Chapter 22 - Forgiveness

When Neville and Harry returned, Harry decided to wait for the Headmistress so that she could inspect the wand, "Ollivander insists Gregorovich crafted this, you say?"

"Yes, that is what he said."

It had been months since he'd spoken to the portrait of Dumbledore but Harry'd piqued the interest of the shade of the former Headmaster. "Harry, if what you say is true then this is indeed a unique artefact. It does not surprise me that Ollivander was a sceptic of the true value of such an object until it was confirmed that the Elder Wand was real. Bring the wand closer to me Harry."

Professor McGonagall returned the wand to Harry and he walked up to the portrait. Dumbledore instructed, "Now act as if you are trying the wand for the first time for me Harry. Concentrate on the energy of the wand. Become one with the wand."

Harry did as he was told and the wand did not merely show sparks. A pulse of light came from the wand so bright that it seemed like daylight in the chambers. Harry noticed that Dumbledore didn't seem surprised but was studying the wand with interest.

"Most interesting." Harry could see the old professor's mind was racing. Harry recognised the look on Dumbledore's face. He'd seen the same concentration and deep thought when he'd presented the Riddle Diary to the Headmaster years before, "Minerva, it is a terrible shame we could not see it's true power when used in concert with the Elder Wand."

"Yes," the Headmistress agreed dully, "it is a terrible shame." She seemed to scowl at the portrait, "Albus, this is not the time to second guess. What's done is done."

"Yes...Yes..." the portrait agreed as he stroked his long beard. "Such possibilities. Two powerful wizards. Complimentary wands. Could you imagine the great and terrible things that Grin.." the man in the portrait caught himself and shook his head. His grin was that of a teenager who'd been caught in foolishness, "Power can be an intoxicating thing. When magic is used improperly it can suck the soul right out of you. Remember that Harry."

"And be very careful whom you share the full history of the wand with," Dumbledore continued. "I believe the usual suspects would do nicely for now."

Professor McGonagall returned to the original question, "Harry, if it is a judgement of value you want, I believe I'd pay Ollivander what he asks. This wand is certainly worth it." She anticipated his argument and brushed it aside with her hand, "Don't give me any foolishness. I'd pay twice what he asked if I had the Galleons and you most certainly do. Your wand is an extension of yourself as a wizard. I don't understand the economics of wand making but I'm sure he asks people to pay as much according to their ability as he does based on the quality of the wand. In your case you are receiving a unique wand and you have tremendous resources. Even if you feel the wand isn't worth the cost then look at it as you helping those with limited resources get wands for mere Sickles."

Harry remembered Ron when he'd received his wand for what he'd felt was a pittance and he felt much better. "Now, Mr. Potter...Harry, something I feel much more pressing." Harry could always tell he was in trouble when she reverted back to his formal name. "I was not joking this morning when I threatened to transform you into an armchair. I have a spot just over by the fire that I could use a nice reading chair," she gestured to the fire nearby and the portraits of Dumbledore and a few of the Headmasters chuckled. "I am fully aware of the school's policy regarding Transfiguration of students but I will not have my boy...a boy recklessly throwing himself in harms way time and again such as you've done this term."

Harry was about to protest and say that in each case he'd tried to help others but he was interrupted by Dumbledore, "You should be more careful, Harry. I'm afraid you might be at the brink of the abyss."

"Wait. What?" Harry did a double take. He was overcome by deja vu. "The abyss? What abyss?" Why did that sound familiar?

"The abyss, Harry. I remember the months following Grindelwald's defeat. I was so sad. I'd done everything I could to avoid facing him. Once I did? So many conflicted emotions. First the sadness for all of the loss around me. But also the guilt because of the rush I felt in battle. I went in search for adventure to replicate that feeling. I did dangerous things. I'd step into danger without thinking."

"And when Voldemort came I felt even more alive. Finally a worthy adversary." Harry could hear passion in the wizard's voice, "To be a great and powerful wizard Harry...it is a truly remarkable thing. To have a worthy opponent and make full use of your cunning and powers can bring out your best and worst qualities. The guilt ate at me but I never felt so alive. You must be careful because you too could fall into that trap. Even if you don't kill yourself you threaten to live your life in search of the next great conquest – and then suddenly you are as bad as those wizards you fought to protect the world from. Most of the tyrants of this world began as great men intent on ridding the the world of inequality or evil. Even Voldemort believed he was serving a greater good."

By now Harry had a specific question on his mind. "Sir, something happened a few weeks ago. I did...well, I didn't quite do it. I tried to do something very bad. I was stopped but..."

"Do you care to tell me what happened?" asked the Professor.

Harry explained the entire event from the time he stepped out of the Room of Requirement. Professor McGonagall was shocked that he went into such detail. He made no excuses for himself or efforts to paint what he did in a better light. In fact, she noticed that he made himself out to be the bad person and he painted Draco in a sympathetic light. When he was done the Headmaster's Quarters went silent. Dumbledore joined his hands in front of his mouth and he tapped his index fingers together over and over again absent-mindedly as he thought to himself. Harry watched the former Headmaster but seemed in no hurry for any answers. The Headmistress grew impatient as minutes passed and the two continued to sit with their thoughts. Finally, Dumbledore responded:

"Let's start with the wand. You are correct that the wand had nothing to do with your actions. As for you, you are for the most part a good person Harry. All the same, we are only as good as our actions. Consider a man who perceives a threat to his family. The best witches or wizards may kill if they feel their family is in peril but the very act of killing will change that person."

