Being back in the city REALLY brings up old memories. Asser Levy Park still has that little playground and Rec Center tucked away to the east of 1st avenue; before York Avenue, and after Avenue A. As a matter of fact, I applied for a membership there so I can drop in and swim.

After my first day at the pools, I went over to Teriyaki Yoko's place. On her apartment door was a sign.

I'M ON THE ROOF

So, turning into a ghost, I flew up the elevator shaft to beyond its ceiling, out through the top of the building, and slowly landed on the rooftop. I heard a voice from around the corner.
"I'm over here, hon!"
Recognizing that it was Egg-yolk, I followed the voice. I found her laying down on the tar beach covering the roof. She was down to her undies, with her dress was hanging on the edge. She noticed I was still in my swim trunks.
"I'm just tanning. There's nothing better to do. Wanna join in?" she asked.
"No, thanks. I came back from swimming, and I was wondering if you wanted to check it out."
She stood up and put on her dress
"I'll give it a shot. I've been looking to get a good ten laps in."

So I went back with a swimsuit-cald Egg-yolk in tow, just in time for Adult Swim. However, due to my absence from the pool, as soon as I jumped in from the diving area, I shot upward, squealing "WOW!", shivering cold! I felt embarressed, but to make a long story short, Egg-yolk really digged the place.

The next day at Monk's, Egg-yolk was telling Danny, Dani, Lammy, Sunny, and Paula Fox about the place. One booth over, I was searching the newspaper's Classified section to get Rammy a job after that recording studio ban.
"So this Asser Levy Place," Egg-yolk concluded, "Is on 23rd street, one block over from 1st avenue. The Adult Swim is from 5 to 7 PM."
"But the water can be cold," I added, "So you might want to enter slowly."

I turned my attention back to Rammy and the newspaper.
"How about this one? Help wanted at NYU Medical Center. Various positions available. First come, first served. Inquire within."
"NYU Medical Center?" said Rammy, lacking enthusiasm, "Why that place?"
"I was born there."
"Nice try, Village Boy. What else do you got?"
I went back to the paper, "Costume store. Clerk and/or cashier."
"Is it goth-girl friendly?"
"Well, it has a picture of a joker, so it's possible."
"Keep looking."
"Gothic Cabinet Craft?"
"Do they say 'goth' like they mean 'goth'?"
"I never been there, but I think they mean 'goth'."
"Okay. One more."
I skimmed for a want ad I might've missed.
"How about the Stock Exchange?"
"I hate stocks."
She flipped me off.
"Katz's Deli? You could be a butcher."
"Pretty soon, they're gonna butcher me. I'M A SHEEP, got it?"
We ran out of want ads. Our nominees were the costume store, Gothic Cabinet Craft, and the medical center.

Kramer dropped in and seated himself at my booth.
"Hey, how's it goin'?"
"Rammy's looking for a job, and we came up with a few candidates."
"That's good. Here's what I'm doin': I'm spending my free time SWIMMING!"
Paula turner her head over and said, "You wanna come to this pool spot Teriyaki's raving about?"
"No. I found a better place, with 4 miles of wide, open space."
"Where's that?"
"The East River."
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" we all said.
"No, It's great for your back, and it beats the traffic of other swimmers in an isolated area of water."
"But it's BAD for your B.O." said Rammy, "Seriously, take a longer shower."
Kramer uttered some gibberish, then stood up.
"I'm off!" he said.
The others followed. Me and Rammy were left.
"Well, looks like I'm stuck with you. Let's go find a job."

-Gothic Cabinet Craft: 3rd avenue and 13th-
The place was entirely of wooden furniture. Nothing here looked goth.
"YOU SON OF A B***H!" she yelled, "You said they meant 'goth'!"
"I didn't say positively."

-Costume store: 4th avenue and 11th-
This place looked goth, complete with vampire costumes.
"I'm in h**l!"
Then a clerk dressed as a German military chic approached us.
"May I help you?" she said.
"Yes," said Rammy, "I'm answering your want ad in the newspaper."
"I'm sorry, but the position has been filled."
Rammy's excitement dropped. Now THAT'S one ill-tempered sheep!

-NYU Medical Center: 1st avenue and 33rd-
"This better be good," said Rammy at the reception desk.
Then she turned to the secretary.
"Hi. I'm here to apply for a job," she said as I flashed up the want ad.
"Oh, yes," said the secretary, "There's one spot left available, and that's in the maternity ward"
Rammy gave me the 'YES!' gesture, "That's where they take the babies 'out'," she explained to me, "I miss youth..."
"Now, I'm not certain of the position you'll be taking in the ward, but you'll find it on the 5th floor. Fill this out right away, and take it to the head nurse."
The secratary handed a job applicant form to the ram, who signed right away.
"See you later, Village Boy!" she said, walking toward the elevator.
I blushed, and turned to the secretary, "I was born here."

