After getting a drink Will had gone back outside and was now sitting in one of his comfortable lounge chairs, not that he cared for the soft cushion right now. With his feet up on the balustrade he was staring into the sky and held on to the glass he had placed on his chest, way too absorbed in his thoughts to empty it.
The moment he had said to Mac's father that he'd had his share in their break-up, some closed door seemed to have opened up within him, and he was now desperately trying to think everything through.
The question was why she had cheated on him in the first place and then with Brian fucking Brenner in particular.
He was confident enough to rule out the sex.
Their physical relation had always been spectacular, extraordinary. He had never felt anything like it before or the few times after his time with Mac, and he knew for sure that it had been just like that for her. They had talked about it, and she wouldn't have stayed with him for more than another 18 months after her cheating if she hadn't been satisfied.
But she had also felt the need to go back to Brian in the beginning, so something couldn't have been right between them.
Thinking back he was rather sure that he hadn't pushed her away with words or actions, but maybe it had been the opposite and he had smothered her, had put too much pressure on her. For him it had always been clear that she was it, right from the start. What if she simply had needed more time to make up her mind?
But even if so, why didn't she just tell him? Why didn't she come to him to let him know that she needed more time or space or hadn't closed the chapter on Brian at that point?
Thinking about this he frowned. There had been days in the beginning when she had tried to tell him that she was tired, that she didn't feel like going out and just wanted to spent a quiet evening at home. Her home. Alone.
But he had been so much in love that quite regularly, as he had to admit, he had ignored her wishes and showed up at her place anyway, bringing take-out or a movie to watch. And then he had also almost always spent the night as well.
She had never thrown him out, that's why he had thought that in reality she didn't mind, despite her words, but what if she had? If she just hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings, or was afraid he would be insulted and break up with her if she made him think that she didn't want to spend time with him?
He knew that during her whole relationship with Brenner that fucking jackass had always had an unhealthy hold over her, that's why to this day he had never understood why she went back to him. But for the first time it now occured to him:
What if she had needed exactly that as a kind of relief from the attention and love he had given her?
She hadn't been used to this kind of attentiveness focused on her, on the contrary, she had told him once, later in their relationship, that she'd always had to work for the tiniest kindness from Brian.
If he was right, this wouldn't free her from her wrongdoing or explain why she'd not just simply talked to him instead of crawling back into Brian's hell hole, but at least it would help him understand and see his part in all of it.
And also afterwards, after she had confessed to cheating on him... He hadn't given her any chance to explain, had just shut down; he couldn't absolve himself of that.
It was kind of funny in a not so funny way that now when it was too late, he was able to think all this through rationally, to find a possible explanation and weigh the different options he'd had back then. Why didn't he manage to do that before?
Even if he had been too hurt in the beginning, he'd had two fucking years to get over the initial pain. What the fuck was wrong with him?
With a sigh Will downed his drink and then closed his eyes, hoping to find a little sleep that would allow him to forget for a while that he would never get the chance again to speak about all of this with Mac.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.
Later that afternoon his phone rang.
„Will? You have to come to the office; I need to see you right now. Come straight up to my office." Without waiting for an answer Charlie hung up.
His star anchor stared at the phone in his hand and frowned. What was that all about? They had agreed that he would not have to work for the rest of the week. Hell, he didn't even know how to deal with his job next week, and he surely wasn't fucking close to be able to go on the air right now.
Reluctantly he got up from the couch and scuffled to the bathroom. For a moment he thought about taking a shower and shaving, but then he shrugged. If Charlie really wanted him to work tonight he could take care of that in his office, but he didn't see any need to dress up for his friend. Settling for changing into a clean shirt and jeans as well as brushing his teeth he then called the doorman to hail a cab for him and rode the elevator down.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Charlie was sitting behind his desk, going through a memo from legal on yet another sexual harrassment seminar to be attended by every single AWM employee, from the janitor to Reese Lansing. Only Leona Lansing was exempt, and Charlie – or rather his assistant - now had to work out a schedule for the staff of the news division to attend.
He shortly looked up but saw that Millie hadn't returned from her lunch break yet, so he continued with the next file waiting to be dealt with. A couple minutes later there was a knock at the door and without looking up he called „Come in."
