A/N:kate3110, it's like you're reading my mind! I was just calming them down, at least until some storm comes ;) I hope you'll enjoy this one and sorry for delayed update, it's just that I'm utterly unorganized and I have so much on my plate now... Sorry!
Disclaimer: Everything you recognise is JKR's, the rest is my imagination.
Thank you
Knock, knock. What the hell? Why am I so sore? Knock, knock. Oh right, I had a little battle with three psychopaths, then I almost splinched myself while apparating and then I was laying on the doorstep for some time. Knock, knock.
''What?'' that was meant to be an angry shout, but it came out like a rather pathetic yelp.
''Viv? Are you awake? Can I come in?'' Tonks' worried voice came from the hallway.
''Come in!'' I retorted, trying to sober up a little and turn on my mind and body functions. Well, that certainly didn't work.
''Oh, Viv!'' Tonks gasped when she took a look on my desperate attempts to move quickly. She almost dropped a tray with my breakfast while gawking and I laid back into my pillows with a huff, feeling completely frustrated.
''I'm fine, really. Just need some time to…'' I trailed off, realizing on time that she was ignoring me while fussing around me. When she finally sat down on the foot of my bed, after making me eat and getting on my nerves, she started her good-natured pestering.
''So, what happened? Sirius told us he found you on the doorstep and he told us about your mission, but afterwards? Why didn't you send a patronus to me?''
''That wasn't necessary, Black took care of me.'' I answered casually, not even bothering to look at her astonished face.
''He took care of you? Sirius took care of you?'' Her eyes were wide and her hair turned suddenly shocking blue.
''Well, it's only normal thing to do, I was almost dying on his feet… So yeah.'' I finished sheepishly, seeing her point but not wanting to admit it. He wasn't normal.
''Cut the crap Viv, you and I both know he isn't the same person like before! Merlin's pants, what if he actually cares about you? What if he actually cares for another human being besides Harry?'' Vivian gasped, giving me a bewildered look.
''Now you're overreacting. He cares about Remus too, even for you and Weasleys and…It wasn't even…" I tried to be calm and reasonable but she simply cut me off. Really now, I was feeling like talking with a wall.
''…or maybe he doesn't like you because he likes you!'' Tonks screeched excitedly and I scoffed.
''That doesn't even make any sense!''
''Of course it does! He liked you once, why couldn't he like you, or, oh Merlin, even lo-''
''Enough of this! Now you're just talking some nonsense here!'' I barked, annoyed with her ramblings. ''Anyway, what's with you and Remus? Did you tell him already?''
Tonks smirked at my tactical change of subject, but didn't comment. ''Oh, I'm telling him. I'm telling him every day, actually. 'Remus, your shirt is sooo cool. Well, I think that older men have experience and knowledge which youngsters lack.' And my favorite one, 'Remus, your hair looks so soft.' It freaks him out, but I just love to see him flustered!'' She giggled and I chuckled, and that of course turned into howls of laughter.
When we finally managed to catch our breath, Tonks looked at me oddly.
''Look, I really think you shouldn't stop bothering with Sirius. I mean, yes, he is pretty fucked up, but can you… keep being here for him? You don't see your influence on him, but he is at least a little more bearable when you talk sense into him.'' She pleaded, and I couldn't help but feel some uncomfortable strain in my gut.
''It's not that easy, Tonks. We have some short history together, it didn't end well and up until now I was loathing him with my whole being.'' I sighed, admitting for the first time all of my doubts to someone other than my own self.
''I know, but just try. Trust me, it's going to be whole lot easier to you. On the end of the day, it's you who'll have to spend most of the time with him when Weasleys are gone.'' She smiled peacefully and I nodded just to stop her rant. I didn't want to think about the fact that my life in the next couple of months will consist only sitting with a madman in a haunted house. Yes, maybe I was being selfish and cruel, but I was frustrated with all the pains I endured in the last couple of days, and I just couldn't see even one bright spot in my situation. And just when I thought of that, I someone knocking on my door and slowly opening, not even waiting for me to approve.
Tonks' eyes snapped from mine and we both stared at now very uncomfortable Sirius.
