This is Teriyaki Yoko's fifth month pregnant: December, just in time for the holidays. Her experience with the Baby Born I bought her two months ago might pay off when she finally gives birth.

At Monk's, Danny and I sat down at a table, and quickly eye all the holiday decorations along the walls.
"I'm not a big fan of Christmas," said Danny as an icebreaker.
"Hmm," I said, "I thought you would."
More silence. Then Lammy and Rammy entered the scene, and sat next to us.
"You seem to be in a good mood today, Lammy," I said.
"My mom called. She's coming to stay with me for the holidays."
"What does your Mom do these days?"
"She's an uncredited studio musician."
"You mean like Rammy?"
Rammy pouted, but then blushed.
"Actually...I was sort of like that when I met Teriyaki Yoko," she said.
"Oh. Touche!" said Danny.
"Uh...I don't think you're using that right," I said.
Danny blushed.
"Anyway," said Rammy, "My mother's coming out too."
"Is she an evil twin?"
"No. My mom met Lammy's once or twice. They don't look anything like each other."
"Oh. Looking forward to meeting her!"

Next to come in was Dani, with a handful of mail. She didn't bother to sit.
"You got this from your parents back in Cali," she said.
Danny took a look.

Dear Danny,
Happy Christmas!
Hope you're not using your ghost powers for any mischief!
We're thinking of coming over to see a slice of the Big Apple!
Looking forward to seeing you and Dani,
Jack and Maddie

P.S. Say hi to Grandpa for us!

"Woah!" I said, "Three exclamation marks!"
Dani pulled out another letter.
"Here's one from Grandpa."
Danny opened that one, but quickly slammed it shut.
"Oooooooo!" exclaimed Rammy, "More embarrasing Christmas mushy-mush?"
Danny just said "Ummmmmmmmm..."
"We'll see about THAT!" Rammy snatched the card and read it out loud, "'Dear Grandson (and clone), Happy Festivus'...? What the h**l is Festivus?"

THIS SHOULD BE OUR CUE TO LEAVE

We saved the 'Festivus' questioning for back at the apartment.
"Grandpa is against the gigantic commercialism in Christmas, so he decided to create his own, anti-commercial holiday called Festivus. He uses a pole instead of a tree."
At this point, I buzzed in Egg-yolk.
"Dad used to celebrate Festivus with grandpa, but that all changed when he moved to California and married Mom. So that's why Christmas doesn't seem to 'do it' for me."
"I feel exactly the same way," said Rammy, "Baaaa humbug!"
I whispered into Lammy's ear, "Could you tell me why you let her in here? Now she knows where I live."
Lammy whispered back, "I feel like I'm somewhat related to Rammy, but I don't know how."
"I thought you said she isn't your sister."
"Well, yeah, but..."

Egg-yolk entered with a new dress, but due to bad timing, Kramer burst right into her, and I had to catch her.
"Hey, buddy!" he said to Danny, "Happy Festivus!"
"How do YOU know Festivus?"
"Well, I'm a friend of Grandpa Fenton!"
Then Rammy started to leave, "I gotta get down to the hospital. My shift starts in a couple minutes."
Lammy followed, "Me too!"
I sighed in relief that Rammy was gone, then Egg-yolk grabbed my arm.
"C'mon, hon. Let's go," she said quickly, "I'm due for an ultrasound."
When we got to street level, we saw the two sheep get on a cab and ditched us. I opted to fly there via Ghost mode, but Egg-yolk reminded me of what happened in Chapter 23. So we took another cab.

When we got to the maternity ward, Lammy and Rammy were coming out with smiles on their faces.
"What happened now?" asked Egg-yolk.
"We've been deflated!" said Rammy.
They pointed to their chests-they were back to being flat!
"How?"
"They found it sorta abnormal to have sheep working for them," said Lammy.
"Well congratulations."

So then came the ultrasound. It was looking very human, but has not yet kicked or anything like that. We took cabs home.