When he heard the door open he murmered „Just a second, I just have to finish..." and read to the end of the page before he looked up. Not even a second later his eyes went almost comically wide and only after a couple of tries he managed to speak.
„I... I... What the fuck? If I didn't know better I would say you are MacKenzie McHale, but that is impossible!"
The woman standing just inside his office smiled weakly. „You are quite correct, I am MacKenzie..."
Quickly getting up Charlie hurried over to where she stood and took her hand. „Ms. McHale, I can't believe... But we were informed by CNN... They seemed very sure about your... We got it via Reuters and AP... What happened?"
„It's Mac, Mr. Skinner, and it's a long story. I promise I'll tell you as much as I can, but first... Where is Will? I watched his show last night but Elliot Hirsch filled in for him. How is Will?"
„You have no idea what he has been through, Ms... Mac. And it's Charlie." He smiled at her. „Will is off this week... But are you alright? Take a seat!"
Charlie had noticed that Mac appeared a little pale and had shown some pain when stretching out her hand to meet his.
„I'm fine, thanks. I'm just a little stiff, so sitting down would indeed be nice."
Looking her hard in the eye Charlie finally nodded. „I see you have a story to tell... I assume you had a reason to come here first, so let me call Will in and then you can start talking. Drink?"
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
About 30 minutes after Charlie's call Will arrived at the AWM building und was told by security to go straight up to his boss' office. He entered the elevator with three other people, luckily none of them working with him, so he just nodded politely when one of the woman gave him a smile.
Getting off on the 44th floor he slowy walked to Charlie's office, not knowing what to expect. Millie waved him right through and while opening the door he already spoke, his tone rather defensively.
„Charlie? What's up? I don't have to do the show tonight, do I?"
Will looked tired, haggard and like a man who had lost everything he believed in, for what he had lived for. But he was also the man she loved, and so Mac, standing at the other side of the office where she had looked out of the window while waiting, couldn't hold back a second longer, though she was scared like a mouse facing a python.
„Hi, Will."
Will froze. That voice... It couldn't be!
„It's good to see you..."
Slowly he spun around, and there she was...
Both of them just stared at each other, not saying a word, so that finally Charlie couldn't help himself, grinning wide. „To quote Mr. Twain, Will, the rumours of MacKenzie's death have been greatly exaggerated..."
„How...? What...? Mac..." Though Will only breathed her name this single word conveyed a range of emotions from disbelief to hope and joy. Then he took a couple of large steps, and without any hesitation he pulled her into his arms.
Ignoring the pain coursing through her body Mac let out a sob of relief and buried herself in his chest, putting her arms around his waist to hold on to him. For a long time they simply held each other, Will crushing her into his body whilst not at all understanding why she was here, right in front of him. Not dead.
At the same time Mac reveled in the fact that he was holding her in his arms, wholeheartedly, without showing any sign of reluctance, anger or even loathing as she had feared.
After a few moments it became clear to Charlie that he actually did not need to be here in his office and excused himself before leaving the room; not that either of them heard what he said.
Time passed and neither Will nor Mac moved. Even now, feeling Mac in his arms and inhaling the faint, familiar remnants of her shampoo, Will could hardly believe that the news of MacKenzie's death had been wrong. He slowly let one of his hands roam up and down her back, and with the other one being entangled in her hair he pressed her head into him while repeatedly whispering her name. Finally, after the first adrenaline rush had calmed down a little, he slightly released his grip and moved his head back to look at her.
„MacKenzie... I can't believe... Where the hell have you been? What the fuck happened?"
Mac sighed, the honeymoon had been short and was apparently over already, but she took it as a good omen that he had been so distraught by her alleged passing.
„It's a long story, Billy. Maybe we should go someplace we can talk? I don't have much time."
Will wrinkled his forehead, but then nodded and stepped back. Taking her hand so she had to follow him he walked towards the elevator, slowing down when he noticed that Mac had difficulties keeping up with him. „Are you alright?"
For a moment she bit her lip, but then she gave him a small, almost embarrassed smile and admitted „I am a little sore, let's just take it slow, okay?"
„Jesus, Mac, what the fuck happened?" Will knew that he was repeating himself, but didn't care. Something was up and he was determined to find out.
