Chapter Two: The Problem with The Real Drunk Yuuri is...
"SO NO ONE TO~LD YOU LIFE WAS, GONNA BE THIS WAAA~Y!" Yuuri clapped furiously in Yuri Plisetsky's face, accentuating his fiery seriousness about the theme song from friends.
Yuri pushed Yuuri away by the face, snarling Russian curses. What a horrible drunk... why do I have to babysit him? Couldn't someone else have stayed sober?
"Your jobss a broke, you're joke~ YOUR LUF LIVES DEE OH AAAAAAye" Yuuri threw himself on Yuri, ruffling the younger skater's hair.
"Oi, Victor! Get this drunk pig off of me!" Yuri called, but Victor just laughed, overdoing his trademark flowy hand movements while pouring another drink.
"Victor! Help me!" Yuri screamed. Yuuri pinched Yuri's cheek roughly, emitting a horrified cry of disgust.
"That'ss no way to talk to your muther, Yurachka. You better check yourself little boy." Yuuri slurred.
Yuri started to violently protest all of the things that were horribly, horribly wrong with what Yuuri had just said, but Yuuri promptly pointed his finger to Yuri's nose.
"You don't talk back to MEE, you little shit. You think because I'm a little drunk I'm not aware? Welcome to the Yuuri held in by crippling anxiety, BITCH. Welcome to what I'm too nervous to say, BITCH. HASH TAG NO FILTER. See if you can call me a "loooo~saeer" again. Now, give mummy a kiss 'sorry'".
Yuri stared, slightly helpless. Yuuri held out his hand expectantly, weirdly intimidating compared to his usual self. Despite being shitfaced, Yuri expected him to be true to his threats.
Yuri kissed Yuuri's hand quietly. He won this time.
"Sorry, mama..."
Victor laughed in delight. "This is why I let him hear alcohol at all~ it always turns out wonderful. Good thing I hold drinks well... And I'll remember this."
Yuri glared, but before he could speak, Yuuri had him in a choke hold again.
"Oh, what a sweet boy! I'll buy you a kitty and a nice pastry, okay Yura~? Mommy loves you!" Yuuri kissed Yuri's forehead, who stared knives into Victor.
"You're not THAT much older than me, pig. I'll be an adult soon."
Yuuri glared sharply, causing Yuri's tough guy persona to break again.
"I mean...! You're not that much older than me... Mama..."
Yuuri's smile returned as suddenly as it had left. "What a sweet boy..." Yuuri spun off into a monologue of slurred Japanese, the words Okasaan, Koneko, Odosan, and Hontou ni sugee desu yo nee~ appearing a disturbing amount of times.
-Victor
-Yes, Yuuri?
-What did I do?
-Last night? Being completely honest, things always happen with you. Don't worry, somehow you avoided molesting anyone. It was fairly clean... Fairly... Haha
-Victor, why is Yurio calling me Mommy? Why is heof all people scared of me? What the fuck?
-*He of all
-Ah, well, we may have adopted a rude lanky Russian child.
-I already have one of those lol
-Screw you.
-In all seriousness, this might not be so bad... He made me coffee, how cute... Hm, maybe I'll just marry him instead.
-Don't be mean lol
-Oh don't you worry, I'll still keep you as my slave... Daddy
-Victor?
-I didn't kill you, did I? Lol
-I swear if you're posting this online...
-Find an excuse for him to leave for a few hours, hm?
-So nasty, lol. Let's schedule one of those hours to picking up some more eggs and milk, ok? We're almost out.
-Yes ma'am
-Victor I'm going to strangle you.
-Be gentle, "okaasan"
-Shut up and go buy eggs.
-WAIT WAIT WHAT?! WHAT DID I SAY LAST NIGHT?!
-Can't talk, buying eggs, remember?
-Make sure he's out of the house by the time I get back, ok?
-You're gross lol. See you in a little while.
-Loves
-PS his coffee is good, you're officially replaced
-Stop it I'm driving. Well I'm at a stoplight but I'm driving.
-Just stop it!