"Hey, Tony. Can I talk to you something?" Sam asked when Tony opened the door to his penthouse.
"Sure," Tony dragged out the word, sounding suspicious, "Come on in."
"So you're in the university's GSA, right?" Sam asked when they sat down on the couch.
"Yes." Now Tony sounded even more suspicious and unsure.
"Well, my cousin just came out as non-binary. And I was wondering if you could give me some advice about what not to do. You know I can prove that I care and am accepting."
"Oh... That's um good. That's great. First off, have you asked about their preferred pronouns?"
"Yeah. They/them."
"Good. That's a start. I mean beyond that, it depends on the person I guess. If they like clothes that are typically for the gender that they were not assigned, maybe help them look and or buy some for them. And support them in changing their name if that's something that they want to do. Be patient because some people go through several of them before they land on one they like. And," Tony had become less uncomfortable and increasingly animated as he continued. Then his face fell as he came to a sudden realization, "You- you don't have a nonbinary cousin do you?"
"No, I do!" Same sighed, "I've just known for about 2 years. Look, I know that you consider me more Steve's friend than yours and that I'm not exactly a main part of "the group". But I'd like to think that we've at least gotten used to each other. And I just had a suspicion, and if I'm wrong, then my bad. But I wanted to make sure that you knew that if you are nonbinary, that I'm someone you can talk to. You just remind me so much of Jude. They would alway look at dresses with such longing, it looked like it hurt. Then one day I found them dressed up in a dress and makeup when they thought that no one would be home. So I asked if they were a girl and they got so... mad. Like I offended them. They insisted that they were just as much of a guy as they had always been. Jude's always been a stereotypical 'tough guy'. The jock who got all of the girls and even more guys. So I did a ton of research and I came across nonbinary and approached Jude with it. And it was like a light went off, you know? And we narrowed it down to bigender. Jude was so, I don't know, relieved as if a weight was lifted off their shoulders."
"..."
"I'm sorry. I stepped over the line, didn't I? The similarities were just too much to ignore. Especially after Holloween."
"I-" Tony was struggling to control his breathing, "Yeah."
"'Yeah'?"
"I've been uh questioning. *sniff* I guess I'm not very good at hiding it, huh?"
"You don't have to. That's why you were so upset the other night, right? You were worried about being rejected?"
"So?"
"So maybe I can be someone you talk to about this."
"I don't want to change my name."
"You don't have to."
"I'm not bigender... I just like girl stuff."
"Okay."
For the next few weeks, Sam was someone that Tony confided in about his gender identity. He felt guilty about not talking to Bruce about it, so Bruce was the next person he talked to. And man did it feel great to tell Bruce.
"I'm glad you've been able to have someone to talk to and figure out your identity," Bruce told him.
"So you're not mad?" Tony asked, unsure.
"Why would- Tony no. I'm not mad at you for talking to Sam instead of me."
"Okay."
"What's wrong Tony?"
"What about..."
"Tones."
"Well... C-clint and Buck?"
"You know Clit doesn't care. He can be immature and crass, but he doesn't care. And Bucky... I think that Buck will be just fine too."
"Do ou think that he knows?"
"I don't know Tony. Mabey he just thinks that you like to cross dress, or maybe he thinks that your gender is a bit fluid. All I know is that he loves you and that I can see how uch you trust him. Tony, as much as you second guess yourself, as deep as your trust issues go, you have a superb judge of character and I can almost garuntee that anyone you can trust, I can trust. I don't think that you would trust him so much if your subconcious honestly believe that he'd leave you over something so improtant to defining who you are. Just take your time. And come out when you're ready. When you do, we'll be there to support you."
"'We'?"
"Me, Natasha, Clint. Whoever you need to be there. Even Rhodey is only a phone call away and would be present on the phone if you need him to be."
Tony began to shake, and stupidly tried to cover it up. Bruce could always tell when he was upset, when he was about to panic, basically if anything was even the slightest bit wrong, Bruce knew.
"Come here," Bruce commanded and pulled Tony into his lap. He noticed that Tony felt a little lighter and made note of that for the future. Sometimes when Tony was upset, he ignored basic needs like eating, "Let's sleep."
It was three weeks before Tony came out to Bucky. Durring that time period, he came oout to Rhodey durring a suprise 3 day visit and he came out to Clint and Natasha together. Clint confessed that he had seen the dress in Tony's closet and that was why he encouraged Tony to wear the dress on Holloween. It seemed like a safe and discreet way for Tony to explore it in public. When he finally did tell Bucky, it was a rainy day and they were alone in Bucky's apartment watching some horrible moee on Netflix that Bucky had to watch for his History of Film class.
"Hey, babe... I need to tell you something." Bucky shifted, so that the were both sitting up and he was facing his boyfriend.
"You can tell me anything."
"I... uh I'm not completely male. I think... well I think that the term "genderqueer" may be more accurate."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay, I accept you. Tony, I don't car- no. That's wrong. I do care because that is part of who you are and to not care would be dismissing an important part of who you are. But I love you for you-"
"I don't want you to like me just because I'm a guy. I'm not completely male. I-"
"I don't just love you because you're a guy. I love you because you are Tony Stark, my wonderfully complicated boyfriend. And I should remind you, that I'm not completely gay either. I'm either bi or pan or fluid. All I know is that I don't limit my attraction to one gender and that I love you."
"Okay."