Okay, so we're getting better with the updates. Hells yeah! We, at Unrestricted Asterisk, thank you for your continued support our lovely readers. We're so close to finishing! Major hand clapping is in order. Whoo! Our current narrator, victoriarogue, is psyched about her grades just as the rest of us are, so we're celebrating with her this week. In the midst of our celebrations, however, we're definitely continuing this series.
This chapter we actually have a reviewer delivering some commentary. Our guest reviewer this episode is the lovely Countess Millarca. Let's give her a round of applause! If you want to be included in the countdown, let us know by shooting a request via review.
Okay, so without further delay, grab a fruitcake and some spiked eggnog while you read this fiction presented to you by Unrestricted Asterisk...
They brood, they kill, and, in the darkest part of your brain, they seduce you to do the most terrible things your mind could conjure. That's right! In this chapter, it's all about the manly sexpods who can destroy and dominate your mind, body, and quite possibly your entire soul.
Ton: *sings to her own tune while dancing a little* Lemme hit that body, body; You know I like it, like it
shichi SUNSet: Aw, shit, sing it girl.
Ton: You know I want cha, hella bad; Ya girl ge-gettin' mad; Lemme hit that body, body; Ya know; I like, I like
And we'd like to sing along with you, Ms. Ton, but first let's slip into something more comfortable and get our voices revved up. In this episode of the countdown, we're gonna need our lovely throats to work more than a couple of tunes for a diddy. Grab a bottle of water and some body oil, ladies and gentlemen. The next part of our countdown is male-dominated and it starts now...
It's showtime at the Apollo
Please welcome
Mr. Uryu Ishida
JU fuschia: Oh! My baby daddy is number what?
Oh, yes, the bespectacled jailbait of the Bleach series made our countdown. Whether you think of him as the classic pinup boytoy or just your regular teenage baby daddy, chances are you've let this tasty treat enter your sweet world and give you a craving for his fine self. Let the praise for this hunk of man begin...
Ton: *sighs* Uryu is just...sexy. He's sexy.
Aufreizend: Definitely one of the hottest men in the series. He's one of the best characters point blank, and he ranked number 8 for most popular guy in the show. That and he got a little growth spurt when a year passed after Aizen's defeat.
violet`KYU: What's there not to like about Uryu? The gorgeous fair skin, ocean blue eyes, shiny raven locks, just...*pumps a victory fist* Damn, he is HAWT!
Ichired: I like Uryu alright, but that guy will steal your girlfriend, your best friend's fiancee, your brother's wife, and your mom just by sexiness alone. And if any of the women I just named were injured in any way, forget it. You can never win against that big of a cockblock. You can't!
Many of the fans recognize Uryu as the knight in shining white armor, but the white-clad Robin Hood is known to the cast as the chivalrous archer with a heart of pure gold plus silver.
Rukia: Uryu definitely gets extra points for being a gentleman. He's super classy, brave, fights for disadvantaged women, has a gorgeous face, is super smart, but he does have a few weak points like the high blood pressure...
Ichigo: Blood pressure to the head can't beat blood pressure to the balls. HA!
Chad: *chuckles a bit* That's what she said.
Uryu: *spits up a bit of water* What? *laughs hysterically*
Nemu: I know he hates procrastination like a nun hates banal sex.
Ton: Oh yeah, he's like some knitting master, right?
violet`KYU: Shoot, I like a man who does knitting. He can hem my skirts up as high as he likes. *winks, laughs mischievously*
Countess Millarca: You know, it should be a crime to even have Uryu as the hot geek. He puts the skinny kid with brains and bifocals back on the map as a Playgirl model. Let's face it... He makes even sewing seem kinky! *laughs*
Ichigo: You know what, I wonder about that? *looks to Uryu* Can you make handcuffs out of thread?
Uryu: Why? You wanna test it out on Kuchiki-san?
Rukia: Oh, nice comeback! *fist bumps Uryu* That was sweet.
Ichigo: *inhales deeply then stands up to leave* Fuck this, I'm out!
Chad: Well, that happened...
JU fuschia: I think the main thing about Uryu for being sexy is that you can sympathize with him. You know, after that flashback into his past with his grand daddy, I got mad with the Shinigami. His grandpa's death was because of Kurotsuchi. It made me want to cuddle him.
Ichired: Say what you will about the skinny kid with glasses. The guy's a badass. His weapon and fight scene with Mayuri Kurotsuchi alone is top 20 material. Best believe Ishida ain't leavin' no one's polls. He's just the coolest geek with a tragic past that every woman wants him to forget about... He gets the best motorboat action because of that.
