I was falling for him. What started out as plain attraction has suddenly grown into real feelings without me even noticing. It didn't happen in one go, and I don't think it ever really works that way either. It was in the little things he did that got me like his prowess at training despite his size, and his dedication to being a soldier. His humility and sense of camaraderie. His humor and lightheartedness. Months of being around that everyday, I was a goner.

I didn't want to assume, but I think he's falling for me too. And unlike those other boys and girls that blatantly swoon over me when they think I'm not looking, Connie was more subtle in his display of emotions. Like the way he blushes and smiles whenever our eyes meet, and how he's so willing to be open to me. Last week when we went to the lake was proof of that, and I can really start to see myself with him. We never got a chance to spend time alone again after that night, but I did get to be around him all the same. Who knew befriending everyone like he told me to would turn out to be such a good thing? In the company of others, I can finally say to myself that I actually feel happy.

"You ready?" I yell at Eren as I get into my stance. We were practicing hand to hand combat for today's final activity before the announcement of the top five recruits who got to go to Trost for the winter supply run. I'm already a sure candidate, so my excitement is mostly reserved for Connie's chances.

"Ready!" Eren yells back and I charge, holding the wooden training knife to my side so he doesn't reach it. Our bodies crash and I try to tackle him to the ground. He was strong, I give him that, but he'll need more than strength of he wants to grab the knife. We were on equal footing and the game just became who could hold out longer. Eren was just about to give in when Sasha suddenly called out, interrupting our match.

"Hey Eren!" She was waving and walking towards our direction, dragging a flustered Connie from under her arms.

"Hey. What's up Sasha?" Eren looked at her then over to Connie. "What's the matter with you?"

"Oh don't mind him, he's just crusty 'cause I whooped his ass earlier," she said casually, and I see her eyes dart to me before turning to Eren again and winking at him. "Say, mind if we switch partners?"

So that's what this is about. Eren rolls his eyes and chuckles before walking toward her, getting her message. "Alright. He's all yours Connie."

I swear, the things his blushing face does to me. Connie was as red as a tomato when they left us together and I have to remind myself that other people are around. I didn't really mind that our friends noticed whatever it is we have together but Connie's a little on the shy side. Better save him now before he dies of a heart attack.

"So, think you can handle me?" I'm already poised to strike when he snaps out of it and faces me again. I give him a few seconds to think before I charge at him in surprise. My shoulder slams but he manages to hold me off, which impresses me since I wasn't expecting him to be strong enough to do that. He's still small but you could clearly see that he's packed a lot of muscle in the past few months. I'm holding back of course—in a real fight he'd be crushed by now, but I'm pretty sure it won't sit well with anyone when you crush the person you wanna date.

He's holding on remarkably well so I push a little harder, not expecting him to side-step and knock me out of balance. Damn he's quick. I feel him tug against the knife but I don't let go and we both crash to the ground with him lying on top of me.

"Ow—you were supposed to let go!"

"What if I don't wanna let go?" He gets the meaning behind my words almost instantly and catches my smirk. "So, how does it feel to be on top for once?"

I couldn't resist it, and the expression he made was well worth it. In response, he shoves his hand on my chest and grasps the knife with the other, pulling it free and raising it high with a proud smile on his face.

"Yes! I got it! Ha!" he exclaims happily, and turning a slight pink when he notices people looking at us. Did I mention I loved his innocent face as well?

"Great, so can I get up now?"

He mutters a quiet apology and helps me up after getting off of me. Our hands touch and I hold onto him a little longer than I should but he doesn't notice, because Bertholdt suddenly walks by.

"You know Reiner, he'll never learn how to truly fight if you keep holding yourself back like that," he says tauntingly, eyes darting on both of our faces. What is he up to? I stare at him and try to read his face but his gaze is directed towards Connie now, who looked as innocent and confused as ever.

"You mind if play with Connie next?" he says with a warm looking smile. But I know that smile, and I bet my whole life on it that it's anything but warm. I want to say no, but Bertholdt knew I'd do that before he even asked. Then I'll have to make up an excuse and things will just get thicker, so I just nod reluctantly.

Standing by the side, I watch them as they go into position, and since Connie was holding the knife he took from me, he was on the offense. I don't have to watch to know what's going to happen, and I suddenly hate Bertholdt's guts as he readies his stance.

"Ready when you are."

"Alright. Here I come!" Connie charged, using the same move I did with him just now, to which Bertholdt evades effortlessly by ducking and tripping Connie in the process. I literally jump when he goes flying and hits the ground face first. If he didn't break anything from the fall he surely did afterwards, because Bertholdt was on top of him in an instant—shoving his face hard back on the ground.

My heart wrenches when he goes for the Connie's arm next, twisting it behind the smaller guy's back and making him howl in pain. That's it. That's way too far. I stomp over and grab Bertholdt by the shoulder and yank him off Connie. "That's enough!"

He winces slightly and I realize how hard my grip is on him before he pushes my hand off. I don't know what to react to. The fact that Bertholdt is actually displaying anger, to me. Or that I'm seeing blood coming out from Connie's overturned face on the ground.

Shit. I attempt to bend down and help him but Bertholdt suddenly has my arm in his, stopping me. "We need to talk. Now."

