"Love! Hi Rick and Dave and Pop.
Good morning, Mom!
Love! Get up! Guess what! I'm in love,
With a girl I found!
She's pretty swell, 'cause she likes
Church, bingo chances,
And old-time dances!"
-Bruce Johnston, 1971

It was 5:55 in the morning. I got up at the same time as Teriyaki Yoko. We were both naked from last night. Egg-yolk was finally pregnant to fulfill her mother's dreams. But because she was hit last night, there was no significant change yet...

Egg-yolk put on clean undies and her one dress. I put my clothes from last night back on, and they were due for a run in the laundry. The dress was stain-proof, so it NEVER needs a run in the laundry.
I followed Danny's tunnel-flying method for the journey back up to 81st street. At the pad, I chucked away my current set of clothes and pulled out an identical set from my dresser. I put the dirty ones in a box and set off.

I ran into U-1 on the stairway.
"Hey, Tom. Danny told me where you were at with uh... 'Egg-yolk'. How did it go?"
"She's pregnant!" I said, "Any word yet from Zowie?"
"'Zoe'. He called from Cape Canaveral and planning to come in to JFK at 9:00."
"That's great. You know how to get there, do you?"
"No."
"Well come along with me and we'll go together."
"Where are you going now?" He said as we started walking.
"Laundromat. Gonna do a load of wash."

THE LAUNDROMAT

I sat at a bench in front of my station. Then Paula Fox entered with her load. This seemed ironic, because she lives down by Tibecca.
"Hi, Tom. What's shakin'?" She put her dirty clothes in her station.
"Egg-yolk's finally a preg!"
"'Egg-yolk'?"
"Teriyaki Yoko."
"Oh yeah. When did she get the idea to have a baby?"
I paused. I remembered she didn't meet Babs, the mother. But I didn't want to bring her up again.
"Uh... She just wanted one as a way to remember me by in case I ditch her."
"Oh. Little souviner keychain?"
"Yeah, you could say that."
We leaned over our machines. Our garments were tumbling in front of the windows. Then we felt a hand rub our backs. It felt good, but unexpected. Then it gave us a wicked pinch. We turned around, and our jaws dropped. We did not see her since we left Rodneytown.

It

was

AURA!

"I'm so glad I finally caught up with you two," she said sarcastilly.
She pulled out a cigarette from her (very)miniskirt. I nervously pointed up to a NO SMOKING sign above us.
"Whatever," she said, flipping us off.
Paula and I sat down as Aura walked toward the empty machine in between ours. She took her outer shirt off.
"What are you doing?" asked Paula.
"Same as you. Load of wash..," she popped open her bra, "...and a striptease free of charge."
She tossed both garments into her machine. Ours BUZZed and we quickly took them out and left before she took off anything else.

LET US NEVER COME HERE AGAIN.

I rushed back to the pad with the box in hand. An MTA van sat by the curb. I gulped, and went inside. I opened my door. Standing in front of me were three cops, along with Danny and Dani.
"WOW!" I squealed, dropping the box.
"Mr. Fay?" said the cheif.
"Yes. That's me."
"We're from the MTA," he showed us his card, "We got reports about three flying figures speeding throughout the tunnels, and they were certainly not birds."
"Uh huh?"
"And we've noticed these flights often start/end at the 81st Street station."
"Yes."
"We are aware of Mr. and Ms. Fenton's secret identities as ghosts," he gestured to Danny and Dani, "But you, I don't know how you fly. Maybe some sort of pocket glider."
"So what's your point?"
"Look," the cheif continued, "If you're gonna fly, do it above ground, and not near the tunnels. I worked hard to get where I am today, and I did not develop the subway system to turn it into a flying arena or what-have-you."
"Okay. What's the fine?"
"Well, the least we can say is that you remained within fare control, so... How does five cents sound?"
Bewildered at such at a rediculously low rate, I hesitated to question him, but I did fork over a nickel. Satisfied, the cheif
and his troops said goodbye and left.

I turned back to the ghost duo.
"Danny, Emperor Zowie: remember him? Chicago."
"I thought his name was pronounced 'Zoe', but yeah. What about him?"
"I'm gonna go pick him up at the airport. You wanna come?"
They both nodded, although Danny's the one who knew him, not Dani.
We started to leave, but then Kramer came out with new clothes.
"Hey," I said, "Where'd you get that?"
"Rudy's Antique Botique! See, when you outgrow your old clothes or when you inheret an old relative's clothes, you sell them to Rudy, and you get some dough."
"You gotta take me there sometime. I'm gonna bring in a friend from another planet. He might be interested in sharing some stuff."
"Giddyup!"