As before, Lammy beat us. She was standing outside another cab with briefcases in her hands.
"What's all this?" I queried.
"Mom's here," said Lammy.
Out of the cab stepped a tall woman with bushy red hair-bushier than MINE-and lots of hippie-era garb on. This was Lammy's mother.
"Lammy! My baby!" she said gleefully, hugging her sheep-daughter, "You haven't changed a bit!"
I must admit, Lammy's mom was less embarrassing that Egg-Yolk's mom.
"So, what's new with you?" she asked.
"Not much. Moved out, became a rock star, and here I am."
"Has mean ol' Rammy been giving you a hard time?"
"Not lately, we've been acting, well...sisterly...?" said Lammy.
This was something I was still curious about. I was thinking to go down to Rammy's to see what she's been up to.

And go down to Rammy's I did. Her mother was already in and ready to go.
"Hey Village Boy," said Rammy.
"H-h-h-hi," I stuttered, "So this is your mother, huh?"
Rammy's mother was in dark, sexy, reveling clothing, and smoking a cigarette.
I knew I had to say something.
"It's...easy to see where Rammy gets her good looks from."
"Thanks, darlin'," said the mother.
"Whaddaya think?" said Rammy, "She's a prostitute!"
"A p-p-p-p-(gasp)-p-p-p-p-pros-titute?" I stuttered again.
Rammy slapped me "Get used to it."
"Way to tell him, darlin'." said Rammy's mom.
Then I said "So...uh...Lammy's mother is in town also..."
"Lammy? She lives in your building?" said Rammy's mother.
"Yeah...so...uh...would it be so bad if I...uh...fixed you up to lunch with her sometime?"
"Actually...that would be a good idea."
Okay. Good to get that out of the way. I made a break for the subway, and was still nerved about Rammy's mother being a prostitute.

Their lunch happened the next day at Monk's. I stood outside and simply peeked in. From what I saw, they were doing all right. Might as well leave them be. Outside, it was finally beginning to snow as I walked down to the subway for Greenwich Village, with guitar in hand. The old Gaslight Cafe from the 60s announced its grand re-opening (at last!), and it was just like I seen in the pictures.
I was instantly recognized by the management, and was called up to play a song. So I did. In the audience, I saw someone who I myself instantly recognized; She was up front, at right, with a portable audiocassette recorder and a notebook filled with original poetry. It was Sammy, a beat poet who used to go on after me. I dated her before I met Pameula: We broke up when she said she didn't want to "do it" with me. I never knew why.

When I finished my set, I went right to her table. Sammy was wearing a brown shirt with a coffee cup graphic on it, and a buret over her brown Lammy-like hair (She wore that all the time).
"Sammy!" I said.
"Tom?" she said.
We exchanged "Yays" and hugged.
"It's been a long time," said Sammy, "where've you been?"
"Here, there, everywhere!" I said "I see you still got your buret."
Sammy giggled, blushed, and looked up.
"How's your poetry? Have you been getting anywhere with it?"
"Yeah. It's getting better. I've been listening to Alan Ginsburgh for inspiration."
"Oh! You have that four-disc box set? 'Holy Soul Jelly Roll'?"
"That's the one!"
I eyeballed the tape recorder. There was a Maxell UR tape in there.
"What's on?" I asked.
"Last week I improvised on a set. Now I'm writing down the best ones."
Then the check came. She paid in change, as if this was a French place. Then we put on our coats and set out on the snow-covered town.

