15

Reed fully intended to go to the mess, so he was quite surprised, five minutes later, to find himself standing in front of the Sickbay doors. He shook his head, briefly wondering why his feet had decided to take him there, but the movement made his stomach lurch and his vision swim.

Don't do that a small voice said. You still have a concussion, remember?

Trying to breathe and walk at the same time had been such a challenge, and, combined with how hungry he was, the effort had made him so lightheaded that he'd actually forgotten all about his head injury. Since he was losing his fight against the dizziness, he put out a hand to steady himself on the wall, at the same time closing his eyes in an attempt to lessen the pounding in his skull. Instead of the wall, though, his hand landed on the door trigger. His palm was sweaty and it slid over the panel, leaving him leaning against nothing. His eyes were still closed as he lost his balance, and as the doors slid apart, he stumbled through them into Sickbay. His breath quickened as he felt himself losing his feet. He knew that he needed to open his eyes if he wanted to catch himself, but since he was falling so quickly, he instinctively kept them shut, bracing himself for a rough impact with the deck.

The sound of his own breathing was loud in his ears for the next few seconds, but there was no jarring thud, no explosion of agony as his cracked and bruised ribs received further punishment. Instead, there was an odd sort of pressure on his arms. Not painful, exactly, but firm, and he opened his eyes in confusion. Crewman Cutler was standing on his left and a corpsman was on his right, and both of them had tight hold of his upper arms.

They caught me. He almost gave in to an insane urge to giggle. After all, wasn't he always trying to get out of Sickbay? He was a regular fugitive patient, and now he'd turned himself in. Reed bit the inside of his cheek, quelling the laughter. If Phlox thinks I've cracked, he'll never let me leave.

"Sir, are you okay?" Cutler sounded concerned, and that sobered him up.

"Just... lost my balance, crewman." He knew it was an obvious thing to say. After all, they'd had to stop him from falling, so they must have realized that, but he couldn't think of anything else to tell her.

Cutler nodded sympathetically, then looked at the corpsman and jerked her head to the nearest bio-bed. They started leading him over to it. "Alright, sir. Is there a specific reason you came down here? Did you need something?"

Reed furrowed his brow, his mouth briefly falling into a pout. "I... I don't know. I meant to go to the mess, but then I was here..." He shook his head, trying to clear some of the fog from his brain, and winced, blanching, as the room spun. Hungry as he was, Reed was glad that he hadn't eaten anything yet, since he was sure that had there been food in his belly, it would have wound up on Cutler's shoes.

"Don't worry, sir." Cutler squeezed his shoulder comfortingly, in a gesture so reminiscent of Jean that his mind swam, missing her comforting presence. For just a moment, he wanted Jean to tell him that it would all be okay, that it was all some horrible misunderstanding and he was silly for fretting so much. If she told him all that, he almost thought he could believe it. Instead, he heard Liz speaking to him again.

"We'll figure it out."

He swallowed hard, gritting his teeth and wanting to believe her. He fought down a sudden wave of guilt for wanting Jean to comfort him. His eyes flicked over to Jean's bed, staring at the curtains as though he could see right past them. He pictured her lying there on the bio-bed, hooked up to IVs and monitors, looking pale and small with her disheveled hair spilling across the pillow, the rise and fall of her breathing just barely visible under the layers of blankets.

She's the one who needs looking after, you git! Don't be so selfish.

Liz followed his gaze, watching him sympathetically and giving his shoulder another squeeze. She was starting to see what Jean had mentioned a few months before, after the mission to Terra Nova, while Reed had been a patient. When Reed let his guard down and stopped being so darn stiff, he really was quite endearing.

"Mister Reed!" An irate Phlox emerged from the curtains surrounding Jean's bed and quickly bustled over to the lieutenant. He had recognized Reed's voice while he was checking on the ensign's status, and he was furious to find that the stubborn man had returned. "I thought that Commander Tucker was quite clear with you. You were not supposed to return here for another nine hours..."

"Doctor," Cutler interrupted softly, "look at him."

Reed had flinched at the doctor's raised voice, and now he hung his head dejectedly, chin almost touching his chest. His hands trembled, he was pale, sweaty, and barely on his feet. The walk from his quarters had taken a lot out of him, and he wanted to explain to Phlox that he wasn't trying to cause trouble, but he honestly wasn't sure why he had come to Sickbay.

Because you're a mess, buddy. The voice sounded suspiciously like Jean, and he swallowed, remembering his worry for her.

