10/10/2017- 3, 513

Chapter 5

Sins of Our Fathers

June 20, 2007

He put his face in his hands, "Do the sins of our fathers have to affect us, and follow us wherever we go?"

"I wouldn't know," I murmured feeling hateful, "I never knew my real father," this all felt too surreal, maybe tomorrow I would understand this, but now I felt numb.

His voice was tentative, "Do you want to?"

My breath caught in my throat.

"Yes," my voice was so small.

"Do recall Sera of what I said previously about truth," I remembered alright, "Sometimes it is better not to know, than having to live with the consequences of awareness of that truth."

"I can't think like that," I said, taking the tea and swallowing it hot, the burn was a good distraction, even if my tongue would tingle for the rest of the day, "I want to know the truth. I need to know," I breathed out, but did I really want to know who he was? Would it even matter, I had never seen this man which meant he didn't care or… No, if I never knew than I would always be pondering or hoping while never really knowing what or who he was.

"Please, Ragnor reveal to me what you know," confidence rang in my voice.

His eyes widened, "When I met your father for the first time I was moved with how elegant he spoke, with an iron bound conviction. From that first moment I knew he was meant for bigger things, for leading."

He played with his hands, "You have this talent, you little silver-tongued devil," I smiled sadly, because I always attributed my outgoing attitude to Ragnor, and how I was the ying to his yang. It was the one thing we shared, and now all I could do was sigh at how a part of myself would no longer only belong to me and him.

"Go on," I urged him. It was going to be difficult, might as well do it before the Clave came.

"I don't know how to tell you."

"From the beginning then," I smirked, it's what he told me when I was at loss for words.

He leaned forward, rubbing the top of his thighs, the red Christmas peppermint print did not bring me joy, "Your real father… was training at the Shadowhunter Academy. I came for a Clave meeting, and they had sent for me since I was the nearest warlock and could detect some of the problems they were having with opening and closing some Portals from Alicante to the Americas."

I leaned my cheek upon my palm getting comfortable for his story, he continued, "I had resigned as the Warlock of London, and wanted to live a peaceful, and uncomplicated life away from the tribulation of customers, and unwarranted requests. The Clave promised that, so I came. Being a Warlock is tough business," I coughed loudly, he was getting off topic, "Well right, I decided to kill time before the meeting and watch some of the younger Shadowhunters train, keeping to the shadows since I would have caused quite a disturbance. I made sure I was hidden from plain sight. "

"Those retched fan girls," I teased him, feeling the need to make him as uncomfortable as he was making me, "they can't get enough of you Dad."

He touched his horns self-consciously, "I am well aware of my appeal."

"I was just kidding dad," I muttered, "I have always thought you handsome, even though you don't believe so." I meant every word. My dad was one of those beautiful people that didn't accept that they were beautiful people. In other words he was an instant chick magnet, which made me barf a little inside. No daughter wanted to see her Dad like that. Like never. Like let's forget about it.

He lost his train of thought, "I stuck to the shadows," he repeated, "Downworlders are prohibited from the City of Idris, and I felt quite rebellious with my permission to come," it was good to see Dad smile, it was something Magnus would have rejoiced with.

"Ragnor Fell being rebellious," I scoffed, "someone call the Vatican."

He ignored me with decorum, "Your father was taking down a man twice his size, and caught my attention early on. He won the fight so easily I thought it a mistake. But then he did it repeatedly with several other fighters. That was not what surprised me most. After he fought he taught his rivals how to do the training technique correctly, and the others listened to him so effectively I thought he must have been at least eighteen. To my surprise I was told he was only fifteen, and was known as the prize Shadowhunter Idris had seen yet."

"He already had a parabatai, his name was Luke."

"Luke? That sounds familiar."

He stopped for my response, but I urged him to continue, "He also had his sights on doing more than fighting demons of the Shadow World. Many didn't know it then, but his charm and wit made many other young Shadowhunters listen, and follow him. Even the instructors I spoke to were amazed, no more so they were proud of having such a warrior for Idris. I agreed with that, I had never seen anyone so talented, and I have seen many Shadowhunters in my day."