Sammy invited me over to her place, which I accepted. It felt good to catch up on old times...again. Maybe Sammy will finally take off that buret of hers.
Sammy's place was over by the PATH station at Christopher Street. It was a small apartment with three rooms, including the bathroom, but we didn't mind. We were in the warm bedroom, sharing poetry. Then she moved closer.
"So where HAVE you been?" she said.
"Well, it's a long story..." I told her everything: The discovery that anthros exist, the first encounter with Egg-yolk, the time when I got my ghost powers, the sex act that got caught on tape, the supposed affair with Egg-yolk and Slim Guy, the late night Chicago parties, and the ambitious long term work on the 'Tommy' rock opera.
"Gosh," said Sammy, "All that stuff you went through!"
She hugged me. Then she said "I feel that now is a good time to show you something."
I assumed that her 'something' would be related to whatever was under her buret, and I was right. She slowly pulled it off to reveal...ears and horns! Sammy was an anthro sheep! Right then and there, I knew she had to meet Lammy and/or Rammy. They could show her that she's not alone.

And so I took her up to my apartment where I found Lammy and Rammy on the couch watching a show. Sammy sat down between them, and looked at both of them.
Then I broke the ice: "Where are your mothers?"
"They left lunch early, and we haven't heard since," said Rammy.
"Girls, this is Sammy. She's just like you."
"Hi," said Lammy shyly.
Maybe the mothers are at Rammy's place. I picked up the phone and called (Don't ask how I got the number), and I heard loud moaning and kissing.
"Hello?" said a voice.
"Hey, this is Tom, Lammy's friend."
"Oh, heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy!" It was Lammy's mother, and she sounded drunk.
"What ARE you doing down there?" I asked.
"Stuff!" said Lammy's mother, laughing and moaning in the background.
Then CLICK! She hung up.
I bet Rammy's mother is a bi...

LET US NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.

Then Danny and Kramer entered. Danny had his head down, while Kramer looked like he accomplished something.
"What's going on here?" I asked.
"I just spoke with Grandpa Fenton," said Kramer, "He's having his Festivus dinner on the 23rd, and he wants us ALL to be there!"
"I thought Festivus was supposed to be a holiday that only my family is supposed to know about," complained Danny.
Then Rammy said "So was that whole ghosty stuff you do."
"Come on, Danny," I said, "Sharing Festivus can't be THAT bad as the whole ghost mawskerodd phase!"
"Masquerade" corrected Danny.
Whatever.
Then Danny took a moment of silence, "I think you're right!" He cheered up a little.
There we go. I gave him a pat on the back. He left, followed by Kramer.
"Should I call the others about the Festivus dinner?" I asked.
"Nah, that's already taken care of!" Kramer closed the door.

Lammy, Rammy, and Sammy stayed as I ordered Mexican take-out. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Burritos...

For some reason or another, they spent the night with me. Then over breakfast the next morning, I thought of something. It could be the reason why Lammy and Rammy are somehow acting sisterly to each other, and why Sammy looks exactly like the other two (save for the hair color).
"I thought of something! Girls, were your fathers all sheep?"
They nodded.
Lammy explained "Over in California, the animals they use as cross-breeding subjects are number coded. I think my father's code was 8311."
Rammy piped in "So was mine!"
Then Sammy said "Really? Mine too!"
"Don't you realize what this means?" I said, "You all have the same father, but different mothers! You girls are all TWIN STEP-SISTERS!"
There was a pause, followed by a moment of realization, and then a moment of rejoycing.
"And that could mean," I continued, "That there could be more of you somewhere else in the world!"
"I only know one," said Sammy, "Her name's Pammy, and she plays pipe organ at the church downtown."
"All right!" I clapped my hands and head for the door, "Let's go!"
"What for?" she asked.
"I'm gonna invite her to the festivus dinner!"
"But Tom, you don't even know her!"
"Ah what's the difference? If there's one thing I like, it's seeing a bunch of doppelgangers socializing in the same room!"
Sammy accepted the reason, and followed me down to a waiting subway train.

After making only one transfer from the C to the 2 at Chambers Street, we arrived at the church. The place was almost deserted: We missed the mass. A few people were sitting up front to pray and stuff. We turned around to see a huge pipe organ above the doors. Seated before the organ's keyboard was Pammy, rehearsing next week's set.
"Hey, Pammy!" said Sammy.
Pammy turned around and saw her step-sister waving at her.
"Samantha! I'll be right down."
Pammy walked out of view, but we could hear her footsteps from where we were standing.
I saw Sammy blush. She never liked people calling her by her full name.

