Chapter 15: The Last Goodbye

It had been two months since their arrival in Rivendell, and only three weeks since her mother had departed from there. Lady Eryniel did not wish to bother them any long than she had, for she was anxious to be back in the North. Coran's training had increased two-fold since her mother's departure and she had tired often. This last week was spent on reading medical tomes and learning some Elvish healing. As their departure grew ever closer, Coran became more and more doubtful of her task. She wanted only to leave; she could no longer wait.

~x~x~x~x~x~

Goldor gently nudged her shoulder. "Coran, it's time." He knew she was not asleep. She had not slept all night. He could not either. What had happened in and outside the Hall of Fire the night before had haunted her thoughts. He had watched her tremble in the night, as her fears and doubts and thoughts consumed her.

He jumped up on to the bed and nuzzled her back, snuggling himself around her form. He softly growled, licking her fingertips. "Little Brother, I do not think Lhûn would appreciate you getting your paws on these sheets. Are you dirty?"

"I bathed yesterday," he said with a soft bark. Nudging her arm upwards, he laid his head on the curve of her hip, allowing her arm to rest down his back. Her fingers began entangling themselves in his thick fur and he closed his eyes, finding comfort in her touch. "And you, Coran, did you bathe yesterday?"

She grinned cheekily. "No. Am I dirtier than you? What have we come to, Little Brother, when I am dirty and you are not? This is madness." She rolled onto her back to look at him in the eyes. A glint of laughter shone within hers. Taking this as a sign, he pounced, bathing her face with his tongue. Being as massive as he was, she struggled to throw him off her, giggling.

"Coran," her Chieftain's voice stopped them in their merriment. "We are to leave soon. Do not keep us waiting." He left the room, anxious. He knew she had seen them. He knew she had seen the exchange between him and Arwen.

Coran just sat up in her bed, staring at the empty doorframe where Aragorn had been. She was highly certain that he had known that she was watching last night. Goldor whined unhappily next to her, nudging her once more against her knees. His actions did nothing but make her cover her face with her hands in exhaustion. From there, she thought over the events from the night before.

"Aye, lassie, give us a song!" Gimli's drunken roar echoed the requests from the hobbits.

Coran sat curled up next to the fire, her fingers plucking the harp Lhûn loaned to her. She had participated in many of the Elvish songs they had already sung. She had added not her voice, but her playing to all of the previous songs. Because of the first time she had been in the Hall of Fire, they knew of her voice. She had denied them for most of the night already and decided to relent.

Telthedir, who sat next to her with his back to the fire, gently played a flute. He lowered it from his mouth and looked at her with question. "What would you like to sing?"

She switched chords and began plucking a much more somber of tune. "I think the 'Fall of Gil-galad' is appropriate." He took up the tune as she plucked.

The song echoed her fears and doubts. They were leaving for their quests in the morn and she was terrified. She had found the strength to commit to her cause, but she struggled with keeping her fears in check. Surely they were fated to fail. The ring would find its way back into the hands of Sauron. The fellowship would be killed or enslaved. The line of the king would be forever broken. The great realms of Men and Elves and Dwarves would fall to the upending doom. The Shire would be tainted and soiled from evil. She would find her death from orc or man, from battle or enslavement. This was her last night of safety. She no longer longed for freedom, for freedom terrified her to the core. It brought about change and surprises and fears and doubts and new life. And she feared she was not ready to face the world, for it was much bigger than she had imagined and far more complicated. She felt she was not ready to allow her star fall in evil's realm. She did not want to become Gil-Galad.

Light and airy her voice was as she began to sing. Her fears unnoticed by those who gathered in the Hall of Fire.

"Gil-galad was an Elven-king.
Of him the harpers sadly sing:
the last whose realm was fair and free
between the Mountains and the Sea.

His sword was long, his lance was keen,
his shining helm afar was seen;
the countless stars of heaven's field
were mirrored in his silver shield.

But long ago he rode away,
and where he dwelleth none can say;
for into darkness fell his star
in Mordor where the shadows are."

They applauded her, for she sang it beautifully. It was not long after she finished that another song was to start. She was weary and so she gave Lhûn back her harp. Deciding she needed some more wine, she poured herself a glass and sat with the fellowship between Sam and Gimli, finding comfort in their company.

"That was quite beautiful, my lady," Boromir commended from across the table with the heat from his mead reddening is cheeks. "I am almost certain I am smitten with your voice as I think most of us are." With a few nods of agreement from Gimli and the hobbits, she welcomed their compliment.

She gave Boromir a kind smile and thanked him, knowing that the alcohol had loosened his lips. Her attention was drawn back to the fire where Telthedir had stood and laid down his flute.