Ishida definitely can get some action whether he is the nerd or the Robin Hood heartthrob. For that, Mr. Ishida, we salute you as you motorboat your way in as number 12 on our countdown list...
Uryu: I'm very honored and shocked that I made the list. Just goes to show the nerds will always come out on top even when we're treated like the bottom of the banks. We losers shall rule the world...!
Ole boy with a snake-like sliver
Ulquiorra
Schiffer
Ichigo: Oh, hell no! That pasty, green-eyed, satyr-looking, son of a - !
Countess Millarca: And then there was this hawt piece of man meat...
Damn right! Feast your eyes on this mythic beauty of Aizen's Arrancar Army. If a Hollow could look this fine, then why isn't everyone a Hollow hunter?
pUrPlE rOkU: Ulquiorra has to be the creepiest-looking badass when you first see him, but the second you gaze into those big, gorgeous, bejeweled green eyes...*rolls her eyes then takes a deep breath* Ecstasy...
Countess Millarca: He's the epitomy of getting high off sex appeal. He should be called the Green Fairy 'cause he can get you hiiiiigh! *laughs*
Grimmjow: That about sums it up, doesn't it, friend? *looks to Ulquiorra*
Ulquiorra: *shrugs* I suppose so. Actually, that reminds me of an odd story in my...dark life. I just left work after working a scene with Grimmjow - I was walking home since my house was down the street - and out of nowhere this girl came up to me. There were two or three different emotions crossing her eyes as she spoke and she asked for my autograph. I gave her my autograph and she tried to force a kiss on me before I backed away and left. Since then, I haven't given an autograph outside of work ever.
Yellow-san: That is so badass! *chuckles*
hachi MARIGOLD: I'm surprised he didn't rape the girl because he's fully capable of doing it. He's the one character in the whole series who would demand a blowjob and can blackmail you in such a way that you can't refuse even if you don't like him. That's how powerful and primal of a man he truly is. And we love that about him.
shichi SUNSet: Ulquiorra is so calculative and analytical and cunning in Bleach. He makes the most accurate remarks about you without you even knowing it. He stopped Yammy from dying without Yammy knowing he was about to.
Grimmjow: Makes you wonder if he knows what you'll do to him in bed before you even think it.
Ulquiorra: *blinks* Are you hitting on me?
shi~green: I actually find it kind of ironic that he doesn't believe in emotion. With him, and it's the same with me, if it ain't seen, it ain't real. It's only on the brink of death where he actually discovers what feeling really is. He got Orihime to care about him. Anytime you can get a hot girl to cry for you, you've cemented the deal from the divine angels that you're going to be a smokin' hot mofo 'til the day you die.
victoriarogue: Ulquiorra constantly reminds me of Alucard from Hellsing. *shakes head thinking she's not making any sense* It's so weird how he does that. He doesn't give a shit about his opponents or his allies so long as he can do what he needs to do. That's the embodiment of a real man to me, but it's so funny to actually think about. The only thing stopping Ulquiorra from being the next Alucard is the man doesn't SMILE.
Not only does the sexy villain not ghost a smile, but he also tolerates no nonsense as evident in the series.
Yellow-san: Yeah, Schiffer plays no games. That's probably why he ranked 10th in character popularity. When he fights, it is to the death or so help you.
Aizen: The most common thing about my so-called army is the Espada don't fight unless they really have to or unless I order them to. With Ulquiorra, as cute as he is, it's the same thing. Even though he seems so dull and lifeless, his fans really found a connection with him as a character.
Ichigo: At the premiere for the new series arc, the death scene with Ulquiorra won most impactful scene in cinema and amongst fans. Our fight scene ranked second in best bout popularity polls.
Ulquiorra's god-like mystique impacts us as hottest villain to run in Aizen's hot army as he pulls in as number 11 on our countdown...
Ulquiorra: It's rather surreal being the center of women's admiration, and I'm still getting used to it. My character died in the series a LONG time ago, and I'm still recognized as one of the best characters, which is a real accomplishment for me. This won't be the last you hear of me, though. I plan to costar with Chad and a few others from the Bleach cast in a new film, but the details are not to be mentioned until the time is right.
Bow down
To your ice king
Byakuya Kuchiki
When this beauty walks down the red carpet, there's only one thing you can do: Yell his name!