Pammy appeared through the doors beneath the organ. Her color was periwinkle (A very bright purple color), and her shirt graphic was a cross. Just the wardrobe alone made her look like an angel.
Sammy introduced me to Pammy, and she gave me one of those communion cracker-thingies.
Out of all the Lammies I've met so far, Pammy was by far the quietest. She mostly giggled, blushed, and/or pouted. The church hired her as an organ player because they saw her sheep atributes as a blessing (You know, "Lamb of God" and all that stuff).

I accompanied Pammy and Sammy on the 1 train uptown: Pammy wanted to hang at Sammy's place like they always do. I was going back to my place.
"A friend of mine is planning a dinner. You wanna come?" I asked.
"Is it a Christmas dinner?" asked Pammy.
"Well, it's...uh...an alternative to a Christmas dinner, from what I've heard, without all the commercialism."
"Uh-huh?" Pammy sounded interested.
"It's called Festivus."
Pammy's interest rose. She always wanted to go to a Christmas-time dinner with no commercialism interfering with it.
"I'll go!" she said gleefully.
Whew. I never knew how to talk to a religious person without offending them. Good thing that was out of the way.

NOW WHERE WAS I? OH YEAH!

And so December 23rd came. At Grandpa Fenton's place in Cypress Hills, everybody who said they were gonna be there was there. The four Lammies, Me, Egg-yolk, PaRappa, Sunny, Paula Fox, Danny and Dani, Lammy's and Rammy's moms, Danny's parents, Katy, and Ma-San. Everybody was talking to each other about all their interests, while Grandpa Fenton (delighted to meet me for the first time) showed off the Festivus pole to those who were interested. True to Danny's word, he sure looked like Jerry Stiller.
"It's made of aluminum-no decorations. I find tinsel distracting," he explained, "Many years ago, when Danny was a younger kid, I went shopping for a present. I stumpled upon a Pokemon doll, but it was the last one in the store, and I lost it to a video game enthusiest. But then, out of the blue, a new holiday came about: A Festivus for the REST OF US!"
We applauded. Especially Pammy.

Then came a DING-DONG from the door and in entered Sam (from Amity Park), who gave Danny a hug.
Another DING-DONG, and it was Wayne and Garth, followed by all the music executives I've met: Jack Smash, Mr. Jay, Graham Cracker, and-to my dismay-Slim Guy.
"How many people are here?" bellowed Grandpa Fenton, "Somebody get more chairs!"

Then the door burst open, and it was KRAMER!
"Hey, everybody! Happy Festivus!" he said cheerfully, "Tom, look who came along!"
It was Sly, Murray, and Bentley.
"SLY!" I said, "How did you find us?"
"We were in town and wanted to stop by at your building and say 'Hi', then we ran into your neighbor here," Sly explained.
"I told them I was on my way to see you," said Kramer, "It's a Festivus MIRACLE!"
Grandpa Fenton pulled Kramer aside "Do you think it's wise to invite robbers to a dinner?"
"Relax. They only rob from other criminals!" assured Kramer.

Then everyone took their seats, with Grandpa Fenton up front.
"Now," he said, "If that's the last of you, we will begin..."
DING-DONG.
"Who could that be?" I said.
"HIYA, EGGIE!" said an unfortunately familiar voice.
It was Babs, Egg-yolk's mom. The bug blushed about hearing her in front of millions of humans and anthros alike. Fortunately, the only available seats were in the far end (We were near the front).
"Another Festivus MIRACLE!" said Kramer.