''Oh. Tonks, I didn't know-'', he stuttered, not even looking at me but giving Tonks one bewildered look. ''I thought maybe she… I mean White…needed something. '' He finished, looking completely embarrassed and I was feeling completely disgruntled.
Tonks smiled at him good-naturedly and hopped off my bed, giving me one I-told-you-so look and smirking like a Cheshire cat. Se brushed by Black and winked at me, leaving me alone and confused with equally awkward man leaning on my doorframe.
''How do you feel?'' I couldn't discern was he looking at me or something else, because his eyes were hidden with strands of his black hair. His voice was carefully blank, but I was nevertheless shocked with his sudden act of concern.
''Fine, I…I'm fine.'' I finally managed to mumble and he just nodded, still hiding from my intense stare and turned to get out of the room.
''Wait, Black-'' the words tumbled out of my mouth before I managed to control myself and I cringed a little, clearing my sore throat. ''-Sirius… Thank you.'' I finished lamely, feeling syllables of his first name rolling weirdly over my tongue.
I could almost hear gears grinding in his brain and he turned his head a little to look at me and I felt some anxious jolt shaking my insides. He just waved his hand, as if to say it was no big deal and just left me, feeling completely out of place with our behavior. What the hell was that?
When I finally managed to get out of the bed, take a shower and soothe my aching body a little, it was almost evening. I went down the stairs slowly, dragging my heavy legs and yelping from time to time whenever I made some sudden movement.
I heard some boisterous voices from the kitchen and smiled, recognizing Weasley children and Hermione, along with Sirius, Harry and Remus. When I pushed the door open the laughter died down and everyone was looking at me worried.
''Oh no, Vivian, did we wake they wake you up? I told them to be quiet!'' Molly emerged from a pile of self-washing dishes, casting annoyed glances at her children and irresponsible adults.
''Don't worry about it, I woke up all by myself.'' I tried to smile kindly but in the same time I was trying to sit on the free chair next to Ginny, so I grimaced in pain with my yet-to-heal wounds.
''Tonks told us all about yesterday. Are you okay?'' Hermione asked with genuine concern on her face and before I got the time to answer, Remus cut in.
''She's a badass, don't worry about her. Padfoot, remember when Viv run into the fight with Death Eaters all by herself?'' Until then, I didn't even notice Sirius sitting next to Harry and giving me one of his steady, unemotional gazes. His uninterested expression slightly lightened up and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he simply nodded.
''Please, it was just silly and stupid. If it wasn't for James and Lilly and,'' I paused slightly, realizing that it was the first time for me to officially thank him for saving my life, ''and Black, I would be long gone by now.'' Harry looked at me with slight excitement in his green eyes, almost pleading me to tell him a story, but it was Black who surprised me, again.
''Silly is a small word for that shit,'' he started and ignored one ''Sirius, language!'' from Molly and following snickers from children. ''That battle left me some nasty scar and I think my bones still hurt whenever it rains from then.''
''Please, Black, no one asked you to play a hero for damsel in distress.'' I scoffed and grinned when I saw mildly annoyed expression on his face.
''Just say thank you, you pest. I hoped I had taught you at least some manners while-'' He was going to say it, I could see that. He was going to acknowledge our little relationship and I was looking at him with raised brows, along with highly amused Remus who was following our little banter with mischievous smile. He was going to say it and I couldn't remember when I was more annoyed with the mere presence of usually lovable Ron than in that moment, when he butted in.
''Wait, what nasty scar? Can we see it?'' I was trying not to scoff when I saw Sirius' mood rapidly darkening.
''No, it's-it's barely there anymore.'' He said in a clipped tone and Remus sensed his sudden nervousness and smoothly turned the subject on Harry's parents. But I wasn't listening anymore. I was pondering the fact that my own scar was still fairly visible, even after all these years, and I know it didn't have any matter with the type of skin-it was dark magic and it would stay carved into skin probably forever. So why would he lie about it?
I couldn't wait to go to bed that night, or maybe I should say, to return to bed. My bones were sore from sitting and I was feeling some quick, momentary jolts of pain from time to time, making me incredibly tired on the end of the evening. I was just so glad to lay down and rest, that I was feeling giddy when cotton sheets touched my skin. The night was promising to be a restful one…
No such luck.