"Ewww, Dad," I teased.

"Be mature Sera," he parented, "he became acquainted with a Shadowhunter girl early on, her name was Jocelyn," he said, and paused.

My eyebrows furrowed, "Stop doing that, keep going."

"I didn't see much of him after that, or much of anyone, but I did hear things. Despite that he married the girl at an early age."

I hummed, "Is this where you tell me he was the Immaculate Conception or something. Jeez, jealous here Dad. A person cannot be that perfect," I wished I was wrong, "he did not become like the High Inquisitor or something?"

"That was what many people thought, but they were wrong," his expression became upset, like the mere thought of what he did was the worst thing a shadowhunter could do... wait, he did not wait, "We were all so wrong, and blind to what true intentions he had. He killed so many, destroyed families, for his selfish vendetta against downworlders..."

"Vendetta against Downworlders"— I shrieked. It all came crashing down. In the back of my head I had been searching of the name Luke, and now I knew exactly who Luke was and who… my father… oh god!

"You are lying!"

"Why would I do this to you?"

I held my thumping chest, "This is punishment for all the trouble I have caused."

"You are his daughter, Sera. I wouldn't force this truth on my worst enemy."

"This isn't true," I felt incredibly dizzy, "I am not his daughter," I'm yours, I wanted to say, I'm your daughter, you're my father.

I couldn't breathe, and I fell on the ground retching, but nothing came. All that came was unattractive barfing sounds exploding out of my sore throat. I had not eaten anything all morning, and my stomach rumbled in anger for the deprivation I was causing it.

Ragnor Fell tried to help, but I pushed him away.

I was back in my seat, and he was near the fire staring into it with his dark unloving eyes. His forearm leaning against the mantle, and I knew he was trapped in the catacombs of his mind.

We were both statues. I couldn't speak, move, or breathe too loudly in fear of upsetting my moment of calm, "I'm really fine," I said aloud, even if it was not true, "I get it."

I didn't want him to say anymore, but he continued. He had warned me after all, before I pleaded like a child for things I had no idea about.

"Valentine," I stiffened, not wanting it, or anything to do with him, "your real father, he is your real father, do not give him the power of your fear," he was trying to get me used to it, still parenting, "made his followers into a group called The Circle, and molded these young men and woman into brash weapons that he would use towards his goals. Though he did not act brashly," he eyes met mine, and I shivered, "he waited first by starting a family. He married Jocelyn Fairchild moved into the Fairchild Manor, I heard. He had you a few years after."

"How many?" I asked.

"Two at the most." My mind shifted through my history of what I had remembered about Valentine Morgenstern, and I noticed that he was always the villain of Idris. I shivered, because I hope I didn't get that from him.

"Why did he leave me," I said hoarsely, my voice hurt.

"Don't talk," he pleaded, "I will get there."

"The night I found you was the night the Jocelyn Fairchild went into labor. I heard latter on, that she had no idea of your existence. He kept a great many things from her. Their relationship was not a good one, and when she found about you, it was the final straw. You were really something, the levy to the damn, and she knew it too."

"My mom knows about me," I shrieked, "I have a mom," I said in awe the image of my mom was birthed in my mind; a kind face, pale hair, and grey eyes like mine.

He gave me a look.

"Sorry, please go on."

"He," paused for a long moment, "turned for the worse a while after. I stayed home since I was staying with you, but I heard of rumors surrounding his house of meetings, and uprisings. He was in rage of what happened to…"

I interrupted, "Luke Graymark. Amatis' brother turned into a werewolf. I know the whole story," Amatis had said it more than enough times. He was another of her major regrets, poor Amatis, she was probably losing her mind right now.

