That morning felt different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was warmer, somehow, safer. It made me burrow backwards into the inviting comfort instead of facing the morning like any responsible adult would do. Too bad a knock at the door disrupted me from my escape of adulthood.

"Knock, knock!" came two fast taps, and I groaned at the loud noise interrupting the morning. Behind me, Sasori sighed, and I felt his arm tighten around my waist. Ah—so that was why that morning felt so…different. Color suffused my cheeks, but I had no business feeling embarrassed. My sense of "personal space" had deteriorated some with Sasori, and he was finally getting the hang of it.

"Oi, Leader-sama delivered a mission to me this morning, yeah! We need to get going!" Deidara's voice shouted through the door, prompting an even deeper groan from me. I wasn't fond of the bomber, exactly, certainly not like Alex was. That in itself might contribute to part of my wariness. I didn't trust Deidara with my brother, and the fact that my brother was old enough to make his own decisions didn't negate my anxiety.

Sasori sat up immediately, his hair mussed from sleep. I covered my mouth to snicker at the sight of several red strands of flyaways. A half-awake Sasori was, indeed, attractive, however troubling that realization was. I shrugged the blankets off as I got up, feeling rushed to get ready before Deidara decided to come back. I was afraid of him finding out about Sasori and me, worried that his impulsiveness may put me in danger. Sasori himself had voiced a concern that their leader might look down upon any burgeoning relationships between Akatsuki members—or members and captives.

I was swinging my hair up into a short ponytail as Sasori and I left the room, with me trailing a little way behind him. Deidara and Alex were already in the living room, and to me, it looked like we'd interrupted an argument. Alex was standing with his hands on his hips and Deidara looked at us with relief when we came in.

Alex approached me as Deidara approached Sasori, the pair of them leading the way while I hung back to greet my brother. He hugged me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. It was a brief greeting, but apparently still too much for Deidara, who called at us to hurry up.

"Give us a minute!" Alex snapped back, his teeth clacking together in anger. The sudden abrasiveness startled me, for all that the two had appeared to be growing fonder of one another. The two of them reminded me too much of Deidara's bombs; fast, explosive, burning up the both of them.

Alex trudged on ahead of me, leaving me to bring up the rear. I wasn't too keen on lingering around too close to my simmering brother, despite my dying curiosity on what exactly was wrong between him and the blonde. Outside, Deidara was tossing two of his pearly white creations into the air, where they began to enlarge to a size big enough to seat two riders.

Wait a minute.

"No way," I began to shake my head, my lips pursing in denial. "I'm not getting on one of those, the air is meant for birds! Last I checked, I don't have wings!" There were ibrida who were born with wings, but I wasn't one of them, nor had I ever had the desire to be. I was made for walking on solid ground, anything higher than standing on a chair made my stomach do flips inside me.

"Amaya, there's no time to argue about this," Sasori said as he climbed atop one of the birds, with all the grace of someone who didn't think he was sitting on a death trap. He held a hand out for me, meanwhile Deidara and Alex were conveniently getting settled and ignoring the showdown about to happen. "We've lost time as it is, and this is the fastest way to travel.

I stood my ground, once again shaking my head in denial. Sasori sighed and, with one dismissive wave, saw the other two flying off. Alex aimed a piteous look in my direction, but pity wasn't about to do me much good. I flinched as Sasori hopped off the bird and started towards me. Old habits die hard, and I couldn't help wondering if I had just overstepped a limit and was about to find myself on the wrong side of his anger. Instead of raising a hand, or even raising his voice, Sasori came to a pause ahead of me. "What's wrong?" he asked, impatience hardening his tone, but clearly not enough for him to not concern himself.

My face warmed. I knew I was wasting time, but I couldn't bring myself to get on that bird. I could already picture myself falling off it. "It…it doesn't look safe," I stammered, only half true. I knew it wasn't safe.

Sasori glanced at the bird and then me, dubious. "I may not agree with the brat's idea of what art should be," Sasori said, "but his works are safe and they do what they need to. Now, are you done wasting time?"

I glanced between Sasori and the bird, my fingertips thrumming against my arm as I crossed them. It was then that something seemed to click in Sasori, as his eyes widened a fraction. "Are you afraid of heights?" he asked me, having connected the dots, his expression one of "Really, that's it?"

"So?" I retaliated, scuffing my shoe in the dirt. Heights never failed to make me feel like I was about to vomit my entire heart out. I'd never had to face that fear, I'd always chosen to stay on ground level like, you know, a normal person would.