Groans, yelps and half-screams. It was 2am and I knew what I had to do, for the third time in a month. Now, I was completely prepared and seemingly calm, taking lingering steps and deep breaths while his haunted voice sliced me like a knife. My movements were slower and labored, but firm. It took some time to get close to his trashing form while trying to escape his flying limbs. But now when I finally managed to sit by him, I had a new problem-he was a lot stronger than before, so now I couldn't just pin his arms to the bed. In the moment of despair and his uncontrolled gasp which made my blood freeze, I clung to his torso, hugging him tightly and calling him through his screams. I didn't even notice tears dripping on his long-sleeved, half unbuttoned shirt which was showing his naked chest and some tattoos I didn't even see in our mutual torture.
And then it subsided. I couldn't see him because my head was tucked in his neck, whispering pleads to stop, to wake up, to come back, but after him going completely still, I thought I made it-I thought I chased away his nightmare. So I slowly pulled my body up, carefully untangling my limbs from his and tried to sit up, when suddenly his hand caught my wrist and held it tightly, and I turned to him quickly, almost getting a whiplash, only to see his grey storming eyes boring into my startled, wide ones.
''What the hell are you doing?'' He murmured huskily and I gulped, trying to wet my completely dried windpipe.
''I- you had another nightmare and I couldn't just…'' I trailed off, searching in his empty eyes for some trace of familiar hatred and rage. Only I couldn't find any. Just dead look pointed at me, ruining that beautiful aristocratic face.
He sighed so heavily that my hammering heart joined my aching body, giving me one sinister feeling of something ripping from my insides. He let go of my wrist, leaving red trail and closed his eyes, slightly getting up and leaning his head against the headboard.
I didn't dare to ask anything. I couldn't, knowing that I would only worsen his messed up state. And just when I thought about leaving him alone, he ran his agitated hands through his disheveled hair and said,
''I've got those… Those dreams about Azkaban and about them every night'', he started to pour his ruined soul out for the first time in probably thirteen years, and I almost felt privileged. Privileged and cursed in the same time. ''I usually just cast silencing charms but I forget sometimes.'' He finished and it was my turn to sigh.
''Did you try something? Like Dreamless sleep potion?''
''Yes, Tonks would bring some from time to time but I was starting to get addicted and I didn't need that in my shitty life too.'' He confessed, now rubbing his tired eyes and looking like every ordinary insomniac.
I just nodded, trying not to pry any further and bother him, but I couldn't sense anything around him that could tell me to bugger off, so I just sat down next to him, imitating his position and feeling cold wood under my scalp.
''Thank you.'' I whispered and he turned to look at me, confusion lacing his passive appearances.
''What for?''
''For saving me… 17 years ago.''
He snorted. I managed one little smile, closing my eyes and imagining it was just 1979 and we were sitting in his apartment. Young. Free. Wild.
''No big deal, just sneaking around some creepy basements.'' He waved me off and I grinned fully at his attempt to joke around, when I remembered something and snapped my eyes open.
''What's with you and basements? I can't remember you being scared of dark places.'' I was talking about his weird behavior when he was training me for my mission.
He looked straight ahead, grim expression making him look years older.
''Not all basements, just…this one.'' When he saw me urging him silently to continue, he sighed feigning annoyance, but I knew better. Yes, he was bothered to talk about it, but he needed to. ''You know until I had started Hogwarts, everything was just fine in my sick family.'' I nodded, vividly remembering all little bits he was willing to share about his childhood when we were younger. Those were rare moments, just like this one was.
''Well, when I got sorted into Gryffindor, everything flipped upside down. I'd get tortured for the every little mistake I'd make, sometimes even for fun. Their… Their favourite place to lock me in until I was starving and almost passing out from beating was that basement.'' He finished and I was quickly wiping away escaped tears, feeling utterly ridiculous and weak.
''Bl-Sirius, I-'' I started, trying unsuccessfully to suppress a sob and choked on it a little.
''No, just don't.'' He said quietly and I understood. Don't feel pity. Don't get sympathetic.
I took a deep breath to calm myself down.
''Remember when James freaked out because he had lost Lily's necklace?'' He chuckled and I looked to see once again young man, just for a fleeting moment. Don't worry. I won't.