"I wasn't coming to see her..." He hated the tremble in his voice and he swallowed again, harder, hoping to get rid of it. "I –"

Phlox stopped him with a gentle pat on the arm. "It's okay, lieutenant. I should not have spoken to you like that, and I apologize. Now," he nodded to the corpsman, who redirected Reed to the middle of Sickbay. "I also apologize for not giving you a thorough examination earlier, but as I was preoccupied with the ensign..."

Reed groaned. Trust Phlox to go from furious to solicitous in five seconds flat. The last thing he wanted was to be poked and prodded, especially by a man who had just yelled at him. He briefly considered trying to get away, but the medic and Cutler were still holding onto his arms, so he was left trying to talk his way out of it. "I understand, doctor, but there's no need. I'm really f-" Phlox stared at him disbelievingly, and Reed's voice died in his throat.

"Lieutenant, you most certainly are not 'fine'. You are obviously in a great deal of pain, a fact which I failed to remedy last night. However, I mean to correct that oversight now. While Captain Archer and Commander Tucker were sitting with Jean, I conducted full physicals for both of them and treated their injuries, to be sure that Crewman Cutler hadn't missed anything when she tended to the three of you. It was remiss of me not to do the same during your vigil at the ensign's bedside. Now, please, allow me to do my job."

"Let me do my job."

That was the phrase which Jean always used as a last resort, when she was trying to look after him and he wasn't cooperating. It was her secret weapon, and, upon hearing it, he always caved. Reed didn't know if she'd told Phlox that those five words were his Achilles heel, but he had a feeling that she wouldn't have done that. It would be a betrayal of confidence, and there was nothing she took more seriously. Now, the words worked because they reminded him so much of her.

Phlox gestured to the central monitor and pressed a button on the panel, causing the imaging chamber to open and the bio-bed to slide out. Cutler and the medic led a very reluctant Reed over to it. He didn't fight them, exactly. He didn't have the energy to fight, but he dragged his feet a little.

Cutler helped Reed onto the bio-bed and gently guided him to lie down, making sure he was comfortable. The bed slid back into the imaging chamber and he closed his eyes.

He must have dozed off without realizing it while he was inside the chamber, because it seemed like less than a minute later that the bed trundled out again and Cutler was gently helping him to sit up. Reed reflexively put a hand to his side, tentatively holding it over the part of his ribs which tended to protest that sort of movement. He blinked copiously once he was upright, nodding his thanks at Cutler before she moved away.

"There, now, Lieutenant. That wasn't so bad, hmm?" Phlox glanced down from frowning at the monitors to give Reed a quick smile. "You seem to have a mild concussion, but there is no actual damage to your brain or sub-cranial bleeding. I'll give you a dose of analgesic now to help with the pain for the rest of the evening; an anesthetic would only serve to disorient you further, and we don't want that."

Reed blinked, attempting to understand what the doctor was saying, but only some of it filtered through. He felt something cold press against his neck and heard a hiss of compressed air. A few seconds later the pounding in his head faded slightly, and he surmised that Phlox had given him some sort of medication. He tried to focus on the doctor, but his eyes seemed reluctant to cooperate. It seemed that the doctor had continued talking while Reed was trying to sort things out, and as a result, Reed had missed a good deal of his diagnosis.

"… and during the scan I noticed that your stomach is empty, so a trip to the mess hall for some food would be a good idea. After you have eaten, I suggest that you return to your quarters and try to sleep."

Phlox narrowed his electric blue eyes at Reed, staring intently at the man when he didn't respond. "Do I make myself clear, Lieutenant?"

Reed nodded, wincing when his head throbbed slightly at the movement. However, when he put a hand to his side, he found that the ache in his ribs had disappeared. He frowned, puzzled by the inconsistency. "My head still hurts, doctor. What did you give me?"

Phlox gave him an enduring smile, holding up the hypo he had used. "As I said, it was a dose of analgesic. If you need something stronger, Cutler will give you a hypospray to use once you return to your quarters, but in your current condition, I strongly suggest that you not use anything more potent than a sleep-aide–"

"I doubt that I'll have any trouble sleeping…" Reed muttered, interrupting the Denobulan. He let out a quiet sigh and then glanced at the doctor guiltily. "I'm sorry, Phlox."

He started to edge himself off of the bio-bed, and Cutler came forward to help him. He smiled his thanks at her when she kept hold of his arm for a few seconds, making sure that he stopped swaying before she let go. When he turned back to Phlox, the doctor frowned at him, clearly contemplating whether or not the man was fit to return to his own quarters.