At this point, I made a break for the pool.
I noticed that Lammy, Dani, Paula Fox, and Egg-yolk showed up after me, although they left Monk's before I did. Either they were busy chatting it up in the locker room, or they lost their way on the subway.
I sat down on a bench that faced the pool and a bit of the FDR drive. Two unidentified teens were one bench over.
"Hey, I heard some scientists in California found a way to cross-pollinate animals with humans and create anthropomorthic beings," said one teen.
They noticed Paula over by the diving boards, with her fox tail in plain view.
"That must be one of them," said the other teen.
Then they saw Egg-yolk.
"Hey, isn't that Teriyaki Yoko?"
"Sure looks like her. I always thought she was an alein."
"Are you kidding? She looks more like a deamon if you ask me!"
Then I piped up, "She's a bug. Another cross-pollination of species."
They stared at me, as if they saw me before, but they took little heed.
"Thanks for that," said the one teen, "Oh, man, we were WRONG! But she's so SEXY with that swimsuit!"

Egg-yolk took a seat next to me the teens took notice of this.
"Oh, man! Yoko's putting her arm around that guy!" said the one teen.
"Is he her BOYfriend or something?" asked the other teen
"I'm not sure if I seen him before. EXCUSE ME,"
I turned,
"You look familiar. Did we meet you before?"
"Have you been to Greenwich Village?" I asked.
Surely THAT rang a bell.
"I got it! You're the guy who used to play at the coffee shops all the time! What are you doing here with Teriyaki Yoko?"
"It's a long story. Go read Chapter One."

Then two people in tuxedos entered the pool area, and approached us.
"Are you Teriyaki Yoko?" one said.
"You got it, hon."
"We're from the Miss America beauty pageant. You're the most remarkable woman we've ever seen in the state of New York. How would you like to represent Miss New York?"
"How does this work?"
"It's a beauty thing. You compete with three other nominees to see who wears a better dress and swimsuit and has a great talent. The winner competes with three other finalists, and the winner of that is crowned Miss America."
"I'll do it!" said Egg-yolk.
She left with the two men, and I was once again alone on the bench. Eventually Dani came over.
"What just happened?" she asked.
"Oh, Egg-yolk is gonna be Miss America!"
My enthusiasm increased high enough to go swimming, so I made a break and jumped in. Again, due to my absence from the pool water, It was FREEZING COLD!

I retreated back to the pad, with a towel and a cup of hot coca to warm myself up. Kramer drops in, also with a towel, and goes to the fridge.
"How's the pool?"
"Cold. How's the East River?"
"I've NEVER felt better!"
"Egg-yolk is taking part in Miss America. Is that something?"
Then Kramer started singing "There she is, Miss America..." on his way out.

That night at the Old Town bar, Me, MilkCan, Danny, Dani, PaRappa, Sunny, Paula Fox, and U-1 prepared ourselves at a booth to watch the Miss New York competition. On the TV above the bar counter, Egg-yolk was showing off in her swimsuit and her regular, purple dress. During the first commercial, Rammy came and joined us. She was frustrated, and looked a bit... heavier.
"What happened to you?" asked Lammy.
"I don't wanna talk about it," she grunted.
"At least tell us what happened at the hospitol," I said.

She took a deep breath.
"All right. Tom, remember that NYU place on 33rd and 1st? The place you claim to be born in? Well, I go to the maternity ward, and I hand the form to the head nurse. Then, I was clear on what my position was."
"What was it?" asked Dani.
"I have to breastfeed the newborns."
"EWWWW!" the girls said. I blushed.
"Anyway, I never had a baby of my own, so they injected this fluid on my chest, and it made my breasts grow a bit and now they produce milk as if I HAD a baby. I also have to wear this embarrassing garb complete with strawberry-colored undies. These nurses want those kids to think I'm a ballerina or something."
"If it's so bad, how come you didn't quit?" said Danny
"I can't. I'm on a one-year contract. The basic requirement is that I show up and feed 'em."

Then she got a hold of herself, and turned to the screen.
"Is that Teriyaki?"
"Yes. If things go well at the local judging, she's going to be Miss New York."
Then all heard the announcer "And this year's Miss New York goes to: Teriyaki Yoko!"
We all cheered. Well, most of us did. Rammy had Egg-yolk off her Speed Dial since the day she was fired.

The next day was a Friday. Egg-yolk paid a visit, with a MISS NEW YORK ribbon across her dress.
"Hey, congradulations! You made the finals!"
"Thanks, hon."
"You know Wayne and Garth have got their show back on the air, and the Thomas Fay Orchestra is their house band?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, they heard about this too, so they want you to guest tonight."
"That's great," she paused, "Now that I'm being nominated, the rules say no one's allowed to go out with me unless we have a chaperone. You hear that, hon? PROTECTION!"
"Why does protection seem like something new to you? I thought all divas have bodyguards!"
Then Egg-yolk zapped me.
"You ever see Lady Gaga without a bodyguard?"
"Well...yeah...uh..."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I got an interview with the press coming up."
She went into the hallway, singing "Here she comes, Miss America...", and closing the door.

