All rights to Veronica Roth
Colors blast across the sky and blend together. The sun sinks into the ground. I sit on the wood and watch the sunset in the sky. I don't really remember why or how I got up here. I let the dark soak up the entire warm out of my body leaving me shivering. I don't care if I never get warm again, I will sit here forever if it means I never have to go back down. I will sit up here until I die. I honestly can't find a reason to come down. I have had time to grief about my parents, but I just lost Tobias. I lost the most important thing in my life. I wish, right now, right here, I still had my mother. The one person to listen and speak. To hold me and tell me it is alright. I close my eyes sometimes and I can see her. Her blond thin hair pulled back in a bun and her gray button down top. Her soft beautiful eyes and sharp check bones. For the first time since she died I let a tear slid down my check.
The sun quickly disappears and the sky goes black. Crystals start to light up the sky, eliminating the tree tops and clearing pathways. Before I know it I have Maggie's drawing clutched in my hand. It is all gone. I cannot seem to get it through my head. Dauntless, gone. Amity, gone. Everything gone. No more paintball, no more Farris wheels for me to almost kill myself on. I find a hole in the tree and stuff the picture in the bark. Hoping to forget, forget it all.
I let my mind rest, but Tobias's face keeps drifting into my mind. His sharp features and deep eyes. I long to run my fingers through his milk chocolate-brown hair and brush my hands along his back. No. I scream it in my head. Forget!
Hours pass by and my eyelids refuse to drop. Instead I watch the leaves in the tree tops; I watch the silhouettes of animals creeping in the night. Whatever takes my mind off things?
The morning comes fast. The black sky turns blue and the once colorless world turns bright again. Birds perch on the branches beside me and start to sing. When movement starts up from the tents below me I start to climb higher, taking shelter and camouflage in the leaves. The silent meadow turns into an eruption of people crawling out of tents, talking, laughing. I watch Tori emerge from her tent, than Christina, Uriah and Caleb. They all wear black except for Caleb, blue. Maggie starts walking towards my tent and I cannot keep from looking. She seems to say my name and look inside the tent. When she comes up short I cannot tell any facial expressions, I am too high up in the tree. In seconds Christina, Caleb, and all the others are frantic. Caleb goes to Tobias's tent. After a minute he comes racing out, barley pulling a shirt. I can just make out everyone's conversation
"Where the hell could she go then," exclaims Christina. Tobias still struggling to pull on his shirt.
"Caitlin's," Zeke asks.
"No, I live there I would know," Maggie remarks. At this point Tobias has managed to pull it together.
"The river," Tori asks. Caleb then takes off running in that direction.
"Christina and Maggie, how about you guys go check the east end of the town," Tobias instructs. "Tori and Uriah, you go check the west end. Me and Zeke will go check in the trees. I have a feeling she just wanted some quiet time."
Tobias is about to take off when Christina grabs his arm.
"Just be careful, you hurt her. She might not want you around." Tobias shoves Christina away.
"I got it."
"Four, don't break her heart again. Please." Christina pauses before she says that last part and takes a long breath. I cannot she hear face very well from here, but I know by the softness in her voice that she means it. She cares about me.
I hug my knees and lean back against the trunk of the tree. I hear my name being called in all directions.
"Tris, Tris, Tris!"
I watch Tobias run past my tree and dart into the woods. My mind goes blank again, but this time it is a memory, a video. Tobias stands in front of me and I stand tall, breathless. The training room surrounds us and all the other initiates stand still, bug-eyed watching. I watch Tobias raise a knife in his right hand. The metal shimmers as it is drawn back and for my head. I remain silent and still. Eyes open, chest raising and taking in every movement. He let's go of the handle and it goes flying at my head. I still do not move. It just misses the top of my head and sticks into the wall behind me. He hurls another one quickly and swiftly, skimming the left side of my head. The third knife is drawn. The last one. Tobias's face remains the same, cold and unreadable. Without thought the knife is hurled at the right side of my head. It is over I think. Then I feel a warm tickle of blood on my neck. He nicked my ear.
I am left shaking at the memory. It was the moment he realized he loved me, the moment I realized I loved him. It was our moment. No matter the fact he was throwing knifes at my head. He never hurt me, he never would. The nick on my ear was to show my strength. I remember it all, clear and special.
Now I am confused. My mind is telling me to forget Tobias, forget Dauntless and just escape. Escape to a new life of maybe escape to heaven or hell. My heart is telling me to remember. Remember the moments on the train when he told me he loved me. Remember the first kiss in the chasm. Remember Tobias and my life. Christina, Caleb, Uriah, Zeke, Tori, everyone who cares. Why throw it all away, because there is nothing left. There is always something left. It has now turned into a battle in my mind. My angle vs. my devil. I have made too many mistakes for there to be anything left. Then why not fixe what you have done a wrong.
The one question I have yet to answer. How? I wait, for something to show me how. I watch the sky as the clouds disappear and an image of Tobias pops into my mind. I need to find him. Do I want my life back? Yes. I want to feel Tobias's strong arms around me. I want to hear Uriah odd and crazy laugh. I want to see Christina's perfect smile. I want to smell the fresh lemon off Tori's shirts when she hugs me. But most of all, I want to taste Tobias's strong lips on mine.
I climb, as fast as I can down the branches and once I hit ground I run.
I run towards Tobias!
I run towards Four!