He doesn't see the the malicious scowl I give him when he drags me off the field and away from Connie. That or he just doesn't care. We both end up behind one of the cabins a few meters away from the field when he throws me off to the wall, noticing that for the first time ever, he's actually scowling like me.

"What the hell Reiner!"

He actually has the nerve to be the one angry here? "Me?! What the hell was that Bertholdt? You were the one trying to kill him!"

"Better me than Annie, don't you think?" he snaps back, and I shake my head incredulously.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" My confused face seems to frustrate him more, but I really don't understand. What does Annie have to do with this?

He gives me a pained expression and shakes his head in disbelief, as if what I just said was actually worse than what he did. "What's going on with you Reiner? You're acting like a totally different person half the time we're out with all of them. I never would've told you to make friends if I knew you were going to shut me out like this!"

"I...I don't understand…"

Bertholdt lets out an exasperated sigh but he was far from calm. "Have you really forgotten why we're here? Did making friends suddenly make you switch sides or something?" What is he talking about? He looks so hurt just now and I can't help but feel guilty because I really don't understand what he's going on about.

"I saw you two a week ago. I saw you fooling around with him. That's not just making friends Reiner. I've seen the way you two look at each other. How and when did this happen?! Do you even really like him? Are you really throwing away Marcel's sacrifice just so you could make a pass at Connie?!"

His name is what did it, and I try to hold on to the wall next to me as my thoughts are overwhelmed by the memories. What the hell is happening to me? What are we even doing here? Bertholdt notices the change in my demeanor and tries to put a hand over me but I brush him away.

"R-Reiner—"

"I'm fine." My voice quivers, and I have to swallow and count to ten twice to calm my nerves and even then, an apology is all I can muster. "I'm sorry.

Bertholdt looks at me with a mixture of pity and anger, but mostly the former when he sighs. "I don't want you hanging around him anymore if this is what being around him is doing to you. Are we clear?" He's trying to sound authoritative, and I respect his efforts. But he actually sounds more terrified than anything, really.

"And what if I say no?"

He frowns at me, but more from pain than anger if I'm reading him right. "Then I tell Annie. And you and I both know she won't be as lenient as I'm being. I didn't want to say this but you've given me no choice Reiner. If you don't want Connie to die, then stay away from him."

I know he's only doing this to protect me. I know that he's just worried. But that still doesn't make me want to punch him any less. I stand up straight and wipe the sweat off my face and nod at him before walking away and making my way back to the field.

I didn't see him for the rest of the afternoon. Not at the field where we left him, nor at the formation when the marshals announced the top five candidates going for Trost. I assume he's at the infirmary, but I'm not certain. I can't let Bertholdt see that I'm looking for him or things will just get messier.

We eat dinner normally with everyone that night. Our friends seem to be in a celebratory mood now that the top five have been announced. I try my best to act normal, but it's taking a lot more effort tonight than usual.

"I knew it! Of course the commander would pick you!" Samuel said when we sat down to eat. For some reason his usual loud personality is giving me a headache right now. Which is weird because we've been sitting together at meals for the past few months and I don't remember ever feeling this way with the guy. I force out my best smile even though deep down I want to strangle him.

"What'd you expect? Of course our golden boy was chosen. It'd be a surprise if he wasn't." Even Hannah was a little more annoying tonight. Am I just irritable from what happened with Bertholdt or what? What's wrong with me? You'd think I'd be used to them by now, but all I'm feeling is the desire to kill them.

Before my thoughts could grow any darker, Krista enters the room and passes by our table on her way to grab a plate of food. She turns to everyone with that perfect smile of hers and faced Eren when he calls her.

"How is he?" he asks asks worriedly, and I immediately know who they're talking about.

"He's fine. His nose is broken and his arm is sprained, but he's doing okay."

I can feel her eyes on me, and not just Krista. Practically everyone at our table was waiting for me to say something. I take a bite from the chicken leg on my plate and focus on not crushing the bone in half. Pretending I'm not interested seems to have worked when Krista cleared her throat and spoke again.

"Anyway, the medic said we can come visit if we finish dinner early," she says and I feel her give me one last glance before giving up. "We're just at the infirmary, I'm going on ahead so I can bring him his food. See you guys later?"

"Yeah, we'll be there. See you Krista," Eren answered and waved as Krista left to go.

I finish my meal quickly ahead of the others so I can go and avoid their eventual invitation to come with them, slipping from the table and out the door of the mess hall before Samuel or Hannah could even open their big mouths.

I decide to walk through the woods, since it was maybe an hour before the evening bell even rings. The path is familiar to me now, seeing as I've gone through here a couple of times in the past already, starting on that first night with Connie. My initial reason for going here isn't working though, because I just can't clear my head. I don't know who I hate more right now. Bertholdt, for telling me who I can and can't like. Connie, for making me fall for him. Or me, for even allowing it to happen.

I tried to avoid him. I tried not to get involved, but after that night at the stable everything just kept going and going. And now Connie's at the infirmary, with a broken nose and a sprained arm because of me. Because I allowed myself to forget who I was and what I'm doing here. I can't let that happen again. I can't let my feelings jeopardize the mission.