Shrugging Mac avoided his eyes. „The shorthand version is that I was shot at..." Hearing the strangled sound finding its way from Will's throat she looked up and quickly continued when she saw his horrified expression. „... The bullet only grazed me, but it's still healing, so I have to take it easy for a while."
„Mac..." Again Will could only breathe her name and tightened his grip on her hand. He didn't know why the fact that somebody had shot at her rattled him so much when he had believed her to be dead not even fifteen minutes ago. He had so many questions, but he realized that the busy executive floor wasn't the right place for them, so when the elevator doors opened he pulled her inside and pushed the down button, simply grateful that she was here. Next to him. Alive.
When they passed security on their way out Mac retrieved a small travel bag she'd had to leave behind before going upstairs while Will went outside to find a cab. Once outside she quickly followed him into the back seat, and when he gave the driver an address unbeknownst to her she raised her eyebrows at him.
„It's my place, I hope you don't mind?"
Shaking her head she leaned back and closed her eyes. „No, it's fine."
If she was honest with herself she was curious how he lived nowadays, being a rather famous cable news anchor with a seven-figure income. Before, when still with CNN, they had both lived in a nice two-bedroom flat, nothing special but theirs.
She knew that after she had left New York he hadn't been able to stand the thought of staying with their network and had accepted the offer from Charlie Skinner to go back to ACN, where he had started his career as an anchor on 9/11.
With that move a considerable salary increase came along, and shortly after he had cancelled the lease on their old apartment. The only reason she had become aware of it was that her half of the security deposit had one day been transfered back to her account. She had wondered if Will had maybe simply changed the contract to be the sole tenant, but on further inquiry the property management company had informed her that the lease had been terminated.
She had felt a sting, because with this move their time as a couple was officially in the past and all obvious ties between them were cut. Although certain that it had been a sign from Will that it was well and truly over, deep inside she had always clung to the explanation that he had only moved because now he could afford a better place.
They spent the ride in silence, but Mac didn't need to open her eyes to know that Will couldn't take his eyes off of her. The feeling was mutual, but she didn't dare return his look before she knew where they stood, being too afraid that he would read her feelings much too well.
Clearly he had feared the worst, but still... She had no idea what all this meant, if it was just his conscience feeling bad about having sent her away, or if he had cared as a friend or as... more...
When they pulled up in front of Will's apartment he gently nudged her. „We're there, Mac, wake up."
„I wasn't sleeping," Mac mumbled and opened her eyes. When she reached for her bag Will had already beat her to it, so she just opened the door and got out. Slowly she let her eyes run up the facade of the impressve highrise and then squinted her eyes. „Which floor do you live on?"
„Penthouse." Will's reply was completely unpretentious, accompanied by a casual shrug, and Mac had no problems believing that he had chosen the place out of convenience, maybe for security reasons or because he liked the view, but not for showing off his social status or bragging with his money.
Not that he didn't enjoy not having to count every penny anymore after the childhood he'd had. He had spoiled her often enough with beautiful flowers, a spontaneous weekend trip or a small piece of jewellery, just as much as he had been able to afford back then, but deep inside he was still the little boy from a farm in Nebraska who knew the value of a dollar. Or at least he used to when she had left two years ago.
When they arrived on the top floor and stepped out of the private elevator Mac stopped and let her gaze roam around the room. Impressive, she had to admit, especially the view, but so different from the warm, cozy apartment they had lived in together. This place was all glass, steel and leather. No pictures on the wall, no cushions on the couch, no flowers nor plants. It definitely didn't look like a place someone had lived in for more almost two years now, and she suddenly felt sad for Will.
Noticing that Mac had stayed behind he turned around. He opened his mouth to speak, but looking at her he wasn't able to bring out a word. Instead he took a few large steps back to her and again enveloped her in his arms. „God, I thought I had lost you, MacKenzie... I thought I'd never see you again..."
Mac instinctively held onto him, once more savouring his closeness, but when he pressed her even harder against his chest she let out a clearly painful moan, and Will immediately let go of her. Grabbing her upper arms he quickly looked her up and down. „Jesus, Mac, I'm sorry, are you alright?"
Grimacing she nodded. „I'm okay, but could I get a glass of water? I think I should take another painkiller."
