Yes, we know...we're horrible updaters. We, at Unrestricted Asterisk, blame chocolate, cookies, and Christmas joys with eggnog and gin! Nah, we're kidding.
Since Christmas is coming up and everyone's out of school, we decided to finish this story once and for all. We're so close to finishing and we still have to redo a chapter before the entire series is complete so we may as well get to the top ten before editing. We planned editing before this new chapter, but we couldn't find the time.
Our current narrator, victoriarogue, is psyched about passing a Circuits class, so we gave her some eggnog and cookies...and literally ALL HELL broke the hell loose. Not kidding, but it did make a good blackmail video. Funny stuff, I tell you.
Okay, so without further delay, grab some Christmas cookies and hot chocolate while you read this fiction presented to you by Unrestricted Asterisk...
The brave, the bold, the beautiful. This next part of our countdown has got everything you Shonen Jump Bleach fans desire: boobs, butts, stripteases, and attitudes.
Ichired: What's my name? My name is RED!
GO BLUE!: Yes, we're back for more!
Uh, you should be. We've got some of the hottest characters in Bleach with us right now as we continue this countdown to who's hot and who ain't! So grab a sweat towel, ladies. Oh, and guys, grab a few tissues 'cause we're getting down and dirty with our next group of hotties and the action starts...right...now...
Sexy, dirty, wet, hot
Hotties of the Bleach show
[Shonen Jump]
Hotties of the Bleach show
[Should've called it Oxyclean]
The 40 Hottest Hotties of the Bleach show
Aggressive Arisawa
Tatsuki
Is a fiesty hot mommy
Aufreizend: Tatsuki Arisawa, an itty-bitty woman with plenty ass to roll by!
Tatsuki: Are we allowed to punch the commentators?
Ichigo: No, you're not karate-chopping everyone's balls. They're your fans, just live with it.
Chad: Well, I think you're pretty.
Slim body, sexy blue eyes, and a fighter to the end. She's impressed the martial arts world in both Bleach and the real world. How 'bout we all recognize this hot piece of jailbait as one of the strongest women in our beloved Bleach...
Yellow-san: We are not honestly going to sit here and talk about the sexiest - oh-ho-ho-ho, god!
shi~green: Ooo, you talkin' 'bout a hot gal right now. Lemme tell you, between Mila Rosenthal and Tatsuki Arisawa, Tatsuki is my girl. I think she could've hooked up with anybody she wanted. Including me...right now.
Tatsuki: *stares into space out of shock* Wah, really?
Ichigo: *sighs* Yep...
O-range-ni: Dude, she is just so...aw, my god! Tatsuki is the bomb-diggity, why?
Because of a kickass role in Bleach as the oh so sweet, oh so pushy, oh so hot when she's pissed best friend of Orihime Inoue and Ichigo Kurosaki. That's why! Who wouldn't love this aggressive sweetheart?
pUrPlE rOkU: What guy on the planet will honest to his testicles sit there and say Tatsuki is not hot? I mean, she can fight for you. Do you know what kind of cockblock she would be for a guy at every party he goes to in his life? If you can seduce - and I mean in the most delicious way possi - and this is just advice, if you can get Tatsuki as your girlfriend, you win every argument about everything.
Yellow-san: Tatsuki is the man in every relationship she's in. Let's be real. She will take your balls out and put a hurtin' on you. She makes you moan like a girl... And I'm okay with that.
Chad: *smirks a fraction* Well now... *sees Tatsuki blushing and Ichigo laughing his ass off* How'd we get this far in the conversation?
hachi MARIGOLD: Tatsuki is this martial artist who happens to be really hot. She's super badass and mature and gets into fights because she's protecting her friends. Except everyone thinks she's just manning her territory. Don't touch my titties or my balls, I own them bitch! She's got this thing for people with orange hair 'cause she's closer to Ichigo and Orihime than most people. Do I sound jealous? 'Cause I'm not.
Tatsuki: Yep, that's exactly right. *grabs Ichigo's package* My balls!
Ichigo: *moans* Ah, no, what the hell! *Tatsuki reaches for a hug* No, fuck this, I'm out!
Chad: *opens his legs* Wanna grab mine?
