Ianto walked over to Jack's desk and dialed the phone.
"Yes. This is Ianto Jones with Torchwood Cardiff. I need to speak with your commander." Jack looked quizzically at Ianto. UNIT was notoriously rude and aggravating. It took Jack hours just to get to the right extension.
"Yes, hello Simon, how is everything?" The immortal's jaw fell open.
"You're on a first name basis with the commander of UNIT?" The Welshman held a finger to his lips and then used it shut Jack's gaping mouth.
"I'm fine Mr. Jones. Harriet has been driving me crazy, but that's women for you." Ianto looked over at Jack, who's expression was priceless.
"I know the feeling, believe me." He heard a laugh over the line.
"You got a Mrs. Jones then?" Ianto smiled, eyeing his lover.
"Nope, just the Mr. He keeps me on my toes though." Another laugh over the line, and Jack again impersonated a fish. Ianto pulled away from the phone, holding his hand over the receiver and looked reproachfully at the immortal.
"Stop it Jack, You leave your mouth open like that you'll catch flies." There was a gasp over the line, and the Commander's voice hissed into Ianto's ear.
"Jack then? It wouldn't happen to be Captain Jack Harkness would it?" Ianto blushed.
"That's the one, but, well, you know how it is Simon." There was another laugh over the line.
"Yea, Don't worry Lad, I won't tell. Though now that you mention it, that does explain the Captain's call back tone." Ianto sighed pinching the bridge of his nose and glaring halfheartedly at his lover.
"Yep, been , umm, meaning to change that." Jack caught the gist of the saying, and tried to smile at Ianto.
"I think it's sweet. At least it's honest. Now, tell me, this isn't a social call is it Mr. Jones?" Ianto sat down in Jack's chair earning a shocked glare from the immortal.
"I'm afraid not. You remember how we had your men transport our two refugee's to the Mediterranean?" The sound of rustling papers.
"Yes. Lieutenant Ulrich's assignment. She reported their delivery right on schedule. Why? Is something the matter?" The Archivist bit his lip, trying to frame his answer properly.
"We have evidence that suggests that the refugees are in danger. We would like their immediate return to Torchwood, for their protection. " Jack looked at Ianto, more than a little impressed. He had managed to snare UNIT in their lies, without ever incriminating them. Ianto heard the more papers, and the sound of muffled whispering from the commander.
"UNIT is more than capable of protecting the fugitives Mr. Jones. Just inform us of the whereabouts and origin of the threat, and we will deal with it." Ianto took a deep breath.
"Commander, you know that isn't possible. You also know what it would look like if UNIT does not cooperate with us." He heard a swallow over the line.
"Are you accusing us of what I think you are Jones? Because that is WAY over your pay grade, regardless of who you're shagging." Ianto felt anger roil over him, but kept his voice cool.
"I'm not accusing UNIT of anything Simon. I just don't want there to be any issues. If you think that UNIT is better equipped at caring for Glib and Fall, then by all means keep them. Just send me the address of where they are, and I'll come check on them, just for the paper work's sake." Jack smirked at his lover, proud of the conniving way that he had manipulated his opponent.
"That's err, classified Jones. You don't have the authorization to know about that." Ianto smiled cruelly.
"But Captain Harkness does. So tell me, would you rather me know about what's going on, so that I can smooth it all over and clean up loose ends, or would you rather Jack go barging in. You know how much of a loose cannon he can be."
"Fine, Jones. I'll fax you the address. I would rather deal with you over Harkness any day."
"How about you tell me the address now, so we can go ahead and get this over with." There were some growling over the phone.
"Fine, pier 17 building C. They will be moved there within the hour." The line went dead and Ianto grinned at Jack, standing up from the chair.
"And that is how you deal with UNIT, sir." The immortal stood himself, clapping slowly.
"That was amazing. Absolutely, to quote an old friend, Fantastic. How?" The Welshman picked up the two mugs of cold coffee and looked back at his captain.
"Chess. I'm quite the fan. He backed himself into a corner, I took advantage of it." The immortal went to pull his lover into his arms, but two mugs of coffee blocked his path.
"Later. I need to get surveillance on that pier, and you need to start prepping the SUV. I want you guys to tale me and be ready in case they cause any trouble." Jack nodded stepping back.
"Can you just answer me one question?"
"What?" The Welshman eyed him skeptically.
"When did I start taking orders from you?" The Welshman smiled, leaning in to kiss the immortal.
"When you started getting into my pants." The immortal stood there, grinning madly, while his lover left the room.