Hey, remember when you got confused when you saw the title Bleach on your TV guide for Adult Swim and didn't really want to watch it?
Think of that same moment from that time and think of the present now that you're an addicted fan.
Do you see the difference? You better have! Because this fic is for those slightly obsessive fans of the Bleach characters. If you're not a fan, you best leave this page and take a nap! However, if you plan on staying then obsess over this next episode from Unrestricted Asterisk…
[Backstage]
"Okay, team, I need the kids to come along with me now," the narrator says, curling her fingers to emphasize 'now'.
"Aw! We still have to wait here! What number are we on?" Renji asks, slouching in his chair.
"This should be number 30, Mr. Abarai," the interviewer dude answers.
"That's what you get for being a top hottie, Renj-Renj," Hanatarou comments.
"Renj-Renj?" Gin asks, grinning in amusement. "Such an interesting pet name, Renji Abarai."
"Please don't grin like that anymore, Gin. You scare the hell out of me when you do that," Renji admits, shuddering at Gin's signature grin.
"Well, pardon me," Gin says, holding his hand across his heart. "But I shall continue to grin just because you said it freaks you out so HA-HA!"
"I hate you, Gin," Renji states, chuckling at how much of a kitten Gin looks.
{Theme song 11}
Shiba Kaien
A hunka, hunka
Burnin' love
Having a soul reaper brother is one thing, but having a hot soul reaper brother…? You just bought a ticket to—"Aw, baby."
pUrPlE rOkU: Shiba the reaper! How could you not like him?
JU fuschia: Shiba Kaien. First of all, he had the perfect eyes and the perfect smile and the perfect weapon and the perfect character. Well, until you found out later in the Sereitei arc that he fucking died! Where's the justice in that?
Ichired: Did you notice his hair? He looked Ichigo with a mullet and excess hair dye.
Yellow-san: That's true, but somehow he still managed to bag a hot wife to equal his hotness. Even though nobody really paid attention to her anyway.
Musik: When I watched Shiba, the only information I got from him was that he was supposed to be a prodigy of some sorts. You know he had conflicting powers and hair that looked like he got hit by his own shockwave of water-based gel and stuff.
Yet there was one thing the Shibster had that pissed almost every man off, and that was having Rukia Kuchiki at his side.
O-range-ni: I wanted to kill that bastard because he had another hot girl on the side besides his wife. I was waitin' for her to die and she did. Yay.
Modell: I wanted to date him so bad. Oh god! He's so cute.
Shiba: Well, the experience of being an icon for women's admiration is rather surreal and I'm simply getting used to it.
For the women of the world, getting used to you, Mr. Shiba, as number 30 on our hot list is also surreal…
Modell: I love you, Shiba the reaper. I hope you stay hot for eternity, fingers crossed!
{Quick Insertion}
It's time for a hot flash
Hot Flash
Hot Flash
This next group of cuties was just old enough to make you think naughty things and just young enough to send you to prison. We're calling them Bleach jailbait…
shi~green: I think Jinta Hanakari was a decent piece of jailbait. Him being the young rebel, loved red and had red hair, was kind of pugnacious. Women were probably swooning over him before they realized he was a prepubescent kid.
GO BLUE!: My guess on the hot jailbait would be Ururu Tsumugiya. She had the pigtails and the bushy eyebrows, she was cute, and she could whoop some ass if you let her. Give her a few more years to fill out and she'll be on this hot list for sure.
Aufreizend: I'm going to take a wild guess and say Karin Kurosaki is the top hottest jailbait because she was aloof, tough, almost insensitive, and pretty mature. I'll be looking for her in the next eight or so years. Countdown to legalization for Karin Kurosaki!
Karin: Ooookkkaaaayyyyyy……
O-range-ni: Get out! The most infamous jailbait should be Yuzu Kurosaki. She was cute, mothering, cooking and cleaning, being a housewife at a young age. Once she fills out, she might overpower Orihime and Momo combined!
Yet there is one piece of jailbait who makes pink an illegal matter and has even made it to the hot list…
{Theme song 12}
Whoo-hoo!
Kusajishi Yachiru
Whoo-hoo!
hachi MARIGOLD: I wonder if Kenpachi ever lets her listen to "That Laffy Taffy" song because she pretty much embodies the craving for something as sweet as she is. Like that's her signature temptation.
violet`KYU: Yeah, Yachiru was cute and cheerful and carefree and small, but she was strong and when you hangin' with a dude like Kenpachi you might want to be somewhere near mighty.
GO BLUE!: Does it make me creepy if I say I've always thought that Kenpachi was a pedophile because of how close he is to Yachiru? Seriously, does it?
JU fuschia: You're not creepy, just quick to assume things. Yachiru's so adorable and tiny. How can a monster killer like Kenpachi not like someone so itsy-bitsy?
Yachiru: *sings* The itsy-bitsy Yachi-chan climbs up Kenny's back/ Because he's so tall and built just like a monster truck/ But if you can/ Try to stay on his good side/ A tip from me to you is to always and forever smile
Ton: That…was so…cute! How can you not fall in love with her?
Yachiru: Thank you everybody. I don't fully know what being hot or jailbait means, but I guess it's considered a good thing since Kenpachi likes to laugh at me!
Aufreizend: Please, allow us to thank you for being on this list at such a young age. I think you sent every living molester and child rapist to jail for being such a cutie.
Yachiru: Okydoky then. Your welcome, Mr. Male model person!
{Theme song 13}
Prepare to swoon
For Kira Izuru
He's blonde… He's loyal… He's sensitive… Grab a sweat towel, ladies, Mr. Izuru has just entered the building…!
Ichired: Kira Izuru, otherwise known as the soon-to-be goth after trying to protect the manipulative Gin from Momo's wrath…or was it Toshiro's?
pUrPlE rOkU: Kira kind of centered around the life-sucks, the-world-is-dull personality. You can see that in the past he was a little more cheerful and friendly when around Renji and Momo until the massive confusion with the alliance during the Seiretei arc and everyone's all discombobulated after Aizen's alleged death… But no one cares.
shi~green: For a guy who men wanted to hurry up and die, he certainly knows how to reel a woman in to his seductive charm by being so pessimistic and depressed all the time.
Yellow-san: He was all like 'No one ever calls me for the important jobs and the action-filled plots. I'm gonna slit my wrists 'cause no one ever cares about me.' But still women get a rise out of him being that way.
Kira: Should I be happy about that?
Musik: Hey, I love women but man Kira is slightly attractive!
Modell: I guess because he seems so sad, women think they could make him happy with a one-night stand or something more thrilling and romantic than what I'm thinking right now. Because I could stare into those eyes and fiddle in that hair all night if I had the privilege.
Kira: You'd like for me to say 'yes,' wouldn't you?
Modell: I would.
And we're sure many other women would like to fiddle with other things that belong to Mr. Izuru, but we would like to admire the way he fiddled his way to number 28 first and foremost…
Kira: *smirks* I don't really know how to respond to being a hottie of the Bleach cast, but *silently claps* thank you for voting for me. I'm glad you love me so much.