He continued, "He attacked the Clave with everything he had," the flames of fire crackled, and Ragnor moved the burning logs with a red hot-poker, "He was planning to attack during the Accords when all the Downworlders were in the Hall, bloody idiot," his English accent was leaking through, "The Uprising was a failure, he had a traitor in his midst, and lucky for us Jocelyn did betray her husband or we would be all-hating Downworlders, and I would have probably left that night with you."

"He is a monster," I whispered.

"I suppose you could say that," Ragnor pondered my phrasing, "but he was made a monster not born one, remember that Sera."

I was honestly curious, "Why do you protect him?"

"He is your real father," he said simply, "and therefore a part of you. He is a part that no magic, iratze, or god-saving power can change."

I shrugged, "I don't know," I thought of Amatis my mentor and my guardian, and what she would say about Valentine being my father.

I missed Amatis so much right now. I wondered how much she knew, because never in my whole life had she shown me an ounce of hatred.

My dad poked the fire once more, "Does it not bother you? That you are affected so intimately by the sins of your father?"

"How?"

"You could have had a real family," he said, and the idea never occurred to me.

"You would have had a normal Shadowhunter life. A mother and a father, and perhaps some siblings," it was a beautiful dream, "Does it not bother you? If he were to ask your forgiveness would you give it," his words were barely a whisper.

"Would you?" I turned it back, "would you with yours?"

He stared back into the fire, "I have delt with mine, and hopefully that is enough," he said darkly. It occurred to me how powerful my father had at that moment. He was born with it. The gift and curse his father gave him. Magic is beautiful as much as it is terrifying. The saying goes that as much as you used it, the more it used of you. Ragnor Fell was no exception to this rule, and the weariness of ages past weighed down on his shoulders.

Finally I was not thinking of myself anymore, and I felt awake to the world.

"How did you meet my mother?"

"She came to me," I raised an eyebrow.

"She came in the dead of night, and I already knew who she was," he said slowly, "I hid you before she came in, and I told you to be quite even though you didn't understand a word I said."

"I wouldn't have listened anyways," I took a sip of the cold tea, and then gulped it down whole. Then I went into the kitchen looking for something more satisfying. I asked him to follow and continue the story, while I made us something to eat.

He waited till I washed the dishes and counters, prepared breakfast, and then we were seated both of our mouths otherwise occupied. We gave small smiles now and then, but there was an evident rift in our relationship now. We were not the same, and I knew it would be awhile before things went back to we had eaten our fill, I felt my will come back stronger. It felt good to get meat in my empty belly and a helpful serving of eggs to go with it.

"My mother came to you," I egged him on, both of our bellies were full now, our nerves less, but the story was not finished.

"Yes, she was distraught, and she was not thinking clearly. I gave her a cup of tea," of course he did, "but she would not stop shaking, and her eyes kept darting around like a scared animal."

My eye caught the Mormo little demon in the corner. It stuck its tongue out, and I ignored it, but thought better and threw some food inside of its cage.

"Did Jocelyn find out about me," I asked, "did she ask for me?"

"Why would she?"

"Well she is my mother," I shifted in my seat, "you told me she knew."

"Jocelyn Fairchild is not your mother," he said clearly knowing I had misunderstood him, "your mother's name was Eliza Rosewain, the wife of Michael Wayland."

"What?" Another surprise.

"Eliza was your mother. I knew from her greenish-grey eyes, you were her twin, well in baby form. Except for your impossible hair," he swiped at my golden curls, my winning glory.

"So I am still a bastard, at least that hasn't changed," I say aloud. My father and mother were not married when they had me? I was too numb to be surprised about anything right now. If Ragnor told me I was secretly an angel and a demon I would have accepted it with grace. Numbness has a way of omitting your emotions.

"Don't call yourself that."

"But it's true," my mouth was dry, I searched for water. "I was unaware I had a step-father, I assume they are both dead."

"Michael is dead, your mother," he shrugged, "I honestly don't know."

"Does she have family?"

"Orphaned," he said, ticking off another possibility, "your father," she flinched again, "nor her husband liked talking bout her, she was an oddity," a silent rage grew in my gut, "When watching the other children, she was strange."