"Am I free to go?"

It was funny, actually. After all his reluctance to leave Jean's side in Sickbay the previous day, now all he wanted to do was crawl into his own bunk and sleep. Reed felt a little guilty about not fighting to stay with her this time, but he was just so tired…

A slight rustling of the curtains which hung around Jean's bed drew Phlox's attention for a moment, but he quickly redirected his attention to Reed. "Yes, Lieutenant. If you like, I can send Jenkins by in about twelve hours to check on you."

"No, no please…"

Reed jerked at the sound of Jean's voice, his eyes going wide. "Is she awake?" The sharp movement made his head swim and Reed leaned a hand on the examination bed, waiting for his equilibrium to return. He blinked to clear his vision and hoped that his sudden dizziness wouldn't distract Phlox from checking on Jean. He needed to know what was going on without any delay.

Apparently, Phlox didn't notice that Reed was having difficulties. The doctor went to a panel and pressed a few buttons so the readings from her biomonitors showed up on the central screen. He frowned. "According to her brainwave activity, she is deeply asleep. I'm not sure what –"

The curtains around her bed parted, revealing Hoshi's worried face. She gripped one edge of the curtain in a white-knuckled hand. "Doctor, I think she's having a nightmare."

Phlox bustled over, Reed following close behind. Hoshi stood aside, still holding onto the curtain edge, and the doctor strode past her through the opening in the curtains. They could clearly see that Jean was distressed. She had kicked the blankets off and was breathing rapidly, turning her head from one side to the other and muttering every so often.

"No, I can't do it… I can't! Please, don't make me. Please…"

The whole time they were on the planet, Reed hadn't heard her beg for mercy. She cried a good deal after the guards had attacked her down in the cells, but she'd barely made a sound during the attack itself. Even after she'd been hurt, there hadn't been any begging. Some moans and whimpers of pain, but nothing like this, and it unnerved him to see her so distraught.

Phlox took a closer look at the monitors, frowning. "I believe Ensign Sato's assessment was correct. Ensign Olenick entered REM sleep some time ago."

Hoshi glanced at Reed. It was the first time she had seen him since the mission, and she was amazed by how tired and on edge he looked. "She was okay until a little while ago, sir, and then she started muttering and talking."

Reed acknowledged her words with a slight nod, but never took his eyes off of Jean. "Doctor, should we wake her?"

"I wouldn't advise that." The doctor shook his head, activating a scanner and holding it over her right side. "She would most likely awaken in a lively manner, and that would undoubtedly cause damage to her healing tissues. It might even rip open her sutures, and sedating her any further would dangerously depress her lung function–"

"I can't do it, I just can't… Please, no…" She sounded on the verge of tears.

"Then what?" Reed clenched his jaw. He couldn't bear to watch her writhing in fear for much longer. It was just too painful. "What can we do for her?"

Phlox shrugged one of his odd shrugs, moving his head slightly at the same time. "I'm not certain. I'm not accustomed to treating trauma patients who have such active REM cycles…"

Another whimper from Jean snapped Reed into action. He was by the head of her bed in a few quick strides, and he took her hand in his before even realizing that was what he was doing.

"It's okay, Jean. It's going to be okay…" he quietly soothed her, smiling a tiny bit when her hand tightened around his fingers.

She bit her lip, a worried crease forming on her forehead even as she held onto his hand. "No… no… it isn't."

Reed didn't know if she was actually responding to what he'd said. He seriously doubted that she was. After all, it didn't seem to make sense that someone as deeply asleep as she was could carry on a conversation, and what she just said wasn't much different from the rest of her sleep talking. Of course, she had grabbed hold of his hand, but that might have just been a reflex… Reed started running his thumb over the back of her hand, feeling her soft skin. He closed his eyes for a second, moving his thumb back and forth and hoping that, somehow, the gesture would be enough to chase her nightmare away. When he opened his eyes again and saw that she was just as distraught as before, he let out a short gusting sigh. He might as well be a teddy bear, or part of the covers, for all the good he was doing.

"Why don't you sit down, sir?" He turned at the sound of Hoshi's voice to see her nervously hovering by the chair she had vacated. "Standing bent over like that can't be comfortable."

Hoshi moved the chair over towards him, just enough so that he could sit down without letting go of Jean's hand. Reed mustered a smile for her. "Thanks, Hoshi."

The furrow on Jean's brow deepened. She was starting to look confused, but her eyes still hadn't opened. "Wh… where? No, she wasn't here… I know she wasn't…"

Reed frowned, matching Jean's confusion. "Who wasn't where?" She didn't respond to that, so he went back to trying to reassure her. "You're okay, Jean. You're safe."

