We interrupt this program for a special announcement.
The following may not be suitable for children under the age of thirteen.
We are not saying you can't read this, but it may place some unsavory images into your mind about some of the characters we plan to introduce.
On behalf of the Unrestricted Asterisk staff, we would like to thank those who have read the first chapter.
It means a lot to the narrator because she's the one the big boss has to pay for saying everything in bold and allowing the readers to see the cast backstage.
It is very hard to convince people to join us in a program such as this, especially when they may be outside of their character offset.
Thank you.
Could you actually imagine a world without the hotties found in the awesome anime...Shonen Jump Bleach? Neither could the rest of us! That's why we're bringing you this fun-filled episode with the next bunch of cuties on our Hot List…
Yellow-san: This is the real fucking deal, people! Forget about those other fics with guys on guys and girls and girls. This is where the battle for who's the sexiest starts.
shi~green: I won't lie to you. Some of you might be happy, some of you might be sad, some of you might get upset, some of you might get pissed, but this next episode will be the beginning of some awkward friendships. Let's do it.
GO BLUE!: Okay, I got to warn some of you now. These next few choices were ranked by a set number of votes. The narrator may explain how it was decided, but it wasn't decided based on one person. So if you wanna send out some hate mail, send it to yourself for not placing your own vote in a poll. You selfish bastards…
If everyone's all set and ready to sweat, we'll be continuing the ranks for your favorite show and our favorite TV stars. Batter up and swagger down, it's time for the 40 Hottest Hotties to come to home base…
pUrPlE rOkU: I hope all of you people reading will appreciate this next group just as we have because it is very hard to decide who is the hottest out of so many characters.
But it's never hard to make so many hot characters, and we'll show you exactly what we mean by bringing you this from Unrestricted Asterisk…
[Backstage]
"Has no one else heard from the others yet?" Byakuya asks.
Rangiku feels a sudden vibration in her shirt. Toshiro notices the rumbling movement in her cleavage and snaps his head to the side to make sure he isn't delusional. He questions Rangiku's moving cleavage as if creeped out by the motions of it.
"What the hell is going on with your boobs!?"
"Hm…? Wait, someone's calling me!" Rangiku exclaims, brightly.
The Bleach cast and interviewer watch as Rangiku digs in her bra to lightly take her pink cell phone out of one of the large cups. She presses the TALK button, crosses one leg over the other as she leans in her chair, and speaks over the phone.
"Moshi-moshi…? Haa…? So are they going to come in here…? Oh, okay. Nice job with the Lolli and Hanataro clips! It was hilarious…! Haa, I can't wait to hear the rest… All right, I'll catch you later," Rangiku sighs, hanging up her cell phone.
"Who was it?" Toshiro asks, digging in his ear.
"That was Ms. Rogue. She said Lillinette, Chizuru, and Kaname were with her. She seems to be handling everything pretty well with everyone. She has to go through a wardrobe change each time she introduces a group of us," Rangiku informs.
"Does anyone really remember what she was wearing before when we first saw her?" Ikkaku asks in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Of course, what's not to remember? She had a plaid school girl uniform and boots with two clips in hair," Renji answers, hiding his pride under his annoyed expression.
"Well, damn, Renji! How hard were you staring at her?" Yumichika asks disbelief in his tone.
"I wasn't staring! Get off my balls!" Renji shouts, blushing more as he argues with his co-workers.
"How about we move on and get a quick count in?" Rukia asks, checking her watch.
"How many do we have right now?" Nanao asks, looking at Rukia.
"Well, there's you, me, Byakuya, Renji, Toshiro, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Hanataro, Lolli, Chizuru, Lillinette, Rangiku, and Kaname. That's 13 out of 45!" Rukia shouts, annoyed.
"Ain't this a bitch? Here I am listening to a red-head hottie staring at my favorite TV hostess's ass, a short guy getting scared by a big busted chick's cell phone call, and hearing a sexy brunette's voice, yet I'm not even in the count? You guys suck!" Cirucci complains.
"OMG! I am so sorry, Cirucci!" Rukia apologizes, waving her hands about.
"No, it's too late! My feelings are already hurt now. Where's the hottie mcHottie interviewer dude? I need something to cheer me up," Cirucci remarks.
"I didn't go anywhere," the interviewer says. "How am I being sucked into this mess?"
"Because you're sexy and I need something to stare at… … Now take off your shirt," Cirucci demands.
"Ha, you gotta do a striptease!" Renji declares, pointing at the interviewer.
"Oh, don't think you're safe from this, Abarai Renji," Nanao shrewdly warns. "You have to do one, too."
"What!?" Renji shouts more than questions.
"We have an exclusive addition for this program that has all the men doing stripteases, and that includes all you suckers in this friggin joint. Just wait for Ms. Rogue to come in here and give us the cue," Rukia teases with an evil smirk.
"Oh, that is so not fair!" Hanataro complains.
{Theme song 3}
Can I see ya
Panties get wet,
Lady Lillinette?