Aufreizend: Tatsuki is the opposite of both Ichigo and Orihime. She's more tomboyish than Orihime and more upbeat than Ichigo. Even though that's her key features to her personality, she actually does care for them both. She understands Ichigo's pain when he loses his mother and gives him space, and she knows when Orihime is hiding things from her but doesn't push. That and she has to be the hottest character to get angry and stay angry.
Well, with a hot bod and a little boy charm, we would be angry if Ms. Arisawa hadn't made the countdown at number 15...
Tatsuki: Yes, well, thank you for finding me attractive. I didn't see this coming at all.
Orihime: I think you're pretty, Tatsuki. You deserve to be here.
Tier Hallibel
So blonde and beautiful
Aizen: Well, well. The lovely lady Tia of the Tres Bestias.
Well, Tia is a sexy beast in the Bleach series. After all, with a body like hers who wouldn't think so?
Musik: *does a knife-hand dance* Ass, ass, ass-ass-ass-ass, ass, ass, ass, ass-kicking mama!
Aufreizend: Yes, more, give me more beautiful women from the Arrancar arc.
Ichired: Aw, man, she's just wow. That's all you can say. Wow. The shiny blonde hair, tan skin, tall figure, green eyes, big boobs, nice legs -
Aizen: Sounds like a Californian surfer girl, doesn't it?
Toshiro: Okay, even I have to agree with that one. But Tia is pretty. I'll give you that point. She's very devoted to her subordinates. She hates seeing them in pain or dying, and I think she's more of a family kind of girl. She loves having different personalities around her and to see the numbers in different persona decrease is like a mother mourning her young. Which I find sexy in a woman.
Mila Rose: Actually between her and Sung-Sun, I do find her very mothering. She's been in the acting business a lot longer than we have, she tries to be independent of help, but she believes in her subordinates and co-workers and is very encouraging. She'll even accept help on the sidelines. She's someone I definitely wouldn't mind fighting for. I wouldn't want to lose her as a leader and friend.
Tia: *waves a hand to her eyes* I'm gonna start crying...
GO BLUE!: Dude, Tia kicks ass. Let's just put that out there. She is a woman of power and she doesn't even like to fight.
But she doesn't seem to mind fighting with her second weapon of choice: nudity...
shichi SUNSet: Oh, the censorship thing, yeah. We, Americans, are so uptight about cartoon tits. I never did understand that. We'll sit there and send our troops to war in a hot second, but if there's boobs on our TVs the devil is a lie. Unplug that DVR. Sins of lust and damnation are upon us.
violet`KYU: I dunno why we can't see the underside of her boobs. It's not like we're seeing the whole lusciousness of her tanned milkbags. Where's the joy in not seeing brown, hanging milkduds?
Toshiro: *Aizen pointing at him and whispering Rangiku's name* If you don't put that hand down, I will bite your damn finger off.
Aizen: I, personally, would rather she hid her puppies. I would've forgotten my lines every time we had a scene together, and we don't have that many. She's got a nice size to her, I admit.
Tia: The shark always has a bigger bite. Mine is all the sweeter.
And your bite seduced us all, Ms. Hallibel, as we salute you for being number 14 on our list...
What up, shortie?
Can I give you a call
Some time today?
I'd like to know, Ms. Sui-Feng
In the distant east of China was a hot shinigami who could wipe the floor with your ass. Watch out Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan, Unrestricted Asterisk has a different martial artist with hands quick to work. Her name was Shaolin Feng, but we like to call her Sui-Feng.
Urahara: Sui-Feng! She's so cute and tiny!
Yoruichi: *claps and sort of bounces around a little* Yay, baby girl made the list! Congratulations.
Sui-Feng: Wait, I'm a hottie to you guys? Really?
Modell: Oh, come on, the gorgeous gray eyes, the black hair, the slim body, the long legs, the speed of her hands. She's like the karate kid but a girl.
shi~green: I kinda wanna see how those hands might work between the sheets...if ya know what I mean...
Urahara: Oh? That sounds like an invitation. *nudging his elbow and smirking devillishly* Huh? Huh? Huh?
Ton: Sui-Feng's got a bit of a cocky attitude at times, but she is very sweet and so obsessed with Yoruichi and black cats and honeybees. It's so adorable!
Yellow-san: Aw, Sui-Feng is a China belle. She's teeny-tiny, loyal, mature. Basically, a young Nemu Kurotsuchi with attitude.
pUrPlE rOkU: That's kind of awesome. Let me tell you.