It was him who took up song next. As he began to sing in Sindarin, she felt loathing spread in her heart. She found the song inappropriate for the night's festivities and was disappointed with Telthedir's choice.

"Of what does he sing? It is so beautiful, so sad." Merry took another big gulp of his wine. His eyes flickered between Coran, Goldor, Legolas and Frodo.

"It is the Lay of Luthien," Frodo answered, echoing words Aragorn once spoke. "The elf maiden who gave her love to Beren, a mortal." Frodo's eyes shifted to where Aragorn sat, next to Arwen. Coran, Goldor and Telthedir were all looking at them, Frodo saw. He realized the song was for them. Their love was forbidden just as Luthien's and Beren's was.

Coran gathered her skirts and went from the hall, ignoring the stares and unhappy faces at her departure. She needed to breathe and she could not when she thought of them, because she always thought of Calithil. Of course, Calithil… She climbed up into the nearest tree, wanting to be closest to the stars, to the moon, to moonlight, to Calithil.

She could gaze at the moon for hours, bathing in its light. She knew it was Calithil who smiled down at her when the moon was its fullest. Calithil always loved the light of the moon the best. It was nights like this one that Calithil would have just danced in the moonlight. The moon was full and yellow and close to the earth. It was if Calithil was trying to be with her, for she knew Coran was scared.

Somehow just staring at the moon, thinking of Calithil, Coran settled down. She draped herself in the branches of the tree, becoming comfortable. Telthedir had ceased singing and many exited the hall to wander the gardens or return to their resting places.

As she began to descend from her perch, she heard whispering voices. Slowly, she eased to a branch where she could see the figures of her Chieftain and Arwen. She listened intently to their conversation as they spoke Sindarin.

"Do you remember when we first met?" Her voice was soft and full of passion.

Aragorn held her close, his eyes never leaving those of his lover. "I thought I had strayed into a dream." He could remember those nights he spent with her, longing for her. He could remember the first time he had set eyes on her. He was frozen, as Beren had been with Luthien, for Arwen's beauty could be compared to that of the elf-maiden.

Caressing his face, Arwen answered, "Long years have passed. You did not have the cares you carry now. Those cares have changed you. You have let others age you… Do you remember what I told you?"

Aragorn just stared at her for a minute, before running his fingers across the jewel she wore about her neck. He was so in love with her. Breaking Sindarin, he responded softly, "You said you would bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people."

"And to that I hold." Aragorn shook his head slightly in sorrow as she continued, "I would rather share one life time with you than to face all the ages of this world alone." She placed in his hands her jewel, a symbol of her love.

He stared at it in his hands. "No…" Elrond had warned him. It broke the elf lord's heart to watch his daughter pine over someone who she could never be with. It broke his heart to pull her from Aragorn. And it killed his heart to know that if he let her love Aragorn that she would die. He could not lose another loved one. Aragorn knew this. He was going to tell Arwen that they could not be together, that she should take the ship to cross the sea.

"I choose a mortal life." The conviction in her eyes echoed that of when Coran had proclaimed she did not fear to die to save someone else's life and when Calithil had shielded him from the arrow meant for him and had told him that he was going to be King one day, even if she had to die for him. How could he tell Arwen that he could not accept her love no matter how much he wanted to? How could he ask her to live out her life unhappy? But then, again, how could he ask her to give her life to him? How many more had to give their lives for him?

"You cannot give me this."

"The light of the Evenstar does not wax and wane. It is mine to give to whom I will, like my heart." She brought her lips to his, and for a second, Coran could see Aragorn's heart break as he returned the kiss. This was his last kiss from her. He was sealing his love for her away.

She understood now why Telthedir had sung his song. It was a warning from Elrond. He was going to keep Arwen from loving Aragorn for all knew that their love would end in heartbreak for one or both of them. And Aragorn had accepted this; she could see it in his eyes as they broke apart.

Arwen left him to stand alone. Coran dropped from the tree, her dress ripping on the branch. Cursing, she went off to her room, hoping Aragorn had not heard or seen her.

After she had finished bathing, Coran had Lhûn braid her hair in Elvish fashion, leaving half of her hair down. Fitting her in her travel clothes, Lhûn clothed her in black woolen leggings and a long deep purple tunic that had been made from the thickest of fabrics to keep her warm for the oncoming winter. Her black, fur-lined cloak had been repaired and washed and it now adorned her shoulders. A neat leather belt now held her daggers and Hathelas on her hips. Pulling on her leather boots and lacing them, she felt ready to travel.

Telthedir came knocking at her door, dressed similarly. Though, he had bits of plate armor adorning his torso. He looked fit for battle. He bowed deeply to her and to Goldor and Lhûn. "Are you ready, Coran?" His eyes focused, though, on Lhûn.

