Norton Folgate: "Ianto Jones—he really cares for you. He just won't see reason on that point, the silly booby. [ . . . ] He thinks he's the luckiest man in the world, because he's got you."

— Torchwood: Outbreak

The fortnight after Gwen's wedding scarcely improved matters. The team was already weary from fighting the Nostrovite and trying to salvage the reception, and the rift did not give them a holiday simply because one of their number was off on her honeymoon.

The tension that had hovered between Jack and Ianto since their conversation the previous week hadn't broken until Gwen's wedding reception, when Ianto made the first move at reconciliation by cutting in on Jack's dance with Gwen. It was the first time in weeks that Jack had held Ianto close, and as they swayed to the music, he realized just how much he missed their quiet, intimate moments together. He pressed his cheek against Ianto's and silently resolved to try harder.

Exactly one week later, the bomb arrived.

All things considered, it was a miracle that Cardiff still had an operational mass transit system. Between deadly Weevil attacks, omnivorous human passengers, and alien tourists with a flagrant disregard for traffic signals, the beleaguered Cardiff City Transport Services had had to replace half a dozen buses since the start of the year.

The bomb had most likely landed somewhere on the outskirts of the city, judging by the rift energy Toshiko had detected, but before Torchwood could retrieve it, it had made its way onto a public bus with the help of the deranged political activist who had discovered it. The local police had evacuated the bus and dealt with the terrorist, but Torchwood had received a desperate call for help after the bomb squad had given up trying to figure out the alien mechanism.

"I've never seen anything like this," Toshiko said wonderingly, once they'd taken over the scene and climbed aboard the bus. The bomb was the size of a large suitcase, and wedged between two seats, making it awkward to access. "It appears to be entirely organic in nature. No wonder the bomb squad was stymied."

Owen peered over her shoulder. "So, what, you cut a stem instead of the red wire?"

Toshiko shook her head and fiddled with the scanning device she held in her lap. "Not so simple. It's still a mechanical device, but one made from organic proteins that synthesize their own own chemical components."

"So it's a self-arming bomb?" Jack asked, leaning over the back of the seat for a better view.

"Clever," put in Ianto. "We're going to be blown up by triffids."

"Better than Krynoids, I guess," added Jack.

The other two stared blankly at them, then returned to the bomb without comment.

"So how's it looking?" Jack asked after Toshiko had spent another few minutes scanning and probing the device.

"I'm using the database to compare the molecular structure to known alien species. That should give me an idea how it works, which will help me figure out how to dismantle it without triggering an explosion."

Owen dropped into a seat and extended his legs into the bus aisle. "Couldn't we just douse it in herbicide to kill it?"

"It's not a living plant. It's a fully mechanical device constructed of organic elements, only some of which are plantlike." She cocked her head at the screen of her laptop, which was balanced on the corner of the next bus seat. "Interesting. The sample I tested bears a close resemblance to the parietal cells of several species."

"What are those?" asked Ianto.

"In the human body, they're what secrete gastric fluid," Owen explained.

"Never mind what it's made of. Can you disarm it?" Jack pressed. "Or do we need to tow this bus out of the city and detonate it someplace safe?"

"I'm working on that." Toshiko frowned at the scanner's readouts. "It's giving off very minimal radiation. Not enough for that to be a component of the bomb, but I think it may be part of a timing device. It's probably based on the rate of radioactive decay."

"So the radioactive material hits half-life, and then… boom?"

She nodded. "Something like that. It's definitely using biochemical activation, and I think I've worked out how it actually triggers. But since the process had already begun by the time we arrived, I can't accurately calculate how much time is left before the bomb detonates."

"So it might go off before we can get it out of the city." Jack rubbed his chin. "Any idea what the blast radius would be?"

Toshiko shrugged. "I can't be certain without looking inside, but judging by the level of technology and the chemical makeup, I'd estimate about a city block, give or take."

Owen moved back to the next row of seats.

"So what options do we have?" asked Jack.

"Our best bet is to block the triggering mechanism. It's designed to use a simple chemical reaction. See this bit, here?" She used the probe to indicate a globular extension mounted on an arm over the top of the box. Its open lower end tapered into a funnel, giving it the look of an inverted onion. "From what I can tell, this chamber is where the triggering agent is synthesized. Once the radiation reaches critical decay, the organic elements inside will begin producing a chemical agent—most likely a strong acid, judging by the parietal cells—which will eventually exit here—" she pointed to the funnel-shaped end of the chamber "—and drip into this." The probe moved to a narrow flask-like structure just below the end of the funnel. In the bottom of the flask was a small gelatinous blob. "Analysis shows this substance has an extremely high pH value."

Jack whistled. "That'll make a mess."

Toshiko nodded. "See that perforation in the bottom, around the gel? It's designed to break into the case."

"What does that mean?"

"That's how the bomb is triggered. It's sort of brilliant in its simplicity: Drop acid into an alkaline substance, causing a volatile chemical reaction. The force of that reaction blows the seal in the bottom of the flask, most likely triggering another reaction internally, and the whole thing goes off."

Owen frowned. "So what we're looking at is basically a box of baking soda with a bottle of vinegar hanging over it?"

"Multiply that explosive force by a factor of a hundred, but yes. But that's just the ignition key." Toshiko pointed to the bulk of the bomb, wedged between the seats. "This is the engine. So it's more like vinegar and baking soda sitting on a box of dynamite."

"But if we can stop the vinegar, the dynamite won't go off." Jack blew out a breath. "Okay, that's a simpler problem to solve. Is there any way to—"

He was interrupted by a high-pitched whine, as of escaping gas, and as they turned to the device they saw the sides of the onion chamber beginning to twitch.

Toshiko checked the scanner and swore under her breath. "We must have hit critical decay. I think the process is beginning."