Ichired: I think Sui-Feng is just badass. She lets no man get in her way of anything. She's the ultimate jealous girlfriend you want in your backpocket. If someone pisses her off, BAM! Dead. Didn't even see it coming.
Yellow-san: Actually, in popularity, Sui-Feng comes in 15th place for her zanpakuto, 25th for her character, and 9th for the best fight scene with Yoruichi.
Sui-Feng: That scene was a LOT of work.
Yoruichi: Pfft, that was five part-time jobs and an interview worth of work!
Yellow-san: Hey, I gotta say I think the fight scene with Yoruichi and Sui-Feng should've been ranked WAY higher. Look at the hot legs that flew across the screen! They had a couple of ass-shots if I'm not mistaken.
Sui-Feng: Tch! Nice...
And we think it's mighty nice to have you, Ms. Feng, as our resident number 13 on our countdown list...
Sui-Feng: Thank you, guys, for voting me number 13. I'm truly surprised by this, but hey if Urahara can get in it then what the hell?
[Backstage]
The lights dimmed, with exception to the interviewer dude's camera, as the next striptease was about to start. The music hadn't started yet, so everyone heard when the door opened and a familiar face poked around the door with a small smile on her face.
"Hey, guys," Yoruichi greeted, rushing over to Ichigo. "There's my favorite boytoy. Oh, where's Chad?" Chad raised his hand at the opposite end of the long sofa and waved it lazily. Yoruichi reached her long brown arm across Jushiro's face and pouted while saying, "Chaddy-baby."
Chad stood from his spot, waited for Jushiro to scooch over, and then sat next to Ichigo so Yoruichi could greet him. She hugged him sweetly before laying across Ichigo, Chad, and Jushiro's laps like they were her personal bed. Jushiro laughed a bit at Yoruichi's action but didn't expect anything less from her. Tatsuki, Orihime, and several others came in after Yoruichi. Urahara stood in the middle of the room and threw his arms up with an incredulous look on his face.
"What, you're leaving me for this?" Urahara joked, waving his hand at the three men.
"We're not a this," Ichigo argues, placing a hand over his chest as if offended. He then guided his hand until it reached Jushiro and said, "We're a these as in these fine men stole all of thhhiiiiiiissss..."
"Oh, that's how it is," Urahara joked, fake tears in his eyes. He walked over to Byakuya, Renji, Rukia, and Lillinette, stretched across their laps, and said, "That ain't nothin'. I got all of this!"
"I can live with that," Lillinette remarked, caressing Urahara's thigh.
"Wait, it just got hot in here," Grimmjow said, looking around. Hanatarou rubbed Grimmjow's head, laughing a bit at his neighbor.
"Well, if Ichigo's leaving me for Yoruichi, I guess I can take you home," Byakuya joked, caressing Urahara's hair quite seductively. "You'd make a nice addition to my bedroom."
"So Renji!" Urahara shouted, feeling goosebumps run down his neck from Byakuya's touch. The whole room laughed at him - with exception to Byakuya since he just smirked - as he stood up and turned the opposite way so his head was laying on Renji's lap instead of Byakuya's lap. He then chuckled and said, "How the heck are you?"
"Aw, you're gonna leave Kuchiki-san hangin', man?" Renji asked, looking down at Urahara as he laughed at his own self. "I think he likes you. He doesn't use that tone very often."
"What an interesting side profile," Byakuya commented, reaching over to Urahara's buttocks.
Urahara popped his head up - almost headbutting Renji - and peeked at the hand rubbing his bottom. He pulled Renji down to him whisper and said, "He's on my ass. Get him off my ass. I want him off my ass right now!"
Just as Renji was about to speak, the music cued loudly and Byakuya stopped teasing Urahara to watch the show. A couple of the girls started dancing to the techno-pop beat as Kaname Tousen came on the stage and started dancing fairly sensually. He grinned when he received some cat calls from Rangiku and Momo after lifting his shirt a bit then laughed at himself when Yoruichi and Urahara guffawed at the scene of him rolling his hips along the pole. He didn't really use the stripper pole too much but he did end his number with a split before hopping off stage to bow.
"That made me feel all tingly near my thighs," Tatsuki commented, earning a look of disbelief from Kenpachi and Ichigo.
Urahara plopped in the empty cushion next to her and said, "I can fix that."