"But what you felt that night was not protective instinct. You sought to kill out of vengeance. The fact that you sought to kill out of vengeance for me makes me even more disappointed. The one solitary positive fact that you should take from your story is the feeling of remorse you feel for even trying to commit such a heinous act. The fact that you were so upset with yourself that you couldn't speak to others for days tells me that you know just how wrong what you did was. Killing a person is no trifling matter and killing a person for vengeance is a most egregious act."

"When I spoke of standing at the brink of the abyss this was the very thing I was referring to. Do not follow my path. Avoid the path of my father. You by now know the story well. Look at the terrible fate that awaited my family once my father took on the sword of vengeance. His actions set forth a series of events that likely ended an entire line without an heir. You have much more to live for. You have already done so much but if you follow the proper path you may do so much more."

"So, what should I do?" asked Harry.

ZZZZZZZ

A week later Harry sat in the very same chair in the Headmistress's office. He and Draco sat across from each other and the two took in the awkward silence. Professor McGonagall had taken pains to give the boys privacy and had left them the chambers to speak. Harry took the week to decide what he wanted to say.

Finally, Harry broke the silence, "I'm sorry. You know, for trying to...kill you. I got so angry at what you said and the curse hurt and..." Harry realised he was making excuses, "What am I saying? None of that matters. I'm sorry."

The room returned to silence. Harry could still remember the Headmaster's office when Dumbledore was the resident and it was full of sounds and distractions. Fawkes, the clock, the different gizmos that Dumbledore toyed with. Harry imagined Professor McGonagall to be more of a contemplator than a tinkerer and her office was more of a place for quiet reflection.

Again silence. "I'm also sorry about your father," Harry blurted out. He'd planned on leaving this sore subject alone. He'd wanted to mend fences not burn down buildings. "I really did want to save him. I felt guilty when I wrote that report but I really did try to help him. You can believe me or not. All the same, I am sorry. I know what it feels like to lose your dad and I'd give anything to have him back. Regardless of anything and everything else he was still your Dad and I know that you cared for him very much." Harry could think of nothing else to say.

Draco looked nothing like the boy Harry knew even two years before. Draco had always been a handsome boy even if snobbish. His smug nature was due to his confidence which was due to the fact that he was very wealthy and very good looking. Now there were circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. His face was worn weary by worry and loss. The Dark Arts also had the side effect of subtle changes to the appearance of those that made common use of the spells. Voldemort was the extreme case of the man turned slowly into beast. Others like Bellatrix and Dolohov had not progressed so far in to the Arts but small subtle features began to develop with each spell cast. At their deaths each had become a dark caricature of his or her young self.

Draco already showed the subtle beginnings of such young use of the Dark Arts. Harry could see it in and around his eyes and he pitied him. He hoped Draco would turn the corner and realise what Dumbledore said was true. "Is that why I was invited in here?" Draco demanded. "You had me come in here so you could say you were sorry and feel better about yourself?"

"No," Harry tried not to raise his voice. "I was told that you and I are growing up and we need to get over our differences. I was told I should forgive you so that I can move on with my life. I apologised because I thought it was proper and because I do genuinely feel sorry."

"Who fed you that load of rubbish?" asked Draco. "Why in Hell would it make one bit of difference whether we're sorry or not?"

"I fed him that load of rubbish," Dumbledore's voice boomed from his portrait. Dumbledore rarely used it but when motivated his normally soft voice could rattle the walls. Draco was faced away from his portrait and when he heard the voice he nearly fell out of his chair.

"CRAP!" yelled out Draco. His head shot around in every direction looking for the wizard. "He's come after me," Draco cried out. He follows me everywhere...in my dreams...I can't sleep." Draco's eyes were darting around like those of the insane. His spoke like he was out of breath, "I told you Harry. I didn't want to kill him. They were going to kill my parents." Draco still hadn't figured out that the voice came from the portrait, "Tell him I'm sorry, Harry. Please, tell him I'm sorry."

Harry could now see that the death of Dumbledore had consumed Draco even more-so than it had him. Draco felt such guilt that it had filled his dreams and his thoughts. Harry now understood why Draco had wanted him to kill him. The guilt was too much for Draco – likely coupled with the guilt of almost killing Ron and Katie as well. "Draco, Professor Dumbledore wanted to forgive you. He understood the circumstances. If you don't believe me then turn around and ask him yourself."

When Draco turned around the fact that Dumbledore seemed alive almost overcame him, "Apology accepted, Mr. Malfoy." Draco finally understood where the voice had come from. The portraits had never spoken in the Headmaster's office in his presence so while he understood the principal it had taken him completely by surprise. Dumbledore then explained why they were both there, "I do not expect the two of you to become mates but you both must forgive each other for what you have done in the past. If you cannot forgive each other and at least shake hands then the anger you both feel will follow you through your lives." The two still looked unsure.

Dumbledore forced the two of them to talk for half an hour. Once they were done they agreed to forgive each other. They also agreed to stop antagonising each other in the halls. When they were done they shook and hands and parted ways. Neither was enthusiastic about the exercise but they were both willing to go through with it if only to provide some closure to that part of their lives. Once they were gone and Professor McGonagall returned she asked for an update.

"They seemed to try to be genuine," Dumbledore responded. "We can only hope they can see past their differences."

"Well, let us hope so. If Miss Brown's prediction proves correct, then by end of year both of their lives will depend on it."

"That is a tremendous leap, Minerva. Cassandra was the last Seer that could truly see with any kind of reliability."

"I know Albus, but both Firenze and Sybil feel she has a gift. They have begun to spend nearly all of their free hours with her," the portraits that had been paying attention seemed impressed.

"Then keep an eye on both of them."