This time we took the subway the normal way. We only needed to make one transfer: from a downtown C to a Queens-bound E at 42nd street. My cell phone rang by the time the train reached the Court Square station.
"Hi, Tom. It's me, Katy. Where are you?"
"On the subway. How about you?"
"The news about Teriyaki Yoko spread quickly among all of us, and we're at her place checking up on her."
"How is she doing?"
"Her belly just started to inflate."
"That's great!" Now we're at Jackson Heights Station, "I'm gonna pick up a friend at JFK Airport, then I'm free. You guys want to get together at Monk's?"
"Sounds cool. See you there!"
After a once around the train that circles the airport (more commonly known as the JFK AirTrain), we finally got Emperor Zowie (his talking cat in tow) and made our journey back to Manhattan.

"How was plane ride in?" I asked when we got to Monk's.
"Terrible," said Zowie, "When the ship landed at Cape Canaveral, me and my cat, Ming-Ming, were so anxious for the plane ride to here, and we started arguing about who would get the window seat."
Then a girl's voice said "Mornin' everybody!"
"EGG-YOLK!" We all clinked glasses as she sat down next to me.
Indeed, her belly got a bit bigger.
"Egg-yolk, you remember Emperor Zowie, right?"
She nodded.
"So continue."
"Then this steward insisted that Ming-Ming was not allowed in the seats."
Ming-Ming peeked her head from inside Zowie's cape.
"Who came up with these rules anyway?"
"Exactly. So anyway, they put her in a box that you people call 'pet cages', and I felt lonesome on the plane."
I continued, "Then by the time we came, he was still waiting for her at the baggage claim."
Zowie nodded in aggreement.
The next ones to enter were Lammy and Katy.
"Hey, Tom!" said Katy, then turning to Zowie, "Hi. Tom told me about you. Were you the guy who sang 'Go to the Morror'?"
"Yeah."
"Great! What was your name again?"
"Emperor Zowie."
"Katy Kat, and that's Lammy."
They shook hands.

We had a jam session of "The Guitar (The Lion Sleeps Tonight)" back at the apartment. Ma-San agreed to haul her drum set upstairs, and Zowie remembered to bring his gitaroo. At the end, Kramer popped in to mooch off my fridge again. This time he wore a cape remarkably like Zowie's.
"You must be Kramer. I heard a LOT about you!" said Zowie.
"You must be 'Zoe'. I heard a lot about YOU."
Ming-Ming popped out again.
"Is that what I think it is?" she asked.
Kramer looked behind, puzzled.
"It's your invention!" Ming-Ming exclaimed.
"Maybe. Kramer, what's that cape you're wearing?"
"Oh. It's called the Hooded Raincape!"
"The HOODED RAINCAPE? That's MY invention!" Zowie said in excitment, and pulled up the hood on his cape.
Then I walked up, "Really? Oh my! Where'd you get that?"
"Well they're a hot seller at Rudy's."
At this point, MilkCan, Danny, and Dani took off. Zowie leaned forward.
"You know what? I have fifteen boxes of them in a storage shed back on Planet Gitaroo. How about we go into busniess together?"
"Giddyup!"
"Good. I'll contact my old roommate, Violet. He's got the key to my shed."

I picked up the phone and dialed the Intergalactic Operator, and handed it to Zowie.
"Hello? Get me Violet of Planet Gitaroo."
"Hello this is Violet."
"Violet. Zowie. Long time no speak?"
"I guess so. What do you want?"
"I found a client who can sell my Raincapes!"
"Zowie, you think you can actually sell those s****d RAINCAPES?"
"Yes, I can. You still got the key, right?"
"Uh... yeah."
"Well get ahold of those boxes and ship directly to Planet Earth."
"Where on Earth?"
"New York City. And make it express overnight shipping too. I need those Raincapes ASAP!"
"I still doubt you, but all right."
"One more thing, If you call back, ask for Thomas Fay. I'm calling from his phone."
"Okay. Bye."
Well, that's great. Now I'm a personal secretary for a visiting alien!

