Blood Roses

He likes killing you after you're dead...

Author's note: this fic contains references to rape and incest. If you find that sort of thing triggering, be warned.

A good kunoichi must never cry, and she wants to be a good kunoichi, but the pain gets too much sometimes, when she thinks he's going to tear her apart. She's scared he'll reach up with both hands and rip her in two. She whimpers in pain. "Shh," he says. "Be a good girl, love. It'll get better." But it won't. It never does. It always hurts and she wakes up feeling sore.

She doesn't know how long it's been going on. All she remembers is that Nan went out on a mission and he came to look after her, ninja clan members look out for each other, and he said he wanted to show her something, something special that she couldn't tell anyone about, it was to be their secret. He's a jounin, a good shinobi knows how to keep a secret. The bathroom floor is cold against her cheek, in the cold desert night.

She is six years old.

Seven years later...

I knock on the door of the Harumichi clan's greenhouse, the place where I am most likely to find their clan head, our current Jounin Commander. Sure enough, Kagura is sitting in there, amid rows and rows of the plants her clan use to make their poisons. On seeing me, she heaves herself up and takes a drag on her cigarette. My tunic is heavy on my back.

"Gaara-sama," she says, unsmiling. "Well, this is unexpected. Fancy a brew?"

"Thank you, but no," I say. "It's just a brief visit. It's about your granddaughter."

"What about her?" says Kagura, stubbing her cigarette out.

I decide to come straight out with it. I'm not one for beating around the bush and meaningless formalities and banter, and neither is she. Izanagi-sama knows, I've thrown away those graces. "If it's alright with you, I would like to take her on as my student."

Kagura frowns even more than usual. "Not wanting to question you, Gaara-sama, since you are the Kazekage and all, but...are you sure it's a good idea?"

Before making this visit, I had read over the Sunagakure Academy's notes on Kaede Harumichi. Top of her class, excellent knowledge of hand seals, both the official twelve and the arcane ones her clan uses. Ninjutsu is her greatest skill, good taijutsu, good genjutsu, though it is noted that she may be susceptible to mind rape, particularly the kind which involves digging into one's darkest memories. However, her social skills are poor in the extreme; she sits alone in class and at breaktime, she talks to no-one. She sits alone in the playground and reads. There are notes from teachers who have heard her called a freak and a weirdo and a frigid bitch, and other things I would prefer not to think about. There have been fights, complaints from parents of children who have come too close and been poisoned for their foolishness. There have been pregnancy scares, all sorts of unsavoury and untrue rumours going around the Academy, and sightings of her in situations and places that a girl her age should not be in, with men who are often old enough to know better, even if she is a kunoichi in training. Sunagakure has changed in some ways since my father was in power, but there are some scars that takes an awful lot of time to heal.

I wonder if she sat on the same swingset I sat on when I was her age.

"I only take on the best students," I say, "and there are certainly some excellent candidates for my tuition in the current lot of genin. There are about five or so that I have my eye on. Kaede, however, is, shall we say, a bit of a special case."

Kagura sighs. "It's not that I don't want you to teach her, Gaara-sama. I'm honoured, believe me. A Harumichi's never trained under a Kazekage before. It's just...if I may speak plainly, she won't like you. She hates men."

I can't help but smile at this. "Kagura," I say, "Believe me, I am used to people hating me. Bring her to me tomorrow morning and we will have an introductory session."

We agree a time, and I take my leave and go home. The sun is setting over the desert.

I catch a couple of hours' sleep, and wake up while it is still dark. Having gone for years without sleeping, I have become used to living on very little sleep. Standing at the window and looking out over the dark reddish-brown of my home village, I wonder what my counterpart over in Konoha would do. He is wonderful at dealing with people like Kaede. I should know; I was one of those people.

I look at my potted cacti. I have built up quite a collection over the years. As well as our status as Jinchurikis and village pariahs, the Hokage and I share a love of plants, though living in the desert, my choice of pot plant is somewhat limited. I run my hand over a small fat cactus, and an idea strikes me.

Kaede Harumichi and I are standing on the roof of the Kazekage building while her grandmother and my brother are discussing potential shinobi for a sabotage mission. I look at her. Tall for her thirteen years, long, dark-blonde hair like her grandmother's and the same sharp nose and narrow green eyes. Her arms are folded. She bows rigidly at me.

In my hands is a potted cactus.

"Kaede," I say, "show me what you can do."

She makes a couple of hand seals which I deduce are Harumichi clan seals and says, "Dokuton." The basic jutsu of the Harumichi clan, a combination of Doton and Suiton, if I recall correctly. A yellowish-green mist comes out of her mouth. Almost instantly, spines drop from the cactus and its body shrivels. It is a good thing that that cactus was not one of my favourites. I am impressed, and tell her so.

We spar for a little while. Her movements are fluid, and although my sand catches her a couple of times, she does a good job of dodging it. As the sun is beginning to beat down, we break for water. Then she sighs, "I suppose I'd better get it over with," and kneels at my feet, and in a second I realise what she is trying to do and I activate my sand, taking the utmost care not to scratch her. It takes her in its warm grip and pulls her upwards and onto her feet. I have used my sand to kill countless people. I also used my sand to take the hand of the Hokage when he was only a few years younger than Kaede, and shake it.

"Kaede," I say, "listen to me."

She stares at me, incredulous.

"I am not interested in you that way," I continue. "I am your sensei and you are my student."

She mutters something.

"What?"

She says, louder, "They all say that."

"I am not 'they all'," I say coldly. "Kaede, I know what happened to you. I know you hate men, and I understand why. But you're going to have to trust me. Hate me if you want, but understand that I have chosen you as a student, not a plaything. I have chosen you personally because you have had good reports from the Academy; no, not good; excellent. It is a rare genin that is chosen as a student of the Kazekage. I hope I have made things a little clearer."

She lowers her head and her hair falls into her eyes. I push it back with the sand. Shukaku may have been ripped out of me a long time ago, but my sand will never leave.

For a few seconds, I am not sure what is more intense, the heat or her stare.

I want to tell her about how, when I was her age, I was defeated in battle by the man who is now Hokage. How he called me his friend and showed me that he understood the pain of being hated and feared for something that is beyond your control. How he could have become like me if he had not had the love and support of his friends. How his face was one of the first I saw when I returned from the afterlife.

But that can wait. As can the explanation that I chose the cactus because, as it stores water inside it, so I stored hatred, just as Kaede is doing now. She is digging her roots into the ground.

I will not let her fall as far as I did. The sand I used to kill when I was her age will be used to save. She will have what I never had. It will take work, but easy and instant solutions are not in a Kage's job description.

"Raise your fists," I say, readying my sand, "and come at me."