Sasori exhaled through his nose. "All right," he said, taking my arm and beginning to lead me towards the bird, all the while I felt like a petulant kid. "Don't look down. Look straight ahead or close your eyes, flying isn't dangerous. Deidara's as reckless as they come, and even he's never taken a fall."

I grit my teeth as we neared the bird and Sasori gave me an expectant look. Yes, I'd heard all the tips before, and none of them were worth a crap, but Sasori was impossible to deny. So, I let him help me up on the bird, and hoped that when I inevitably died either from falling off or from a heart attack, he would regret putting me up there. Sasori settled beside me while I dug my nails into my own palms. It looked so easy to slide off the thing; what if the wind was strong, or we'd have to make a fast and bumpy escape and one of us slipped off—fuck, the bird was moving already.

The bird ascended, but I felt like I'd left my stomach on the ground. I didn't shut my eyes as Sasori had advised, I couldn't tear my gaze away from the forest floor as it shrank away below. The trees began to look tinier and tinier, until they appeared to belong in a dollhouse. It was all so far away. I was going to die up here, wasn't I? After everything I'd made it through, I was going to plummet to my death off this fucking bird.

"You're going to break it," a flat voice weaseled into my dismal thoughts. Startled, I glanced down to where I was clinging to Sasori's arm, holding it in a death grip.

Chagrined, I loosened my grip some. "S…sorry," murmured, hardly audible over the wind. I hadn't let go of Sasori, even if I was trying to be mindful not to cut off all circulation to his arm. I was shaking like a leaf, and that only made me more paranoid that I was liable to slip right off. Sasori sighed and, apparently having grown fed up with me, wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to sit in his lap. I almost cried out at the motion, but once I was secure with his arms hugged around me, I found that I couldn't look over the edge of the bird anymore. All I could see was the vast expanse of the sky.

"You're okay, you aren't going to fall," Sasori murmured, close enough now that he didn't have to raise his voice. I buried my face against his shoulder as my fingers clung to his shirt, it was all I could do to stay calm. Sasori allowed me the comfort, his arms never wavering as he held me securely. Even way up in the sky, terrified out of my wits, Sasori was managing to make me feel safer. Like I could trust him with my life, should I choose to allow him in that far.

My heart was still racing, but its erratic rhythm was due to an entirely different reason.

It'd been a few hours since getting back home. The mission, as hazy as my memory was of it, had gone successfully. Deidara and Sasori had gone to deliver a scroll and a mission report to Pein-sama, leaving me to bask alone in the torrential confusion of my own feelings.

I felt safe, with Sasori. I felt like I could be myself. I didn't have to be brave or strong—and if I tried, he saw through the front. It was like he was breaking down and stepping over walls I hadn't even known existed. It made me feel raw, vulnerable, and alive. I was starting to fall into step with Sasori, and I was beginning to doubt how easy it would be to leave him.

Each morning I woke up and I wasn't sure what was going to happen, what my future would hold in the Akatsuki, but my constant was always Sasori. I'd come to trust in that. Sasori was steady and powerful, an anchor to my roiling ocean. We both complimented each other in that way; he kept me grounded and I provided him an outlet, I challenged him and kept him on his toes.

"You look deep in thought," an amused voice said. I started some, turning to look over my shoulder as Sasori came into the bedroom. He looked weary, but there was a smile on his face. I felt a fond smile tugging at my own lips just from the sight.

"Gotta keep myself busy when you're out," I shrugged. I hadn't gained enough trust for the others to want me out on my own, and I doubted I was brave enough to venture around too far without Sasori, not with men like Hidan lurking in the shadows of the base.

Sasori shed his cloak and then began to pull off his shirt, storing both away while I watched the enticing scene unfold. "What were you daydreaming about this time?" he asked, running a hand through his hair to get it back in order.

Absently, I leaned back against the pillows as Sasori approached the bed. "N…nothing special," I lied, unable to tear my eyes from the sultry tilt of Sasori's lips. He climbed atop the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his weight as he prowled towards me. I sunk into the blankets, sucking in a shallow breath as Sasori leaned down to capture my lips in a kiss.

"Are you getting used to being beneath me, girl?" Sasori whispered against my mouth. I smirked at the familiar nickname. I tilted my head to nip at Sasori's jawline, pinkening his skin some.

"Perhaps you'd like a taste of it?" I teased, garnering a quiet chuckle that rumbled in Sasori's chest. He nudged my head to the side, encouraging me to lift my chin up and expose my throat, where he pressed a series of kisses down to my collarbone. I shivered with a shaky groan of pleasure, reaching up to bury my fingers in his soft hair.