Modell: KUCHIKI!
victoriarogue: Oh my god, Kuchiki.
Musik: Yo, Byakuya, is the one man on the planet that even an infant knows. He's so engrained into our DNA, it's ridiculous.
Renji: You think it's bad right now. When the Seiretei arc started and Rukia was being executed, I swear to Buddha there were girls shoving the crap out of the barricades just to get at him. The award ceremony for best acting was so noisy I thought a bomb was in the building.
Can't blame the girls on that one. Byakuya is a bombshell to be reckoned with. So much so that his apparent death in the series caused a nation to explode.
Rukia: Oh sweet lord, that again. No one wants to let Byakuya go from the series. No one!
O-range-ni: Byakuya's way too hot to be real. Everytime you see you're like "Is this guy for real?" How is he that perfect?
GO BLUE!: It should be a crime to be so perfect your costars will stalk you just to get pictures of you naked.
Nanao: Oh yeah, we voted that he would be the perfect captain to get a photobook of? I forgot all about that.
Modell: Byakuya Kuchiki...*sucks drool in, wipes lip* He's got perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect eyes, perfect lips, a perfect voice. He's just stunning. And he's worth a friggin' fortune! He makes more money than the gods!
Byakuya: How much is my net worth? Only as much as heaven would allow. My scarf on the set was worth ten mansions. The average mansion's net worth is about $25 million dollars. My scarf is worth ten times that, and it's a family heirloom in my home.
Gin: *looks to Ichigo* If you hit that, you're set for life you know?
Ichigo: *rolls his eyes* We've been through this. He's just my favorite actor.
victoriarogue: *folds arms, laughs* What makes Byakuya Kuchiki sexy? He's so under control. He's a man's man and a ladies' man. I feel like anything you're havin' trouble with, Byakuya's got it under control. You can't really break him, but you'd like to try. *smirks*
Countess Millarca: *looks to victoriarogue* Well, that cold, dispassionate attitude of his on the outside makes a woman want to break his stoic expression, get down and dirty with him and discover what's boiling underneath. That and he can make a nun relinquish her vows of abstinence. *laughs with victoriarogue* Well, that's my opinion anyway.
Yoruichi: Byakuya's sexy because he's very noble, elegant, and puts the law and those important to him above himself. Plus, he's a closet badboy. *smirks then winks*
Musik: For he who once was a rebel will roam the land a rebel unto himself. That was the business, yo. I think if you look up cool in the dictionary, Byakuya's posing right next to the definition. He was nominated sexiest man alive twice in his career, he can seduce anyone he wants, and he has the best fight scenes. His fight with Ichigo is the number one best fight scene of the whole series, his fight with Renji ranks 6th, and he ranks seventh as the coolest character.
Kenpachi: I'm not really in to guys, but Byakuya will always be sexy because he knows the price of fighting the law and you can sympathize with him as he learns never to break the laws ever again. When he married Rukia's sis - you know what, fuck it 'cause he married Rukia - when he got hitched, he broke the law for marrying a commoner. Gin has a man-crush on him 'cause he talks to him all the time. Yoruichi's hot and they have history together. He's got a cool weapon. And he can bang the hottest women. 'Nuff said!
Ichigo: You want me to tell you why I think he's - Oh my god! Will it stop you from teasing me if I do this? *sees everyone nodding* FINE! I think Byakuya's sexy because he's got perfect features, he's in control of his situation no matter how awkward it is, he can be very determined to get what he wants, he has a sense of duty unrivaled by many, he's powerful, he's observant, his eyes are so gorgeous you freeze in your place if you look at them, and he is hardly ever wrong about his assumptions. THERE!
Countess Millarca: I can picture him as a sexy captain reprimanding his naughty subordinate. Scrolls flying all around, clothes being ripped, body parts getting spanked...
Byakuya: That's every Wednesday with Abarai-san. *tucking a lock of hair behind his ear*
Renji: *chuckling* Yup.
And with a body, demeanor, and cool factor of plus 100, no woman can resist the sixth division captain if he were to reprimand us. Thank you, Kuchiki-san, as we tip our hats to you for dominating this episode as lucky number 10...
Whoo, that was work! Well, guys, let's give a big thanks to Countess Millarca for helping us out with commentary. We're now officially down to the top ten of the countdown list. We hope you all are enjoying the series. There may be some filler chapters as we think about commentary for the next few chapters, but don't be alarmed we are going to finish this series. It was really fun doing this project. We'll be sad when it's over. Until next time, see you in the next episode!