„Of course." Will let go of her and with a worried look he walked to the kitchen while she started to rummage through her dufffel bag for her medicine. When he returned she had the pill ready in her hand and took the glass from him with a grateful smile. „Thank you."
Will watched her for a few seconds until she had taken her medication and then took her hand to pull her to the couch before speaking with a harsh voice, unsuccessfully trying to hide how anxious he was. „Here, sit down... Fuck, Mac, what happened? Why were we told that you were...
Looking at him Mac squeezed his hand but then let go, so he sat down next to her. Averting her eyes she took a deep breath. „I was in..." Really taking in her surroundings in detail for the first time she stopped. „Will, have you been drinking?"
„That would be an understatement..." he mumbled while glancing over at the glasses and bottles to be found all over the place. „The last days were... But right now this isn't about me, and I'm more sober than have been since I got the call from your boss. Tell me why you let everybody believe you were dead!"
„It wasn't my idea, believe me..." Mac sighed. „I was... No, let me start at the beginning: My first base when I went over there two years ago was Kabul. Shortly after I arrived I met a young First Lieutenant from public relations who was assigned to accompany the embedded press. Her name was Julia; Jules for short. We became friends, but then she was reassigned. When my team and I were sent to Islamabad as our new base about six months ago we met again. She had been promoted to Captain in the meantime and was in charge of public relations in the region." Mac shifted and took another sip of water before she continued.
„Whenever I was in town we tried to catch up; sometimes we'd meet for lunch or dinner at a restaurant or I'd just stop by at her office."
„What does that have to do with...?" Will interrupted her, clearly confused.
„I'm getting to that... A few days ago I covered a political rally close to the Shah Faisal Mosque which turned ugly pretty quickly between hostile members of several tribes..." She didn't continue immediately, and Will noticed that she had gotten tense, but didn't interfere again to let her tell the story in her own time.
„I... I still don't really know how it happened, but suddenly I got a push and felt a sharp burn, and then I was pulled down. I wanted to get up again, but my side hurt so much, and when I tried to prop me up I noticed that my hand was in a puddle of blood... my blood... Then I got a knock to my head and passed out."
Will hadn't been able to contain an aghast sound, so she looked up and shortly took his hand. to reassure him. „I'm fine, Billy, as you can see."
Letting out a deep breath Will forced himself to relax. „I'm sorry, I just... Go on."
Squeezing his hand once more she let go again and leaned back. „This might sound a bit... holey now, but even though I was part of this whole thing I wasn't told everything, a lot was apparently classified. So... I woke up at the base hospital. Jim, my senior producer, had gotten me out of the crowd. He carried me until he found a US patrol and they got me back to the base. I had lost a lot of blood by then and had a slight concussion and a few scratches, but otherwise I was fine."
Now Will couldn't hold back. „So why the fuck were we told that you had died? Miscommuniation?"
Mac shook her head. „No, I'm sorry... It was part of a military operation. I was unconscious for about 8 or 9 hours and, shortly after I came to, Jules came to visit, together with the Colonel running the base. They told me that according to the doctors I had been shot at very close range... So close that it was highly unlikely that it had been a coincidence. The push I had gotten at about the same moment has probably saved my life, because the bullet only grazed me. They thought... they were convinced I had been purposefully targeted..." Suddenly she abruptly turned her head towards him.
„This is... Promise me that you will never say a word about this to anybody! It's classified, and if you talk about it I will end up in jail..."
Will was getting more and more nervous about what had happend to her over there but tried to calm her down as much as he could. „Of course. But as much as I want to know, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to or are not allowed to, Mac."
„I know..." she whispered. „But I do want you to know..."
Lifting his hand to move a strand of hair behind her ear he then rested his hand on her cheek and looked directly into her eyes. „Then you have my word of honor, MacKenzie. Whatever you'll say will stay in this room."
After a second she nodded. „Thank you..."
Before going on she took his hand of her cheek but this time she held on to it in her lap. „I don't know why, but they had been suspecting that there was a mole in the public relations department, one of the locals working there. They assumed that because of my frequent meetings with Jules he'd thought that I was working for the army and had given them information I had retrieved during my trips through the country." She looked up and gave Will a weak attempt of a grin, but her eyes kept their grave expression. „So you are currently in the company of an alleged spy..."