"So, this is a weak spot, mh?" the redhead mused, arrogance tinting his voice. I didn't have to see him to know he was smirking. I shuddered, sudden unease pooling in my chest. The affections felt nice, but things were moving fast, and I wasn't sure I could keep up. Gently, I pressed my hand against Sasori's chest to ask him to back up some.

"Sasori, wait," I said, trying to push as much confidence into my voice as I could. I didn't want to stop, not completely, but I also didn't want to let things get too far.

"What's the matter?" Sasori asked, leaning up some on his hands to look at me. I couldn't quite look him in the eyes, even as I let my open palm rest against his bare chest.

"I don't…I'm not ready to go that far, not tonight," I admitted, anxious of Sasori's reaction. I'd already prompted him to kiss me, I'd encouraged it, but…I was afraid of the power imbalance at play, should Sasori decide he didn't want to wait. I didn't want to be just a stress relief, just a quick one. That thought frightened me and it was what prompted me further. "I don't want to just be your whore." That was what happened to countless other homeless youth or rogues, I couldn't fathom it happening to me.

Sasori recoiled as if I'd burned him, and his expression was about as pained. "How lowly do you think of me?" he asked, and I winced. "I would never treat you as that. You are far above that, and if you wish to wait, that's your command and I'll listen to it."

Sasori pressed a chaste kiss to my quivering lips while I drank in his words. He was willing to wait—to wait for me? Even when I wasn't sure how long it was going to take? I didn't believe in waiting until true love, but I wanted to be comfortable, to be certain in sharing myself so completely with someone.

I kissed Sasori back, warmly, trying to convey my thanks through my actions.

I wasn't in love with Sasori yet, but I believed I was well on my way.

I had my jaw clenched tight as I struggled to stem the flow of tears. It was beginning to give me a headache, but it was better than letting myself cry freely and risking someone overhearing. I'd hidden myself away in a room that was in one of the farther corners of the base, an unused and dusty old room that had nothing inside but shadows to observe my weakness. I couldn't hold it all back any longer—I'd held out through the several weeks I'd spent in the Akatsuki base. I had screamed in rage, I had laughed in bliss, I had—

I'd done a lot, but I hadn't cried, and I needed to. I was crying for myself, for the loss of my old life, for my sister and how little I'd gotten to see her, and I was crying for Deidara and all the destruction surrounding him. I missed my life of wandering freedom. It wasn't perfect or elegant, but it was mine, and I'd liked it. I'd liked being free to roam where I wanted, visiting different places and meeting an array of strange, interesting folks who all had stories to tell. I missed being my own person without having to watch my every step, my every word…

Sure, Amaya and I had to be careful and watch our backs, but that was no different than here, was it? Deidara had told me he wouldn't let anyone hurt me, but sometimes I wondered how he was going to protect me from himself. He was the one who'd left my head in ruins, as if he'd set off a bomb inside me. The flames were sometimes weak, like sparks; other times they were a towering inferno that was swallowing me whole. The worst part about it? I liked burning.

My chest heaved with the effort to get enough air into my lungs without choking on my next sob. The tears were slowing, but now they felt more violent. I was so angry at the changes that had happened, even if my brain tried to tell me not all of them were for the worst. I wasn't hungry, and I hadn't been since the beginning of the mess. I was clean with clothes of my own, with a bed to sleep in that was safe from animals or rogue shinobi or sleazy strangers. I was with someone who made my heart skip a beat, sometimes for different reasons, admittedly.

But, was I truly safe? What could Deidara do to protect me from other members, to protect me from his leader who made the decisions, or to protect my sister? I winced upon picturing Amaya. I wanted to share with her everything that had happened. But, I was too afraid she would be ashamed of me, disgusted by my burgeoning, odd relationship with Deidara. I couldn't bring myself to admit my feelings even to her, but a part of me suspected she already had an inkling about what was going on. She, herself, appeared to be growing more amicable towards Sasori.

Birds of a feather, right?

I flinched when the door opened, a burst of adrenaline jumping through my heart and making it start to race. Deidara stood in the doorway, narrowing his eyes at me. "Finally," he grumbled, his shoulders sagging some. "Do you have any idea how long I've been looking for you, yeah? I even asked Sasori!"

