chapter two
x
"I don't think she'll be very happy to see you, but you can try," said Fire Lord Zuko.
He stood outside of Azula's room with Ty Lee. He was briefing her for whatever was inside, but Ty Lee knew she would not get it until she saw it for herself. There was nothing he could tell her that she could rely on, as much as she hated to think that.
"You're the one who invited me here," Ty Lee replied, eyeing him inquisitively.
Zuko cleared his throat, uncomfortable. "Yes, I did. She's worse."
"Worse how? Violent worse?" Ty Lee whispered, her eyes widening.
"No, scarier than that," said Zuko. Ty Lee was not sure what to think about it. "Go in and you'll see."
Ty Lee stared at her hands for as long as she could afford, and then walked into Azula's bedroom. The princess was in bed, but something was wrong about it. She did not say anything, did not glare at Ty Lee, did not try to terrorize her.
"Hey," Ty Lee said, smiling. Azula did not respond. "Hey. It's me. I'm back. I'm happy to see you."
She walked closer. Azula seemed dead. Was she dead? Zuko would know if she was dead or not, right?
Ty Lee stood by her and saw that she was just. . .
Something was wrong. Ty Lee did not like it and she could not explain it.
"Can I sit?" Ty Lee asked, and it did nothing. Azula did not try to murder her, but she did not acknowledge her either. Maybe she knew that was how to make Ty Lee feel bad; by making Ty Lee think she was not even important enough to notice.
Ty Lee sat down anyway; it did not seem like Azula cared very much. "I'm sorry I never ever came to talk you or see you or any of that. After you got arrested and stuff. I've just been really busy and stuff."
Azula gave no response. She was very pale and very still, but breathing. Ty Lee could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest, of the red silk blankets over her.
Ty Lee said, "You're part of my life and my world, always. You've always been and I want to be here for you."
Azula gave no response.
Ty Lee blushed and sighed and twisted in her seat. She finally said, "Do you remember when we were last in here."
Azula gave no response.
Now Ty Lee felt sick. "I'm not leaving. You know me well enough to know that."
Azula opened her mouth and her eyes flashed and Ty Lee held her breath. The princess turned away before she could even turn to Ty Lee.
Ty Lee smiled. Her princess was still there.
x
Mai did not know why she came back. She should have declined when that soldier asked her again. Another man was working the front desk. He genuinely looked like it was his first day on the job, and it probably was.
He did not ask her to disarm; he was too busy trying to figure out how she was supposed to sign in. Finally, she succeeded and he went through the ring of keys one by one until he grimaced and settled on one that was worn from use.
She supposed that Ozai really was as popular as that cranky warden said.
The man could be charming, if he wanted to be, In fact, Mai realized in the middle of the night that he was trying to manipulate her. Asking for a chair; it made Mai sick.
When Mai arrived, she could see he was expecting her. She wondered if someone told him, or if he was just entitled enough to expect that she would be back. Regardless, Mai was there and he was watching her from his desk yet again.
"I'm here to try to learn all of your secrets again," Mai said, walking forward. She came closer this time; she did not know if she was afraid or uninterested, but she was not that now.
"If you tell me one thing, I will save a hundred or so lives," Ozai said and Mai tried not to laugh.
"You have as much regard for human life as I would expect," Mai said, shaking her head.
"That scar on your neck certainly is interesting. Did you get it to match your boyfriend?"
"Not my boyfriend." Mai shifted her shoulder to cover the mark with her hair. "So, how exactly will you save these. . .oh so important lives?"
"Not important lives. Just lives," he said. "I thought you were interviewing me because people just love to tell me all their secrets and would do just anything to make me like them. You would know about that. How far would you go?"
"I don't want you to like me. I don't think I ever cared."
"I'm not talking about myself," he corrected.
Mai almost laughed and said, "Zuko likes me more than I want him to."
"Also not him," Ozai said, waiting for her to realize it.
The room fell silent.