Zowie and I joined Kramer on a Downtown 1 train to 50th street. Next to the entrance to Mars 2112 was Rudy's. We all went inside. Zowie joined Kramer at the front desk while I perused the merchendise.
Rudy was slightly tubby and had a mustashe.
"Hey," Kramer said to him, "Remember this?"
"Yeah," said Rudy, "The Hooded Raincape. One of our favorites. I wish we had some more in the stockroom."
"I made them," said Zowie, leaning forward, "I have a storage shed full of them, in mint condition. Interested?"
"Yeah."
"They're shipping from another planet as we speak. I hope they get here in time."

I showed after them with a bunch of baby boy clothes.
"A lady dropped those off a few days ago," Rudy explained, "She said her mother got those because she thought she was going to have a boy."
"My girlfriend's currently expecting one. How much for this?"
"I'm having a sale on baby clothes today. 20 bucks."
"Deal! I'll take that, and the last raincape."
"An extra 10."
"Done!"

While the business duo went back up to the pad, I slipped crosstown to Egg-yolk's to give her the baby clothes. For some reason, she looked bewildered when I pulled them out of the bag.
"So whaddya think?" I asked innocently.
"Tom..." she said, "Those are the same clothes that Mom got me when she thought she was gonna have a boy."
My jaw dropped. Egg-yolk was the "lady". Well, chances of getting a boy or a girl are always 50/50.

I rushed back to the pad to try on the raincape. I called Danny up for a witness.
"You look great," he said, "I like how the hood covers almost of your forehead!"
"You think so?"
He nodded.
The phone rang. I rushed over to pick it up.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Tom," said PaRappa's voice, "Sunny was at the hospitol earlier for an ultra sound. There's possibility of a boy."
"Dog or flower?"
"We don't know yet."
"Well, I got a bagful of baby boy clothes at Egg-yolk's place. I'll send 'em over next time I drop by."
"Thanks."
"Gotta go. I'm waiting for an important call and I have to keep the line clear."
I hung up. Indeed, there was another ring.
"Hello?"
"This is the Intergalactic Operator. I have a Violet of Planet Gitaroo on the line."
"Okay. Just a moment," I said.
I put down the phone and called Zowie over, the picked it up again.
"Okay. Put him through," I said, passing the phone.

"Hello, Zowie?" said Violet's grumpy voice, "I put the key in. It won't turn."
"Try giving it a wiggle and a shake."
"I'll give that a try. Thanks."
"I'm counting on you to send over those raincapes."
Zowie passed the phone to me to hang it up.
"Well, this is going to take a while!"

===
COMMERCIAL BREAK

"Teriyaki Yoko?"
"Hiya, Eggie!"
She groaned, realizing she was on the phone with her mother, Babs.
"So did Towm conseeve yet?" This is the 10th time she asked that.
"Yes, uh... he conceived."
"Eggie, you're gowna have a BAY-BEE! Could you beweieve that?"
"Uh... Yeah, I can...believe it," Egg-yolk faked an intercom-buzzing noise with her antenne, "WHAT? Oh, I think that's Tom. I gotta go."
Sure enough Babs brought it, and Egg-yolk was able to hang up. She let out a deep sigh.

Just then, I entered without prior reservation.
"Hey, what a surprise! I just faked your arrival to get off the line with Babs!" she said.
"Well thank goodness," I said, "I'm here to take the baby clothes."
"Hmm? What for?"
"Sunny got an ultrasound already. She might be having a boy!"
"Oh yeah! That reminds me, I need an ultrasound soon."
"How 'bout going to the hospital that Rammy works at?"
There was a pause.
"Oh, all right, hon. She IS my ex-guitarist. Might as well drop by and see how she's doing. By the way, what DOES she do?"
"Breastfeed," Egg-yolk's pupils shrunk, "Well, she's not happy about it either."
"How did she get a job like that? She was never in labor."
"Oh... the hospital has their ways."

I grabbed the bag and jumped out the window. Using my ghost form, I landed safely and slid across to 6th avenue.
At the subway station, I pulled out my cell phone and called PaRappa.
"Hey, guy. I'm comin' over with the baby clothes. Where should I get off?"
"Where are you now?" said PaRappa.
"Uh..." I paused to look at a column with the name of the station, "42nd Street-Bryant Park."
I waited for the dog to unfold his subway map.
"Okay. You just gotta take the M to Hewes Street."
"Thanks."
At that moment, an M train came, and I got on with the bag.
For some reason, they were out by the time I got to the door. So I just put the bag down on the stoop and jumped back on the subway.