He could only tighten his grip around her fingers. „Fuck, Mac, I think I can see where this is heading, but why did they let everybody know you had died? Why not just arrest the mole? Or at least keep it local news?"
Now a hint of amusement showed in her eyes. „Do you really think they could have kept it quiet in a city full of internatioal journalists? Many of whom I know?" Turning serious again she continued in an urgent voice. „They needed time to close the case to be sure they had the right person and get all people involved. Also they were certain their phone lines were bugged. They could not remove the devices without alerting the suspect so they had to stick with the story and distribute it via the normal channels, which include the international media.
„But why did you have to be publicly considered dead for this?"
„I am not entirely sure. It was partly for my own safety, but I think they also expected the suspect to lead them to the others of his cell once they were convinced their attack had been successful, maybe for a kind of celebration or to get new orders... I don't know. But believe me, it took a long time for them to convince me. I knew how much it would hurt my family and y..."
„Your family!" Will jerked his head, he hadn't even thought about them until now. „Do they know? You need to call them!"
Smiling apologeticallly Mac ran her thumb over his knuckles. „I called my sister Liz the moment I was allowed to – Which was about fve hours ago. I didn't want them to just hear my voice over the phone; Liz will break it to them and I'll be flying to London tonight."
„London?" Will was taken aback. He was still trying to get his head around the fact that he hadn't lost Mac, that fate had given them another chance, and now she wanted to leave again?
„Yes, Will, London. I'm sure my parents need to see me right now. And I need to be with them for a while." She paused for a moment but then continued softly. „Nothing between us is resolved, Will. I think we both need time."
„But..."
„Think about what you want. Right now you are glad that I am alive, and I like to take that as a good sign. But everything you feel now is superimposed by a huge amount of relief... I'll be back in about ten days for another debriefing with the MIS and to talk to CNN, either to get a new assignment or to void my contract... Maybe then we can talk."
Something stirred within him and he couldn't help but ask. „If you found the time to call you parents... Why didn't you call me? Or at least have them let me know?"
Mac blushed and nervously bit her lip, something he had always found incredibly sexy which clearly hadn't changed. Still he forced himself to move his gaze to her eyes, waiting for an answer.
After a moment she sighed. „I'm sorry... I don't think they felt the need. Dad had told Liz that you have called them..." She smiled and pressed his hand as a thanks for his consideration. „... and they surely thought I'd call you myself, but..." Taking a deep breath she nervously went on. „I needed to tell you in person, I... I needed to see your face the moment you found out I wasn't dead... I'm sorry..."
Thinking about it Will wasn't sure if he hadn't done the same, so he slowly nodded and returned her smile. „I understand... But... why were you allowed to tell us now? Isn't it dangerous for you?"
Mac shook her head, clearly relaxing at his words. „I was smuggled out of Pakistan with a cargo flight and after we landed at Dover this morning I was already expected by MIS and the CIA. While I was in the air they had busted the cell; it was just a local group and they are all off the streets now, so I'll be safe. CNN will report in about a couple of hours that there had been some kind of misidentification and that it wasn't me that had been killed in that protest."
For a moment Will only looked at her, again amazed that she was sitting next to him and he could touch her. He was starting to feel alive again, as if he had been reborn, but she was right, they still had a lot of shit from the past to sift through.
Mac, what happenend?" Seeing her frown at why he would ask that when she had just told him everything, he added. „Not in Islamabad. Two years ago, with... Brian."
She sighed and let go of his hand, and he immediately missed the feel of her soft, warm skin. „Didn't you ever read the e-mails I've sent you?"
The e-mails, of course! Why hadn't he thought of them earlier? They probably could have answered many questions he'd had over the last days... He shook his head. „No, I never read them, I'm sorry."
The expression in her eyes changed to disappointment, but she forced herself to smile at him. „I really want to talk to you about it, but my flight is going in three hours. Read my e-mails, Will... If you still want to talk after that, we can do it when I get back..."
Will swallowed hard, hesitant to let her go again. „You promise you're coming back? It's just London and then back to New York?"
„I promise."
Standard disclaimer:
All holes in Mac's story, real and imagined, are naturally on purpose and covered by the operation being classified... :-D