have traded the spider's grin for all the muffins in the world.
A/N: Hello, lovelies! Today is our first of three queued submissions. Muffintale is an original AU, by our very own Barbacar on ! They've written some stories themself, so check them out!