She shook her head, surprising him with a coherent reply. "No, no. I'm not. They want me to… I'm supposed to shoot him…"

Reed let out a quiet breath. Relief that she was listening to him seemed to draw aside most of his anxiety, but it was quickly replaced by confusion when he realized what was going on; she was reliving part of their mission and he had no idea of how to calm her down. He hated to do it, but he kept talking to her without a plan in mind, just hoping that he would be able to help her.

"I know, Jean. I know they want you to shoot the captain," Reed stopped when a quiet gasp from Hoshi broke his concentration. Apparently she doesn't know everything that happened down there…

He turned to see that the linguist had covered her open mouth with a demure hand and was looking from Jean to Reed in utter horror. Phlox put a restraining hand on the young woman's arm and then went back to watching the biomonitors.

"Please continue, Mr. Reed." The doctor spoke softly, not looking away from the readouts. "Her pulse and blood pressure are becoming more stable."

Reed felt a tiny disbelieving smile start to form on his lips as he turned to face the bed again. I'm actually helping… He gave her hand a squeeze, noticing that his palm was sweaty but not wanting to let go of her hand to wipe away the moisture. "But its OK – "

"Okay? How can it be okay?" Her voice was suddenly strong, filled with anger instead of fear. "What if I screw up? What if I put it on the wrong setting…" the strength left as soon as it had come, leaving her sounding small and afraid.

Reed shook his head, recalling with a tinge of pride how well she had dealt with "killing" the captain. She had been very convincing before and after shooting him, to the point where both he and Trip had believed her performance

Now that he knew how anxious about it she had been at the time, her performance impressed him even more. She had never let on how scared or nervous she was, she just did what she had to do. He smiled to himself. Matah Hari indeed. We were lucky to have her with us.

"You won't, Jean. You'll make us proud. I know it – "

She cut him off, " – and if I won't do it, I dunno what they'll do to me…"

He had a quick flash of her being hit and then fondled by the guards down in the lower corridor, and felt his eyes tearing up. Telling her about that certainly won't help right now. Reed wiped at his eyes with his free hand and fought down the roil of emotions which was threatening to overcome him.

Hoshi exchanged a look with Cutler, neither woman knowing what to make of what they were seeing.

Hoshi's eyebrows flew upwards, silently mouthing: This is Lieutenant Reed, right?

Cutler nodded confirmation, fighting a smirk. Yeah, it is.

Hoshi gestured emphatically at Reed, making swiping motions beneath both eyes. But… he's almost crying.

Cutler shrugged, thinking back to how upset, and, unlikely as it seemed, vulnerable the man had been when he stumbled into Sickbay not too long before. I don't know what to tell you.

Reed was unaware of the silent dialogue going on behind him. He tried to sit forward in his chair, but his ribs screamed in protest, so he settled for putting his other hand on top of their joined hands.

"You can do this, Jean," he tightened his grip slightly. "Trust me, you're going to do just fine…"

He sat, holding her hand sandwiched between both of his and waiting for her to say something.

"Lieutenant," Phlox's hushed voice came from just next to Reed's shoulder. "The ensign appears to have fallen into a deeper sleep. I appreciate your assistance in calming her, but –"

Reed nodded numbly, just watching her sleep for a few moments. God, it was good to know that she was okay. Just being able to sit by her bed made him feel better. He looked down at their joined hands, allowing himself to smile warmly at his slumbering friend before turning a wry smile on the doctor. "But I need to get out of Sickbay. Yes, Doctor."

Phlox grinned. "Excellent. And be sure to have something to eat. Something substantial."

Hoshi turned to Liz, winking at the other woman in such a way that she knew Reed wouldn't see it. "You know, I was planning on having a late dinner in the Mess after my shift here ends."

Cutler nudged Hoshi's elbow, winking back. "Your shift is almost over. I can sit with her until Travis gets here. Why don't you go with Lieutenant Reed, make sure he follows Phlox's orders."

While they were talking, Reed carefully got up from the chair. He was cogent enough to be amused by their transparent attempt to arrange an escort for him, but a low growl from his stomach convinced him not to thwart their efforts. After all, he was starving. His side ached a bit when he walked, and the floor spun as his head throbbed. Reed stopped just outside the curtains, blinking away the dizziness.

Phlox mistook his pause for misgivings about leaving Sickbay. "Not to worry, Lieutenant. She is stable now and I will monitor her as she continues to recover."

