A/N: This one was giving me HELL with writer's block. Not satisfied, but it'll do.

Disclaimer: All you recognise is JKR's, the rest is my imagination.

Take care

It was a bad day. With that rain falling constantly and so persistently that it looked like it was going to flood the whole world, everything was just more gloomy and dead in my eyes. When I finally managed to drag myself from the Blackest room, with bruising neck and forever bruised dignity, I tried to get a hold on myself and not think about what have I just done; about what have we just done. It wasn't about satisfaction, god, I wasn't that selfish. It was about the fact that both of us were so desperate and lonely that we stooped so low and ripped all of our pretences and illusions of normality off, leaving only pure core of naked, deeply scarred humans. Or maybe animals, because our rational parts of brains had gone completely off.

I took a shower and left my bathroom, carefully avoiding any mirror on sight, scared of my own beaten reflection. I was so busy packing some necessary stuff for a little runaway I've been planning to pull off, that I didn't even notice another presence on the doorway of my room.

''You're leaving.'' He said quietly, his empty voice matching the whole atmosphere of the room.

''Yes.'' I mumbled, ducking my head and turning away from him, desperately looking at anything except those grey eyes. But somehow, it looked like everywhere around me were only mirrors and liquid silver. I couldn't deal with all this now.

''I'm-'' he tried. It hurt even me how lost he sounded. Probably more lost than me. But I couldn't deal with all this now.

''Don't, Black. Just don't.'' I raised my hand to stop his beginning of… what? An apology? Another fit of rage? I took my magically expanded bag and started towards the door.

''White- Vivian, listen-'', he croaked out as I was passing him, and when I heard him say my name for the first time in years, choosing the worst possible moment for it, I finally exploded.

''I said DON'T! I don't want to listen anymore! I don't have your Gryffindor courage to deal with it right now! So just stay out of my way!'' I screamed, my voice cracking with the end of my little charade, trying to move past him, when he caught my shoulders and I flinched. He quickly let them stepped back.

''Can you at least look at me?'' he whispered almost tenderly, only a couple of inches away from me. I felt his hot breath near my left ear and shuddered with a sudden need to just hug him tightly and cry our agony away.

''I can't.'' And that's when I felt a soft exhale near my ear and ran away from my demons and him, not turning back.

I flooed to Tonks', not even knowing where the hell she lived, hoping that at least her floo was opened.

Lucky for me, it was, and I startled her into falling off the chair.

''What the- Vivian, what are you doing here?'' She yelled, trying to retain her balance.

''Can I stay at yours for a couple of days? Just until I calm down, please, I can't go back-'' I started and quickly shut up when I felt bile rising in my throat.

''Of course, of course! What happened? You look like-'' She was fussing around me and then she looked at my bare neck. ''What's that?! Did Sirius do that?! Vivian, what's going on?!''

I didn't know what exactly did she see, but I could imagine some bruises forming on my neck.

''We had a fight and- It's- It's the day Potters had died and he- And I didn't know what to do, I panicked-'' I was rambling nonsense and I knew it, but I couldn't stop my mouth or the tears streaming down my face.

''Did he hit you? Did he choke you?'' Tonks was becoming more and more flustered and I forced myself to calm down a little, to try to explain.

''No, we-'', but then I realized I didn't even have the words for what had happened. I smothered another sob that was threatening to escape me and felt some blush spreading on my face and bruised neck.

''OH MERLIN, HE RAPED YOU!'' she shouted, her kind face contorted in horror and her hair rapidly changing fiery colors.

''What?!'', could be heard in the same time from me and Remus, who has just appeared in the fireplace.

''No, he didn't! We didn't know what we were doing!'' I yelled, trying to help the matter a little… Except I made it a little bit worse.

''You slept together?! When?!'' Tonks' horror stricken face changed into one of pure shock. Remus just plopped down on the couch and hid his face in his hands.

I told them in a couple of sentences the gist of it, not really mentioning our desperation and misery. I didn't mention all the feelings, rage and ultimate shite of the intercourse we had. I just said we fought, then did it, then fought some more and mentioned that I wouldn't go back there to sort the mess out with that lunatic. I expected sympathy written all over Tonks' face, but Remus' sudden outburst surprised me.

''So you just left him there, alone and drunk, because you couldn't cope with your mess of emotions? Do you think he's not hurting enough already?'' His calm voice was laced with anger. It was safe to say, I'd never seen this side of him before.

''Remus…'' Tonks started, but all of my emotions were already mixed with fury.

''I'm sick of this! I'm hurting too, did you ever think of that?! I'm the other prisoner there, and I don't even know what for! And all the time, I have to berate myself like I'm the only one who is not tolerant enough, or patient enough, or what not!''

''Oh, stop with the drama, Vivian! The man clearly has some left feelings for you! Are you just pretending, or you're that blind?!''

''Enough, Remus…'' Tonks tried again, but he wouldn't listen.

''You think you're the victim? So what if you are, taste the medicine he was taking for twelve years! Taste it, if you're stupid enough to translate all of his actions as attempts to hurt you!''

''I don't think you of all people have the right to accuse me of leaving him, Remus.'' I said as calmly as possible, trying not to show how his words, no, his truth shook me.

''You're right. But at least I keep trying to understand him. And I'm not leaving him when he falls low. Think thoroughly about what you're doing, Vivian, before you go back.'' And then he stormed past me, to the fireplace, and yelled ''Grimmauld Place'' before disappearing in green flames.

I took his position on the couch, with my head in my hands, feeling even worse.

''Oh honey, don't mind him, he's just being too harsh.'' Tonks sat next to me and tried to console me.