"You don't know anything about her." Mai shook her head with a smile. "You never did. If you knew half of what she never told you, you might rethink how much you adored her."
"Maybe that should be our topic of the day," Ozai said and Mai looked away.
She needed to be better at this interviewing thing. She could not leave anything exposed, because he would tear it open.
"What's the one thing I have to tell you?" Mai asked and Ozai examined her. She felt stripped bare and maybe further than that. Azula learned that party trick from him, she supposed.
"What do you hope to gain from interviewing me?"
"Valuable information about national security."
"You personally."
"Money. They're paying well."
"We both know that you have no need for money. Everything your parents had is yours now. Now give me an honest answer, and I will give you an honest answer."
"I don't know," Mai said. It was true. "I don't know why I'm here right now, but if I find out, I'll tell you."
"Tomorrow there will be a very devastating attack on the harbor," Ozai said and Mai narrowed her eyes. "There will be more like it, but I'm done answering questions for today."
Mai still stood there for a few moments. He did not look at her, and so she left.
She decided to report his claim, even though it probably was not true.
They both probably walked away from that brief conversation empty-handed.
x
Ty Lee went to Azula again after eating lunch alone. Zuko was not done with his audiences for the day, and Ty Lee did not want to bother him. She was here to help him, not to burden him.
"Let me tell you something I bet you already know," Ty Lee said.
Azula still was in bed, facing away from Ty Lee. Ty Lee did not readjust her position, because she feared it would pressure the princess too much. They had to take things slowly.
Ty Lee said, "I always loved you for forever. I still do because I can't just stop loving people. . .especially not you."
She waited for a response in vain.
Ty Lee said, "You were my whole world for most of my life. You kind of still are. I don't remember not knowing you. I can't forget you either. Not for a second."
Yet again, Ty Lee waited for an answer that would never come.
Ty Lee said, "I never felt the same way as how I felt with you. I know it was all mostly lies and that you were just really good at using people. . .and you were using me. But being used wasn't so bad," Ty Lee said and the silence hurt for the first time. "I'm not just saying this to try to make you like me." Ty Lee sighed. "I wanted you to like me so bad. I would do anything to make you like me. Would have, I mean. Not anymore. I don't feel that way anymore."
She wished she had chosen to sit across from Azula. Maybe the princess did care what she had to say. It felt like she did not, but Ty Lee still had hope.
Ty Lee said, "I don't really know what to talk about. I've always talked too much but now I'm kind of talking to myself and I don't know what to do about that."
Azula did not say a word.
Ty Lee expected that, even if she hoped otherwise.
x
Mai kisses Zuko messily on the lips. She draws him nearer and nearer. They stand on a balcony above the ocean below. It smashes angrily against the rocks, but they are safe up there. Even with her back pressed against the railing, she knows she will not fall.
He rips open her shirt and she loves it. She is on fire.
She closes her eyes and leans back over the water as he kisses her neck.
When she opens them again, she leans immediately into another breathless kiss.
Mai pulls away and almost falls into the water.
She is not with Zuko.
Mai woke up and could barely remember who she was or where she was. The one thing she could remember in vivid detail was that dream and how very. . .personal it was.
She took a deep breath and sat up, knowing she would not get back to sleep tonight.
It meant nothing. Mai was thinking about him before bed. Or was that preferable to it being Zuko in her dream. It was Zuko, or so she thought she remembered. It meant nothing.
She got up and brewed tea.
x
Ty Lee sat across from Mai in a very bright teashop. It was too sunny today, and way too hot. Ty Lee felt dehydrated after two seconds outside. She did not remember the Fire Nation being so sweltering, but she had been on a cold, damp island for a long time.
"Okay," Ty Lee said, tapping her fingers on the table. It was giving Mai a headache. "How did Azula stab you?"
"With a knife," Mai replied, her attention drifting to the window. There were turtleducks playing outside in a half-drained fountain. It was old and cracked.