"How?"

He became careful, "now you must understand, such oddities in all societies are disregarded and pushed outside the fabrics of success and greatness. But she was surely odd, she told others that she could fly, she could breathe fire, she did not fight, very odd for shadow hunter children," he said finally, "she was a dreamer. She loved the Downworlder world. She wanted to be more apart of it, then this one."

I took a sip of my water, letting the news sink, "Fly? Breathe Fire? Was my mother a nut?"

"Not that I remember."

"You're just saying that. Great I have the crazy genes," I huffed rubbing my full belly.

"We already were assured of that fact," Father teased, "Many thought she had fey blood, they said her mother mated with a warlock, and she was cursed by a witch, but how am I supposed to know? People say nasty things, but you are her exact image, right to the little button nose." Awww, he made me sound cute.

"What happened, when Eliza Rosewain came?" The name felt foreign on my tongue, but it felt right saying it.

"Not Rosewain. She was a Wayland then. Married, she looked pregnant again," I raised a brow, "she was just sitting there," he pointed at my seat at the table, and suddenly this chair was no longer a normal chair. It was the chair my mother sat in, "her eyes kept shifting everywhere, and she wouldn't land on my face too long? I think my horns scared her."

"Then what?"

"I asked her," he tried to remember, "why did she come this way? Did she need something? She confessed that she had left a baby girl here; a year ago, and she wanted to know what I had done with it. I asked her why she wanted to know. She must have known," he rubbed his lips, "She asked my permission to meet you. She had just had her second son, and she couldn't take the guilt anymore."

I felt like I was at the movies watching a film, and not listening to my actual younger years of life.

"I told her she better leave," I felt disappointed with him, "I told her there was nothing here for her, and she should be back at home with her husband because he would be surely missing her. That was when she broke down, and begged me to let her see her child."

"Don't tell me you kicked her out?" He was not that heartless. Then I actually thought of how others viewed my father as the stoic grumpy warlock that refused more customers than any other warlock in prerecorded history. I was suddenly afraid of what my birth mother had to face when she wanted to come back into my life.

Apparently he thought the same way, "Greater Demons No! I would never. She was far too heavy for me to carry out."

He needed work on his humor, "Very funny."

"When I took you out, she wouldn't even hold you until I put you in her lap. I am going to be explicitly and selfishly honest with you," his cheeks blushed, "I was proud of the way you reached for me instead of her. It meant I was doing something right, and I was inherently glad when you cried loudly until you were back in my own arms."

"I am loyal to those that feed me," I grabbed a banana from the kitchen.

"She told me that you looked happy here, and I assured her that you would be very happy here with me," I smiled fondly at my father for a moment, "she told me that she would be back the next week, but the week came and went, and she never came back. I looked into what happened to her at the Wayland Manor, before it was burned down. Michael Wayland had told me that she had run off with a vampire. I couldn't believe it; she was cheating with two men."

I threw the banana peel at him, "Don't call my mother a whore!"

He dodged it. "But I didn't," I opened my mouth getting angrier, "Alright Sera, calm down the remark was no meant to be offensive."

"How did you know Valentine was my father?"

"Jocelyn Fairchild," he simply said, "she knew everything."

"Everything?"

"Yes, every little detail, and she told me everything."

I suddenly knew this was going to get very interesting. I was settling down for another lecture session when there were two loud knocks at the door. I instantly froze, and gave dad a frightened expression. It was the Clave.

He told me to be silent by putting an index finger to his lips. I nodded, but pulled out Duma ready for whatever was behind that front door. He grabbed the instruments for a Portal preparing for a speedy getaway.

"Ragnor!" The voice yelled, and we both froze.

It knocked repeatedly, "Open the damn door, it's hot out here, and it's ruining my hair!"

I wonder who that can be!

The person that finds out will have the next chapter dedicated to them! LOVE YOU ALL! WILL UPDATE Soon as i can !