Grandpa tried again with his intro, but then, another DING-DONG. This time, he went to answer the door.
"Yes?"
"INTERPOL."
'Uh-oh,' I thought, and started to sink beneath the table, as did Sly and his crew.
Some agents entered the house.
"Which one of you is Thomas Fay?"
I nervously raised my hand.
"We have somebody here you see you. Maybe you recognize her..."
In stepped Carmelita Fox, the inspector who I insulted at that party in Chapter 15.5. I completely forgot about her!
"WOW!" I squealed, "How did you know I was here?"
"A man called Kramer," she said furiously.
"Yet another Festivus MIRACLE!"
"Hold it, lady," interrupted Grandpa, "What are the charges?"
"Insulting me at a Chicago party," she said with her no-nonsense Spanish accent, "and being involved with COOPER," pointing to the raccoon.
"Listen, missy," said Grandpa, "Insulting an officer, police or INTERPOL, is not a crime where I come from, so why don't you drop your gun and Tom's charges."
"How about I shoot you first and then take Tom and Sly to the judge?"
Grandpa was not keen about that.
"YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?" he yelled, "YOU GOT IT!"
Then Danny shot up and zipped between them, exclaiming "HOLD IT! There's gonna be no fighting or shooting or arresting in this household," Danny's father was silently cheering him on, "and besides, this is supposed to be a happy occasion. So why don't we put our differences aside, and sit down."
Carmelita put down her gun, and made her way down to the last available seat. The other INTERPOL agents left to get coffee.
"So Carmelita," flirted Sly, "Are we good now?" But all he got was the middle finger, from Carmelita AND Rammy.

And so the dinner began.
"Welcome, newcomers," Grandpa started, "The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances," Then he started bellowing again, "I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE! And now, you're gonna hear about it!"
"Jack and Maddie," he said to Danny's parents, "My grandson tells me your ghost exterminating business STINKS!"
Danny groaned. Rammy chuckled.
"Quiet, Rammy. You'll get your's in a moment," said Grandpa, then back to the parents, "Have you realized what your equipment did to your SON? Did you know that there was no ghost fiasco before YOU came along? I bet you couldn't catch a ghost on your OWN!"
Danny's dad felt torn, then he said "Yes, that is true."
Then he turned to Rammy "Rammy: Pammy says that hatred is a DEADLY SIN!" Pammy withdrew a Bible and winked, "Starting tomorrow, you are sentenced to eternity to apologize to EVERYONE!"

Now it was my turn.
"Barbara Yoko, your daughter says you're the most annoying woman she KNOWS! We all know it was YOUR idea that she should have a baby with me, and not hers."
"Carmelita, you're OBSESSED with your duties! You shouldn't be arresting people who break even the slightest mistake POSSIBLE! Sly is a MASTER thief. A GOOD theif. You know, like Robin Hood (whoever HE was). It's the THIEF thief you're after. So now I want the two of you to forgive and forget...and that goes for me too."
"Slim Guy, you're a DIRTY ROTTEN PERVERT! Me and Egg-Yolk are indeed dating. We met before we met you. You've got to get in your head that she is already taken. So get off your lazy seat and FIND SOMEONE ELSE!"

Then Grandpa Fenton spoke again.
"And last, but not least, Tom..." There was a long pause, "WHY WASN'T I INTRODUCED TO YOU SOONER?"
I shrugged.
"If anyone has something to say but doesn't have the guts to say it, write it down on a slip of paper and pass them around."

So after the filling meal, everybody was about to call it quits and prepare to leave, but they were stopped by Grandpa.
"And now it's time for the Festivus Feats of Strength. I need a volunteer. Carmelita?"
"You wanna be turned in for sexual assult?" she snapped.
"Kramer?"
He stuttered gibberish.
"Very well. Slim guy?"
I interrupted, "I don't we should get Slim involved in this any more."
Then Slim suggested "How about Tom?"
I stuttered.
"Until you pin me, Tom, Festivus is not over," More bellowing , "LET'S RUMBLE!"

"I think you can take him, hon!" said Egg-yolk.
"Give him the works!" chanted Carmelita.
"Go ghost!" said Danny.
"Shut up!" said Rammy
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH" I yelled.
"THIS IS THE BEST FESTIVUS EVER!" said Grandpa.