Shit, hopefully Sasori hadn't mentioned my absence to my sister. I offered a nonchalant shrug of my shoulders. I tried to duck my head, hoping that my hair might hide my eyes enough that Deidara wouldn't notice I'd been crying. No such luck for me, though. Deidara came closer, because once again, everything had to involve him at one point or another.

"Are you crying?" he asked, incredulous. I stubbornly grit my teeth and shook my head. I couldn't open my mouth to answer him, I was afraid if I did, a sob would escape instead of an explanation. Deidara didn't buy it, anyway. He approached me and knelt beside me, cupping my face so that he could turn me towards him instead of letting me glower at the ground.

His brow furrowed as I faced him, now that he could see the tears glistening on my face. Gently, his thumb swiped across my cheek, catching and wiping away the tears that had streaked down my face. "Why are you crying, Alex?" he asked, and the seriousness weighed heavily in my chest. It was so rare for him to use my name, Deidara preferred a litany of nicknames that he had for me. "What happened, yeah?"

"You happened," I muttered petulantly.

Deidara's eyes widened and he pulled back a little, a surprised scoff vacating his lips. "Me?" he asked, "what've I done this time, yeah?"

I pushed him the rest of the way back and stood up, watching as the blond managed to catch his balance and straighten up. Crossing my arms over my chest, I felt the words bubbling inside me, coming to a frothing boil. I'd kept so much bottled inside for the past god knows how long, and now it was all trying to escape me at once. I was a poster child for unhealthy coping mechanisms. "What haven't you done?" I asked, awed by Deidara's obliviousness. "You kidnapped me! You imprisoned me in this place and took away almost every freedom I had, you—you yokel!"

Deidara blinked, looking completely baffled. I doubted he'd even understood what I'd called him, so that was a wasted insult. "Alex, I was trying to protect—"

"Shut up!" I snapped, cutting Deidara off in the middle of his sentence. "You brought me here, to a place full of ruthless people! I'm not any safer here than I was on my own, living a life of independence with my sister! We were doing just fine before you came along and…and blew everything up!"

I was panting by the time I'd finished ranting, and I was sure my face had colored in my rage. Deidara was silent, his fists clenched at his sides throughout my tantrum. Only after several seconds of silence, where I was sure he was waiting to make sure I was done, did he speak. "I brought you here to save your life," he said, pleaded, like he was trying desperately to get me to understand. "Sasori brought Amaya here to save her life. It would have been cruel to allow you to go off on your own! There are dangerous people here, Alex. People who wouldn't hesitate to rape and kill any innocent youth they come across. You could have been murdered, or trafficked. I wanted to give you the best chance you could have!"

I bitterly turned away from Deidara, frustrated moisture burning in my eyes. He was poking holes in my argument with logic that I'd been trying not to face. I missed my old life, but sometimes, only parts of it. Whenever I heard rain pelting down outside, or when it was chilly inside the base and I knew it would be freezing outside, and whenever my belly rumbled and I could sneak into the kitchen to get a bite for myself. Only then, I realized how well off I was doing compared to the malnourished and exhausted person I was before Deidara. Before Deidara had come into my life, I was surviving, we were making it, but now…things were different. It wasn't only "surviving" anymore, it was living, and that made me feel guilty. I felt like I shouldn't feel for Deidara the way I did, a captive shouldn't look at their captor in such a way. I shouldn't have allowed him to get so close.

"You're an Akatsuki member, you're a criminal," I pointed out, as if Deidara was somehow not aware of himself. "This can't…we're putting each other in danger!"

"Why are you so bent on me being a monster?" he finally asked, his voice dropping to a low timbre, the same that never failed to send a shiver down my back. I thought to myself, because it would make it easier to hate him. "You two were just kids on the street, you did things that weren't so innocent. You're just like me, yeah," Deidara told me, and something glinted in his eyes, something I didn't quite understand yet. "This place is confining, I understand. I didn't want to be here, either, but I was captured and recruited, I'm not that much different than you are, un. I want to keep you safe, why do you want to hate me so much?"

"I don't," I admitted, "that's the problem! What if we get in trouble, what if your leader catches us?" Silence ensued, and I started some when Deidara's arms wrapped around my waist, pulling my back against his chest. The familiar, earthy scent of clay reached my senses, and I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sink.

"I won't let anything hurt you, yeah. We'll abandon this place before I'll ever let that happen." Deidara's promise made me snort, but with how uncertain our future was, I couldn't disbelieve him. I could only tilt my head, offering my lips in a kiss that he took me up on.

We were playing with fire, and perhaps we were both ready to burn. After all, a phoenix can only start anew from its ashes.