A/N: It's 4am and I'm knackered. I hope it's not too bad :D

Disclaimer: All you recognise is JKR's, the rest is my imagination.

How to save a life

''But Sirius, if you just let me -''

''No.''

''But just this much, not even-''

''No.''

''But it'll be easier for you-''

''No, White.''

''I'll find you more attractive.''

''…No.''

''I'll let you shag me.''

''Really?''

''No.''

''Then no.''

''Fine!'' I pushed his head off my lap and got up to leave his bedroom, annoyed with his endless stubbornness. I was trying to persuade him to cut his hair, just a little bit, so it could be more practical and easy to deal with. At the moment it was reaching his shoulders and it was constantly falling in his eyes, making him jerk his head in a very irritated manner from time to time.

It was the middle of the night, right after another nightmare of his, and I couldn't remember the time when I was actually having a full night's sleep. But I couldn't complain, especially when he pulled my hand desperately, not letting me go.

''Oh, for fuck's sake. Fine, cut my hair.'' He grumbled and I gave him my Cheshire cat smile. It just took a couple of moments, (well, I am a witch) and when I was done, I laughed gleefully and ran my fingers through his hair, enjoying indescribable softness and feeling even a little envious because of it.

I sat down opposing him and pushed inky strands from his face, feeling him on the purest way possible and admiring his looks for the thousandth time.

''God, you're really a peace of art.'' I whispered and he released a breath which ghosted over my lips. He grinned, trying to look mischievous but failing because of that soft glint in his eyes.

''I'm not art, I'm damaged.'' He whispered back and I gave him one honest, sad smile. How could this man value himself so little?

''That's the best kind of art. It lost some parts over the years, which only made it more unique and mysterious.''

''And what kind of art are you?'' Why did I, every single time, feel this desperate need to be close to him, whenever we shared a room?

''I don't know. You tell me.''

''My favorite kind.'' He shrugged and smirked, kissing the tip of my nose.

In that moment, I realized one simple truth. All of it was worth it. All that misery, pain, arguments and his madness attacks were worth it. Because, this moment erased it all.

And as if he was reading my thoughts, he kissed me slowly, lazily, chastely and I felt his warmness, closeness and a pure bliss followed by it.

''So, shall we shag now?''

''No. Aw, Black, you ruined the moment!'' I smacked his arm and he yelped, and then let out a bark of laughter.

''I'm joking, you little pest.''

All in all, it was nice and calm. It was so nice and calm in the next couple of days, that I was slightly afraid something bad was about to destroy it. It was like a sweet torture; I had that stupid principle and lack of self-confidence, so I didn't spend any more nights in Sirius' room, afraid that I would jump him and make him do me no good. Or too much good, depends on perspective. With that certain problem helped the fact that the Order meetings were now held much more often, with endless discussions should we get Harry to stay in Grimmauld place for Christmas or let him bear troubles with that psychopathic toad Umbridge. After many discussions and Sirius' heated arguments, we decided to bring him here along with Ron and Hermione. It's completely expectable to say that Sirius was ecstatic about the situation.

And then, it happened after one of those meetings, in the beginning of December, when I was making some dinner for Sirius and me. And by it, I don't mean anything particularly bad and terrifying. Just very, very distracting It was the first time in those couple of days that we were actually left alone in the house.. Remus and Tonks, the last lingering Order members, could be heard talking somewhere in the hallway. I shut them out, completely lost in some irrelevant train of thought, when I sensed some shuffling and movement behind me. I shrugged it off and continued my work, when I felt arms draping around my waist and hot breath against my ear, soft mop of shaggy, black hair caressing my neck.

''Damn, woman, can you be more irresistible?'' He whispered, making me shiver and I laughed, a little too breathily for my taste.

''What are you doing, Black?'' I smirked a little, but shuddered when he kissed me right behind my ear.

''What does it look like?'' He stepped even closer to me and I could feel his firm body against my a little slighter one. I turned a little and he kissed me on the lips, and I sighed, dropping my wand and forgetting about the dinner. He easily lifted me so I was sitting on the counter, and started nipping on my lip and making me moan into his mouth with desire. What a stupid idea, to go slowly! Why go slowly? Where's fun in that?

He stepped between my parted legs and grinded against my clothed, already heated center and I couldn't wait to go upstairs. I was contemplating letting him take me there, in the kitchen, and he probably had the same thoughts, because I could feel his hands freely roaming under my sweater, his eyes boring into mine with that dangerous flame, and his hardness growing against me.

When he kneaded my breast over the bra, all the while not taking his eyes off mine, I couldn't help but whimper. God, yes.

''Sirius's the name, love.'' Damn, did I say that out loud? Wait, did he just call me love?