Light blonde hair, barely-there armor, you know who we're talking about…
Yellow-san: Wow, do I know. I know that girl, Lillinette.
shichi SUNSet: My, my, my. Lillinette, Lillinette, oh dear sweet Lillinette.
violet`KYU: Honestly, what woman in the exile forum had complete armor?
shichi SUNSet: What guy was not addicted to the exile forum? It seemed like all the sexy women decided to appear and completely take over our fantasies.
violet`KYU: Actually, I can see how this was probably thought. It's like the creators of Bleach watched a whole marathon of Witchblade and just took the idea of half-nude women and ran with it.
shi~green: If that was even the case, I'm glad they came up with it because she is beautiful.
Yellow-san: Never in life have I ever wanted to be a Bleach character so badly. I mean, I'm so serious right now. Just to be an exile and walk behind Lillinette all the time to watch her round little ass in that flimsy bottom that looked like it was gonna fall right off and show her awesome bits… YEAH!
shi~green: Then the hottest thing about her were those gloves and that wicked smile she did when she was fighting. It just seemed like she was taking a sexual ride every time she used her powers. Unh!
Even though she didn't stay very long in the series either, she is still known as another hottie of the exile forum…
Lillinette: Thank you, thank you, thank you guys so much for not dumping me away like some cheap paper ball. I love you all for voting for me as a hottie. From yours truly, arigatou saiimase!
From yours sincerely, thank you for continuing at number 38…
{Theme song 4}
Do you know
If she got a beau?
I'm talkin' 'bout that girl
Hansho Chizuru
Ichired: Dude, she was—dude! Why would you make me imagine that piece of hotness? Dude, you are so evil to me…
When Bleach first started, it was hard not to notice the eyeglass girl who adored Orhime and ticked off Tatsuki. She is Chizuru Hansho, and she will not let you escape her grasp of cuddly fantasies…
hachi MARIGOLD: What was there not to like about Chizuru?
Ichired: Aw, she had the red hair and brown eyes and good, slim figure in her little school girl uniform. Oh yeah, hawt.
JU fuschia: I think the real tweak behind her sex appeal was the lesbian side to her.
hachi MARIGOLD: Oh, shizzle dizzle! I remember that episode when Chizuru just smothered Orihime's boobs from her adorable eating habits and tried to get her alone so many times. I actually wanted to see how that would work out. Would Chizuru get bottoms or tops? That is the question that really should be asked.
GO BLUE!: Hey, once you're hot and can show a little bit of girl on girl action, you've sealed off your level of hotness for life.
Chizuru: Well, uh… *laughs*
Ichired: I would love to see Chizuru just be like 'Orihime, wanna go camping? You can set up next to my tent, and I'll check up on that tight—I mean troublesome post that won't keep the tent up. Ah ha ha, ha ha, ha…'
Chizuru: Wow… Well, when I took the role, I was actually really uncomfortable with the role of an adoring-lesbo-wannabe. I just wanted to admire Orihime for being cheerful and nice and able to keep everyone happy. I didn't think it was gonna come out as (what we like to call in Japan, "yuri"), but I'm happy for being recognized for that part in the series. Thank you, guys…
No, Ms. Chizuru, thank you for coming in at number 37 on our hot list…
{Theme song 5}
I saw somebody
Touchin'
A little som'in som'in
Ain't that right, Kaname Tousen?
O-range-ni: Whoo, where do you start with this bag of chocolate?
Yellow-san: First of all, sexiest name I've heard for a guy so far.
GO BLUE!: I don't know. I kinda turned away bored with his name. It was the same as the guy from Vampire Knight, right? And he liked his friggin sister, which was over-the-top gross, so I almost expected the same thing.
shi~green: You can't turn away from those blackish-purple dreads and chocolate skin and blinding personality—no pun intended.
pUrPlE rOkU: As far as personality-wise, Kaname was a serious man. He was calm, a bit of a pacifist (meaning he doesn't like to fight), and his lack of eyesight brings out a bit of the sensitivity in him. In his past, someone really close to him passed away and that impact on his life would cause you to think that was linked to his eyesight problems.
shi~green: And it was because of that loss that made him a pacifist, but he also could see things differently than a regular person. I mean, if you said 'Hey, look at that ugly cat over there!' I feel as though he would pick up the cat and call it beautiful because he can feel the hurt that it felt, he can mentally connect with the cat and be saddened or pissed at the abuse it went through.
Yellow-san: Honestly, I think it's because of those reasons for his sex appeal. He wasn't out there doing drugs and talking out of his ass. He would just sit underneath a tree, hum a sexy little tune with his deep voice, and make you melt with his beautiful poetry.
Kaname: Um, arigatou for all your lovely comments. I'm glad you think I'm sexy for my down-to-earth qualities. I don't know what else to say except thank you with all my heart. I'm not blind in actuality, but I might consider it with all the kindness.
But we really should be thanking you for your lovable deliciousness, Mr. Tousen, as you pull in at number 36…
pUrPlE rOkU: Thank you, Kaname. You're beautiful.