"Yes, Telthedir," she answered as she took her place beside him. Looking back at Lhûn, she suddenly did not want to leave. Lhûn had become like a sister to her. How could she want to leave her? "Is this our goodbye?"

"No, mellonin. I will be there to see you off." She gave her a warm smile. "Go on. I will not let you leave without saying goodbye to me."

With one last look, Coran turned and followed Telthedir out of her room with Goldor at her heels. As they made their way towards the gardens and towards the stables, she found that most of the valley's inhabitants had come to see them off. It was not a joyous celebration, just as the night's activities before had not been. All wore somber masks. There was no singing and no greetings.

As they descended the steps down into the gardens, Coran met the gazes of the Fellowship. Only Sam and Pippin gave her encouraging smiles, though she knew they were forced. They had brought out Suldal, Sam's pony Bill, and surprisingly, Erestor's horse, Thalion. They were just finishing saddling Bill with their equipment when Coran and Telthedir arrived.

"Ah, a present from my cousin," he said with a smile.

"Lord Erestor is very kind indeed." She remembered his good deeds he had done for her on the Great East Road. They had not even known each other when he risked his life for hers.

She began to saddle Suldal when she heard some commotion. Turning she saw Aragorn coming down the stairs and Arwen confronting them. She heard her voice, accusing him in Sindarin. "Is this how you would take your leave? Did you think you could slip away at first light – unnoticed?" She rounded, standing in his path, forcing him to stop. Coran could see that she was clearly upset.

Aragorn tried to move past her as he told her, "I will not be coming back."

Arwen continued to pursue him. Following right behind, she said, "You underestimate your skill in battle. You will come back." She gave a hopeful smile.

He did not look back as he told her, "It is not of death in battle that I speak." He stopped, giving her a chance to face him once more.

"What do you speak of?"

He began to tell her what he had been meaning to say, for a long time. Ever since Elrond had confronted him about it, since Telthedir had sung about it. "You have a chance for another life… away from war… grief… despair." Coran could see Arwen's heart breaking, her disbelief apparent on her face.

She broke Sindarin and with doing so, broke his heart. "Why are you saying this?"

"I am mortal, you are elf-kind... It was a dream, Arwen, nothing more." His features had hardens, as if he was steeling himself from his emotions. He was in turmoil.

"I do not believe you."

He reached for her hand, trying to give her back the jewel. She began to believe him. She was utterly shocked. "This belongs to you."

With a silver tongue, she softly spat out her words. "It was a gift…" She closed his hand. "Keep it." Storming away, Coran could see that she had raised her hand to her mouth and had begun to cry.

Coming down the last step, Aragorn looked at them. None of the Fellowship could offer him a consoling look. He went over and helped Sam inventory their belongings that they had packed on Bill.

Telthedir, trying to diffuse the tension, whispered to Coran, "His last goodbye went better than mine will go." He smirked as he thought about it. It was clearly his way of calming his heart from the torrent of chaos that had begun.

Coran stopped fiddling with the straps of the saddle to look at his with bewilderment in her eyes. "You have a lover!"

"I have a wife. You've met her before." He chuckled softly.

"Who is it?"

"My soul belongs to Lhûn. We have been married for seven hundred years. We have two children, two lovely daughters." He sighed with happiness. It was going to be difficult to leave them.

"How old are they?"

"My eldest, Lanthirien, will soon be three hundred and ninety-four. She is my pride. Her sister, Lalvien, is still an elfling. She is nearly fifteen. Though I reckon, to you she will look no older than four." By the way he talked about his children, she could see he loved them very dearly. She could not imagine leaving children behind to go on a mission he would probably never return from. Yet, her father had done the same to them. Her father had left with no hope of returning, yet he had, though wounded in mind and body. Who knew if Telthedir would share that fate?

"I am sure they are beautiful. I still cannot believe I did not notice your love. I must be blind."

"Well, in your defense, it is safe to say that you were quite preoccupied with training, as was I. Your perplexity is adorable, though." He finished packing Thalion and helped her with the last of their packs. "Do you have all the medical supplies we are taking?" She nodded.

A host of elves gathered as they were readying to go. Exhilaration rushed through her veins as she became more and more anxious to leave. She had become more and more doubtful as they lingered. If only they were to leave…

Elrond stepped forth, bringing everyone's attention to him. "I believe this is the time for farewells." He then stepped aside to allow the people to say goodbyes to their friends and family.

Coran was happy her mother was not there for she knew she would have received the same treatment as her father when he had left. As she made her way over to Bilbo with Frodo and the other hobbits, she stole a glance at Aragorn, who has staring woefully at Arwen. Arwen exchanged his look and fought back the urge to cry.