Somehow, after that one word, everything became even more heated and rushed and then-

Crack

''Master blood traitor and his awful mudblood whore sullying the sacred house of Black.'' I peaked behind Sirius' shoulder to see that little menace, shooting daggers at us and completely ruining every trace of arousal we had just a moment before.

''Fuck.'' Sirius growled, frustrated by another damned interruption. ''Fuck off, would ya?!'' he barked at the old, disgusting creature and it glared at us one more time before disappearing into thin air.

Sirius leaned on the counter next to me, after picking up my wand and giving it back.

''We're not so good with the timing, are we?'' I laughed dryly and he nervously tousled his hair. A habit picked up from his deceased friend, probably.

''We could try again?'' He asked and grinned at the scoff I gave him.

''Or maybe just put it off a little bit more, because it's just yelling at us not to rush.'' I shrugged and now it was his turn to roll eyes.

And then, the day came, where everything went hectic and wild. And it was just before Christmas. Arthur was attacked by a snake and sent to St. Mungo's and children were about to arrive earlier than planned. I could see war in Sirius' eyes, probably because he was happy for Harry's arrival, but guilty because of his own good mood.

We were sitting at the table in the kitchen, waiting for kids, and I was trying to think of some good and empathic thing to say to Weasleys. Sirius was nursing a cup of coffee even if it was very late (or very early in the morning) and something in the air felt heavy and colder than one normal December night.

I was still refusing to share a room with Sirius and he didn't pressure me, even if I was annoying even to my own self. We had a couple of rows in the past week, but nothing too big, so this anticipating silence was a bit disturbing and new to me.

When the children finally got in there, it was maybe even more depressing and crushing. My heart was breaking for little redheads, normally so lively and cheerful lot.

And when we finally received good news, I was so relieved that I leapt and hugged Sirius, from a habit. Faces around the room were varying from very shocked to horrified, like I was touching the real fire, and not just one man. Then I remembered myself, realizing they weren't there to see gradual improvement of Sirius' and mine relationship, so I just stepped away awkwardly, not eager to explain my antics further.

That early morning, when I finally reached my bedroom and tried to make myself comfortable, I realized that, even if I wanted to explain our situation to other people, I couldn't, because I simply didn't know what was happening, either. I knew that we both had feelings for each other, that part was pretty obvious… But the rest of it? Were we friends? Lovers? Were we in a relationship or just spending time together? Could we ever get a chance, after the war, in case we survived it? Did I want it?

And then, it was clean as that cold dawn outside. I could easily picture myself making a family with that man. I wasn't the one to believe in destiny or soul mates, but somehow I knew that we shared some connection which would bring us to each other, no matter the odds.

So, naturally, I glanced at the clock and barely acknowledged that it was barely half six. I ran through the little hallway and got directly into Sirius' room, without even bothering to knock.

He was sitting on the windowsill yet again and I felt terrible for not being there for him when he couldn't sleep.

I startled him into whipping his head and expected some sort of berating, but he simply gave me one little smile and jumped onto the floor lazily.

''Black, I need to ask you something.'' I said clearly, my courage serving me nicely and he sat onto the bed, motioning for me to follow.

''I need to know, where we are now.'' I said clearly and he gave me one serious look. I knew he could be mature when he wanted to!

''Number 12, Grimmauld Place, London, United Kingdom.'' He said earnestly. So much for being mature.

''I mean us, you and I, you prat. What to say, how to explain this to others?'' I closed my eyes, feeling completely exasperated with the jerk.

''Well, I would appreciate it if you just wouldn't explain it to Harry. Just leave it to him to acknowledge it as he wants it. He has some serious shit going on in his life and I don't think it's a good idea to burden him with this.'' He said calmly and I totally understood it. I nodded and tried to hide my disappointment in him belittling this…thing.

''And the others? And… me? I don't know what we are.'' I persisted, feeling like some impatient child.

''Tell them what you want. And you…'' He trailed off, looking at me analytically, like he was calculating something.

''I count you as a repayment given from justice in this world. Justice gave you to me to fix everything that was fucked up. It gave you to me so I could find a reason to keep living.'' He said it easily and quietly and only the softness in his eyes betrayed a ton of emotion behind those words. I gulped, trying not to cry from the sheer beauty of it all and realizing that I didn't know how say something so perfect to another human.

But, one stray tear rolled down my cheek.

''I can't sleep unless you're here, you know.'' He whispered and wiped the tear with his rough and simultaneously gentle hand and I buried my head under his neck, breathing in his scent and calming down. He slowly moved so we were laying on the bed, me clinging to him desperately and him drawing soothing circles on my back. I was crazy, really, but I couldn't find much happiness in that statement, remembering his fucked up life and every injustice that was thrown on this beautiful man.

''Thank you, Black.'' I rasped out finally, on the verge of falling asleep in his arms.

''For what now, White?''

''You're still saving my life.''