Cutler looked over at Phlox. He was a great doctor, but at times his lack of familiarity with Human behavior negatively impacted his bedside manner. What Reed needed to hear just then wasn't the science of what was going on. She put a hand on Reed's arm, giving him a sympathetic smile. "We'll watch over her, sir. One of us will call you when she wakes up."

Reed relaxed slightly, giving Cutler a tight smile of thanks.

"One second, sir…"

Cutler hurried over to one of the equipment drawers and retrieved a hypospray. She walked back to Reed with the hypo in one hand and a vial of pinkish medicine in the other. She loaded the vial, set the dosage and handed it to him. "Just in case you need it, sir, here's something to help you sleep." She smiled up at him, knowing that he would appreciate this next part. "It's made to Jean's recipe."

Reed nodded, looking back at Jean's bed. "Thank you, Crewman." He heard Hoshi's footsteps moving towards the double doors and hurried to catch up with her.

When they got to the mess, Travis was midway through his dinner and he invited them to sit with him. Reed was pleasantly surprised to find that the entrée chef had prepared that night was baked ham with pineapple. No one knew that it was the closest thing Reed had to a favorite meal, so Hoshi was a little taken aback by how enthusiastically he dug into his first helping of it. Of course, he attributed his gusto to the fact that he was very hungry, and she accepted that explanation. However, she did eye him curiously when he went back for a second and then a third helping.

Halfway through Reed's third helping, Travis asked how Jean was doing. Reed froze, his fork poised in midair above his plate as all the color drained from his face.

Hoshi watched him for a minute before taking pity on him and giving Travis a run-down of what had happened during her shift sitting with Jean.

Travis shook his head after hearing all about it. There was an awkward silence at their table until Hoshi left to grab some dessert from the case. After getting a helping for herself, she turned back and called to the guys, "Hey, anyone want some? It's strawberry shortcake tonight. Looks like real whipped cream, too."

Reed flinched slightly at that. Strawberry shortcake was Jean's favorite dessert.

"Sure," Travis grinned, oblivious to Reed's reaction. He leaned in conspiratorially, lowering his voice. "I know it's weird, but real strawberry shortcake doesn't seem to taste as good as the Nutri-Pak version. Just don't tell Chef I said so." He sat back in his chair, thanking Hoshi when she put the bowl down in front of him.

Reed nodded, forcing some levity into his reply. "Consider my lips sealed."

Hoshi paused before sitting down again and indicated the empty spot in front of Reed. "Don't you want any, Lieutenant?"

He shook his head, smiling faintly at her. "No thank you, Ensign. I've had enough."

He politely begged off from joining them for dessert and left the mess, heading back to his quarters. Hoshi and Travis both wished him a good night and shared looks as the door closed behind him.

"So, is there something going on with them?"

Hoshi shot Travis a sharp look, then forced herself to relax. So I'm not the only one noticing it. "I don't know…" she shrugged. "They might just be close friends."

Travis rolled his eyes a little, smiling his big, beaming grin and canting his head to one side. He knew Hoshi well enough to know when she was holding out on him.

She sighed, putting down her spoon and taking a short break from attacking her whipped cream. "Okay. I didn't want to mention it while he was here, but in Sickbay he was pretty… upset."

Travis shrugged, digging in. "Who wouldn't be? That mission…" he shook his head. "It really went wrong. We're lucky we didn't lose anyone."

Hoshi looked at Reed's vacated chair. The man had barely said anything during the meal. "Have you read the mission report?"

"Nope. From what I've heard, though, it got pretty hairy."

"Yeah." Hoshi frowned to herself, remembering the sight of Reed on the verge of tears. "And I don't think we're done feeling the effects of it yet."

After leaving the mess, Reed was just barely aware of forcing himself to make the correct sequence of turns to reach the turbolift before finally arriving at his quarters. He wasted no time getting back into bed and turning off the lights, but once there he couldn't get back to sleep. He'd tossed and turned for a while, wincing whenever he rolled onto a sore spot, before finally, carefully, getting out of bed and finding the hypo spray that Cutler had given him. The medicine Phlox had given him in Sickbay was a painkiller – this one was a mild sedative. He pressed it to his neck, listening to the hiss as the medicine was released into his bloodstream. Moments later his body felt heavy and he put the hypo down on his desk without looking at it again.

Bed.

He trudged back to his bunk, trying to keep his eyes open along the way as he didn't want to trip over or bump into anything, and never even felt his head hit the pillow.