The string Alex was tugging on was stretched thin, ready to snap off the couch at any second if he continued pulling on it. Never did he think that he would relate to a piece of string so much. He snorted at the realization, gazing sullenly as the poor string finally broke off into his fingers. A part of him felt sad that his little game was over, but most things did come to an end. And, when he gazed lower and found another string, he thought that perhaps that was a good sign that there would always be other things—other paths.
They might not all be good, but not everything could always be happy. It would be pretty fucking nice, though. Alex sighed as he drew his legs closer to his chest. The past few days had been tense, rife with turmoil until it'd all come to a head last night with Deidara. It'd made Alex realize how selfish and blind he was being to the fact that it wasn't only him caught in the paroxysm. Deidara was worried for him, worried for Alex's safety and comfort.
None of them were going to have it easy, here. But, Alex couldn't help remembering Deidara's promise that they would abandon the Akatsuki should things ever erupt to that point. What about Sasori? Alex wouldn't leave Amaya behind, he couldn't do that to her. Would she come with them, even if Sasori chose not to? Alex couldn't bear the thought. It stung him to think that it was a difficult choice between Deidara and his sister. They were two very different types of difficulty, because they were two vastly different types of attachment and love.
"You look upset," a gentle voice disturbed Alex's inner turmoil. He glanced to the side as Amaya took a seat beside him, then allowed himself to lean back until his back was leaning against her shoulder. If she minded the extra weight, she didn't say so. Her arm wrapped around Alex's waist and she rested her cheek against the top of his head, sighing in contentment. It was rare they had such privacy together. It was refreshing, like exfoliating their souls. Alex felt a smile tugging at his lips despite the anxieties still churning in his gut. "We're all fucked," Alex said, the bluntness of his words making his sister snort.
"So, I was right, about you and Deidara?" Amaya asked. Alex colored, but he nodded in clarification. Of course, Amaya had caught on. She'd been around for Alex's whole life, it'd been naïve to hope she might brush off the shared smiles, fond touches, and heated glances.
"Probably. Mostly," Alex answered. He waited a beat before going on, the silence calm and comforting instead of tense or impatient. "I didn't mean to. It just…sort of happened. It's like everything blew up in my face, for lack of a better description," Alex smirked, pleased when his comparison garnered a chuckle from his sister. "I mean, it's a lot like that, but I don't want it all to end like Deidara's art does. I want it to last. Everything happened so fast and it's been incredible, and terrifying, but…"
Alex didn't need to finish his sentence for Amaya to catch on to what that "but" might mean. She knew. She knew as well as Alex did that they were tangled up in a dangerous game. Unlike Alex's descent, though, hers had been gradual, purposeful. It was carefully crafted and precise, as Sasori viewed his art; meant to last. Even so, she could tell Alex was equally as afraid of what might happen should anyone else in the Akatsuki find out. Their leader had said they were to live under Sasori and Deidara's control, and that the two men could do with them what they willed. Amaya doubted that included a bond such as the ones they'd created. Romance entailed protectiveness, it meant that Sasori had sworn to her he would put her above near everything else—but asking him to put her above a mission's success? She couldn't do that. Amaya didn't want to jeopardize Sasori's life or what he'd built as a member of the Akatsuki, working towards a shared goal.
What would happen to them if they were to leave? They would have to live on the run, in hiding. They weren't safe now, but they certainly wouldn't be much safer when on the run. Amaya shook her head to clear the thoughts; if things were to come to that, they would, but hopefully any rash decision making was some ways off. It would only come down to that if someone within the Akatsuki threatened them, threatened either their lives or their relationship. Until then, things were on shaky, but solid ground.
"I know you're worried. I am too," Amaya sighed, "but we can't look into the future with fear, we need to take each day at a time and enjoy it, okay?" She hugged Alex with the arm she had around his waist. "I'm…I'm happy, for you and Deidara. I was worried about how he was treating you, I guess I didn't have much to worry about, huh?"
Privately, Alex recalled the moments that might have caused his sister to worry, but those were in the past. Far enough back for him to hardly consider them, now. "It got off to a rocky start, but something seemed to click. It was like he came and knocked something into place that I didn't know I needed. Besides, I can take care of myself. He's nothing but an overgrown kid," Alex snickered. Deidara was a couple of years older, but hardly acted it. "You, though?" Alex glanced at Amaya, "I never would have pictured you with Sasori."
Yeah, neither had she. Amaya hummed and tilted her head back to rest against the couch. "I don't know. I never pictured myself with anyone, honestly," she admitted. Amaya's life had always been about Alex, ever since the fire and the loss of their home and parents. She'd never had the time to wonder about the kind of person she might end up with, or the type she was even attracted to. She thought people of all genders to be attractive, but beyond that? She hadn't had the time to explore. When Sasori had first come into her life, she'd hated him, she'd wanted to be angry and vengeful. As the weeks wore on and she began to see more of him, it tugged at her heart in ways that only made her angrier.
Who was he, to make her feel such troubling, baffling things? Who was he to frustrate and confuse her when she wanted to hate him?
"One thing always leads to another, I guess," Amaya airily finished. Her burgeoning love for Sasori was building strong, building into something to stand the test of time. "I don't think what you have for Deidara is fleeting. For this one thing, I think he'll agree with Sasori's view about beautiful things being everlasting." She kissed the top of Alex's head. "Besides," Amaya continued, waiting until she heard Alex hum in question.
"No matter what happens, we've got each other, and our bond is unbreakable."