"What do we do?" Owen rose to his feet. "How do we stop it?"

"I don't know! Let me think…"

"Not a lot of time for thinking," Jack warned, watching the organic globe begin to inflate. "Tosh? Can you take it apart?"

"Not safely." Toshiko was digging frantically through her kit, discarding items right and left. "It's fixed in place, and if I damage the chamber trying to remove it, it might burst and douse us all in acid and set off the bomb. I could do it back at the Hub, but I don't have anything here to contain it safely."

Jack crouched to examine the connection between the funnel opening and the flask. "Okay. There's a little gap here. Can we put something between the containers? Catch the acid in a cup, or something?"

"It's less than a centimeter. I don't have anything that will fit into a space that small. And even if I did, it would have to be acid-resistant. Glass, or lead, or something." She looked toward the front of the bus. "Maybe a… something like a stainless steel teaspoon? Look around for something we could use to divert the flow of acid." She bent over the bomb again. "Though we still don't have any way to contain it, so it might just overflow into the flask…"

Ianto had collected the detritus from the seats. "I've got a plastic fork, two paper coffee cups, and an expired Tesco coupon."

"What if I stick my finger in the opening?" Jack asked suddenly. They all stared at him in horror, and he shook his head. "Definitely not my first choice, but we're running out of options here!"

"It would slow the process for a few minutes, until the acid ate through your skin and set off the bomb anyway."

"Can we neutralize the acid?" Owen patted down his pockets and glanced around the bus again, searching for supplies. "Damn, if I were in my lab I could…"

"That gel will do a great job of neutralizing the acid in about thirty seconds," Jack interjected, glancing out the window at the nearby buildings. "And then we can kiss the east wing of University Hospital goodbye. That is, if any of our lips survive the explosion."

"Not helping, Jack!" Toshiko cried, tossing her bag aside. She pressed her eyes closed, sweat beading on her forehead as she tried desperately to solve the puzzle. "There has to be some way to neutralize it…"

"Looks like that thing's almost full," observed Owen, instinctively backing toward the exit. "Tosh? Jack? Any brilliant ideas before we all become confetti?"

"I'm sorry, I can't stop it!" Toshiko sobbed.

Jack seized her shoulders and pushed her toward the door. "Out!" he shouted. "All of you, out! Run, get as far away as you can!" He leaped to the back of the bus and kicked open the emergency exit. "Owen, go! Ianto—" He whirled to see Ianto bending over the device. "Ianto! Get out, now!"

Ianto straightened, wiping his hands on a handkerchief. "I think I've fixed it," he called.

Jack started toward him, intent on dragging him out, then staggered to a halt as the meaning of his words registered. "What?"

Ianto pointed at the bomb. "I've stopped it. For now." He tucked his hands into his pockets. "I mean, it's not permanent, but I think it should hold long enough to get it safely out of the city."

Toshiko and Owen crept tentatively back toward the bomb, and Jack crouched to stare at the mechanism. The lower end of the funnel and the top of the narrow beaker were thickly clogged with some tacky beige-colored substance. "What did you do?" Jack demanded. "What is that?"

"Chewing gum." Ianto indicated the battered bus seat beside them. "It's an older bus, and not very clean. I figured there'd be loads of gum stuck beneath the seats." He glanced at Toshiko. "You said it had to be acid-resistant. Gum base is basically synthetic rubber, and it can't be broken down by stomach acid, so I thought…"

Jack seized his face mid-sentence and kissed him full on the lips. "Ianto Jones, I love you," he laughed, giddy relief coursing through him. "You're brilliant. Chewing gum!" He turned to Toshiko, who had also succumbed to a nervous giggle. "How long do you think that will hold it?"

She knelt by the bomb. "It's packed pretty tight, and Ianto's right—the gum doesn't appear to be reacting much with the acid. I don't see any signs of pressure damage in the chamber itself, so I don't think it will rupture. It ought to keep long enough for Owen and I to get what we need from the Hub to contain it safely."

"All right. You two take the SUV back to the Hub and pack up whatever you need. Ianto and I will arrange for this thing to be moved out of the city, so we're not risking lives if it springs a leak. I'll call you with the location to meet us as soon as we're under way."

Owen and Toshiko exited at the front of the bus, and when Jack turned back to speak to Ianto, the younger man had vanished. Jack stepped to the rear exit and saw him hurrying across the pavement toward the perimeter of police, fists shoved deep in his pockets. Even at this distance, Jack could see that his ears were bright red.

Jack sighed as he realized what he'd done. He hadn't meant to say the words, but he'd been carried away by relief and pride, and they had slipped out. It didn't matter that he'd finally said what he'd been meaning to—the timing and circumtances had stripped all meaning from the phrase. Worse yet, Jack had said it in front of Ianto's colleagues. In front of Owen, especially, who would probably take the piss for weeks.

Well, if necessary he'd have a stern word with Owen, and make sure that Ianto didn't suffer for Jack's poor sense of timing. In the meantime, they had a bomb to relocate.

Author Notes:

● The Weevil attack on the bus takes place in the Torchwood novel Pack Animals, by Peter Anghelides.
● The famished omnivorous humans are from the Torchwood novel Slow Decay, by Andy Lane.
● Krynoids, a species of deadly tentacled alien plant pods, are a classic Doctor Who enemy from Doctor Who and the Seeds of Doom by Philip Hinchcliffe.
● Triffids are carnivorous plants from the science-fiction classic Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham, which had the misfortune to be made into a terrible low-budget monster movie—one which Ianto has doubtless watched on late-night television at some point.

Also, thanks to Gmariam for providing helpful commentary as I hammered out this chapter, and convincing me it was fine to let Ianto save the world with chewing gum. :)