Later, there was a knock. I answered the door, only to realize who showed up:
"Helloooooooo, NEWMAN!"
"Hello, TOOOOOOOM. I hear you're having an affair with my fiancee!"
"Who? Egg-yolk?"
"I BEG your pardon?"
"Teriyaki Yoko. You know. The bug?"
"Yes. NO. The greyscale look-alike of your sheep friend."
"You mean Rammy? I'm sorry Newman, but she wasn't taking up breastfeeding newborns for me. This can be only summed up with TWO words: HELP WANTED! Sure, I picked out the spot for her, but the position was a million-to-one SHOT!"
By this time, Newman has finally had it.
"D**m you, Fay," he said as if he was finally defeated, "You useless pestule! All right, now where IS she?!"
"I have NO idea."

That night, Wayne's show went on the air. With DeviantART records as their main sponsor, the boys agreed to upgrade their opening sequence. The installation of state-of-the-art microphones, speakers, and cameras, allowed the duo to hear the studio audience from the opposite plaform, and vice-versa, all while maintaining creative control. Also behind the couch and between the two exit stairways was a small stage for the house band to perform on.

After the first commercial, Egg-yolk stood at the top of the stairway, waiting for her cue.
Wayne peeked at where she was standing, and started to introduce her.
"Our next guest babe first appeared on our first-generation of Wayne's World back in Aurora, Illonois."
"To be honest," said Garth, "She makes me feel kinds funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class!"
The audience laughed.
"Anyway," continued Wayne, "She followed us here and has been a regular invitation to our house band, the Thomas Fay Orchestra, and she's currenly running for Miss America. Please welcome, the very beutiful, the very sexy, and the very green Teriyaki Yoko!"
After a wild applause, Egg-yolk came down the stairs and took her seat.

During the lenghty interview (part of their gimmick is to give sexier people longer interviews), Egg-yolk bought up all the good things that happened in her life, including
-Meeting me and doing "Pinball Wizard"
-Following me on my travels
-The tape-and-boot incident
-and the recent normal-sleeping incident.

Meanwhile, at the flats of those who were watching the show...
-Rammy was on the phone with the hospitol, negotiating her contract, and attempting to quit, with no avail.
-Kramer looks himself in the mirror. He realized he got taller from swimming in the East River.
-Parappa makes love with Sunny, only to be distracted by the presence of Lammy, Katy, and Ma-San in the house band on TV.
-Newman goes through a phone book repeating out loud "I LOTHE YOU!" to each name, but falls asleep.
-Charles, the grumpy elevator guy, shoots foam suction darts at my face on the screen.

Then my band started playing "I Got A Feeling" all the way to the end; a mere two minutes of music.

The next morning, Egg-Yolk took off to go to the Miss America finals. I was in charge of watching her flat while she was gone, just in case a robber comes in. But I knew the place inside out: I was on the 8th floor, and there was nothing worth stealing.
The finals went on tonight, and I called the gang over to watch. We all watched the performance and runway walk (or whatever they call them) from Miss Georgia, then the telephone rang. I answered it, "Teriyaki Yoko's suite. This is her roommate!"
The others chuckled.
"Is that you, hon?" Egg-yolk was using a backstage payphone, "I'm getting nervous."
"Were you nervous back at the Miss New York thing?"
"No. It was a smaller audience."
"Here's my advice: Pretend you're back at the Miss New York place. Trust me, you'll do fine."
There was a pause.
"I think I'm getting the hang of it. Thanks, Hon," said Egg-yolk.
Then the announcer on the phone and the TV said
"and now, Miss New York, Teriyaki Yoko."
"That's my cue. I gotta go," She hung up on me.

I grabbed a spot on the couch next to Lammy. On the TV, Egg-yolk showed up in her casual dress, then came back again in her swimsuit. She bent upward, facing the ceiling, but then CRICK! She was stuck in that position, and it really hurt. They ended up crowning her Miss America anyway.

A few days later, Me, Kramer, and Rammy were back at Monk's.
"How'd your hospital job? I hear you're having trouble trying to quit," I said.
"I still can't. They still want me there!" said Rammy, depressed, "This one kid had choppers, he tried to bite me!" then she lightened up, "I'll tell you one thing: My job may be humiliating... but my boobs feel GREAT!"
"Well now you know what it feels like to be a mother-for-hire!" said Kramer.
Rammy was not amused
In stepped Egg-yolk, still bent upward from the other night.
"Congratulations, Miss America," I said with enthusiasm, "I told you not to be nervous!"
"What happened? Is that a back cramp or did your bra fall off?" said Rammy.
"It's a back cramp, but what do you know?" she said.
She attempted to zap Rammy, but the cramp affected her aim. The lightning jolt shot up from her antennae, bounced off the ceiling, and back to her, like U-1's helmet. She sat down next to Kramer.
"You know what's good for your back?" said Kramer, "Let's take a swim in the East River. Whaddya say?"