Egg-yolk was at the front stoop of her building when I arrived. This time I decided to call a cab, which she agreed to. During the ride to the hospital, I started to smell what seems to be somebody's throw-up. I sniffed Egg-yolk's shoulder. Nope-that was her best perfume. I sniffed my armpit. Nope-fresh deodorant. Then the crack behind the seat that looks into the trunk. Yep. Who would throw up in a trunk?
The cab pulled up beside the entrance.
"Do you mind if I look in the trunk?" I said as we got out.
"Go right ahead," said the driver.
He pressed a button, and Egg-yolk pulled the trunk open, then called me over. I squealed "WOW!"

It

was

PHIL!

We pulled him out of the trunk, and as a punishment, drug him inside the hospital, and up to the secretary, who was reading a book.
"Hi," I said, "We're here for an ultrasound. You see, she's pregnant."
"Oh okay," the secretary did not look up, "Maternity ward, 5th floor."
"Thanks..." I took a long pause, "I was born here."

THE 5TH FLOOR

We entered the ward and found Rammy in her position, waiting for her shift to start.
"Oh. It's you guys," she muttered, "What happened now?"
"She's pregnant. We're here for an ultrasound."
Rammy was not happy about her ex-boss firing her down in favor of me.
"Seriously, what do you see in that guy?"
"He's cute," said Egg-yolk.
Rammy was not amused. Then Phil's face started to redden due to lack of thirst
"Okay. This guy needs a dose of something, STAT!" I pushed him towards Rammy, and followed Egg-yolk to a vacant room. Rammy knew exactly what do do with Phil.

"That's it right there," said a doctor at the ultrasound monitor, "That white dot hanging off the left side."
Egg-yolk smiled and held my hand. She was excited about the whole thing.
"When should I expect him, hon?" she asked.
"In about nine months."
"Nine months..." Egg-yolk said under her breath. Then the doctor took the transducer off her belly, and she rolled over the bed to hug me.
We stood up to leave for the elevator. Phil was launched out a door and hit the opposite wall, this time more sober-looking. He had white stuff covering his mouth. I saw Rammy in the doorway, brushing her hands in that ol' job-well-done attitude.
"EWW!" I said, "Sheep milk!"

We took a cab back to my pad. Phil was able to walk normally. I turned to the elevator doors, and saw Charles. But this time, he was outside the elevator, not in it. He was sitting against the wall, beneath the UP button, and nervously nibbling on a bar of chocolate.
"What happened to you?" said Phil.
"I got ambushed by something," he said, "I don't know what it is."
I put my ear against the doors. I heard strange, but familiar, dance music coming from inside. Egg-yolk crossed her fingers as my finger shivered its way to the UP button. When the doors opened...

It was that dancing pantomime horse again!

We all ran up the stairs as the horse chased us with that annoying music. I quickly opened the apartment door, rushed inside, slammed it shut, and locked it.
I looked through the peephole. That horse was standing there, waiting to run over us. Kramer's door opened from across the hall, and the horse danced in that direction. I quickly unlocked the door to let Kramer and Zowie in, and locked it again.
"What was THAT?" asked Kramer.
"I have NO idea," I replied.

The phone rang at that moment.
"Hello?"
"Intergalactic Operator. I have a Violet from Planet Gitaroo on the line."
"Okay. Put him through," then called out, "'Zoe', It's for you!"
Zowie came and took the phone, while Danny jumped up through the floor.
"Hello, Zowie," said Violet on the other line, "The KEY WON'T TURN. I wiggled it, I shook it, NOTHING."
"So you couldn't get the raincapes?"
"I had to break it open with a rock."
"Ugh...Oh well, I've been looking for an excuse to get a bigger storage shed anyway."
"Okay. I sent them with overnight shipping. Your capes will be there by the end of the Earth week."

Zowie hung up the phone, and turned to see Phil over by Danny. He started to look bloated again.
"Oh, no! Not you again!" whined Danny.
"I thought we left you in Chicago!" said Zowie.

I heard my doorbell ring. Danny lurched for the door.
"Who's that at the door?"
"Danny, DON'T!"
It was too late. He turned the lock and opened the door.

PANTOMIME HORSE AMBUSH!

I peeked out the door and heard a familiar cackle.
"Hope you enjoyed your little present, Tom! TA TA!"
NEWMAN!