Coran hugged Bilbo and exchanged farewells with Glorfindel, Erestor, Elladan and Elrohir. The twins smiled kindly at her and Elladan said, "I do not think this is our last meeting, my Lady Coran. We may yet join under one banner and one roof again." They bowed and released her from their presence.

She went to stand before Elrond, her teacher. She had found she loved him as one would their mentor. He had allowed her to grow under his tutelage. She bowed her head before him and allowed him to put his hand on her shoulder. "Be strong, my daughter. You may face many evils ahead of you. This will not be an easy battle for you or the war quick. Keep your hopes high and your soul loving, for that is what will be able to see you through the darkest of nights. Remember what I have taught you. You are so brave, my daughter."

"Thank you, Lord Elrond, for all that you have done for me. I cannot find words to utter in appreciation other than just a humble 'thank you'." She bowed her head lower.

"You do not even need to say that. I know what is in your heart." He squeezed her shoulder lovingly and released her. "Go now. I believe Lhûn would like to say goodbye to you."

As soon as she had stopped in front of the elf woman, she was swept up into her arms. She returned the embrace, saddened as she felt the woman express her anguish at her departure. Pulling away, Lhûn looked at her, studying her face, memorizing it. "I will miss you, my Coran."

"I will miss you too, Lhûn. You have become a sister to me." She grasped Lhûn's hands with her own, wishing to spend only a little more time having physical contact with her.

"Goodbye."

"Goodbye." She lingered too long. Tears slipped from her eyes. Aragorn was calling her over. They had to leave. With a wounded heart, she turned from Lhûn and found solace in Goldor, who sat right next to her feet.

What they witnessed next was painful to watch. Telthedir knelt before his wife, holding on to her hands. He kissed both palms and whispered softly to her. She began to cry. Her soul was weakening with this heart break. Standing, he took her in his arms, pressing her face into his shoulder, rocking her gently. As they settled, Lhûn called her daughters forth. Running to him, Lalvien and Lanthirien embraced him passionately, both with tears in their eyes.

Coran could not help but cover her face from the sight in despair as Telthedir bent down to his youngest who looked no older than four. Lalvien's words seared her heart. "Ada, I must let you go?"

He buried his face in her hair. "Yes, my heart. You must go too. Take the ship with your mother and sister."

"No," Lhûn hoarsely said as she reached for him. "I will not go without you."

Picking Lalvien up, he wrapped his arms around his family, hugging them dearly. He kissed each of his daughters' foreheads. Still holding onto Lalvien, he pulled away from Lanthirien and held his wife once more, putting his forehead against hers. "Please, I will join you later. I love you, my soul." He kissed her deeply, consoling her. Setting Lalvien down after he broke the kiss, he broke from his family, mounting Thalion.

Elrond came forth again as everyone quieted. "The Ring Bearer is setting out on the quest of Mount Doom. Of you who travel with him, no oath or bond is laid to go further than you will. Farewell. Hold to your purpose. And may the blessings of Elves, Men, and Free Folk go with you." Elrond touched his hand to his chest and then swept it out to his side in Elven fashion. Legolas, Telthedir, Aragorn and Coran all echoed his movements.

Gandalf, leaning on his staff, announced, "The Fellowship awaits the Ring Bearer." Turning around, Frodo walked the path between his friends lined, beginning their journey out of Rivendell.

Coran could barely hear his whisper to Gandalf, choosing to ignore it as she lingered, looking last upon her Elven hosts. She saw them raise their hands in farewell as someone began to sing a lament at their departure. Soon the air was filled with Elven voices. So distracted by this, Coran did not see Aragorn give one last look to Arwen. As her Chieftain departed, Telthedir motioned that they must be going as well.

Coran raised a hand and began to sing with them as they passed through the gates. She let her voice die slowly as she began to focus on the task ahead of her. When they were far enough away that they could no longer hear the song of the Elves, Gandalf told them they would go only a couple more miles before making camp. He asked Coran, Telthedir and Goldor to scout a good place ahead of them and so they did.

It was then Coran dared to look at Telthedir. Life had left his face, only immense depression was left. His tears streaked his face and she could only think that he was thinking about his family, about Lhûn. He stayed and did not sail for Coran, a girl he barely knew. He stayed because of his duty to his people. And he lost his wife and daughters because of it. He would not see them again for a long time. He did not know if his life would be taken or when he would be able to sail. All he knew is that they would be gone when he returned, if he returned. And his soul seemed as if it left with him.

When they found a place to camp, he dismounted. He placed a hand on his face, sinking to his knees and cried. And there he stayed, as Coran went back to fetch the others, as she was not able to be with him any longer as he grieved.