Light walked back to his house. It had been a fruitful day. However, as he stepped into his room, he did his routine check on the measures he took to make sure no one had entered. After inspecting the molecules of the lock with his trusty electron microscope he carried everywhere ("A genius must always have his electron microscope handy." Page 12, line 4 of the Incredibly Handsome Mastermind Rule Book) and testing for forty-two presences of chemicals present on the doorknob, he finally came to the conclusion that, "someone has entered my room while I was gone. We must be prepared for whatever has happened, Ryuk." Ryuk frowned and said, "I already know." Light gaped. "But how? Surely you're not a bigger genius than me?" Ryuk pushed open the door to reveal a multitude of muddy footprints all over Light's carpeted floor. "Oh," Light murmured. And if that was insufficient proof, a red light on the ceiling was flashing, with a robotic voice repeating, "intruder alert. Intruder alert." Light nodded, his colossal ego hurt. Desperate to change the atmosphere, he shouted, "Fuck! They stole a porn mag of mine!" And gestured at his shelf. "Oh well." He sighed and was just about to take out his rape note when Ryuk gestured wildly for his attention. "Don't speak anymore, Light, because the police has put about 482 bugs in this room." Light blanched. He had to act like a normal boy today! Shaking, he walked over to his shelf and pulled a porn magazine out of the huge collection, sat on the bed and whipped his cock out. Ryuk started laughing insanely. "That all you got, Captain Justice? Then tiny little needle?" Light's face went red for a second before he took deep breaths and tried to ignore the rude god. Time to get to work. Light activated his electron microscope and started searching for his tiny stiffie. He flipped his magazine to a random page before concentrating on rubbing his minute shaft with a pair of tweezers.
Back at the police station, the task force were scouring Light's every move, from the unzipping of his pants to the biting of his lip. Soichiro Yagami stared wide-eyed at his son's manhood. "That is not what I expected of a Yagami!" He roared. "Why are you guys staring at him during his private time? Stop watching and humiliating the Yagami name at once!" The other policemen doubled over in laughter. "And you have what it takes to make the Yagami name proud?" L challenged. A vein in Soichiro's head looked like it was about to discover the joys of bursting. He ripped open his shorty shorts with his bare hands, flexing the manly muscles in his arms and thighs to reveal a penis as thick as and as long as a… pinky! The men dedicated to the safety of Japan in the room almost burst a vessel as well. Especially Ukita. He went extraordinarily close.
Back in Light's room, he put his electron microscope aside and zipped his pants. "They should have had the courtesy to stop watching by now," he thought, and took out his rape note to persecute rapists and criminals. He through his head back and laughed sadistically as his eyes turned red.