''But you think he's right?" I mumbled through my fingers.

''…but I think he's right.'' She agreed. I sighed and finally managed to look up.

''But it's too hard, most of the time.'' I squeaked out, feeling pathetic and small. I hated it.

''I know. Trust me, I know the best.'' Now it was her turn to sigh and she looked much older than she really was. It suddenly crossed my mind that she really did understand me. After all, she was putting up with the difficulty that was Remus Lupin.

''But how do I know it's worth it? It's obvious with you and Remus, you have something, but Sirius and me… We had it, and lost it over the time.''

''It's obvious with you two, too. Just take a moment to think about the way Sirius is behaving around you. Here's a little help: I catch a glimpse of old Sirius when he's with you… That counts. Think about it, Viv. Think about your feelings.''

''So, what are we going to do?''

She paused for a second at my question, and then managed a little smile.

''Take care of them. Teach them to take care of us.''

And with that, she left me to contemplate whatever the fuck was happening.

Sirius' POV (just this once)

She left. She just ran away, and I could see disgust and fear instead of usual understanding and friendliness in the blues of her eyes. I was afraid of my own reflection in those same eyes, so I just let her go. I tried to say something to soothe her pain if I couldn't soothe mine, but my lips were dry and my mind blank.

When I heard her thumping down the stairs and snapping the door of the kitchen shut, something broke within me. I was still pretty drunk and everything around me was as cloudy as the weather, so I was tripping around her room, trying to get away from her stuff and my own skin.

I hated myself deeply and I hated her. I hated her for coming into this hell called my life and fixing it. I hated her for caring, when I wasn't capable of giving it back. I hated her for being such a beautiful woman, in body and mind, completely opposite of what have I become with years. Stupid, interfering bitch.

I stumbled into the mess of my room and the smell of sex and alcohol hit my nostrils, making me not only hate, but despise myself now. Maybe it would be better if I raped her. That way, I would be a proven lunatic. Now, I'm just one pathetic and alone human being.

I looked down on the floor and saw James grinning at me. Don't grin, James. James, I fucked up bad. James, Jamie, Prongs, tell me what to do. James, I killed you. Prongs, I mistreated Viv. Lily's Viv, Lily's pretty friend.

I glanced away from his glinting, ignorant eyes and confronted a mirror. No, don't look at the mirror! Awful. Dead inside. Empty eyes. Matted hair. Almost as bad as in Azkaban. I loathed myself.

I hit my reflection with my dirty, tattooed fist so hard it shattered. Glass was clanking all around me and the feel of stinging and blood dripping from my knuckles almost pleased me. It was hurting more and more with each passing second and I looked at my clenched fist only to see glass shreds buried in my skin. Feel it, Black. Feel the pain. It's never enough for what you've done.

''Padfoot? Where are you?'' I heard Moony's voice somewhere downstairs.

''Go away Moony.'' I shouted, slurred, and hoped he'd obey me just this once.

''Are you ok? How drunk are you?''

''I'm fine. Leave me alone.''

But he, of course, didn't leave me alone. He actually came upstairs and found me crouching around broken glass, watching blood dripping on the floor.

And when he saw my expression, he just sighed and healed my hand as well as he could manage. Not asking, not bothering me.

''Remember this? You had just bought your bike. James was so happy you thought he would 'wet his pants'!'' he gestured in the direction of the photo I was looking at moments before. I just nodded.

''I miss them too. More than you think. I'm just… coping, you know? Try it. It's been too much time.'' He said quietly and I closed my eyes which were stinging, again.

''Vivian's at Tonks', you know. I talked to her. She'll be back, sooner or later. Sort it out, Sirius. There's no one who can do it instead.'' He gave me one pointed look and vanished shreds of glass. Then he just left me to contemplate whatever the fuck was happening.

Vivian's POV

It's been two days and I knew that if I delayed our confrontation longer, I'd do no good. After that talk with Remus and Tonks I was carefully mulling over about our relationship, and realized that I still had feelings for him. After all, I wouldn't let him touch me if I didn't. It was really ridiculous; after all, we broke up once before. But maybe, just maybe, I'd be good for him, and he'd be good for me this time around. I forced myself into thinking that he was feeling the same because I liked Remus' logic. I was hoping against all odds that it would work out if we just talked. So I braced myself, gathered my stuff and decided not to use the floo, but aparate.

It was still raining and I was sick of it. I didn't get much wet, but still, it was cold and awfully dull. I got into the house quietly, with doors squeaking and my palms sweating. This was the big thing. I was about to persuade a half-mad man into liking me.

''You're back.'' He was on top of the stairs, just like the first time I'd seen him after all those years, and I could tell he was actually trying to look good, in black slacks and black T-shirt. He said it quietly, but I could hear cheerfulness buried inside his deep, hoarse voice. After all, I knew him for a long time.

''We have to talk.'' I said, inching away from the door and towards the general direction of stairs. He started to walk down leisurely, arrogantly, but he halted at my words. His shoulders slumped and he looked sad and alone.

''It shouldn't happen. I'm sorry.'' He said, meeting my eyes bravely, but slowly, painfully.

''I agree. It shouldn't happen…like that.'' At my words, his bleak eyes turned into two dangerous storms. He was danger. Alluring danger.

''What do you mean?'' He came to a stop only inches in front of me, step on which he was standing giving him big height advantage.

''You know what I mean. There's still something, and you know it.'' I whispered and kept his heated gaze.

''So, what are we going to do?'' he lowered his tone as well, and his breath ghosted over my lips, his eyes dropping to look right at them.

''I'll take care of you. I'll teach you to take care of me.'' And that's when I closed those little inches between us and kissed him.