"No, I mean, she won't even. . .talk or move. How did she stab you like that?"
"She wasn't like that when she stabbed me. You're lucky she's subdued. I don't think she wants to see you, and I'm going to be honest about that," Mai said and Ty Lee scowled. What else could Mai say? Ty Lee should know better by now.
"You look tired," Ty Lee said, a weak attempt at changing the subject.
"I had a bad dream," Mai replied. She could feel strong guilt just by remembering it. It was much worse waking up from it.
"Do you want to go walk by the pier?" Ty Lee suggested. They used to do it when they were young and bored, watching the ships go by and wondering what it was like way across the ocean. The girls found out earlier than they thought they would.
"No," Mai said too feverishly. Ty Lee squinted at her.
"Why is that such an awful suggestion?" Ty Lee asked and Mai shrugged.
"I just don't want to, okay?" She had not told anyone about what Ozai said. It was a very risky test of his honesty. She would definitely lose her job as an interviewer once anyone found out, but she had to know. If they did anything about it, she could not prove or disprove his warning.
"Okay," Ty Lee said. Her tea finally arrived and she smiled at the waiter. Mai watched the turtleducks play again.
"We'll shop, and I'll take you back to the palace," Mai suggested, cringing at the very thought of it. She did not know why she did anything anymore.
"Yay!" Ty Lee said, even if she was wary. Mai would never suggest that, but Ty Lee would never turn it down.
x
When the two women arrived back at the palace, it was in chaos.
Mai hoped it was not about what she thought it was about. That would be very bad.
"What happened?" Ty Lee asked the nearest person she could grab.
"You didn't see what happened at the harbor?" he asked, a frenzied look in his eyes.
Yeah, Mai probably should have said something.
At least she knew he was telling the truth, for what that was worth.
x
"I would have done the same," said the soldier named Hiroaki. He was the one who hired Mai, but Mai never asked for his name. She had to awkwardly describe him when she went to his offices.
"You would have let a hundred people die and hundreds of gold pieces in damage happen just to see if the pathetic former Fire Lord was lying or not?" Mai asked. She spoke very slowly, expecting the reality of what Hiroaki just said to sink in.
"Yes. It's the only way," Hiroaki said and Mai wished she could think of other ways. She cared less than she should have. Mai was in the position to prevent that attack, but she felt guiltier about a weird sex dream. The world did not make fantastic sense at the time.
"You're going to ask me to talk to him again," Mai said and Hiroaki nodded. "No."
"You always say no," he said.
Mai shook her head.
"I mean it this time. I don't even want to look at him again," she said, grateful that she did not have to say why.
"He said there would be more," Hiroaki insisted and Mai wished she had spared that detail. "You could make him talk about them."
Mai sighed.
"I said no. I mean it," Mai said and Hiroaki glowered at her.
"You can't be afraid of him," Hiroaki said.
That struck a nerve. Mai decided that the discomfort of her dream was not worth being called a coward over. It was. . .pretty cowardly in the first place, to tell the truth.
"I'm not. I'll talk to him tomorrow. It's late," Mai said.
Hiroaki smiled at her.
Mai did not return one.
x
Ty Lee finally sat down with Zuko. They had dinner together. She thought he was not going to eat if she did not force him to do it.
"I'm sorry that I didn't ask about Azula. I'm just kind of preoccupied by that attack," Zuko said, poking at his food with one chopstick. He probably was not going to eat even though Ty Lee made him try.
"Is she ignoring you too?" Ty Lee said and Zuko shrugged.
"Yes. I think she's ignoring herself. Or maybe she gave up. I don't know. I thought maybe she would respond to you," Zuko said, he set down that chopstick and edged his plate away from himself.
"I still think I can get her to," Ty Lee replied. "I really can. Just give me time."
"You have all the time in the world. I don't know if it'll do anything," Zuko said.
He looked so tired.
Ty Lee wished she could cure him.
She wished she could cure Azula more.